Daddy's Girl, Different Worlds | A Mixed-Race Daughter's Story (Tamanda's Story)

Daddy's Girl, Different Worlds | A Mixed-Race Daughter's Story (Tamanda's Story)

What happens when your white father, who’s your ultimate hero, has not lived your Black reality? In part two of our fatherhood series, Tamanda shares the intensely personal story of her father.   For years, he was the "encyclopaedic hero" of a "Disney-esque" childhood on a school campus in Botswana. But as the Tamanda of 11 years in age moved to the North of Ireland, the "invisible privilege" of good fatherhood met a complicated reality: a white father who, despite his love and intellectual depth, had not lived the realities of racism his Black-mixed daughter was now navigating.   In this episode, we explore the "secondary wounding" that occurs when the person who represents safety is experientially removed from the systemic oppression you face - simply on account of race or ethnicity.   We discuss the decades-long journey of taking a parent off their pedestal to meet the man beneath the hero you held so high in your heart and mind. And the humbling "once a man, twice a child" transition that emerges, when carer roles are eventually reversed, and your parent enters their twilight years.   With our lens fixed on mixed race family dynamics, we ask: Can we keep loving someone deeply while acknowledging the ways they were unequipped to see us? How do we find our own validation when it isn’t just naturally mirrored back?   🎙️ In this episode: * The Hero and The Vortex: Tamanda reflects on being the quintessential "daddy’s girl", where her every curiosity was nurtured by her father’s gentle, intellectual power. * The Gap in Lived Experience: Grasping the moment a Black-mixed child realises their white parent cannot be their compass or protector for a world they have never had to navigate. * The Pedestal vs. The Man: The "different kind of hard" that comes with processing grief for a living parent while moving from idealisation to a level of understanding and on to acceptance. * A "Soft Place to Land": How Tamanda’s stable upbringing provided a "nervous system peace" that now anchors her and Aiwan’s marriage. * Once a Man, Twice a Child: A raw look at the "privilege of giving back" through caregiving and the power of a final, imperfect validation in the twilight years. 🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts 🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/NJ1NRqh1CXA [https://youtu.be/NJ1NRqh1CXA] 🔁 Share this with someone who is navigating the "different kind of hard" that comes with taking a parent off their pedestal and learning to love the human beneath. ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow [https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow] Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes. Connect with us on: * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow] * LinkedIn [https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow] * AiAi Studios [www.aiaistudios.com] * Roots & Rigour [www.rootsandrigour.org] This is an AiAi Studios [https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com] Production ©AiAi Studios 2025 ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

“When I Called, They Never Answered” | Fathers, Faith & Disappointment

In this deeply personal episode, Aiwan shares the "three goes" she had at fatherhood and why all of them failed her.   From a biological father known only through fragments, to a step-parenting experience defined by high control religion and mushrooms growing out of tower-block walls, Aiwan and Tamanda peel back the layers of what happens when the "protector" figure is absent, abusive or conditional.   Together we dive into the complex world of Nigerian Pentecostal "Spiritual Fathers" and the moment a violent sermon in 2014 forced Aiwan to choose between her faith and her humanity. As she left home and chose homelessness to keep her self-worth intact.   But this isn't just a story of absence. It’s a conversation about reclaiming the "missing story" and redefining what it means to be meaningfully present as a parent. Aiwan describes the father she never had, the caregiver dads she imagines for the next generation, and how her own experiences shape her own thinking about raising a child herself one day.   🎙️ In this episode: * Status and Absent Fathers: How growing up fatherless on a council estate impacts a child’s sense of protection * The Myth of the Presence: Why having multiple "father figures" can sometimes feel lonelier than having none at all * The Spiritual "Daddy": The power dynamics of the Nigerian Pentecostal church and the moment Aiwan left it all behind * Breaking the Cycle: The intellectual and emotional work of building a parenting blueprint from scratch * Saluting Dope Black Dads: A celebration of the Black fathers counteracting stereotypes with "soft discipline" and intentional love   🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/6dRWI1PWnBc [https://youtu.be/6dRWI1PWnBc] 🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts 🔁 Share this episode with someone healing their inner child or a father figure who understands that presence is the greatest gift of all. ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow [https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow] Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes. Connect with us on: * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow] * LinkedIn [https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow] * AiAi Studios [www.aiaistudios.com] * Roots & Rigour [www.rootsandrigour.org] This is an AiAi Studios [https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com] Production ©AiAi Studios 2025 ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Whose Equality? | Reform, DEI and the Post-BLM Backlash

