We Need to Talk (Part 3)

We Need to Talk (Part 3)

READ: PROVERBS 15:32; 27:17; EPHESIANS 4:1-6, 15-16 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PROVERBS%2015%3A32%3B%2027%3A17%3B%20EPHESIANS%204%3A1-6%2C%2015-16&version=NIV] Imagine a confrontation between two guy friends from the perspective of the one being confronted. Josh comes up to me and says the dreaded words, “We need to talk.” My stomach turns sour. He tells me I’ve been letting bitterness get in the way of our friendship—and my faith. Guilt starts to seep in. He has a point. At first, I was just angry because he started dating a girl I liked—even though I told him I was fine with them dating. But after a while, my anger became resentment. I hated seeing them as a couple, so I cut them out. The problem is, Josh was the friend who took me to church on Sundays. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I’ve prayed too. Josh’s words are so gentle. He doesn’t seem angry. In fact, it still seems like he cares a lot about me. When he’s done talking, I take a deep breath and say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me?” It’s difficult to admit we’ve been wrong, especially when someone confronts us with the truth. The important thing to realize is that confrontation is often done from a place of love. True friends care about us and our spiritual wellbeing. When we’re tempted to get defensive about our sin, we can rely on the Holy Spirit to restore a posture of humility and repentance in us. Even if a friend doesn’t approach the topic as well as they should, we can remind ourselves that their intentions are probably good—and that we’re all broken people who need Jesus. When we remember that Jesus has made the way for us to be unified through His death and resurrection, we can have true peace—even during hard conversations (Philippians 4:1-9). • Naomi Zylstra • How would you want to react if a friend confronted you about a sin they noticed in your life? • Whenever we realize we’re struggling with a particular sin, Jesus wants us to come to Him. He is eager to remind us that He has already secured our forgiveness on the cross, and that He loves us with an unchanging love. And, through the Holy Spirit, He helps us repent of sin and grow in righteousness. Consider taking some time to talk to Him about any sins that come to mind. (Hebrews 4:14-16; 1 John 1:9–2:1) As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

The Confrontation (Part 2)

READ: MATTHEW 18:15-17; GALATIANS 5:13–6:2 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=MATTHEW%2018%3A15-17%3B%20GALATIANS%205%3A13%E2%80%936%3A2&version=NIV] So now that you’ve decided to confront your Christian friend about their sin, how do you do it well? According to the Bible, one important part of confrontation is gentleness. In Galatians 6:1, Paul uses the Greek word katartizō to talk about setting a person right, and that same word can also be used to describe setting a joint. This gentle process hurts, but ultimately it moves the person toward correction and healing. Therefore, when it’s time to confront someone, approach them with Spirit-filled gentleness motivated by love (Galatians 5:22-23). In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus lays out steps for the confrontation. First, you should talk to your friend alone. This prevents shaming or embarrassing them in front of others. Plus, it can be easier to talk about tough topics with only two of you there. If the person doesn’t listen the first time, bring another friend. This can help show the person it’s not just you who thinks their behavior is an issue. If the problem persists after that, it’s time to call in church leadership. It’s okay to take things to a higher authority and admit something is too much for you to handle. Hopefully the person will come to their senses and repent, and you can pray for this all throughout the process. Remember, as believers, we belong to the family of God. Jesus Christ has freed us from the power of sin and death, so we no longer have to say yes to sin (Titus 2:11-14). Therefore, we have the privilege and joy of helping each other along in the journey of becoming more like Christ (Hebrews 10:19-25; James 5:16-20). • Naomi Zylstra • Can you think of a time someone showed you gentleness? What did they say or do, and how did they say or do it? • What would be difficult for you about confronting a brother or sister in Christ? • As Christians, why is it important for us to support each other on the journey of following Jesus? Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. Galatians 6:1 (NIV)

Do I Say Something? (Part 1)

