Two Fat Fathers

TRAUMA, TACTICS & TITTIES l EPISODE #16

Episode 16 is an absolute fever dream, and yes — we still somehow call it parenting. 👨‍👧 Darren’s daughters are sending him TikToks that would make a raccoon gag. And who the hell is Bonnie Blue?! Why does she look like she lives in a vape cloud and eats batteries?? 😱 Attempting to scar the kids with horror clips backfires spectacularly. Darren’s girls? Emotionless Terminators. Ben’s boy? Fully shat himself. Possibly twice. 🧑‍💻 Meanwhile, young Ben was out here on dial-up internet trying to convince strangers to flash him on webcam. Spoiler alert: There's lots of female predators too. Stay safe out there 🚲 A child had the actual nerve to call Ben’s “mountain bike” stupid — despite it being very obviously a BMX. The audacity. The disrespect. The rage. ⚽ Darren surprises Ben with an Arsenal quiz. Ben shocks everyone by knowing more than three players and not crying once. ♟️ Then it’s chess time. They filmed it. It was painfully boring. BEN WON. Somehow. Nobody clapped. 🎧 If you like questionable parenting, emotional damage, and BMX-related revenge fantasies — this one’s for you. Smash like. Slap subscribe. Regret nothing. #TwoFatFathers #BonnieBlueStinks #ShittingYourselfIsValid #NoBoobsJustPain #MountainBikeGate #ArsenalIQ #DadFails #ChessRegret #ComedyPodcast #WeNeedHelp

BANTER, BANGERS & BAD DECISIONS l EPISODE #15

Welcome back to Two Fat Fathers, the podcast equivalent of a Greggs sausage roll dropped in a pub car park – messy, confusing, but somehow still oddly satisfying. This week, the chaos reaches new cholesterol-filled heights: Ben’s Job Search Still ongoing. Still a disaster. Honestly, at this point, we think the only thing hiring is the local skip. CV Porkie Pies One of Ben’s old colleagues gets caught out after telling a few whoppers on his CV. Lasted less time in the job than milk in a heatwave. Darren’s Dodgy Employee Nicks a phone on shift, then acts shocked when he gets sacked. “But I was gonna give it back!” Sure you were, Shifty Steve. Ben vs The Door His bedroom door snaps off. He’s helpless. His father-in-law swoops in like DIY Batman. Ben? One stubbed toe away from a full breakdown. Parking Rage & Letterbox Threats Darren has a run-in with an angry 55-year-old who’s furious about private parking. It escalates. One of Darren’s football mates threatens to urinate through the man’s letterbox. Just another day in Britain. Ben’s Old Bangers We look back at Ben’s “cars” (loose term). One test drive goes so rogue, they get airborne. Fast & the Furiously Overweight. Mosquitoes Declare War Ben’s being eaten alive. Not metaphorically. Literally. They want him gone, and they want it tonight. Weight Loss Chat (Again) Will the lads finally lose some timber? Will pigs fly? Tune in for the answer (it’s “no”). If you like your podcasts served with a side of unfiltered bloke banter, mild trauma, and the occasional threat of property-based urination – this one’s for you. #TwoFatFathers #PodcastChaos #BritishHumour #LiesOnCVs #PhoneBandit #DIYMeltdown #LetterboxWee #OldBangerAdventures #MozzieMayhem #WeightLossNever #FatFunnyFellas

NUKES & NONSESE | EPISODE #14

🎙 Two Fat Fathers - Episode 14: Nuclear Nonsense, McDonald's Mayhem & Smirnoff Softboi 🎙 Strap in for another outrageous episode of Two Fat Fathers, where common sense goes to die and middle-aged rage thrives. This week: 🔥 We flirt again with the idea of WW3 – nuclear war? Bring it on (as long as it doesn’t interfere with takeaway delivery times). 😤 Darren once again winds Ben up – by not recording on the day Darren himself bloody chose. 🍟 Darren spends £40 on a Just Eat McDonald’s for the kids… and all he gets is a handshake from an empty-handed delivery driver. “I’m lovin’ it”? Not quite. 🚗 Ben unveils his totally humane solution to population control – no mass extinction, just fewer cars in his way during rush hour. 🦄 Ben had a soft, camp moment last weekend, calling animals "cute" and sipping Smirnoff Ice like he's in a rom-com. Macho Man? More like Marshmallow Man. 💼 Oh, and Ben’s been made redundant – but don’t worry, he laughed in his boss’s face. That’s one way to handle a career change. 🎾 Finally, we wonder why you need a second mortgage to buy a tennis racket. Sports Direct? More like Sports Disrespect. It's pure chaos, passive aggression, and nuclear opinions. Basically, just another Tuesday with the dads. 👇 Like, subscribe, and hit that bell or we’ll start talking about WW4. #TwoFatFathers #Dadcast #ComedyPodcast #WW3ChatAgain #JustEatFail #RedundantAndRaging #SoftBoiBen #SmirnoffAndCuddles #McDonaldsDisaster #PopulationControlExpert #SportsGearScam #MiddleAgedMeltdown #FatDadsUnfiltered

