Modern Love

Eddie Huang Drops the Tough Guy Act

When the chef, writer and filmmaker Eddie Huang joined the “Modern Love” podcast to discuss his new novel, “Come Undone,” our host Anna Martin asked him to start by reading a few lines from his 2017 guest essay for The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/14/opinion/sunday/hey-steve-harvey-who-says-i-might-not-steal-your-girl.html]. In it, Huang called out stereotypical portrayals of Asian men that have persisted in pop culture: “Every Asian American man knows what the dominant culture has to say about us,” Huang read. “We count good, we bow well … our male anatomy is the size of a thumb drive and we could never in a thousand millenniums be a threat to steal your girl.”  Rereading his old piece took Huang right back to his childhood, to when he was targeted by kids who assumed he was an easy mark. Huang said he created a tough exterior in response, becoming someone whom no one wanted to pick a fight with. That tough kid grew up into a tough man who rarely let his sensitive inner self show, a persona that sounds a lot like the main character of Huang’s new book.  In this episode, Huang explains how he is both similar to and different from his fictional character, how his own ideas of masculinity have changed and what it was like to finally let himself be vulnerable with someone after years of pretending not to be. How to submit a Modern Love Essay [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html] How to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html] Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night. (Encore)

Elizabeth and Jeff were best friends. They did everything together, from early-morning runs to late-night karaoke sessions. They came up with secret code names for each other and went on undercover missions in their neighborhood. They fought, and made up, and fought some more. Beneath their playful dynamic, an attraction was growing between them, but Elizabeth never wanted to risk the friendship by exploring it. Then Jeff got sick, and things changed. In this episode, the story of a once-in-a-lifetime friendship, from the very beginning to the very end. This episode is adapted from Elizabeth Laura Nelson’s 2024 essay Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night. [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/13/style/modern-love-realizing-too-late-we-were-meant-for-each-other.html] Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html]. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks]. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Getting Stoned With My Dad Helped Us Heal

Growing up, Julian Brave NoiseCat’s father, Ed Archie NoiseCat, wasn’t around much. Other than the occasional ride to hockey practice from his dad, Julian mostly remembers the legends about him. Ed is an artist, famous for his wood carvings and larger-than-life stories. Julian remembers seeing him on the cover of Native Peoples magazine and hearing about his escapades driving across the country. What Julian could never understand, however, was why his dad couldn’t just be his dad, and be there consistently. For years, Julian didn’t have much contact with his father, but when he was 28, he decided to change that. He was working on the documentary “Sugarcane [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/01/opinion/oscar-sugarcane-nomination.html],” later nominated for an Academy Award, and writing his book, “We Survived the Night,” published last year. Both projects deeply involved his father and their family’s history. So Julian moved into his dad’s house. During the day, he would research and write, and at night, he would hang out with his father, playing “bong-hit Scrabble” and forging a relationship they previously never had. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Julian explains what those nights with his father meant to him, and how uncovering a dark chapter of his family’s history helped him and his father better understand each other. He also reflects on his own journey to fatherhood. We Want to Hear From You Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com [modernlove@nytimes.com]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html]. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks].   Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Laverne Cox Is Ready to Tell the Truth. Even if It’s Messy.

Laverne Cox never fit in as a child in Mobile, Ala. But she really didn’t want to. From an early age, she knew she was going to be a star, and she was right. Decades later, Cox would break through as Sophia Burset on Netflix’s “Orange Is the New Black,” and become the first openly transgender person to be nominated for an Emmy Award in an acting category.  In this episode of “Modern Love,” Cox talks about her new memoir, “Transcendent.” She tells the story of how she became the star she always knew she was, the men she loved along the way and how she learned to fully love herself.  How to submit a Modern Love Essay [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html] How to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks] Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Tried to Have a Kid With My Best Friend. It Got Complicated.

Joseph Osmundson spent years joking about having a baby with his best friend. But one day, she told Joe she was serious about it. Joe was elated. Growing up, he had always wanted to be a father, but he didn’t realize how deep that yearning was until the moment their joke became a concrete plan. At the time, Joe had a boyfriend he loved and his best friend was partnered with a woman. It took time, effort, and countless meetings to decide how to conceive and co-parent in a way that would accommodate everyone involved. What the group did not anticipate was how complex their feelings would become once their plan was underway, or that Joe would have to define what parenting meant to him all over again. Joseph Osmundson’s book, “Spawning Season: An Experiment in Queer Parenting” is out now.   How to submit a Modern Love Essay [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html] How to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks] Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher [https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher]. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.