S1E7: The Knot In The Hose

S1E7: The Knot In The Hose

In this episode of Voice Notes: Hi Sam, I come to you running on fumes — because the two weeks since Episode 6 didn't slow down. They cracked me open. What started as a conversation with a dietitian became a full unraveling. She asked me about my stress. I gave her thirty minutes of my life story. And somewhere between the labs, the therapy session, and the YouTube videos I was watching at midnight trying to convince my brain it was safe to let go — I had to face something I'd been white-knuckling for years: I force everything. My career, my outcomes, my healing, my relationships. All of it. And I do it out of fear. Before I get into what burnout actually revealed, I lay the groundwork: what manifestation actually is versus what new age culture wants you to believe, why desire is direction and not delusion, and how you cannot manifest your way around the blocks you refuse to look at. Shadow work is the unglamorous part nobody puts on a vision board. But it's the only part that actually moves the needle. The deeper layer is where it gets personal. I talk about why I grew up believing my actions created tidal waves — and why I learned to overextend, overcompensate, and take responsibility for everything that was never mine to carry. My therapist asked me one question that stopped me completely. And the answer to that question changed the way I understood every relationship I've ever been in — including the one I'm slowly, imperfectly learning to be present in right now. The thing I keep sitting with is this: burnout didn't break me. It showed me where the knot was. And when I finally loosened it — just a little — everything I had been forcing started to flow on its own. I'm learning the difference between doing my half and doing everyone's half. Slowly. With grace. And a lot of Muay Thai.

S1E6: Inner Child, Empty Wallet, and a Dominican Man

In this episode of Voice Notes: Hi Sam, I come to you with a full heart and a lot of homework — because the two weeks since Episode 5 sent me somewhere I wasn't expecting. What started as a therapy session became an excavation. My therapist gave me two things to work with: learning to recognize when I'm reacting from memory instead of reality, and doing the work to actually connect with my inner child. What I didn't expect was how far back those threads would reach — or how many different parts of my life they were secretly running. Before I get into the love story (yes, there's a love story), I lay the groundwork: what inner child work actually looks like for me, why I think it functions as energetic time travel, and how a book about personal finance cracked open some of the most uncomfortable realizations I've ever had about my own relationship with money. I talk about the household I grew up in, what I watched money mean to the people around me, and the patterns I picked up without ever being handed a manual. The second half is where it gets tender. Really tender. I revisit the one person I keep coming back to — and this time, something shifted. Not because the circumstances changed, but because I finally understood something about myself that I'd been circling for years: I have been performing for love my entire life. And here is this man who just... gives it freely. Learning to receive that without my nervous system treating it like a threat is, I'm starting to think, the whole point. The deeper thing I'm sitting with is this: a comment at Muay Thai led me to therapy. Therapy led me to my inner child. My inner child led me to money. And money led me back to love. The wound running through all of it is the same one — the belief that I have to earn the things that were always meant to be freely given. I'm working on believing something different now.

S1E5: The Tiger Is Out

In this episode of Voice Notes: Hi Sam, I come to you raw, emotional, and in the middle of something I'm still processing — because sometimes the most important episodes are the ones you record before you have all the answers. Two weeks ago, I named a desire out loud: to be bold, unapologetically, with full self-acceptance. What I didn't know was that saying it would set everything in motion. A lymphatic massage. A vision of Anubis. A TikTok that stopped me cold. A two-hour ceremony wrapped in cloth like a mummy. And then, one week later, a single comment from a friend that sent me into the deepest spiral I've experienced since moving to Houston. Before I get into all of that, I lay down the full spiritual framework I operate from — because this episode lives there. I talk about what I believe desire actually is, why I think we're all born with divine programming, and how I understand the role of a spiritual team in navigating life. I introduce the maze. I talk about why some people live with regret. And I explain why naming what you want isn't just an act of clarity — it's an act of transformation. The second half of this episode is where it gets personal. Really personal. I go back to my childhood — the spotlight, the rumors, the pressure, the cage I built to protect myself — and connect it directly to what unraveled for me this week at Muay Thai. Because it turns out, you can release something energetically and still have to face it in a carpool ride home on a Monday night. The deeper thing I'm sitting with is this: I went from one extreme to the other — highly visible to completely invisible — and now I'm being called back into the light. And I'm starting exactly where I left off. Which means the healing has to happen in the open, in real time, with people listening. The tiger is out. She's wounded. But she is not weak.

S1E4: 29 & Unbothered (Maybe)

In this episode of Voice Notes: Hi Sam, I take you along for my entire birthday week — and it turns out, a solo trip to Fredericksburg, a crying-at-breakfast moment, and a very questionable dating card taught me more about myself than I expected. I've always made my birthday a whole thing. A week off, a solo trip, a celebration with the people I love. But this year felt different. This year I turned 29 — and somewhere between hiking Enchanted Rock, sobbing over a breakfast basket, and sipping champagne with a stranger at a wine tasting, it clicked: I am someone who knows how to take care of herself. And that's not small. Back in Houston, I had a bowling party with people from different corners of my life, and watching them all get along reminded me how intentionally I've been building something here. Community. A real one. But this episode isn't just about the birthday glow. It's also about the boldness that came with it. I talk about the "coochie card" I'm designing for dating (trust me, it makes sense), why going from 28 to 29 felt like a genuine shift in identity, and what it means to finally want to take up space without apologizing for it. The deeper thing I'm sitting with is this: I used to wait for someone else to create the experience, the care, the thoughtfulness. Now I'm the one doing it — for myself. And once you know you can do that, you stop playing small.

S1E3: Act Now, Cringe Later

In this episode of Voice Notes: Hi Sam, I reflect on something my therapist had to stop me mid-session to address: my habit of living fully and freely in the moment, then spending the next 24 hours putting myself on trial for it. I've always been someone who acts first and thinks later. I go into the world unfiltered, I make connections easily, I say what I feel... But then, I come home and analyze every single thing I said or did until I've convinced myself I was too much. Through conversations with my therapist, affirmations from friends, and a weekend that involved three different guys and one very chaotic singles event, I started to see something clearly: the things I criticize most about myself are often the things people value most about me. But this episode isn't just about dating. It's also about a career pivot I didn't see coming, the creative projects I'm building in real time, and why I almost talked myself out of all of them (including this podcast). The deeper lesson I'm sitting with is this: not everything needs to be fixed. Not everything needs to be optimized or worked on. Some things just need to be lived. The work right now isn't about becoming a quieter, more filtered version of myself. It's about learning to trust her. This voice note is about authenticity, over-analysis, and what it actually looks like to just be yourself without apologizing for it afterward.