SCHOOLS & BRAWLS | EPISODE #13

Strap in (and maybe powder up), because this week on Two Fat Fathers, things get sweaty, chaotic, and downright ridiculous. - We kick things off with a public health warning: hot weather + testicles = human Velcro. It's science. - Ben attends his stepdaughter’s first sports day—It was meant to be a wholesome family moment — instead, it turned into a full-blown emotional meltdown featuring tears, tantrums, a rogue beanbag, and third-degree sunburn. Beautiful stuff. - Meanwhile, Darren’s own kids hustle him out of a fiver each by out-sprinting and out-smarting him. (They've since been disowned.) - Darren’s school caught fire. Twice. We’re not saying it was him... but we’re also not not saying it. -: Ben goes full rebel in woodwork class, ignoring the curriculum and building skate ramps like it’s 1999 and Tony Hawk’s on the syllabus. - We dish out teacher love (and vengeance), from legends who got us through school to absolute weapons we’d still cross the street to avoid. ⚽️ Ben scores 20 goals in 5 matches then celebrates by doing The Worm across the entire football pitch. Still more athleticism than we’ve shown in a decade. - Darren saves a kid named "Carrot" from getting battered by emptying a fire extinguisher on everyone involved. Justice: mildly damp, extremely loud. - And finally, Ben gets randomly headbutted years later by a classmate’s dad. Zero damage, maximum confusion. This episode has it all: sports day sabotage, fiery flashbacks, rogue DIY, teacher takedowns, and the eternal struggle of dads just trying to make it through. #TwoFatFathers #StickySummerBalls #SportsDayShambles #ArsonAlumni #WoodworkGoneWild #TeachersPetty #WormOfTheMatch #FireExtinguisherJustice #DadFailsAndWins #BenVsHeadbutt #ParentingUnfiltered #DadLifeComedy #ChaosInPodcastForm

BIN LADEN'S Wi-Fi & BEN'S FLYING FIST OF JUSTICE| EPISODE #12

Two dads. One microphone. Zero qualifications. This week, the Two Fat Fathers stumble through: 🥪 Ben’s heroic lunchtime smackdown when a rogue seagull tried to assassinate his colleague. ✈️ Darren contemplates selling a kidney after finding out how much it costs to send his kids to China for a school trip. 🎟️ Ben spends 8 hours in customer service hell trying to sell Ed Sheeran tickets. Was it worth it? No. Was it funny? Also no. But now you're stuck hearing about it. 🏈 American sports make an appearance, and Ben discovers that the Chicago Bulls don’t, in fact, play baseball. Shocking. 📱 A bitter text war erupts over when to record this very podcast. It’s emotional. It’s petty. It’s peak dad. 🧠 Mental health takes a rare front seat—because even legends cry sometimes (usually in B&Q car parks). 💻 And in a stunning twist, we confirm that Osama Bin Laden had a better internet connection than both of us combined. 💥 WW3? Nuclear annihilation? The end of the world? We laugh in the face of doom... mostly because we don’t believe there is an idiot out there to do it. And finally: 🏳️ Scott’s still not gay. Apparently. Though were not convinced. If you’re looking for wisdom, insight, or anything remotely educational — this ain’t it. But if you like unhinged dad rants, nonsense, and accidental life advice, you’re in the right place. #TwoFatFathers #BenPunchedALunch #ChicagoBullsBaseballClub #DarrenNeedsARaise #CustomerServiceSurvivor #WW3Vibes #ScottIsNotGayStill #MentalHealthWithMeatSweats #DadPodcastOfDoom #OsamaHadFibreBroadband