Surthrival Podcast with Stacia

Born into Grief, Single and Satisfied: Lisa McNair

Lisa McNair was born to grieving parents who lost their first daughter, Denise McNair, one of four Black girls killed in the 16th Street Church Bombing on September 15, 1963. From the beginning she felt the heavy load of bringing joy, being perfect and doing all the right things due to the horrible loss of a sister she never knew. Part of this narrative for her was the importance of getting married. Though this was what Lisa desired, she's never found the right person…at least not yet. She watched her friends marry and grieved her singleness for decades. Only in the last couple of years after the death of her mom, has she come to grips with being unmarried and become content. We talk about some advantages of being single and the importance of knowing ourselves. Her advice to her 25-year-old self would be – GO LIVE YOUR LIFE! Don’t wait for someone to complete your joy. Lisa McNair is an author, speaker, photographer and activist. She is lively, funny and shares the story of her life as being famous for a tragic reason. Speaker: lisa@speaklisa.com [lisa@speaklisa.com] Author: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Denise-Letters-Sister-Never-ebook/dp/B0BBNH76X6 [https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Denise-Letters-Sister-Never-ebook/dp/B0BBNH76X6]

Columbus Widows' Club: Finding Purpose in Being Single Again

Susan Hoskins (my long-time friend) and Carolyn Weaver of Columbus, GA became friends through small groups at church. When Carolyn couldn’t put one foot in front of the other, her granddaughter took her to church. Susan, however, ran like a horse out of the gate, eager to re-enter a spiritual community she’d been missing while caring for her ailing husband. They found each other on the A-Team (Admin Team), a small group of servants who stock the shelves at the Columbus campus of Church of the Highlands. They found comfort and friendship through this team and two other groups that consisted of widows. They renamed the one where they play games, “The Fun Group for Widows”. Susan also found joy in frequent trips to art events and walks with her intentional friend, Carol, who at their first lunch handed her a single-spaced sheet full of events to which she was invited. While Carol admitted she didn’t know how to help Susan, she invited her along to what she was already doing. Turns out she did know how to help! Carolyn makes sure she leaves her house every day even if it’s just for a carwash or to get gas. Twice a week she eats by herself at her favorite chicken restaurant where she’s even met some other regulars. Routine helps her in her grieving, and she knows without a plan she could be too much of a loner. SURTHRIVAL tips for widows include: · Find purpose. They found theirs through service. · Find community. You may have to do the inviting or put yourself out there. · Establish routines. Having a reason to get out of bed and something to do helps. · Do things you enjoy even if you have to force yourself initially. · Find ways to reclaim spaces that may be triggers. Ask a friend to help. · Explore new things (this one’s mine). You’ll never know ‘til you try.

Single Again - Widowed for a Year with Monte Erwin

Monte Erwin shares the story of losing his wife, Janet, a little more than a year ago. As an introvert, he has had to force himself to get out of the house, increasing the amount of volunteering with his church, Shades Crest Baptist Church in Hoover, AL. He also purchased two adorable Miniature Schnauzer brothers who have brought him laughter, snuggles and comfort. His advice to the grieving: 1) give yourself a lot of grace 2) take care of yourself (through healthy eating and exercise) and 3) don't be afraid to say no (even if it's just for a season). "Everyday Gospel" by Paul Davis Tripp - referenced devotional book that's been meaningful to Monte

Do I really like Marvel movies? Single Again with Deidre O. Clark

Single Again - Who am I? After losing a spouse, we can find ourselves wondering who we are outside of that relationship? Deidre Clark shares her story of loss and how she became reacquainted with herself after losing Brian “Voice Porter” Hawkins. One of the questions she asked herself was if she really liked Marvel movies or watched them because Brian liked them. She does like them! When grief brings the loss of a significant relationship, it is an opportunity for the surthrivor to get to know themselves again – from our entertainment choices to what we like to eat. It can be difficult, but it is also an opportunity to be curious and explore new things. As with all healthy grief journeys, we must travel through the darkness to find the light. If you have lost your life partner (or experienced any type of significant loss), consider reframing your deep loss as an opportunity to become reacquainted with yourself. Though it can be disorienting at first, it is a gift to explore your preferences and find freedom and flexibility in your singleness. Remember: loss and hope can and does co-exist, sadness and joy can both be true at the same time. Deidre was asking these questions about who she was without Brian and journaling what she discovered (express the feels). She searched for a vehicle that contained the deep questions she wanted to answer. Finding none, she created one - a card deck called Becoming You, 52 thoughtfully designed cards for women who are moving through transition, change or quiet reckoning. Becommingyoudeck.com [http://Becommingyoudeck.com] to order! Example card: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO THRIVE IN THIS MOMENT? What’s one step you can take towards that? 4 pieces of wisdom from Deidre Clark: 1. Be exceedingly kind to yourself. 2. Be curious. 3. Only go as deep as your nervous system can handle. 4. Find a therapist to help guide you through this journey. https://onbeing.org/programs/krista-tippett-hope-portal-episode-1/ [https://onbeing.org/programs/krista-tippett-hope-portal-episode-1/]

Masculine Mourning: Caleb Young, the Son Remaining

Caleb Young lost his older brother, Ty—whom he idolized—to suicide when he was 11. The loss shaped the way he viewed life and the choices he made as he grew up. In Cuero (Spanish for “raw hide”), a small Texas town where many men drive trucks and wear cowboy boots and hats, the culture is rugged and rooted in hunting, fishing, and ranching. In a place like that, social norms—paired with traditional expectations of masculinity—can create a different kind of grieving, one that is often quiet, internal, and delayed. Caleb shares his story of loss, the long-term effects it had on him, and the healthier ways he eventually learned to live with grief (after trying some unhealthy ones first). You’ll enjoy Caleb’s wit and way of expressing himself, and through his experience, we’ll explore grief from a male perspective and consider how men may process and express emotion differently than their female counterparts.