Navigating Sex and Intimacy After Cancer With Humor and Honesty

Ballparks and Borrowed Time: A Story About Living Fully with Your Friends and Dying Well After a Terminal Cancer Diagnosis

How to “die well together” by investing your remaining time in relationships, joy, and shared experiences—especially in the face of cancer. Key Story – Bill and the Ballparks * Bill was a retired pastor and Brad’s former supervising pastor. * In his late 50s/early 60s, Bill was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. * Doctors made it clear he was unlikely to beat the disease. * Instead of isolating himself, Bill: * Reached out to his three closest lifelong friends (seminary buddies and fellow pastors). * Spent about two years traveling with them to major league baseball parks around the U.S. * They were big Cincinnati Reds fans but visited multiple cities (Chicago, Atlanta, New York, etc.). * They turned “borrowed time” into intentional, joy-filled time together. * Bill typically paid for all four friends on these trips: * He saw it as an investment in people and memories, not just an expense. * Their wives sometimes connected as well, but most trips were the four guys on “ballpark weekends.” Impact and Legacy * Bill eventually passed away roughly in line with his own prognosis (~2 years). * When his three friends remember him today, they don’t focus on his suffering: * They talk about the ballgames, trips, dinners, and laughter. * Their primary memories are joyful, not medical. * The story illustrates that: * Terminal illness doesn’t have to define your final chapters. * Your impact and legacy can be built around connection, generosity, and joy. Links: * Cancer & Comedy main follow page: * https://cancerandcomedy.com/follow * Free HHH (Healing Through Hope and Humor) course: * Spoken as: cancerandcomedy.com/free

Two-Time Survivor: Cheyenne Heflin on Losing a Leg, a Lung, and Never Losing Humor.

On this episode of the Cancer and Comedy Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller and Cheyenne Heflin open up about a topic that rarely makes it into the discharge summary—but lives in the classroom, the family room, and the therapist’s chair: What happens to your identity, your mental health, and your sense of “who I am” when cancer takes your leg at 13…and then comes back for your lung just as you’re about to become a counselor? Speaking from her own story—first as a middle‑schooler with osteosarcoma and an above‑knee amputation, then as a grad student blindsided by a lung recurrence—Cheyenne has a candid, funny, and deeply compassionate conversation with Brad about living in a changed body, using humor as both lifeline and mask, and learning to become more than “the cancer kid.” In this honest, tender, and laugh‑out‑loud real conversation, Brad and Cheyenne share: * Going from knee pain to a childhood bone cancer diagnosis and chemo in a matter of weeks * Losing her leg above the knee and starting high school bald, disabled, and in a new city where she knew no one * Leaning hard into humor—cracking jokes about her missing leg so other people wouldn’t feel awkward * Using her prosthetic leg as a prop: hiding by the choir room door and swinging it at classmates (and her choir teacher) to “guard” the room * Becoming “the funny one” in choir and activities, melting tension when rehearsal stress was sky‑high * Realizing in college and during COVID that humor wasn’t just coping—it was hiding the depth of her pain * Losing a close friend who saw through the jokes, insisted “you are not fine,” and stepped away when Cheyenne refused to face what she was feeling * Hitting a breaking point in COVID—moving back home, clashing with her sisters, explosive arguments with her dad, and finally snapping under the weight of it all * Sitting on the porch while her dad, scared for her, says, “We need to get you real help,” and pushing her to consider antidepressants * Wrestling with fear that taking meds meant she’d end up like her mom, who also struggled with mental illness—and then discovering medication actually made therapy skills usable * Letting go of med‑school dreams, admitting she struggled with heavy science, and pivoting toward psychology and counseling * Getting all the way to her counseling internship in a pediatric practice—only to have a persistent cough lead to scans that read “highly suspicious for recurrent cancer” * Facing a massive lung tumor, chemo that didn’t shrink it, and a total removal of her right lung—and what day‑to‑day life is really like with only one lung They also talk about: * Choosing to show up to chemo in ridiculous hats—frogs, buckets, propellers—and inviting family, friends, and coworkers to join the bit so they could bring light instead of pity * How her internship coworkers even sent a funny hat in a care package, giving them a way to participate in her healing * The huge mental‑health gap in pediatric cancer care: being checked only to see if she was suicidal, then left to navigate school, disability, and trauma mostly on her own * Why she’s determined to close that gap as a therapist and speaker, using her story to advocate for psychosocial care alongside medical treatment * Working with a young patient diagnosed with OCD, using exposure therapy grounded in trust and warmth, and watching that child’s symptoms disappear * The powerful moment when that family told her how much better life was—and Cheyenne finally believed, “I really can help people.” * This episode isn’t a how‑to manual for “perfect resilience after cancer.” It’s a real‑world guide to: * Talking about the hard stuff instead of hiding behind “I’m fine” and a joke * Using humor as a tool for light, not a mask that keeps you from feeling * Redefining yourself when your body has been cut, stitched, rearranged—and labeled “survivor” before you’re ready If cancer has changed your body, your plans, or the way you see yourself in the mirror, this conversation will help you: * Feel less alone in the awkward, unspoken mix of laughter, grief, and growth * Start the conversations you’ve been avoiding—about mental health, medication, and who you are beyond your diagnosis * Find hope, humor, and new ways to see yourself as more than what happened to you in a “new normal” you never chose Together, we can keep turning the grim realities of cancer into the grin of a life still full of purpose, connection, and laughter that tells the truth.

