The Penis Prescription

Dirty Deeds Done With Doors

Unhinged by Vera Valentine. Our heroine polishes her door's knob with her special lady garden, because how else do you make him a real boy? Plenty of discussion on sentient inanimate objects as they relate to questions around sexual consent and ethical stalking. Frankly, even your hostesses aren't quite sure how we ended up here, but we have zero regrets and possibly some newly-uncovered kinks. Also, can someone please explain the gray sweatpants fetish?

Epic Demon Sex, Now With Bonus Gaslighting

My Demon Valentine by Aurora Ascher (Book One in the Hell Bent series). The bar may be in hell, but four demon brothers escape that fiery plane to prowl the earth for sexy mortals. In this story, demons AND angels are a bunch of horny bastards, and the sex scenes fill enough pages for a college essay. We ponder the feasibility and merits of sex on hard surfaces (Piano? Countertops? Annie is not on board with the cold - or the blatant gaslighting of the mortal girlfriend.) Pull up your fainting couch and prepare for possession.

At Least We'll Always Have Man Root

Wherein we discuss Prisoner of My Desire by Johanna Lindsey (1991). Trigger warning for a story where consent has left the building, and everybody's traumatized. Annie explains the finer points of trauma bonding, Maude and Jayne ponder the parameters of "dark romance", and we desperately attempt to draw parallels between taboo romance fiction and true crime documentaries so we can all still sleep at night.

The Love At The End Of The Dildo Rainbow

Queen Takes Rose by Katee Robert. Changing it up, Annie and Jayne explain this sapphic romance to Maude! Nominally a revamp of Sleeping Beauty (it's a bit of a stretch, but we'll allow it). Not a lot of action, but plenty of "action" (wink-wink), and a master class in responsible domination. Also, at what point does an excessive collection of strap-on dildos actually qualify as hoarding?

But What If She Likes It

The Hooker and the Hermit by L.H. Cosway and Penny Reid. Special guest rugby player Captain Cupcake shares his expertise on the surprisingly erotic sport and Very Manly Opinions on everything from romance and sports fame to the relative heteronormativity of men washing their own asses. We discuss themes of consent, problematic romantic overtures, and surprising (if unlikely) alternative uses for car seat belts. Speaking of which, buckle up once again, friends, and prepare for a wild ride.