How Do You Build Habits When Your Brain Says No?
What’s up, folks?
Today I want to talk about habits.
Trying to build new habits, and how that doesn’t really work for me. And you’re going to hear why, because this has been a bit of a long, personal adventure for me, and honestly, I’m still in the middle of figuring it out.
People say habits get built within 90 days. That’s what you hear all the time.But if you have ADHD, or ASD, or something in that area, it can take longer. Sometimes much longer. Sometimes… not at all, technically. And that’s something I’ve had to learn the hard way, over and over again.
When I was younger, for example, my parents made sure I brushed my teeth every day. Morning and before bed. Every single day.The night routine stuck. That one is burned into my head because we did it so consistently. Even now, I can’t go to bed without brushing my teeth first.
But the morning one never became the same kind of habit. And the reason is actually simple. I only did it because I was going to school. During weekends, I didn’t do it. And once school was over, the whole thing disappeared completely.For some reason, I never built the same automatic habit in the morning.
Part of it is that brushing my teeth and then eating after just doesn’t work for me. And I don’t like brushing my teeth after eating either, because it feels like food is still stuck on the teeth, and the feeling just bothers me. I don’t like it. It feels weird somehow.
So because my parents were strict about one part but not the other, one habit stayed with me my whole life, and the other one never really formed at all.And that’s kind of how it has been with a lot of things.The longest habit I’ve ever managed to keep when it comes to drawing was 100 days.
And even then, I stopped right after, because it got boring.And the frustrating part is that I actually want to build drawing habits. That’s the goal. That’s what I want. The brushing-teeth story is just an example of how things don’t always work the way they’re supposed to.
I’ve read Atomic Habits twice, and I’ve tried the methods in it.And the book is really good. I really recommend it.But for me, the methods work for a few days… and then it just cools off.
In the book, there’s the two-minute rule. You prepare something, like putting your sketchbook and pencils on the table, and then you stop. Just to make it easy to start next time.Another technique is to take something you already have as a habit, and add the new habit right after it, so it flows naturally.
That doesn’t really work for me either.
But again, the book is good. It might help you, even if it doesn’t work for me the way it should.Over the years, I’ve tried to build a lot of different habits for my art.One of the latest ones was daily watercolor sketching.It worked for about 40 days, and then I got bored.
I tried to do it in a small square sketchbook, using the same kind of setup every time. And after a while, it made my head spin a bit, because I was only allowing myself to use that sketchbook, with that medium, and nothing else.In the beginning, it works. I get hyped. I get inspired. I keep going.
But over time, I start to feel like I don’t want to use this one. I don’t want to use this medium. I want something else.The reason I chose that small square sketchbook in the first place was because I saw a YouTuber using one for watercolor, and I thought, why not?
I didn’t want it to be perfect. I just wanted to explore.But over the years, I’ve noticed something about myself when it comes to habits.If it’s too strict, it won’t work. Not at all.Using the same sketchbook, the same medium, doing it every day at the same time… that’s my biggest enemy.
And if I actually manage to keep a strict routine for a while and then miss one day, that’s it. Game over.It doesn’t matter if it’s drawing, training, or something else I’m trying to build. If I miss the time, or something happens that day, the habit just falls apart.
I’ve tried everything.Big art boards to remind me.Post-it notes.Apps.Pretty much every habit tracker I could find, both free and paid.
None of them work for long, because after a few days my brain just ignores them. Completely ignores them. Like they’re not even there.I talked about this with one of the staff where I live, and we talked about the brushing-teeth problem again.
I even got these art cards that I put on the bathroom mirror to remind myself to brush my teeth morning and evening.It worked for a few days.Then I started ignoring them.
And after a while, I just got annoyed because they were in the way when I looked in the mirror. 🤣So having these kinds of problems is not fun.Especially when you’re really trying to fix them.
When you want to change, when you want to build good habits, for drawing, for training, for life in general… and you can’t figure out how to make it work.So if strict routines don’t work, I need something more ADHD and ASD friendly.That’s what I’m trying now.One thing that helps a little is not forcing myself to do it every day.
If I skip, it’s okay. It’s allowed. It’s not a must.
I also use a habit tracker app called Habit Tracker, just to see how many days I’ve done something in total. It shows when I’ve done it, and over time I can see the numbers going up.And when I see that, I get a small happy feeling. Like, okay… I’ve actually done this a few times. That counts.
Another thing that works for me is doing things before bed.Especially drawing.When I draw before going to bed, I don’t have distractions.The computer is off.I have my iPad, but I don’t use it the same way. I mostly use it for drawing or finding references.
Less distraction means a bigger chance that I actually do it.I can also draw or write after breakfast sometimes, before the computer is on.Because once the computer starts, it’s like I lose the start button. Even if I want to draw, it becomes very hard to begin.And that’s so frustrating.
But I’m trying.I’m actually trying really hard, because I want to win against myself in this.Plein Airpril is starting very soon, just a few days after this is released, and I’m actually looking forward to it.
I wrote about it last week if you want to read that.My idea this year is to draw places I want to visit.Japan, New Zealand, landscapes, animals, buildings… things like that.I’m planning to use one sketchbook, yes, but not in a strict way.More like a travel journal.
You’ve probably seen those on YouTube, where people draw where they have been and write a little about it.That’s my goal.To do that while staying at home.To draw places and think, this is where I want to go.How it will work out… that’s another story.
I’m also still trying to keep the daily watercolor sketching.I almost gave up, but then I thought, no… I’ll try again, but in a simpler way.I’m not forcing myself to do it every day.I don’t have to use the same sketchbook.I can use whatever sketchbook I feel like, as long as I use watercolor.Only one rule.Make it imperfect.
It doesn’t matter what it is.A small building, a landscape, whatever.Just make it imperfect.I’m also trying to sketch every day, with ballpoint pen, graphite pencil, or brush pen.
Lately I’ve been using a brush pen and doing gesture drawings of animals, using fewer strokes and thinking about the Force technique.You’ve probably heard about the Force books by Michael Mattesi.I don’t own them yet. I want the animal one, but they’re expensive here, so I’m waiting for a good sale.I like that idea of drawing with flow, like one stroke leading into another, almost like a flower shape in the movement.
And gesture drawing helps me, because it forces me to put the lines down without focusing on details.Details are one of my bad habits. I always get stuck there.Most of this I do at night, before bed.No computer.Just me, my headphones, and a podcast playing while I draw.
Half the time I don’t even hear what they’re saying, because when I’m drawing I go into flow and everything else disappears.But I still want the podcast on for some reason.And I tell myself, if I listen to podcasts, I’m learning something.I probably hear more than I realize.
So these are my goals right now when it comes to building habits.It goes slowly.Hopefully I can get help from a professional in the near future, someone who understands this better and can help me level up how I do things, so it actually works.
That’s the plan, at least.Because building good habits that you enjoy and feel good about… that’s a good thing.And I really want that.I’m curious if you’re trying to build a habit too?If you are, you can comment or respond to this email. I’d like to hear about it.
And I’m sorry if I sound a bit weird in this recording.I have a cold this week, but I still wanted to get this done.Alright.That’s it for today.
Bye.
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