08. ❝ Found and Lost

10. ❝ Soul Shaping

One Christmas, Jim brought home a set of calligraphy pens, the least wanted item in his office holiday party swap gift exchange. A beheaded fountain pen and collection of odd-looking nibs, they were left behind by the disappointed recipient. I was delighted. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE I practiced in the pre-dawn morning hours before the children were awake. It became a time of focus and meditation as I twisted the broad-edged square-cut pen to decorate note cards with sayings I found or had written. In the quiet at dawn, I was not just lettering, but talking to myself. I sent collections on colored linen paper to my parents and in-laws. Most were questions. Among them: “What if the rain never stopped? The earth would turn into one big sponge for wiping the universe clean.” “Who are teachers? The world is full of teachers, each of us for others and ourselves.” “What is soul? Perhaps it is a longing for an Infinite that is elusive in a finite world.” The careful writing helped me think. My answers might be different now but the process still works. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

09. ❝ Looking for Perfect

In the 20th century, handwriting was another place where perfection seemed important, in part because people thought one’s character could be improved by working on one’s handwriting. Alfred Binet, who came up with the Stanford-Binet IQ test, believed there was a “science of graphology” that revealed a person’s character in their handwriting. It is an idea still popular in Europe. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE My third-grade teacher, Mrs. Taltavall, was a devotee. She took our penmanship lessons as seriously as she did every other content area. A large, florid woman, she stood in front of the class at the appointed time every day, like a dance master before a ballet lesson. She would sway back and forth, arms shooting up or dropping down like an airport ground-crew worker guiding a plane to its gate, as we followed her body language with our pencils. I liked the symmetry and challenge of getting the shapes “just right”… though “just right” never happened. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

08. ❝ Found and Lost

A prose poem: The smooth, suave agent repeatedwhat he had been saying all week.“California prices are difficult.” Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE Sixty houses later, shirt wrinkled,tie loose, glossy flyers fillinghis luxury car, through clenched teeth, he snapped,“This is the last one in your range.” Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

07. ❝ Eccentric Circles

It was no surprise I paid no attention to running a household or creating a home. In the subtle ways past generations shape future ones, Mother survived a childhood of drudgery compounded by poverty and parents with grade school educations. She wanted neither for her children. She ran the house. I studied. My much younger sister played. When faced with a home of my own, the shock was electric. I had no idea what to do. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE The children grew. I returned to what society called “work”; that is, work outside the household. It is a peculiar distinction, suggesting life at home isn’t work. In both places activities are sometimes creative, often mundane. Both have their share of boredom and stress. But only one has a salary. For many years I apologized for the time I spent at home. I no longer do. It’s the old Gatsby spin: the light through the windows is always more enchanting when viewed from the street outside. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

06. ❝ New Directions

Being able to look back is important, but not enough. Old art, whether magnificent or mundane, is always the raw material of new art. The artist’s job is to build on it or transform it, not offer up comforting familiarity as a talisman against the void. That was the problem with my glass project. It was a bridge backward. Much later, painting became a path forward. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE One January years later, I scanned my new spring term last period class list, fearing the rumor I heard in the faculty room was true. It was. One of the most disruptive high school seniors was in my elective, “The Short Story.” He made his first appearance by swinging into the room off the doorjamb like Tarzan dropping from a tree. Six feet four inches of uncontrolled energy, he electrified the all-boy class with his defiance, his arrogance, his slick BMW in the student parking lot and his athletic scholarship to the University of San Diego if he passed every class the last term. The first week was a nightmare. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]