What Ann Wilson of Heart Teaches Cancer Survivors About Healing, Authenticity, and Finding Your Voice

On this episode of the Cancer and Comedy Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller and Deb Krier use the story of rock legend Ann Wilson of Heart—and her new documentary “Ann Wilson: In My Voice”—to explore what it really means to find your voice after cancer changes everything. From Brad’s days as a 1970s radio DJ spinning “Magic Man” and “Barracuda,” to Deb’s own journey as a professional vocalist who lost her singing voice after thyroid surgery, this is a conversation about music, identity, illness, and the courage to be seen as you really are. With honesty, humor, and lived experience as survivors, Brad and Deb dive into: * The moment in 2024 when Ann’s cancer diagnosis forced her to hit pause on her career * That first shock of hearing “you have cancer”—the “insane period” where nothing makes sense * How Ann used music as a lifeline, not just a job, to pull her forward through treatment * Her “wig moment”: choosing to perform without a wig, even in a wheelchair if needed—no more “performing wellness” * Deb’s parallel choice to ditch her wig, rock hats and beanies, and show up bald and unapologetic * Why you are not your cancer—and how Ann insists on being seen as a full human, not just a diagnosis or an icon * Sisterhood and long-term relationships: how Ann’s decades‑long bond (and battles) with her sister Nancy mirror the way families fight, fracture, and come together when cancer hits * Redefining success after illness: from sold‑out tours to small victories like getting out of bed, making a show seated, or simply getting through the day This episode isn’t a Behind the Music recap. It’s a real‑life playbook for anyone facing cancer, chronic illness, or any life‑event that blows up your old identity: * See how even a rock superstar had to stop pretending to be fine and embrace radical authenticity. * Learn why having something that pulls you forward—music, work, art, grandkids, hobbies—can change how you heal. * Discover how to take back control of your story: hair, body, pace, appearance, and all. * Get language for claiming, “Cancer is part of me, but it’s not all of me”—and mean it. You’ll walk away with hope, humor, and a fresh vision for what it looks like to live fully, show up honestly, and keep singing—in whatever voice you have now—all the way through your own healing journey.

Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova: Rivalry, Friendship, and Facing Cancer Together

On this episode of the Cancer and Comedy Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller and Deb Krier use the upcoming Netflix documentary on tennis legends Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova to explore what really happens when lifelong rivalries, deep friendships, and life‑threatening cancer collide. From nostalgic memories of 1970s and 80s women’s tennis, where Chrissy and Martina dominated headlines and opened the door for women athletes, to the moment when both of them were diagnosed with serious cancers and had to face their own mortality, Brad and Deb unpack how adversity reshapes identity, control, competition, and connection. In this candid, hopeful, and often laugh‑through‑the‑pain conversation, Brad and Deb dive into: * Growing up with icons: How watching Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova as teens helped a whole generation finally pay attention to women athletes and see women’s sports as “must‑watch.” * Media‑made rivals, real‑life friends: Why the supposed “animosity” between Evert and Navratilova was largely manufactured by the media, and what their actual friendship looked like behind the headlines. * Cancer as the great equalizer: How ovarian cancer (Evert) and breast cancer (Navratilova) reminded them—and us—that cancer doesn’t check your trophy case or care if you’re number one in the world. * Long‑term relationships under pressure: The way cancer reveals and reshapes relationships: old friends who disappear, others who unexpectedly return, and the surprising strength of childhood and teen bonds. * Control freaks and surrender. What happens when elite athletes and high achievers who schedule every minute of their lives suddenly cannot control their own bodies, and why Deb pushes back on the word “surrender.” * From rivalry to “cancer twin” support: How Evert and Navratilova’s decades‑long competitive mindset evolved into mutual support, “cancer sisters,” and a shared determination to battle a new common foe. * Gamifying the grind of treatment: Martina’s approach of “keeping score” through 36 chemo treatments, turning a terrifying unknown into incremental wins and small, daily victories. * Bodies that feel like they’ve betrayed you. The heartbreak and humility of realizing the body that once powered Grand Slam titles, big careers, or public personas now needs porta potties, pads, meds, and help—and talking about it anyway. * Redefining what it means to win: How both tennis legends—and Brad and Deb themselves—have reprioritized life after cancer, shifting from trophies and career milestones to friendship, presence, purpose, and joy. This episode isn’t a nostalgic sports recap or a polished TED Talk about “staying positive.” It’s a real‑world roadmap for: * Seeing your heroes—and yourself—as human helps you understand that even the most decorated champions must face loss of control, fear, and vulnerability, just like the rest of us. * Reframing rivalry and competition: Learn how a competitive streak can shift from “beat the opponent” to “beat the cancer”—and how that mindset can fuel resilience in your own journey. * Navigating friendships through a diagnosis: Get language and perspective for when old friends drift back, others disappear, and you’re not sure how to interpret it—or what to expect. * Finding small wins in scary seasons: Discover practical ideas for gamifying treatment, celebrating tiny steps, and reclaiming a sense of agency when almost everything feels out of your hands. * Redefining your version of victory. Walk away with a gentler, deeper picture of “winning”: less about achievements, more about connection, meaning, and living fully—however much time you have. Together, we can keep turning the grim reality of cancer and changing relationships into the grin of a life reset with clarity, compassion, and a dash of comedy.

