Pathological Demand Avoidance - Trait Talking S01E01

Pathological Demand Avoidance - Trait Talking S01E01

Pathological Demand Avoidance aka PDA - Trait Talking S01E01 In our series for the Neuroinclusive Workplace we are looking at traits, and their impact on the neurodivergent. Today we discuss PDA; what's PDA? Pathological Demand Avoidance... Ever been asked to do something you were literally about to do… and suddenly your brain responds with a very firm "Absolutely not"? Welcome to the wonderfully confusing world of PDA. In this first episode of our new Trait Talking series, we take a closer look at one of the most misunderstood neurodivergent traits. We explore why demands – whether they come from other people or from ourselves – can trigger genuine resistance, why PDA isn't about being difficult or lazy, and why so many of us end up questioning our own reactions. We also talk about the everyday reality of living with PDA: deadlines that somehow make a task harder, the difference between procrastination and demand avoidance, why body doubling doesn't work for everyone, and how a simple change in language can make a surprising difference. Along the way, we share plenty of our own lived experiences (including unopened presents, dishwashers, DIY, hugs, and tax returns) because, as ever, neurodivergence rarely follows a straight line. Whether you identify with PDA yourself, live with someone who does, or simply want to understand why "just do it" is rarely that simple, this episode is a compassionate introduction to a trait that's often hidden behind misunderstanding. Because understanding what's happening inside your brain is often the first step towards being a little kinder to yourself. Please share with anyone you think this topic might resonate with. Send any questions or suggestions to or contact us here: hosts@businessoddcast.com Don't forget to like and subscribe or follow along on the socials, see below timeline for details. Together we can build a healthier, happier way to work! ------------------------------------- TIMELINE 00:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction 00:00:50 - Today's Trait - Intro to Pathological Demand Avoidance - PDA  00:02:18 - Description of Pathological Demand Avoidance - PDA  00:04:20 - Hannah's lived experience - the internal PDA pressure  00:06:45 - Gaslighting yourself about your own PDA 00:08:15 - I will open presents in my own time TYVM! 00:10:20 - The "Naughty Child" label 00:12:02 - "I need that for Wednesday at 3pm" - NOPE! Better deadline scheduling 00:15:01 - Why it's not just procrastination 00:16:21 - Can bodydoubling help?    00:17:35 - PDA affects more than just work, even making decisions comes with PDA 00:19:26 - PDA can turn up at the worst possible time too with accomplices 00:23:01 - Managing staff with PDA and the importance of context and "feeling it" 00:25:00 - Why you don't say "We need to leave now" & gaslighting your own PDA 00:26:30 - Round up and outro thank you and goodbye 00:27:15 - Hugging... nope...  00:29:19 - Like, Share and Subscribe 00:29:45 - LENGTH ------------------------------------- RESOURCES https://here2help.uk/further-information/ [https://here2help.uk/further-information/] - Fab resource and amazing organisation raising awareness and support for autistic suicide prevention.  https://bigmoosecharity.co [https://bigmoosecharity.co] - Emergency mental health support, Big Moose provides fast and effective therapy for people who are struggling. https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help] - our range of resources for Neurodiverse business owners, helping you thrive, survive and live more fulfilling lives. ------------------------------------- OUR WEBSITE & CONTACT Resources: https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help/] Contact us: hosts@businessoddcast.com [hosts@businessoddcast.com]  OUR SOCIALS youtube.com/BusinessOddcast [http://youtube.com/BusinessOddcast] facebook.com/BusinessOddcast [http://facebook.com/BusinessOddcast] instagram.com/BusinessOddcast [http://instagram.com/BusinessOddcast]

