What About Me

I have moved on, what about my children?

Episode Description In this deeply personal and thought-provoking episode, I respond to a listener question that cuts to the core of parenting after separation: Should a parent ever choose a romantic relationship over their child? Through lived experience, reflection, and emotional honesty, this episode explores the critical distinction between minor children and adult children, the necessity of healthy boundaries, and the often-unspoken damage caused by emotional enmeshment when adult children are placed inside a marriage. This conversation is not about choosing one relationship over another—it is about honoring the appropriate role, responsibility, and hierarchy of each relationship so that no one is harmed in the process. Key Themes & Takeaways 1. Children Must Never Compete With a Partner Minor children require unconditional presence, protection, and priority. Their emotional and developmental needs are non-negotiable. No romantic relationship should ever displace a parent’s responsibility to their minor child. This aligns with decades of attachment research showing that children require consistent emotional availability from caregivers to develop secure attachment (Bowlby, Ainsworth). 2. Minor Children vs. Adult Children: A Necessary Distinction A central message of this episode is that adult children and minor children have fundamentally different needs. * Minor children require guidance, structure, and parental prioritization. * Adult children deserve love, respect, and continued emotional support—but not authority over a parent’s marriage or life decisions. Family systems theory emphasizes that failure to recalibrate roles as children mature often leads to boundary confusion and relational dysfunction. Referenced Framework: * Dr. Murray Bowen – Family Systems Theory * Differentiation of self * Healthy generational boundaries  * Avoiding emotional triangles 3. Emotional Enmeshment Is Not Healthy Parenting This episode names a rarely discussed dynamic: when adult children are given access, influence, and authority that belongs exclusively to the marital relationship. Examples discussed include: * Oversharing marital details with adult children * Allowing adult children to regulate a marriage * Requiring a spouse to compete for emotional legitimacy Clinical psychologist Dr. Ken Adams, a leading authority on enmeshment, describes this dynamic as emotionally damaging to all parties involved, often masquerading as “closeness” or “loyalty.” 4. Marriage Requires Protection, Privacy, and Partnership Healthy marriages require: * Emotional safety * Privacy * Mutual decision-making * A unified “we” identity According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the strongest predictors of marital success is whether partners: * Prioritize each other emotionally * Set boundaries with outside relationships (including adult children) * Present a united front When marriages lack these protections, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and psychological distress often follow. 5. Boundaries Are Not Rejection—They Are Love This episode challenges the belief that boundaries equal abandonment. Boundaries: * Protect relationships * Clarify roles * Prevent resentment * Support long-term connection As therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab teaches, boundaries are not about control—they are about self-respect and relational clarity. Research & Expert Voices That Corroborate This Episode * John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth – Attachment Theory * Dr. Murray Bowen – Family Systems Theory * Dr. John Gottman – Marital stability and emotional prioritization * Dr. Ken Adams – Emotional enmeshment in families * Nedra Glover Tawwab – Healthy boundaries in adult relationships These frameworks collectively support the episode’s core position: 👉 Loving your children does not require sacrificing your marriage. 👉 Honoring your marriage does not require abandoning your children. Final Reflection This episode is a reminder that love without boundaries can become harmful, even when intentions are good. Children—minor or adult—thrive best when parents model healthy relationships, emotional responsibility, and self-respect. Parenthood is not about choosing who matters more. It is about choosing what is appropriate, healthy, and sustainable for everyone involved.

Estrangement, healing and self love

Today we’re stepping into a conversation that so many people carry quietly: estrangement. It’s a subject filled with complexity, grief, unanswered questions, and deeply human longing. This episode was sparked by a recent Oprah conversation with mental-health professionals and families navigating estrangement, along with an article by Patty Slo Munson, LCPC, titled “Estrangement: The New Epidemic for Parents of Adult Children.” Both reveal a painful trend—more adult children are cutting contact without explanation, leaving parents in a fog of confusion and heartbreak. In this episode, I open my heart and share my own experience.  For the past three years, I have been estranged from my adult son—a reality I never imagined. I talk through: * the moment he told me he didn’t feel loved, despite my unwavering devotion * the confusion and shock that came after I helped him and his wife during the birth of their baby * the abrupt shift that led to silence, distance, and unanswered questions * the pain of replaying years of parenting, searching for where things went wrong * and the deep ache of loving someone so fiercely while being shut out of their life I also share a second layer of this journey—my estrangement from my mom, and how that experience unfolded during the most fragile and painful season of my life.  It is honest, raw, and deeply vulnerable. But this episode is not just about heartbreak. It is also about healing, self-love, and rebuilding from the inside out. Over the last three years, I have walked through therapy, grief, self-reflection, and the painful but necessary decision to choose myself. I talk about: * learning to stop begging for love * recognizing emotional patterns that were harming me * listening to my own inner voice for the first time * rebuilding self-worth after years of shrinking * creating a safer, stronger, more grounded version of myself If you are navigating estrangement—whether from a parent, a child, or someone you love—please know you are not alone. This episode offers understanding, compassion, and hope for anyone who feels the ache of distance. You deserve to feel loved, supported, and whole.  Your life is not over.  There is light ahead. Thank you for being here with me today.  If this episode speaks to you, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who might need comfort and connection. At the bottom of this episode, you’ll find a short summary and additional resources

