The Obliterated Place with Kaye Steinsapir

Episode 13 - Rabbi Daniel Sher On Jewish Rituals, Collective Grief Post-10/7, And The Palisades Fire

In this episode, I am honored to sit down with my Rabbi and dear friend, Daniel Sher, from Kehillat Israel (KI) in the Pacific Palisades. Rabbi Sher has been a steadfast anchor for our congregation, even as he navigates his own "obliterated place" — having personally lost his family home and all their belongings in the devastating Palisades fire.  We sit down to discuss the profound psychological genius embedded within Jewish mourning rituals, from the complete surrender of Shiva to the gradual re-entry of Shloshim. Rabbi Sher shares a beautiful framing of grief as a series of heavy items we carry forever in our pockets; we do not hold them out for the world to see at all times, but their weight permanently alters how we carry ourselves. We also talk about his perspective on rebuilding a community after a disaster with deep intentionality, choosing never to "waste our tragedies."  Our conversation also turns to the complex, painful realities facing the Jewish people in the wake of October 7th. We explore the profound alienation of feeling iced out by former allies in social activist circles, the historical burden of being a "universally welcoming tradition forced to choose between safety and welcome," and the true definition of "chosenness"—not as a gold star of privilege, but as a sacred obligation to carry the weight of historical burden while fiercely choosing to see the light anyway. Connect with Rabbi Daniel Scherr:  * Kehillat Israel Podcasts [https://kipodcasts.fireside.fm/hosts/rabbisher]  Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  * Subscribe on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@ksteinsapir] * Instagram: @teammollyofficial  [https://www.instagram.com/teammollyofficial/] * Substack: Transforming Pain Into Purpose [https://open.substack.com/pub/kayesteinsapir] * The Molly Steinsapir Foundation [https://mollysteinsapir.com/]

Episode 12 - Colin Campbell On Finding The Words After The Deaths Of His Children, Ruby and Hart

After the tragic loss of his teenage children, Ruby and Hart, in a drunk driving accident, Colin Campbell found most books on grief unhelpful. I had a similar experience, with the exception of the one that Colin wrote shortly after Ruby and Hart died, when his grief was raw and often felt unbearable. Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose [https://colincampbellauthor.com/finding-the-words/] resonated deeply. It made me feel less alone at a time when nothing made sense.  Colin offers practical advice. His practice of always saying "yes" to invitations, like joining someone on a walk, even when he felt like staying under the covers, encouraged me to avoid isolation. When I wanted to succumb to despair, I remembered Colin's approach of active grieving. For example, Colin and his wife, Gail, gave friends their "grief spiel" whenever they came to visit. They told them exactly what they needed at that point in their grief. It sounds obvious, but nobody does it! Including my husband and me, until I read "Finding The Words." It helped us and our friends. Like my husband, Colin found solace in the Jewish rituals around death and mourning. Although I converted to Judaism over a decade earlier, I hadn't experienced the death of anyone Jewish before we lost Molly. Colin helped me to better understand and appreciate them. Doing a prescribed ritual at a time when you can't think is helpful. Being held by your community is essential. Most of all, I loved talking with Colin about our kids, Ruby, Hart and Molly. It was an honor to spend an hour with him. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Connect with Colin Campbell:  * Instagram: @colincampbellwriter [https://www.instagram.com/colincampbellwriter/] * Website: https://colincampbellauthor.com/colin/ [https://colincampbellauthor.com/colin/]  Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  * Subscribe on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@ksteinsapir] * Instagram: @teammollyofficial  [https://www.instagram.com/teammollyofficial/] * Substack: Transforming Pain Into Purpose [https://open.substack.com/pub/kayesteinsapir] * The Molly Steinsapir Foundation [https://mollysteinsapir.com/]

Episode 11 - Lyle Green on Growing Up Without a Dad, Communal Grief, and the Loss of Furry Family

Lyle Green and I have lived across the street from each other for fifteen years, but there were parts of his story I never knew until we sat down for this conversation. We are "COVID family"—neighbors who became extended family during the pandemic and the aftermath of the accident that took Molly’s life. In this episode, Lyle shares the vivid memories of losing his father at just four years old and the unique anxiety of approaching age 46—the same age his father was when he suffered a fatal heart attack. We discuss the "obliterated place" his mother navigated as a young widow and the perspective Lyle gained after losing his home and all his belongings in the Pacific Palisades fire. Lyle also opens up about the heart health journey that led to his own recent blockage discovery, the profound grief of losing his three beloved cats, and why he chooses to wear a bracelet with Molly's name every single day. This is a raw conversation about the "tender heart" behind a tough exterior and what it means for men to finally speak the language of loss. Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  * Subscribe on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@ksteinsapir] * Instagram: @teammollyofficial  [https://www.instagram.com/teammollyofficial/] * Substack: Transforming Pain Into Purpose [https://open.substack.com/pub/kayesteinsapir] * The Molly Steinsapir Foundation [https://mollysteinsapir.com/]

Episode 10 - Carla Liber on Life 20 Months After Losing Her Daughter Sami & The SAMI Foundation

Grief often feels like a thousand paper cuts; your person’s favorite food in the grocery store that you pick up and put back, a song on the radio that suddenly transports you back to happier times, when they were still here, seeing their peers achieve new milestones while they’re forever the age they were when they died. In this episode, I sit down with my friend Carla Liber, who lost her 16-year-old daughter Sami on August 8, 2024 — shortly before her junior year. We met through the particular heartbreak of losing young daughters, girls right on the edge of becoming who they were meant to be.  Just four months after Sami’s passing, Carla and her family created the SAMI Foundation (Supporting Art, Music, and Imagination) — a way to honor their grief and keep Sami’s spirit alive through creativity.  This conversation is about what it means to keep showing up, for your surviving children, your marriage, and yourself, when everyday moments become reminders of who isn’t here.  To learn more about the SAMI Foundation and see Sami’s artwork, visit thesamifoundation.org [http://thesamifoundation.org] Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  * Subscribe on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@ksteinsapir] * Instagram: @teammollyofficial  [https://www.instagram.com/teammollyofficial/] * Substack: Transforming Pain Into Purpose [https://open.substack.com/pub/kayesteinsapir] * The Molly Steinsapir Foundation [https://mollysteinsapir.com/]

Episode 9 - Nikki Mark on Losing Her 12 Year-Old Son and The Healing Journey

I’ve always thought of myself as an alchemist, transmuting what remains after destruction into something new. But after losing my daughter, Molly, that idea was no longer abstract. It became survival. In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend Nikki Mark, the first person I met who had also lost a child, and the person who showed me it was possible to keep going. After her 12-year-old son, Tommy, passed away suddenly in his sleep, Nikki made a decision: she would not stay stuck in her grief. Instead, she approached her healing the same way she built companies — as something to study, test, and rebuild from the ground up. This conversation is about what happens after everything you knew is gone, and how you begin to choose what comes next. Connect with Nikki Mark: * Instagram: @healingwithnikki * Website: www.nikkimark.com [http://www.nikkimark.com] * TM23 Foundation:www.tm23foundation.org [http://www.tm23foundation.org] Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  * Subscribe on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@ksteinsapir] * Instagram: @teammollyofficial  [https://www.instagram.com/teammollyofficial/] * The Molly Steinsapir Foundation