The No Toolkit - Boundaries for ND Brains - S01E34

Episode 34: The ‘No’ toolkit- Boundaries for ND brains  For something that's only two letters long, "no" can create a truly astonishing amount of panic. One boundary becomes a guilt spiral, three imagined arguments, and a sudden urge to explain your entire life story to justify why you can't help someone move house on a Tuesday afternoon. In this episode, we unpack why saying no can feel so disproportionately difficult for neurodivergent people. From people-pleasing and rejection sensitivity to masking, perfectionism, and the fear of disappointing others, we explore why so many of us end up saying yes long after we've run out of time, energy, and capacity. We talk about overcommitting, resentment, energy management, and the hidden cost of constantly putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own. We also share practical strategies for creating boundaries that actually stick, including scripts, pause techniques, recognising when resentment is trying to tell you something important, and learning how to say no without writing a 14-page witness statement in your defence. Because boundaries aren't about being difficult. They're about making sure there's still enough of you left for the things that matter. If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it... this one's for you. Please share with anyone you think this topic might resonate with. Send any questions or suggestions to or contact us here: hosts@businessoddcast.com Don't forget to like and subscribe or follow along on the socials, see below timeline for details. Together we can build a healthier, happier way to work! ------------------------------------- TIMELINE 00:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction 00:00:46 - Topic of the Week - The No Toolkit - Boundaries for ND Brains 00:01:21 - Topic introduction - No, boundaries and protection   00:03:28 - Why the concept of "no" feels so big & risky    00:05:19 - How burnout affects priorities, no as a survival tactic 00:06:32 - The cost of "no" and creating room for rest and recovery 00:09:10 - What a disproportionate reaction to new boundaries means 00:10:51 - The cost of over-accommodation of others 00:12:43 - The bigger the excuse you give the more they have to work with 00:13:23 - The soft "no" - the calendar check-in before response 00:15:26 - Why saying "yes" is a dopamine trap... 00:17:05 - TANGENT 01 - Stu muses on ND's naive quality that gets taken advantage of 00:18:20 - Boundaries aren't control - it's about protecting our energy 00:19:00 - TANGENT 02 - Hannah shares a real-world example of not saying no 00:20:03 - Do you respect and believe your own "No"?  00:20:50 - Resenting not saying NO!  00:22:13 - Approaches to saying "no"  00:26:40 - Dealing with repeat offenders 00:27:43 - Saying no to yourself is often the hardest boundary to impose 00:31:33 - Energy management lesson learned from running 00:32:02 - Rest Guilt and struggling to switch off and resting being "lazy" 00:35:28 - Why are you full of resentment when you say yes? 00:37:01 - Red flagging unwarranted and disproportionate push back Pt2. 00:37:50 - When "no" can be detrimental, conserve your energy strategically 00:40:22 - You don't owe them your life story to put a boundary in place 00:43:17 - Stuart's business confession about his diary 00:45:07 - The double empathy trap keeping you time-starved and energy poor 00:46:03 - Stu's energy issues with short-notice change 00:47:40 - Is it you or your mask saying "yes"? 00:50:08 - HELL YEAH! or F&CK NO! 00:50:30 - Hannah takeaways and insights 00:54:45 - Stu's top tips and thoughts 00:57:58 - Thank you and goodbye 00:59:47 - LENGTH   ------------------------------------- RESOURCES HTML RESOURCES https://here2help.uk/further-information/ [https://here2help.uk/further-information/] - Fab resource and amazing organisation raising awareness and support for autistic suicide prevention.  https://bigmoosecharity.co [https://bigmoosecharity.co] - Emergency mental health support, Big Moose provides fast and effective therapy for people who are struggling. https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help] - our range of resources for Neurodiverse business owners, helping you thrive, survive and live more fulfilling lives. ------------------------------------- OUR WEBSITE & CONTACT Resources: https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help/] Contact us: hosts@businessoddcast.com [hosts@businessoddcast.com]  OUR SOCIALS youtube.com/BusinessOddcast [http://youtube.com/BusinessOddcast] facebook.com/BusinessOddcast [http://facebook.com/BusinessOddcast] instagram.com/BusinessOddcast [http://instagram.com/BusinessOddcast]