“The Cost of Losing Yourself: Love, Boundaries & the Journey Back Home”

Episode Summary In this deeply personal and vulnerable episode, our host examines a familiar yet rarely spoken truth: how easily we can lose ourselves inside a relationship. From the early excitement of online dating to the whirlwind romance, marriage, blended families, and silent sacrifices — this story unfolds as a powerful reminder of the consequences of abandoning your own needs for the sake of harmony. The episode explores what happens when a partner prioritizes their family’s expectations over marital unity, when privacy dissolves, and when self-worth begins to erode. But woven through the heartbreak is a message of resilience, self-reclamation, and the slow, patient work of rebuilding a life that centers your own value. Listeners will walk away with insight, affirmation, and an invitation to ask themselves the hard question: “What have I done for me lately?” 🔑 Key Topics Covered * The silent act of “boxing yourself away” in relationships * The evolution of dating from traditional encounters to online platforms * How societal pressure to marry shapes dating choices * Early stages of love: chemistry, compatibility, and fast-tracked relationships * Red flags hidden beneath harmony * The danger of becoming the “giver” who asks for nothing * Family enmeshment and blurred boundaries * The emotional consequences of having no privacy in a marriage * Realizing when you’ve been taken for granted * The moment a marriage shifts from partnership to misalignment * Rebuilding after emotional depletion * How tending to yourself becomes an act of survival * The slow, courageous process of healing from the inside out 📝 Episode Highlights & Insights * “We enter relationships and place ourselves on a shelf… hoping one day someone will notice we’re missing.” * Meeting a partner online sparked a fast, passionate connection — but harmony without honesty eventually cracks. * The honeymoon phase masked deeper issues: people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and unequal treatment within a blended family. * As property was divided and decisions were made, discrepancies and favoritism surfaced. * Speaking up about boundaries was met with silence, ridicule, and family allegiance — leaving the host emotionally isolated within her own marriage. * Relearning how to breathe, move, and reclaim life became an act of courage. * Self-care isn’t indulgence — it’s survival. * Healing begins with the tiniest shuffle forward, not a leap. ❤️ Powerful Lesson of the Episode Filling everyone else’s cup while leaving yours empty isn’t love — it’s self-erasure. And the path back begins with one tiny act of care for yourself. 📌 Reflection Questions for Listeners 1. Have you ever silenced your own needs to keep peace in a relationship? 2. Do you share your truth, or do you avoid it to stay “easy to love”? 3. Are you filling your own cup, or only pouring into others? 4. What is one gentle thing you can do for yourself today?

Thriving and Healing Through Holiday Isolation

What do you do when the holidays don’t look the way you imagined? When you're not surrounded by family, when you don't have a village, or when traditions feel more painful than joyful? In this episode, I share a personal story of a holiday spent alone—a season filled with estrangement, confusion, and a deep sense of abandonment. But it also became the season where I learned the power of acceptance, planning ahead, and choosing to create meaning even when no one else invites you to it. We talk about:  • When loneliness feels like rejection  • Grieving the family or traditions you hoped for  • Why planning ahead is emotional self-care  • Simple ways to create comfort, even if you’re spending the day alone  • The mindset shift from “just surviving” to “learning to thrive” Being alone doesn't mean you're forgotten. Sometimes it means you are in a season of rebuilding, growing, and learning to stand beautifully on your own. You are not alone in your loneliness. If this episode speaks to you, share it with someone who may need a little extra comfort this season.

Reinventing Yourself After Trauma

In this opening episode, your host shares the honest and vulnerable story behind why this podcast was created. After experiencing a series of traumatic events three years ago — including divorce and a complete identity shift — she turned to online communities, motivational speakers, and podcasts for support. The encouragement she received became the foundation of her healing. Now, she’s here to give that same support back. What this episode covers: * How trauma led to a full reinvention rather than returning to an “old self” * Choosing a legal name change as part of rebuilding identity * The role social media groups and podcasts played in her healing * Why sharing stories, research, and resources matters * Encouragement for those walking a similar path * The central question of this podcast: “What about me?” What listeners will gain: * Validation for the emotions that come with trauma * Hope from someone who is further along in the healing process * Practical encouragement, empathy, and direction * A reminder that healing is possible — even when it doesn’t feel like it