READ: MATTHEW 7:1-5; 1 CORINTHIANS 5:9-13 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=MATTHEW%207%3A1-5%3B%201%20CORINTHIANS%205%3A9-13&version=NLT] The lifelong question: When do I confront someone about a sin I’ve noticed in their life? As Christians, the gospel of Jesus should always carry our conversations when we confront others about sin, allowing us to extend the same grace and forgiveness we have been given. In light of this, here are some truths to keep in mind when weighing the situation. First, remember final judgment is God’s and God’s alone. Because of this, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 5 that we have no business judging those outside the church. But we are called to confront our brothers and sisters in Christ when they are in unrepentant sin. Second, ask, “What is my relationship to this person?” If you feel you need to confront a believer about sin patterns in their life, consider your relationship with them. It’s often best to reserve confrontations for Christians you know well. Otherwise, you may be missing important information about what’s going on. Third, ask, “Is anyone in immediate danger?” Seeing your friend being disrespectful to their parents has a different urgency than hearing that same friend giving death threats to others. There’s a time for a heart-to-heart about sin, and there’s a time to call the police or other relevant authorities or agencies. Finally, think about your own motivations. In Matthew 7, Jesus is clear: As Christians, we should not confront people out of pride, assuming their sin is worse than ours. Instead, we remember God has extended His grace to us, forgiving our sins through Jesus. When confronting others about their sins, we keep this grace in mind, extending unmerited favor to others, as God has to us (Ephesians 4:32). • Naomi Zylstra • Have you ever confronted someone about a sinful behavior? How did it go? • Have you noticed a habitual sin in a friend’s life? Do you think you’re the right person to speak to them about it? If you’re struggling with whether or not to confront someone, who is a trusted Christian adult you could bring your questions and concerns to—such as a pastor, parent, youth leader, or counselor? [Jesus said,] “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” Matthew 18:15 (NLT)

Loving Pumpkin

READ: EXODUS 34:6; ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12; LUKE 15:1-7; EPHESIANS 4:2 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=EXODUS%2034%3A6%3B%20ECCLESIASTES%204%3A9-12%3B%20LUKE%2015%3A1-7%3B%20EPHESIANS%204%3A2&version=NIV] I recently adopted a rescued cat from my local animal shelter. She had been at the shelter for a long time because most people looking for a pet choose one that is more outgoing than the scared, cowering cat I met. In fact, our first meeting left me bleeding from some scratches. But when I looked into her eyes, I saw that she was merely terrified, not mean. And so, I brought her home, named her Pumpkin, and began to love on her. Our first days together were interesting. She shivered and cowered in her homemade cardboard box bed. She refused to leave its safety. And when she met our other cat, she hissed and growled as if her life depended on scaring him away. But each time I would gently pet her soft fur, she purred louder than any cat I’d ever heard. With time, she learned to trust again, and it was a delight to watch her blossom and show her spunky personality. I don’t know what trauma she experienced to make her so scared of people and other animals. All I know is that she desperately needed consistent love and patience for her to recover. Anytime I’m around Pumpkin, I think about how we as humans often do the same thing. Sometimes we get hurt and we stop trusting. Sometimes we even find our own ways to “hiss” and “growl” at those around us for fear that letting them too close will only lead to more hurt. Whether we’ve experienced betrayal, gossip, abuse, broken promises, rejection, bullying, or something else, it can be so hard to seek new relationships with others. But just like Pumpkin, we can learn to trust again by building healthy relationships with safe people—especially fellow Christians. Healthy church families, filled with people being renewed by Jesus, are so important to healing. Jesus takes our trauma seriously—that’s why we can share our hurts with Him. By the power of His Holy Spirit, we can find healing. It might be scary, but I encourage you to reach out and find safe people who will love you, help you put a stop to anything currently hurting you, and patiently walk with you as you bring every hurt to Jesus so He can begin to heal you. Jesus, the Great Healer and the one who knows your every hurt, will be with you through it all (Matthew 28:20). • Rebecca Morgan • What kinds of hurts have you experienced in the past? Jesus cares about your every hurt, and He can truly empathize with you because He knows firsthand what it’s like to live in our broken world (Hebrews 4:14-16; 1 Peter 5:7). Consider taking some time to talk to Him about your hurts. Remember, you can be totally honest and tell Him, unfiltered, about what you’ve been through and how it has affected you. You can even tell Him about accusations that rise up in your heart against Him. He can take it. You can never exhaust His love for you. • We all need community. We are made to walk alongside other people, especially as Christians (Genesis 2:18; Galatians 6:1-10). As you process your hurts, who are trusted people in your life you can talk openly with? (If no one comes to mind, you can ask God to help you identify someone in the future.) • Do you know anyone who needs extra love and patience in this season as they work through their hurts? How can you love them like Jesus does? (Remember, sometimes loving well looks like setting up healthy boundaries. Who are trusted adults who can help you do this?) • If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, and especially if the situation is potentially life-threatening, call 911 (or the emergency number for your area) or go to the local hospital emergency room right away. If you need help doing this, who are safe people you can reach out to—such as parents, counselors, youth leaders, teachers, friends, or healthy members of a church? • If you are not in immediate danger but need someone to talk to about hurts you have experienced or are currently experiencing, you can set up an appointment for a one-time complimentary phone consultation with a Christian counselor through the Focus on the Family Counseling Service. In the United States, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time) to set up an appointment. In Canada, book your appointment by calling 1-800-661-9800 between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. (Pacific Time) and ask to speak with the care associate.  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

