Patience: Emotional Strength in an Impatient World
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Today’s episode is on something I have been trying to work on for years, and honestly, I still struggle with it every day.
And that is the art of “Patience”.
And I am not even going to pretend I have mastered this art because I absolutely. have. not.
In fact, I am the most impatient person I have ever met…and I am not joking.
I have been struggling with patience for as long as I can remember.
And yet somehow.. there is still not a day that goes by where I am not battling impatience in some area of my life.
And the ironic part is.. Life has tried to teach me patience so many times, and in so many ways, but apparently I am a very slow learner when it comes to this lesson.
What I have realized though, is that impatience does not just create frustration, it creates stress, It affects relationships. It affects our mental state. It affects how we treat other people. And honestly, how we treat ourselves.
And the older I get, I know that impatience has caused me far more damage than patience ever would have.
I will tell you that the most important lesson I have learned to date, is that..
patience is not just about waiting.
It’s about how we behave while we wait.
I think it’s important to define patience.
Patience: Is the ability to accept or tolerate delay, difficultly, inconvenience, or discomfort, without becoming anxious or irritable.
It involves remaining calm and composed while waiting for a desired outcome, enduring hardship, or dealing with challenging people or situations.
Sounds simple. That is, until life starts testing it. Patients isn’t really tested when things are going our way.
Patience is not just a personality trait, it is a mix of biology, psychology, life experience and environment all working together.
For a face paced mind, waiting doesn’t feel neutral, its feels uncomfortable. Almost like something is wrong that needs to be fixed.
When someone is living in a state of chronic stress, anxiety or overwhelm the nervous system is already under a lot of pressure, and in that state, even the smallest delays or inconveniences feel amplified.
A calm nervous system naturally has more space to tolerate waiting.
And Another major factor is ‘learned behavior”
We inherit emotional responses from our environment growing up. If you were raised in a fast paced, reactive, or high pressure environment, impatience can become a default response, we learn that urgency equals control. That speed equals safety. And that waiting equals discomfort.
And overtime , that becomes automatic.
Our brains are built around dopamine, the chemical involved in motivation and reward. When we repeatedly experience instant rewards our brain starts to expect instant outcomes. Overtime, delayed gratification feels more uncomfortable, not because we are weak, but because the brain has been trained toward instant satisfaction.
And finally, Life Experience plays a huge role in patience.
Some people develop patience through repetition- through our fitness, parenting, long term goals , healing, or situations where we learn that rushing doesn’t help.
They may not have had as many experiences that have required long term waiting or emotional endurance.
So when you combine all of this together; temperament, stress levels, learned behaviors, brain conditioning, and life experience, you start to see why patients varies so much from person to person.
NOT TO WORRY-Patience isn’t fixed. Even if someone is naturally more reactive or fast paced, patience can still be strengthened overtime, Not perfectly. And by no means overnight. But gradually, through awareness, lifestyle changes and practice.
Now, Patience is influenced by biology, environment, and stress and life experience.
Impatience comes from wanting certainty, movement, results and answers.
When things feel unclear, delayed or out of our control, our minds naturally want resolution. It wants things to move forward. It wants closure. It wants speed. And our brain wants certaintyinstead of waiting in uncertainty.
This is where impatience starts to build.
But environment matters here too.
We now live in a time where almost everything is “instant satisfaction”.
*instant entertainment
*Instant communication
*instant shopping
And
*instant answers
We barely have to wait for anything anymore.
Even patient people are loving instant satisfaction.
And overtime , I think that changes us psychologically. It lowers our tolerance for waiting, for effort, for uncertainty and even for boredom.
The things that matter most, like relationships, health, career growth, healing and trust, they all require time, repetition, and emotional endurance.
Everything that once required patience, connection, effort, and emotional presence are now competing against instant forms of stimulation… even areas like intimacy and relationships, there are now forms of stimulation that offer immediate reward without the same emotional depth, connection, communication or patients that real human intimacy requires..
One huge example of this is pornography.
From a psychological perspective, pornography offers immediate reward with very little patience required.
“Real intimacy is slooooower, and it requires all the things:
But having instant stimulation(in this case) trains the brain differently.
And honestly, I don’t think this only applies to porn- I think applies to modern life in general.
We are constantly overstimulated and conditioned to expect speed.
So when real life moves slower than technology does.. frustration shows itself.
And when that happens across so many parts of your life , patience naturally becomes harder to sustain. Our brains are slowly losing tolerance for delayed results.
Now that we are constantly surrounded by environments that encourage urgency, instant gratification, instant satisfaction, and emotional reactivity. I honestly think impatience is becoming a habit for a lot of people, and they just assume it’s part of their personality.
I do believe that impatience can absolutely become habitual, because again, our brain learns thru repetition.
*The more we rush
*The more we react emotionally
*The more we expect immediate movement, answers and results.
The more our brain begins treating urgency as normal.
Eventually impatience stops being an occasional reaction and becomes an automatic response.
You stop tolerating discomfort..
You stop allowing things to unfold naturally.
Instead, everything starts feeling like it needs to happen NOW.
And overtime, impatience slowly shapes the way we move through life.
We get everywhere faster
*We get angry faster
*Frustrated faster
And we get Judgmental & lose empathy faster.. because now our nervous system is conditioned to constant urgency. And the hard part is that life reinforces this habit constantly.
We don’t really practice waiting anymore so we are losing our tolerance for slowness, which actually makes impatience dangerous as a habit- because now it feels normal.
I have noticed how impatience has woven itself into our everyday life- not just in me, but everywhere around me .
People interrupt constantly
They react before thinking
We seem to be practicing reactivity and not patience, and remember ; whatever we practice we strengthen.
The good news is that if impatience can become a habit, patience can too.
Impatience is stressful.
Not just emotionally but physically too.
Patience may be one of the hardest emotional skills to develop in this life.
Our world is constantly pushing speed, urgency, instant gratification, and overstimulation. And overtime, that pressure affects our minds, our nervous systems, our relationships and our overall wellbeing.
We are all becoming less tolerant of waiting, discomfort, uncertainty, inconvenience, and slowness- and This is exactly why patience matters more than ever.
We need to fight for patience again- it’s worth it.
*Maybe we need to slow down a little.
*Take better care of our bodies
*Reduce your constant overstimulation
* sleep better
* practice emotional restraint
* allow people to move differently than we do.
* and we need to learn to tolerate inconvenience without immediately reacting.
And maybe, most importantly, remembering that not everything meaningful in life is supposed to happen instantly.
In many ways , patience may actually be one of the strongest forms of emotionally control left in a world that is constantly trying to speed us up. And while it may never be mastered, it can absolutely be practiced, one reaction at a time.
And remember… patience is not weakness.
-And Impatience does far more damages to us than the waiting itself.
Enjoy!
Joanne Demers
The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast
(949)236-1529
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