Motherless Infliction
Today I will talk about the painstaking sorrow of growing up with an absent mother, that intermingled while I navigated life alone. The agony of having a mother that was physically able, but mentally and emotionally unavailable. One that watched me live through pains and stood on the sidelines and watched.
I grew into a young woman that often carries a quiet, constant duality—strength woven tightly with absence.
There’s a particular kind of silence that follows me. Not always loud or obvious, but present in moments where guidance should live: getting ready for big events, navigating heartbreak, learning how to care for myself in ways that were never modeled. I became observant early, watching other women—friends’ mothers, teachers, even strangers—piecing together what i imagine motherhood might have felt like.
I grew up faster than i should. Independence isn’t just encouraged; it’s necessary. I learned how to soothe myself, make decisions alone, and carry emotional weight without always having a place to set it down. This made me resilient, capable, and deeply empathetic—but it can also leave me feeling like I have to earn rest, softness, or care.
There is always a lingering sense of “missing instructions.” Questions I can’t ask. Traits I wonders about. Milestones that feel incomplete—who do you call when you need motherly advice, when you don’t have a mother to call?
As a young woman, relationships can feel complex. I may crave deep connection but also guard myself carefully. Love might feel both essential and risky. I may look for pieces of what I lost in others, or I may become determined to never depend too heavily on anyone at all.
And yet, there’s often something quietly powerful about her. I learned how to mother herself—sometimes imperfectly, sometimes fiercely. I created my own definitions of care, of womanhood, of home. I became the very source of comfort and wisdom I once needed.
My story isn’t just one of loss—it’s also one of reconstruction. Of building identity without a blueprint. Of becoming whole in a way that is entirely my own. Part 2 coming soon.
Many Blessings,Marie Stewart, CeoNo Poverty Mentality Non Profit & Life CoachingCEO, Founder| Marie StewartP.O Box 117558Carrollton, Tx 75011B
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