DEI is under attack. But what exactly is being defended? We take on the three letters that have become everything from a flagellant workplace promise, to an impotent political punchline.   We get into Reform UK’s proposal to scrap the Equality Act, the backlash against diversity, equity and inclusion, and the class conversation that keeps being used as a wedge instead of a route to solidarity.   Tamanda explains what the Equality Act and Public Sector Equality Duty actually do, why the Bank of England internship controversy became such a political flashpoint, and why class and socioeconomic status need to be part of any serious     conversation about equality.   Aiwan reflects on the creative industries after BLM, the realities of being treated like a quota, and why marginalised creatives do not need endless “emerging talent” schemes as much as they need infrastructure, commissioning, fair pay and real backing.   Together, we ask: What happened to DEI? How did radical struggles for justice become corporate diversity awards, PR statements, bureaucratic documents and business-case language? And can DEI ever be reclaimed if it cannot talk honestly about race, class and power?   🎙️ In this episode: * Reform and the Equality Act: What the proposal to scrap the Act reveals about race, class and political dog whistles * Tokenisation vs. Transformation: Aiwan shares her personal experiences of being "box-ticked" by white-led companies during the BLM era and the "disheartening dehumanisation" of being instrumentalised for PR * The Missing Class Link: Why the exclusion of socioeconomic status from the Equality Act allows elites to use "divide and conquer" tactics to keep marginalised groups at odds * The Language of Distraction: A look at the ever-shifting terminology, from "BAME" to "Global Majority" and whether this towering "Babel" of acronyms prevents us from facing systemic racism head-on * Radical Histories & What DEI Should Become: Remembering the legacy of warriors like Doreen Lawrence and the McPherson report, and why we must restore DEI as a moral and ethical imperative   🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts 🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Y2-pmW9WwV0 [https://youtu.be/Y2-pmW9WwV0]   ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow [https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow] 🔁 Share this episode with someone ready to move beyond the "business case" and toward actual justice Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes. Connect with us on: * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow] * LinkedIn [https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow] * AiAi Studios [www.aiaistudios.com] * Roots & Rigour [www.rootsandrigour.org] This is an AiAi Studios [https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com] Production ©AiAi Studios 2025 ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Hard to Reach or Easy to Ignore? | The Truth About Community Research, Anger & Power

Why do we let 'experts' from outside our communities decide what we need? Today, we’re talking about the politics of help, the myth of the 'hard to reach' and why genuinely community-led research has the potential to solve global crises like suicide and inequality.   From Black maternal health to Black men’s mental health, in this episode Aiwan and Tamanda explore what could happen when money, power and agency move directly into the hands of communities. When communities set the agenda, choose the questions, shape the process and decide what counts as change.   Aiwan reflects on entering Tamanda’s research world, being baffled by its language and slowly realising that terms like “participatory action research”, “community engagement” and “co-production” point to a pivotal question: who gets to decide what matters and what change is needed?   From there, the episode moves into the anger that surfaces when communities recognise how often they have been studied, used, consulted, underpaid and discarded. Aiwan speaks honestly about the fury of realising how often “help” is designed without the people it is meant to serve. Tamanda unpacks why this anger is not a distraction from the research, but part of the process of knowledge production. Together, they explore the difference between research that extracts and research that heals.   🎙️ In this episode: * Beyond the Buzzwords: Stripping away research jargon to understand the truths * The Extraction Economy: How communities have been "used and discarded" by traditional research institutions * Research and Community Agency: What happens when we stop being the "subject" and start being the "architect" * Setting the Agenda: Why the "most important problem" shouldn't be decided upstream by strangers * Relational Research: Why connection is the only real antidote to a disconnected world * From Local to Global: How community-led insights can fix our hyper-connected but deeply fractured and unequal world   🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts 🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/7f5vKA-hYNQ [https://youtu.be/7f5vKA-hYNQ] 🔁 Share with someone who believes communities should lead the change that affects them ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow [https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow] Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes. Connect with us on: * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow] * LinkedIn [https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow] * AiAi Studios [www.aiaistudios.com] * Roots & Rigour [www.rootsandrigour.org] This is an AiAi Studios [https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com] Production ©AiAi Studios 2025 ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

The Dark Side of Activism: Why Our Safe Spaces Turn Toxic

What happens when the oppressed become the oppressor?   In this episode, taking inspiration from an article by Dr Yvon Guest, Aiwan and Tamanda pull back the curtain on the concept of the "wounded activist”, a phenomenon where unresolved trauma drives social movements, often leading to the very oppression, hierarchy and exclusion we claim to fight.   From the "untouchable founder" to "brand activism", we reflect on justice spaces we’ve been in that felt like fundamentalist religions and explore how to understand and break the cycles of trauma-driven bad behaviour.   Aiwan shares about entering Black queer activist spaces with hope, only to find new rules, "pronoun politics" and exclusion. From vegan safe spaces to the murky line of “no hierarchy”, she traces the ways community can quickly turn into conformity.   Tamanda brings the conversation inward, questioning her own journey in antiracism and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) work. She takes a vulnerable look at her historical need for recognition from white institutions and the identity collapse that happened when she realised no movement could heal her wounds. That she had to do that work herself.    🎙️ In this episode: * The Wounded Activist: How trauma can become both fuel and fracture in justice work * The Oppressed as Oppressor: How marginalised spaces can recreate the hierarchies they hate * Activist Archetypes: Identifying the “Spiritualisers”, “Perpetual Martyrs” and “Untouchable Founders” * Class Silence in Black Queer Spaces: What gets hidden when everyone performs sameness * Burnout and Identity Crisis: Who are you when activism is no longer your whole self? * Healing the Core Wound: How come activists die young and how to break the destructive cycle   Note: This is not an anti-activism episode. It is a conversation about what happens when people carry their wounds into spaces that promise belonging, then reproduce the same control, hierarchy and judgement we were all trying to escape.   🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts 🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/tmYBzXCMWYo [https://youtu.be/tmYBzXCMWYo] 🔁 Share with someone who has ever loved a movement, left a movement or been hurt by one ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow [https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow] #RigourAndFlow #WoundedActivist #PsychologyOfActivism #ActivistBurnout #SocialJusticeAnalysis #DEICritique #BlackQueerThought #CriticalThinking #TraumaInCommunity #SocialMovements Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes. Connect with us on: * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow] * LinkedIn [https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow] * AiAi Studios [www.aiaistudios.com] * Roots & Rigour [www.rootsandrigour.org] This is an AiAi Studios [https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com] Production ©AiAi Studios 2025 ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.