The Children Yearn for the Mines

Historical Figures We Could Beat in a Fist Fight

History class is CANCELLED. This week Brittany and Sydni create the world’s most unnecessary tier list by debating which historical figures they could beat in a fist fight. Featuring: * Gandhi * Abraham Lincoln * Helen Keller * Harry Houdini * George Washington * the Wright Brothers * and many more people who definitely did not consent to this conversation. Will the sisters survive against Honest Abe? Could they take BOTH Wright Brothers at once? Is Houdini slippery enough to escape these hands? There’s only one way to find out.

The Price Is What?? Pt. 2

This week Sydni challenges Brittany to guess the prices of some of the most ridiculous products ever sold online, including a macaroni & cheese candle, cat butthole stained glass, a Shart Survival Kit, and a book about talking to your cat about gun safety. Some prices are shocking. Some products are horrifying. And some people definitely need to be investigated.

Why Is This Cat Named Dan Campbell?

In this episode, Brittany takes Sydni on a journey through the wonderful, confusing, and deeply unhinged world of shelter cat names. Armed with a slideshow full of real adoptable cats from local shelters, Brittany presents Sydni with some of the most ridiculous names we’ve ever seen, including legends like Mr. Randy Jackson, Annie Banani, Dan Campbell, and the incredibly powerful Mr. Biscuits. Some names are adorable. Some sound like retired middle-aged men. And some feel less like pets and more like people you’d meet at a dive bar. Along the way, we rate the names, lose our minds over tiny little cat faces, and become emotionally attached to several animals we’ve never met. Also — adopting animals is awesome, shelters are full of amazing pets, and as Bob Barker would say: Please spay and neuter your pets.

The Children Yearn for the Mines

In this episode, Brittany gives Sydni a list of the most dangerous jobs throughout history and asks one very important question: “What age child should be doing this?” From coal miners and chimney sweeps to oil rig workers, lion tamers, and neurosurgeons, Sydni has to assign each profession an age between newborn and 12 years old. What starts as a dumb hypothetical quickly turns into a deeply concerning amount of toddlers working extremely dangerous jobs. Some answers make sense. Most of them absolutely do not. Along the way, we debate which jobs require “tiny hands,” which children have the emotional strength to become DMV workers, and whether a 7-year-old should legally be allowed near explosives. This episode is chaotic, historically questionable, and somehow gets darker the longer it goes on. Please do not let children operate heavy machinery.

Dummy Thick and Other Strange Choices

We’re back with Word Association… and somehow it got worse. In this episode, Brittany throws a new batch of completely random (and slightly concerning) words at Sydni, who has 10 seconds to say the first thing that comes to mind. No thinking, no filtering, just pure instinct. What starts as a simple game quickly spirals into chaos as words like “Slinky,” “Red Lobster,” “Thick,” and even “Abraham Lincoln” lead to answers that make absolutely no sense—and somehow make perfect sense at the same time. Along the way, we try to figure out what these answers say about Sydni’s brain, question several of her life experiences, and realize that maybe some thoughts should stay inside your head. Play along and see where your mind goes… and whether it’s better or worse than ours.