What's Your Damage?

Episode 31: You Don't Bring Me Flowers/Love Actually

Episode 31: AJ & AJ are talking about the examples their parents set—and the unhealthy relationship habits they had to unlearn as adults. "J" kicks things off by reflecting on the song "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," the tune her parents considered their love song despite it actually being about a relationship falling apart. Looking back, she realizes that their marriage modeled two very different but equally unhealthy conflict styles: her father erupted with explosive anger while her mother shut down completely, stonewalling and fleeing from difficult conversations. Early in her own marriage, "J" recognized that she'd inherited her mother's instinct to withdraw. She shares how learning to stay present, communicate honestly, and work through conflict with her husband became one of the hardest—and healthiest—changes she's ever made. Then "A" shares a painful memory from college when she came home hoping for a simple night out with her mom—a dinner and a movie. Instead, her father became furious that they had made plans without him, triggering an explosive argument that escalated until her mother nearly crashed the car before numbing the pain with wine. Sitting silently through dinner, "A" coped the only way she knew how: replaying Love Actually scene by scene in her mind to mentally escape the chaos unfolding around her. Together, AJ & AJ explore how the relationship patterns we witness as children shape us, and the work it takes to recognize those inherited behaviors before choosing a healthier path.

Episode 30: The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives/The Royal Tenenbaums

Episode 30: AJ & AJ are talking first impressions—and all the ways they can fool us. "A" kicks things off by reflecting on the surprising way people react to Little A, and how adults often project their own judgments onto a toddler. How can a baby possibly have that kind of power? That conversation leads "A" into a deeper reflection on motherhood, raising a child while healing from her own trauma, and the constant questioning that comes with trying to break generational cycles. Oddly enough, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives becomes an unexpected source of reassurance, reminding her just how present, patient, and intentional she is as a parent. She also sees unsettling parallels between Taylor Frankie Paul's toxic relationship with her ex and her own past relationship with an addict, recognizing just how easily her life could have taken a very different path. Then "J" revisits Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums. The first time she watched it, she simply didn't get it. The humor, the style, the pacing—it all missed the mark. Years later, after leaving Mormonism and growing into a different version of herself, she gave it another chance and completely fell in love with it. That experience becomes a reflection on how our first impressions are often shaped by who we are in the moment, and why people—and art—sometimes deserve a second look. "J" also shares how first impressions can evolve in the opposite direction. One friendship began with an immediate connection before slowly revealing patterns that reminded her of the painful dynamic she had with her bullying sister. In contrast, she recalls a coworker who completely misread her when they first met, only for that relationship to grow into one of mutual trust and genuine friendship.

Episode 29:The Pirates of Penzance/ Lady Gaga (Joanne)

Episode 29: AJ & AJ Are Talking Breakups—But Not the Romantic Kind This week, AJ & AJ are diving into a different kind of heartbreak: the friendships, communities, and organizations we eventually have to leave behind. J kicks things off with stories from her years working at a theater camp, where the "Head Honcho" relied on bullying tactics and cult-leader charisma to keep people in line. After nearly a decade of dedication, experience, and thoughtful ideas for improving the casting process, she realized her time and energy were better spent with communities that valued her contributions and respected her voice. Walking away wasn't easy, but it was necessary. Then A shares the story of a deeply codependent college friendship that survived just about everything—major life milestones, weddings, losses, and years of growing up together. But after “A” was physically assaulted at a Lady Gaga concert in Boston, the friendship imploded almost overnight. Sometimes it takes a big event to untangle toxic friendships. Together, AJ & AJ explore what happens when you stop making yourself smaller to keep the peace, refuse to tolerate bullying disguised as leadership, and choose authentic art, community, and connection over systems that demand unquestioning loyalty.

Episode 28: American Psycho

This week, AJ & AJ dive into American Psycho. First, "A" shares the story of her ex's sister, a woman whose sweet smile hid some seriously mean-girl energy. Despite "A's" genuine attempts to build a sisterly bond (including thoughtful gifts and endless patience), every effort seemed to be met with coldness and judgment. From a disastrous Memorial Day BBQ that somehow ended at a Jersey Club to a sunflower gift that wasn't appreciated, "A" reflects on trying to connect with someone who clearly never wanted the relationship. Oh, and according to her, she donated part of her liver to a child so she could go on Ellen. PSYCHO. Then "J" takes us back to her days as a devoted Mormon rule-follower who did everything by the book—until one friendship started nudging her outside the lines. That friendship led to her first R-rated movie experience: American Psycho, starring her forever crush, Christian Bale. What started as a forbidden movie night became one small step on a much bigger journey that ultimately led her away from the Mormon church.

Episode 27: The Giver of Stars/Britney Spears

AJ and AJ dive into female empowerment through two deeply personal lenses: literature and pop culture. “J” kicks things off with The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes, a historical fiction novel set in 1930s Kentucky about the Packhorse Librarians, women who delivered books by horseback to remote Appalachian communities. The story’s themes of friendship, courage, access to books, and women defying expectations hit close to home for “J”, reminding her of her own time in Mormonism, when she felt trapped by silence, rules, and a relationship that left her deeply depressed. Like the women in the novel, “J” found the strength to speak up, leave, and change her life. “A” then turns to one of the most powerful figures in her life: Britney Spears. From Britney’s explosive rise to fame to the sexuality and magnetism that captivated “A” as an eighth grader, she reflects on how Britney helped her access her own sense of power and sexuality. "A" also explores the darker side of Britney’s story, including her conservatorship, and how it mirrored parts of “A’s” own childhood. Through Britney, “A” learned that even the people we idolize may be struggling, but their visibility can still help us find empowerment in ourselves.