C. S. Lewis: A Reluctant Christian

READ: PSALM 19; MATTHEW 22:37-39; PHILIPPIANS 1:9 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PSALM%2019%3B%20MATTHEW%2022%3A37-39%3B%20PHILIPPIANS%201%3A9&version=NIV] The author C. S. Lewis is considered one of the most influential Christian apologists of his time. He taught at Oxford and wrote several great books related to apologetics and Christianity, including Mere Christianity and The Chronicles of Narnia. Yet, like all of us, C. S. Lewis wasn’t always a Christian. He grew up in a Christian home. Sadly, his mother died of cancer when he was a boy. In his grief, Lewis understandably became angry that God had not healed her. He also fought in World War I and suffered from depression after seeing the horrors of trench warfare and losing friends in battle. His mother’s tragic death and his experiences of war were some of the reasons that eventually led Lewis to become an atheist. But God still loved Lewis, and He was still at work in his life. Through the help of the writings of authors like George MacDonald, as well as through friends like J. R. R. Tolkien, Lewis returned to Christianity and found that it was, in fact, logical. Lewis himself said that his conversion was not easy. In his memoir, Surprised by Joy, he even described himself as “kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape.” But after putting his trust in Jesus, Lewis went on to write about the wonderful love of God, including through apologetics and refuting popular claims against Christianity. To this day, his words carry hope and meaning, especially because he experienced atheism personally. He was familiar with popular objections to Christianity because he’d had them himself. None of Lewis’s novels, apologetics, or life story would have been possible without Jesus. Not only does Lewis’s work argue for Christianity, but his own reluctance to accept the truth of the gospel is an argument in itself. Lewis was an intelligent scholar, and he would’ve remained an atheist if God hadn’t intervened in his life. And God is still using Lewis’s writings to bring others to the knowledge of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection today. • Naomi Zylstra • Have you ever felt like Christianity is illogical? What questions do you have about it? God invented our minds, and He calls us to use them. Who are trusted Christians in your life—such as pastors, parents, counselors, or youth leaders—who could help you explore your questions? • Can you think of a time you were angry at God? God invites us to bring our anger to Him, honestly telling Him about all the accusations that rise up in our hearts against Him. He is always better than we could hope, and He is eager to reveal His trustworthy love to us. Now the Berean Jews...received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. Acts 17:11 (NIV)