Shalom Project

SII 022 | When Ministry Gets the Best of You—and Relationships Get the Rest

In this milestone 50th episode, Mitch Lavender and Christian Konhaeuser-Lopez conclude their Entering Ministry for the First Time series by addressing a question many helping-profession workers quietly wrestle with: How do we keep our most important relationships from receiving only our leftovers? This conversation explores the tension between meaningful work and meaningful relationships—especially in ministry, where work can feel sacred, urgent, and all-consuming. Mitch and Christian reflect on fatigue, over-responsibility, blurred boundaries, and the subtle ways work can become an escape or even a substitute for trust in God. Rather than offering quick fixes, the episode invites listeners into a gentler, more realistic vision of faithfulness—one rooted in pacing, self-awareness, and allowing God to remain at the center of a dynamic, embodied life. Key Themes & Takeaways * Why relationships suffer under “good” work * Over-loyalty to the job * Difficulty saying no * Feeling like you must be the hero everywhere * Fatigue and compassion burnout * Letting work follow you home * Ministry is not meant to replace your walk with God * When ministry becomes your whole spirituality, other areas of life quietly deteriorate * You are called to shepherd, not to save * “Scope creep” in life and ministry * Taking responsibility for what was never yours * Doing “God-things” instead of human-sized faithfulness * Tending your internal garden * Burnout is often a sign of neglected inner care * “Add yourself back in” is not selfish—it’s necessary * Reimagining balance * Ministry begins in your actual, ordinary life—not an idealized version of it * Faithfulness flows outward from lived worship, not performance * God at the center, not the top of a list * A spoke-and-hub metaphor for life with God at the center * Energy flows dynamically to where it’s needed without abandoning core rhythms * Norms protect relationships * Healthy patterns create freedom during emergencies * Consistency builds resilience, not rigidity Series Reflection This episode marks the conclusion of the Entering Ministry for the First Time series. The series has explored vocation, values, boundaries, expectations, and sustainability—not just for ministry, but for anyone in caregiving or helping professions. It’s Time For a Break! We’re taking a short, intentional pause through March to read, reflect, and let new ideas take root. The Shalom Project has always been about depth over urgency, and this season is part of that commitment. We’ll be back in April with a new series shaped by what we’re learning. Invitation If this episode stirred something in you: * You’re welcome to reach out with questions * Coaching conversations are available * And we would love to hear what you are practicing and learning “To the next 50.” Get full access to Shalom Project at mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

SII 021 | Serving God Without Losing Yourself

What happens after you take the job? Many conversations about ministry discernment focus on interviews, resumes, and hiring decisions. But the real work often begins after the offer letter is signed—when the honeymoon phase fades and the deeper values of a ministry begin to surface. In Episode 49, Mitch Lavender and co-host Christian Konhaeuser-Lopez continue the Entering Into Ministry for the First Time series by shifting the lens to life inside the role. This is a conversation for anyone quietly asking: “Is this still healthy for me?” What We Talk About in This Episode The First 60–90 Days Why the early months matter so much—and how listening, observing, and asking questions can help you discern what’s really going on beneath the surface. Healthy Skepticism (Without Cynicism) How to pay attention without becoming combative, guarded, or disillusioned—and why awareness is an act of wisdom, not rebellion. Burnout vs. Compassion Fatigue We unpack the difference between the two, how they show up in ministry, and why both often go unnamed until damage is already done. One subtle sign burnout may be beginning: when you stop operating from your person and start operating from your position. Values Alignment and Long-Term Cost Is this place worth your heart, your energy, your time, and your family—five, ten, or twenty years from now? Not every misalignment means you should leave. But not every misalignment is survivable. The Question That Changes Everything Can I coexist here without losing myself or my values? This question becomes a compass—whether the answer is yes or no. When It’s Time to Part Ways We normalize something rarely spoken out loud: parting ways can be biblical, faithful, and done with dignity. Leaving doesn’t automatically mean failure, rebellion, or lack of faith. Backup Plans and Real-World Pressure What to do when finances, loyalty, fear, or spiritual guilt make discernment feel impossible—and why having a Plan B is not a lack of trust in God. Spiritual Direction as Support Why having someone outside your ministry—who holds no power over you—can be essential during seasons of discernment. Why This Episode Matters Ministry is sacred work. It is also risky work. We know you care. We know you love God. We know you want to serve well. This episode is dense. If you remember one thing, remember this: “Do not forget yourself in the process. Pay attention and take care of yourself.” Because discernment becomes nearly impossible when you are depleted, disconnected, or overwhelmed. Resources Mentioned * A Church Called Tov by Laura Barringer and Scot McKnight * Soul Roots Spiritual Formation [https://www.soulroots.space/] (BIPOC-centered, free spiritual direction) * Previous Shalom Project episode: God Is Not Surprised That You Left Church [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/p/023-deconstruction-are-there-good] A Final Word If you find yourself in a ministry role where values feel misaligned, or you’re quietly carrying questions you don’t feel safe asking— You don’t have to hold that alone. You’re welcome to reach out privately. We’re here to listen. We’re here to hold space. We’re here to remind you that you matter too. Next episode: “Your Family Doesn’t Get Seconds” — a conversation about boundaries, loyalty, and core relationships. Music By: Zakar Valaha from Pixabay Get full access to Shalom Project at mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

