Poly Risk Reward

Ep15: my wife joins the podcast... to tell her side of the story

In this conversation-based episode I invite another main character in the story… my wife. Or perhaps I’m “her husband”. Either way, Anya Vero is a super talented painter and anthropologist (www.anyavero.com), a great mother and a tolerable (or tolerant?) wife. In 2024, Anya and I found out I’m not our daughter’s biological father. I tell the story of our open marriage, describing in forensic detail how we ended up in this unusual situation and pausing along the way to explore bigger topics around polyamory: conquering jealousy and relationship fear, balancing rules, trust and freedom, and managing communication with other people. If you enjoy the show, please share with friends, leave us a 5* review and join the Poly Risk Reward community on Substack: polyriskreward.substack.com [Music: “Known Unknowns”, “The High-Line”, “Enter The Hero”, “Gentle Words”, and “Other Shores” by Ned Stranger] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit polyriskreward.substack.com [https://polyriskreward.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep14: “What if she falls in love with someone else?”

In this episode I explore my fear of Anya falling in love with someone else and leaving. Is this a valid fear? Does an open relationship increase the risk of this happening? And what does it have to do with attachment theory and stoic philosophy? Books mentioned: Polysecure (2020) by Jessica Fern Epistulae Morales ad Lucilium (Letters From a Stoic) by Seneca the Younger (translated by Robin Campbell) Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (translated by Robin Waterfield) In 2024, my wife and I found out I’m not our daughter’s biological father. I tell the story of our open marriage, describing in forensic detail how we ended up in this unusual situation and pausing along the way to explore bigger topics around polyamory: conquering jealousy and relationship fear, balancing rules, trust and freedom, and managing communication with other people. If you enjoy the show, please share with friends, leave us a 5* review and join the Poly Risk Reward community on Substack: polyriskreward.substack.com [Music: “Known Unknowns”, “The High-Line”, “Enter The Hero”, “Gentle Words”, and “Other Shores” by Ned Stranger] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit polyriskreward.substack.com [https://polyriskreward.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep13: the most offensive comments (and thoughtful questions) I got on Reddit

In a sort of experimental fishing expedition, looking for questions for the podcast, I took to Reddit and the Ask Me Anything thread… some of the comments I got were very offensive, others very thoughtful. On this week’s episode I read out and respond to a selection of them, throwing forward to the 2026 programme for Poly Risk Reward!In 2024, my wife and I found out I’m not our daughter’s biological father. I tell the story of our open marriage, describing in forensic detail how we ended up in this unusual situation and pausing along the way to explore bigger topics around polyamory: conquering jealousy and relationship fear, balancing rules, trust and freedom, and managing communication with other people. If you enjoy the show, please share with friends, leave us a 5* review and join the Poly Risk Reward community on Substack: polyriskreward.substack.com [Music: “Known Unknowns”, “The High-Line”, “Enter The Hero”, “Gentle Words”, and “Other Shores” by Ned Stranger] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit polyriskreward.substack.com [https://polyriskreward.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep12: How many times have I cheated?

In this episode I begin to explore the nature and meaning of cheating within relationships, as well as the relevance of non-monogamy to the question of cheating. I draw from Esther Perel’s beautiful 2017 book The State Of Affairs as well as a stream of Reddit comments ranging from the unnerving to the ridiculous. In 2024, my wife and I found out I’m not our daughter’s biological father. I tell the story of our open marriage, describing in forensic detail how we ended up in this unusual situation and pausing along the way to explore bigger topics around polyamory: conquering jealousy and relationship fear, balancing rules, trust and freedom, and managing communication with other people. If you enjoy the show, please share with friends, leave us a 5* review and join the Poly Risk Reward community on Substack: polyriskreward.substack.com [Music: “Known Unknowns”, “The High-Line”, “Enter The Hero” and “Gentle Words” by Ned Stranger] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit polyriskreward.substack.com [https://polyriskreward.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep11: a chat about first dates... with a former first date [feat. Franziska Singer]

In this episode, I sit down with actor and podcaster Franziska Singer, the host of Darf’s ein bisserl Mord sein and LiebesGeschichte, to share stories and debates about first dates. We talk about our first date, the importance of touch, the power of the voice, the need for good footwear, whether asking permission to kiss is appropriate, and lots more! Franziska’s podcasts: LiebesGeschichte [https://www.liebesgeschichtepodcast.com/] Darf’s ein bisserl Mord sein [https://www.darfseinbisserlmordsein.com/] Books/studies mentioned: Helen Fisher, PhD: Anatomy Of Love (1992) Making The Connection: Social Bonding In Courtship Situations [https://web.stanford.edu/~jurafsky/pubs/mcfarlandjurafskyrawlings.pdf] (MacFarland, Jurafsky and Rawlings, 2013) It’s Not You, It’s Me… [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/284028987_It’s_Not_You_It’s_MeNo_Actually_It’s_You_Perceptions_of_What_Makes_a_First_Date_Successful_or_Not] (Cohen, 2015) In 2024, my wife and I found out I’m not our daughter’s biological father. I tell the story of our open marriage, describing in forensic detail how we ended up in this unusual situation and pausing along the way to explore bigger topics around polyamory: conquering jealousy and relationship fear, balancing rules, trust and freedom, and managing communication with other people. If you enjoy the show, please share with friends, leave us a 5* review and join the Poly Risk Reward community on Substack: polyriskreward.substack.com [Music: “Known Unknowns”, “The High-Line”, “Enter The Hero”, “Gentle Words”, and “Other Shores” by Ned Stranger] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit polyriskreward.substack.com [https://polyriskreward.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]