Success Feels Weird When You’re Used to Struggling - S01E33

DESCRIPTION - FULL Please share with anyone you think this topic might resonate with. Send any questions or suggestions to or contact us here: hosts@businessoddcast.com Don't forget to like and subscribe or follow along on the socials, see below timeline for details. Together we can build a healthier, happier way to work! ------------------------------------- TIMELINE 00:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction 00:00:31 - Topic of the Week - Success Feels Weird When You’re Used to Struggling 00:00:46 - Topic introduction - Exploring challange of success, and feral badgers    00:02:24 - Disclaimer - plan for the best, expect the worse, what happens when plans work ? 00:03:37 - We explore why 'survival mode' feels familiar - the safety of chaos. 00:04:28 - Stuart's brain needs to define "success" - and a note about today's topic 00:06:24 - Hannah's "goals" define her anti-hustle culture "success"  00:08:28 - Example of survival mode being familiar and comfortable 00:10:48 - Overfunctioning becoming our identity & why we feel worthwhile  00:12:28 - Unreasonable self-expectations and over-delivery excuses your Oddness 00:15:59 - Your worth should not be based on your "success" and your wins 00:18:21 - Shouting about your wins can feel un-authentic, and irrelevant because, NEXT! 00:20:45 - Protestant work ethic, work harder, do more, no rest, ever onward! 00:21:55 - The discomfort of receiving - Link to Birthdays EPISODE 00:23:43 - Awkwardly receiving praise, FLIPPIN G THE SCRIPT... 00:24:42 - The struggle to ask for, or accept ANY help.  00:26:52 - Summary of this section ... 00:27:19 - Success level up - new unexpected fears unlocked! 00:30:17 - When is enough enough? WHen do you stop trying to achieve MORE!   00:30:55 - IMPOSTER'S SYNDROME ENTERS THE CHAT - staying grounded helps 00:33:00 - When our business becomes more visible, it raises the emotional stakes  00:35:15 - RSD raises the emotional stakes whe you "go public" with your thoughts 00:37:23 - ND is woven into your energy - is your "success" sustainable long term? 00:41:30 - Are you constantly "almost there"? Is your perfectionism running the show? 00:42:48 - How to overcome perfectionism, Stu's tolerance tool! 00:44:37 - The tyranny of perfectionism and the addic tion of productivity 00:48:07 - Learning to tolerate the calm 00:52:20 - Hannah takeaways and insights - your worth is more than you productivty 00:55:28 - Stu's top tips and thoughts - celebrate wins and use buffer day  s FTW! 00:57:53   - Thank you and goodbye 00:58:50 - LENGTH ------------------------------------- RESOURCES Link to Podcast about surviving celebrations [https://businessoddcast.com/podcast/surviving-celebrations-coping-with-seasonal-events-birthday-holidays-s01e13/] Link to blog post on undervaluing your services [https://businessoddcast.com/because-youre-not-worth-it-attitudes-to-undercharging] Link to the Neuro-inclusive Oddcast Manifesto [https://businessoddcast.com/the-oddcast-manifesto/] https://shineradio.uk - Local Radio Petersfield, Bordon & Whitehill and beyond! https://bigmoosecharity.co - Emergency mental health support, Big Moose provides fast and effective therapy for people who are struggling. https://businessoddcast.com/help - our range of resources for Neurodiverse business owners, helping you thrive, survive and live more fulfilling lives. ------------------------------------- OUR WEBSITE & CONTACT Resources: https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help/] Contact us: hosts@businessoddcast.com [hosts@businessoddcast.com]  OUR SOCIALS youtube.com/BusinessOddcast [http://youtube.com/BusinessOddcast] facebook.com/BusinessOddcast [http://facebook.com/BusinessOddcast] instagram.com/BusinessOddcast [http://instagram.com/BusinessOddcast]

Pricing When You Don’t Trust Your Sense of Value - S01E32

Episode 32: Pricing When You Don’t Trust Your Sense of Value Eps 32 - Pricing When You Don’t Trust Your Sense of Value Pricing should be simple, shouldn’t it? Work out the time, add the costs, decide the margin, send the quote, float away looking financially competent. Lovely. Except for many neurodivergent business owners, pricing is rarely just maths. It gets tangled up with self-worth, rejection sensitivity, time blindness, imposter syndrome, financial instability, and the quiet horror of someone saying, “Is that your best price?” In this episode, we unpack why pricing can feel so emotionally loaded when your internal sense of value is a bit… wobbly. We talk about undercharging, overexplaining, defensive pricing, “just jobs”, comparison spirals, and why your price is not a referendum on your worth as a human being. We also get into the very real cost of giving away time you didn’t mean to give away, especially when every “quick favour” comes with admin, context switching, recovery time, and a small existential wobble. This is about building pricing that is grounded in reality, not panic. Tracking your time, reviewing your rates, adding buffers, practising pricing conversations, and learning to sit in the silence after you’ve said the number. Because you are not charging for approval. You are charging for skill, experience, capacity, and the life force required to do the work properly. Please share with anyone you think this topic might resonate with. Send any questions or suggestions to or contact us here: hosts@businessoddcast.com Don't forget to like and subscribe or follow along on the socials, see below timeline for details. Together we can build a healthier, happier way to work! ------------------------------------- TIMELINE 00:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction 00:00:31 - Introducing May's Theme - Money, Worth and Neurodivergent Business Confidence  00:00:55 - Topic of the Week - Pricing When You Don’t Trust Your Sense of Value 00:01:11 - Topic introduction - Pricing is more than just maths, there's self worth, rejection 00:02:40 - Pricing Is Emotional, Not Logical - Pricing is a  popularity contest 00:04:54 - Stu's views on small business pricing, service offering and market place fit 00:07:05 - Under-appreciating your own value, experience, age and soft skills matter 00:09:45 - Time-blindness and value distortion, with hyperfocus and giving away hours 00:11:41 - The value distortion of "Just Jobs" and making sure your time is valued 00:13:45 - Monotropism and hyperfocus impact on time efficiency  00:14:33 - Comparison spiral and how it distorts and reduces your sense of value  00:15:40 - The perception distortion lens, a story about being a lookalike and a lesson in pricing  00:19:50 - BUT... what happens when IMPOSTER'S SYNDROME rides in... How do beat I.S? 00:21:30 - With... the "Hair Treatment"...  00:23:00 - Shout out to Charlie Ruttle! and the antidote to Imposter's Syndrome 00:24:39 - Capacity, anxiety and defensive pricing 00:27:01 - One price doesn't fit all and capacity is variable 00:29:00 - RSD, pricing, billing, fiscal fear and over-justifying your pricing 00:32:00 - The answer... that Stu uses... FIRST THE DISCLAIMER 00:36:40 - Self confidence is required at some point as is a purpose 00:38:15 - The grateful to be paid pattern, employment, debt and financial attitudes 00:40:50 - The power of the silence after you state your price... 00:45:45 - Ideas for designing pricing with nervous system safety in mind   00:46:10 - Hannah's takeaways 00:49:30 - Stu's top tips 00:56:45 - Final words - like, share and subscribe.  00:57:55 - Next Week's content 00:59:47 - LENGTH ------------------------------------- OUR WEBSITE & CONTACT Resources: https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help/] Contact us: hosts@businessoddcast.com [hosts@businessoddcast.com]  OUR SOCIALS youtube.com/BusinessOddcast [http://youtube.com/BusinessOddcast] facebook.com/BusinessOddcast [http://facebook.com/BusinessOddcast] instagram.com/BusinessOddcast [http://instagram.com/BusinessOddcast]