SII 020 | Do My Values Align with Their Definition of Success?

In this episode of The Shalom Project, Mitch Lavender is joined by co-host Christian Konhaeuser-Lopez as they continue their series on entering into ministry for the first time. This conversation centers on a crucial (and often overlooked) reality: you are interviewing a ministry just as much as they are interviewing you. Together, Mitch and Christian explore how interviews can act as a microcosm of ministry culture—revealing values, power dynamics, expectations, and definitions of success long before you ever say “yes.” In this episode, we explore: * Why interviews are about mutual discernment, not just qualification * Key questions to ask when evaluating a ministry’s values and culture * How to pay attention to your body, nervous system, and intuition during interviews * Why understanding power dynamics (authority, race, gender, culture, economics) matters * What it means when a ministry defines success by: * Attendance * Baptisms * Stories of transformation * Service metrics * The danger of value misalignment—and the cost of long-term compromise * How to assess whether a ministry invites mutual thriving or quiet assimilation * Why being “picky” (when possible) is an act of wisdom, not selfishness * The interview as a blind date—not a marriage proposal Questions discussed in the episode include: * What happened to the last person in this role? * Who do I directly report to? * Who do I talk to if I have an issue with my direct report? * How does leadership relate to congregants / parishioners? * How do you define success in ministry? * What are the core values held by the leadership team? Each question is framed not as suspicion—but as curiosity, care, and self-respect. Extra Questions: * Who does my direct report, report to? * What are long-term goals of the leadership? * How do we handle HR issues? Is there an HR Team/department? * How is conflict handled? * How does the leadership team handle feedback? * How is the work life balance? * What’s the culture of the Leadership team? * Would you work here again? A posture we encourage: Come curious. Come grounded. Come honest about your needs and boundaries. And if you can, do not compromise your values out of fear or urgency. A faster “yes” is not always a safer one. If alignment is there — beautiful. If it isn’t — that information matters. And sometimes, if you can’t find it, you may be called to create it elsewhere. Recommended Resource We reference The Church Called Tov by Scott McKnight and Laura Barringer as a helpful framework for thinking through church culture, leadership health, and institutional values. What’s next? In the next episode, we shift the lens: 👉 You’ve been hired. Now what? We’ll explore posture, boundaries, and discernment after you step into a ministry role. As always, take what’s helpful. Leave what’s not. And may you move toward places where your values—and your humanity—are welcomed. Music By: Zakar Valaha from Pixabay Get full access to Shalom Project at mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