Finding Light in the Shadows: Rock Bands and Resilience Through Cancer with Author John W. Pattison

On this episode of the Cancer and Comedy Podcast, Dr. Brad Miller sits down with author, retired senior cancer nurse, and lifelong “rock-and-roll kid” John W. Pattison to explore what it means to live a rich, meaningful life over 51 years of stage IV Hodgkin lymphoma, multiple relapses, and deep emotional and spiritual struggle. Diagnosed at 18 with a rare, advanced Hodgkin lymphoma in northeast England—and told more than once he wouldn’t survive—John has gone on to become a senior cancer nurse specialist, award‑winning memoirist, children’s author, and honorary member of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In this conversation, he shares how cancer has undeniably shaped him, but never defined him. This episode walks through John’s remarkable story, including: * A lifetime of cancer and relapse – Diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin lymphoma as a teenager, told his chances were slim, and has lived for decades with the physical and psychological impact. * Music as medicine – Found escape and strength in the space‑rock band Hawkwind, eventually joining their road crew and performing “Ten Seconds of Forever,” his spoken‑word piece about hearing “you have cancer.” * Storytelling and children’s books – Became the playful “elasticated grandpa,” turning wild adventure tales into children’s books that use humor and imagination as emotional chemotherapy. * Lakota Sioux connection – Drew deep spiritual inspiration from the Lakota story, visited Wounded Knee, spent time on Pine Ridge Reservation, and was named an honorary member of the tribal council. * Finding humor in hard places – Even in hospital, he could laugh—like the time he lost control of his wheelchair on a hill and crashed into his own car. * When cancer hit his daughter – His adopted daughter Donna also faced a rare, life‑threatening cancer as a child, then went on to become a world‑class swimmer and double silver medalist for Team GB, transforming pain into strength. From John’s story, Brad and John draw out practical, heart‑level lessons for anyone impacted by cancer or serious illness (including caregivers and loved ones): * Cancer can shape you without defining you * Vulnerability can be a strength, not a weakness * Everyone’s cancer journey is unique * You need anchors of meaning and hope * Humor and creativity are powerful medicine * Legacy matters—even if you’re still here This episode isn’t just a tribute to John’s extraordinary resilience. It’s an invitation—for anyone walking through cancer, caring for someone who is, or facing any deep adversity—to: * Let your hardship shape you without defining you * Find your own sources of inspiration—music, story, culture, faith, or play * Embrace vulnerability as a pathway to strength, not a sign of failure * Hold on to humor, imagination, and connection, even in hospital corridors and treatment rooms If you or someone you love is facing cancer, John’s story will help you see that: * Your life still has meaning, value, and possibility—even in long, complicated journeys. * You don’t need to fit anyone else’s script for how to “fight” or “cope” with cancer. * You really can, in John’s words, be shaped by cancer but never defined by it—and continue to live with hope, purpose, and even laughter, right through every chapter of the story windofchange@sky.com [windofchange@sky.com] https://johnwpattison.co.uk/ [https://johnwpattison.co.uk/] https://x.com/walker_pat2712 [https://x.com/walker_pat2712] https://www.instagram.com/patj0402/?hl=en [https://www.instagram.com/patj0402/?hl=en] https://www.facebook.com/john.w.pattison [https://www.facebook.com/john.w.pattison]