Executive Dysfunction Diaries: What it Actually Feels Like - S01E31

Episode 31: Executive Dysfunction Diaries   Please share with anyone you think this topic might resonate with. Send any questions or suggestions to or contact us here: hosts@businessoddcast.com Don't forget to like and subscribe or follow along on the socials, see below timeline for details. Together we can build a healthier, happier way to work! ------------------------------------- TIMELINE 00:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction 00:00:52 - Topic of the Week - Executive Dysfunction Diaries: What it Actually Feels Like. 00:01:05 - Topic introduction - deep dive into how executive function failed us in our lives & businesses 00:03:20 - Model of overwhelmed brain executive function brain nopery and raw dogging it on caffeine 00:04:30 - The intention/action gap... how we fail to start and how i t erodes your confidence  00:07:35 - Tips on how to get started, eventually, because we expect our brain to nope 00:10:18 - Accepting the reality you face and not fighting it, tickle your brain 00:11:13 - Task initiation paralysis - starting but not being able to begin 00:12:14 - The footbath effect... 00:13:35 - Hannah's lady brain off picking the flowers... 00:14:10 - How do you know if anyone's run a marathon? 00:14:21 - No emotion before motion and the wall of negative reaction to the task  00:16:19 - How do you do that? The voices in Stuart's head 00:18:25 - Hannah's verson of the Sgt Major. 00:18:47 - The overwhelm of everything being important all at once and where to start 00:19:41 - Stu's "roast dinner" approach to tasks analogy 00:21:00 - What comes first? Hannah's triage process and forcing herself to eat the frog 00:22:38 - The devil is in the detail - and details are also a rabbit hole  00:24:31 - Time blindness - Hannah and Stu's nemesis and the word "JUST"! 00:27:38 - When asked about timescale - "What would you say"? and "idiot tax" 00:29:24 - The emotional friction around tasks and the battle with boredom  00:30:30 - The burden of perfectionism, detail and high standards 00:32:00 - Things Stu has learned the hard way of being at the cheap end of the market  00:33:33 - The dangers of "Boredom" and the effects on the ND brain 00:35:50 - Perfection delay - unable to finish as the project may fall short of perfection 00:36:41 - Shame, anger and frustration as your background noise 00:39:27 - The cost of "pushing through" and forcing yourself through executive dysfunction 00:44:10 - The aftermath of completion - mourning the end of a great project 00:46:24 - Hannah's biggest client red flag and how to avoid ALL project red flags 00:48:45 - Roundup - H's takeaways, amd S's hints and tips 00:54:06 - Get in touch, let us know your thoughts 01:00:00 - LENGTH ------------------------------------- RESOURCES https://here2help.uk/further-information/ [https://here2help.uk/further-information/] - Fab resource and amazing organisation raising awareness and support for autistic suicide prevention.  https://bigmoosecharity.co [https://bigmoosecharity.co] - Emergency mental health support, Big Moose provides fast and effective therapy for people who are struggling. https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help] - our range of resources for neurodivergent business owners. ------------------------------------- OUR WEBSITE & CONTACT Resources: https://businessoddcast.com/help [https://businessoddcast.com/help/] Contact us: hosts@businessoddcast.com [hosts@businessoddcast.com]  OUR SOCIALS youtube.com/BusinessOddcast [http://youtube.com/BusinessOddcast] facebook.com/BusinessOddcast [http://facebook.com/BusinessOddcast] instagram.com/BusinessOddcast [http://instagram.com/BusinessOddcast]