SII 019 | Becoming Before Doing: Practices for Sustainable Ministry

In this episode of the Shalom Project Podcast, Mitch Lavender and Christian Konhauser-Lopez continue their conversation on formation, integrity, and sustainability—especially for those entering ministry or other helping fields for the first time. After identifying our values in the previous episode, this conversation asks a crucial follow-up question: How do we actually sustain those values over time? Together, Mitch and Christian explore how deliberate practices tether us to our values and help us stay grounded, present, and regulated—particularly in environments that place pressure on our identity, performance, and spirituality. Rather than prescribing rigid formulas, this episode frames practices as anchors—gentle rhythms that stabilize our nervous systems, deepen our self-awareness, and create space for God to meet us where we are. In this episode, we explore: What we mean when we say grounded and present in body, mind, and spirit Why helping fields (especially ministry) can quietly erode our sense of self Briefly how unexamined trauma responses can shape our leadership and relationships (more to come later) Briefly Why Mitch prefers the word practice. Briefly the role of embodiment, play, and enjoyment in spiritual formation How internal chaos makes it difficult to live out our values consistently Practices discussed include: Physical activity & movement as regulation and play Reading as humility, curiosity, and worldview expansion Journaling as a non-performative space for integration Prioritizing Core friendships where performance stops and presence begins Engaging in tangible reminders that engage the senses and call us back to center Rule of Life as rhythms that support long-term fruitfulness This episode also reflects gently but honestly on the unique dangers of ministry—when worship becomes a job and how we can risk forgetting our own need for the gospel of Jesus Christ. At its heart, this conversation is an invitation: to slow down, to listen to your body, to honor your limits, and to cultivate practices that help you become the kind of person who is aligned with their own values—not just someone who does meaningful work. 💬 Join the conversation: We’d love to hear from you. What practices help you stay grounded and aligned with your values? You’re invited to share in the comments on Substack—or message us privately if that feels safer for you. Leave a comment [%%half_magic_comments_url%%] Message Mitchell Lavender Resources Mentioned: The Artist’s Way Crafting a Rule of Life Ruthless Elimination of Hurry Habits of the Household Common Rule PS: If you’re new here, the Start here page [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/p/new-to-shalom-project-start-here] is the best place to begin. Shalom Project grows slowly and through word-of-mouth. If this helped you, tapping the ❤️ or following the podcast helps others find it. And if you want to go deeper: Subscribe now [%%checkout_url%%] Or connect with us through the Shalom Project [https://mitchelllavender.com/]. Directly support this podcast here [https://ko-fi.com/shalomproject] Directly support our Cincinnati campus ministry here [https://secure.impacttheu.com/give/504144/?_gl=1*137hgma*_gcl_au*MTg3ODMxMTc1NC4xNzYwMDQ0Nzg0*_ga*Mjg3NDk4MzcyLjE3NjAwNDQ3ODQ.*_ga_C8N21RYC7S*czE3NjI0MzkxOTUkbzMkZzEkdDE3NjI0MzkxOTkkajU2JGwwJGgxMjE5MzE1MzU1#!/donation/checkout] Music By: Zakar Valaha from Pixabay Get full access to Shalom Project at mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

SII 018 Sermon | Real Joy

What is real joy when life doesn’t look the way we hoped it would? In this Christmas Advent sermon, Mitch reflects on joy not as a feeling we manufacture, but as something we glimpse in the space between grief and hope. Drawing from Isaiah 35 and the season of Advent, this message names the reality many of us carry—loss, exhaustion, unanswered questions—while refusing to abandon hope. Through personal stories of life, death, birth, and waiting, this sermon invites listeners to consider how joy changes across seasons, how it slips through our fingers, and how it quietly returns when we become aware of God’s nearness. Isaiah’s vision of deserts blooming and exiles returning becomes a picture of a deeper truth: joy is not tethered to circumstances, but to the presence of God. This message is for anyone who feels like joy comes and goes, for those grieving during the holidays, and for those who are learning to trust that even when everything is not as it should be, Jesus remains the same. Real joy, Mitch suggests, sits somewhere between the pain of today and the hope of tomorrow—and the link between the two is Christ. May this sermon offer space to breathe, permission to grieve, and a gentle reminder that God is still at work, bringing new life where we least expect it. Shalom Project’s regularly scheduled series, Entering into Ministry for the First Time, will return on January 1 at 9:00 a.m. Until then, you’re invited to listen to the first two episodes here: Get full access to Shalom Project at mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe [https://mitchelllavender.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]