Hidden Brain

It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to do. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A child refuses to get dressed for school. Before long, our resentment builds, and we're tempted to issue more rules, reminders, and consequences. But the techniques we use to get people to alter their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. This week, psychologist Stuart Ablon [https://researchers.mgh.harvard.edu/profile/3132546/J.-Stuart-Ablon] explains why these methods fail, and offers better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change.. If you love Hidden Brain, join us for an upcoming live show! We'll be in Los Angeles on November 22, and more dates in 2026 are coming soon. For tickets and more info, go to hiddenbrain.tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

For many of us, navigating the conclusion of a relationship is one of the hardest things we'll ever do. This week, we conclude our Love 2.0 series with psychologist Antonio Pascual-Leone [https://www.uwindsor.ca/people/apl/314/bio-contact], who shares the most common mistakes we make when it comes to splitting up, and techniques that can help us ease the pain. Then, our latest edition of Your Questions Answered. Cognitive scientist Phil Fernbach [https://www.colorado.edu/business/leeds-directory/faculty/philip-fernbach] returns to respond to listeners' thoughts and questions about the "illusion of knowledge."  Do you have questions for Antonio Pascual-Leone about breakups? Are there losses that have left you feeling stuck? Have you discovered techniques to move on when a relationship ends? If you'd be willing to share your question or comment with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Two or three minutes is plenty. Use the subject line "breakups." Thanks! Image by Yana Kravchuk for Unsplash+ [https://unsplash.com/@yanakravchuk/illustrations] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

No one will deny that marriage is hard. In fact, there’s evidence it’s getting even harder. This week on the show, we revisit a favorite episode about the history of marriage and how it has evolved over time. We talk with historian Stephanie Coontz and psychologist Eli Finkel [https://www.kellogg.northwestern.edu/faculty/directory/finkel_eli/], and explore ways we can improve our love lives — including by asking less of our partners. Then, on Your Questions Answered, psychologist Jonathan Adler [https://www.olin.edu/bios/jonathan-m-adler] answers your questions about the science of storytelling. If you have follow-up questions or thoughts about these ideas, and you’d be willing to share them with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Then, email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Use the subject line “marriage.” That email address again is ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. The Hidden Brain tour is continuing, with our next stop just a few weeks away! Join us in Los Angeles on November 22, and stay tuned for more dates coming in 2026. For more info and tickets, head to hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].  Episode illustration by Getty Images for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. But usually, trying to fix a person only makes things worse. Last week, we talked to psychologist James Cordova [https://www.clarku.edu/faculty/profiles/james-cordova/] about why this tendency can be so damaging, and what to do instead. This week, we explore another difficult but effective way to strengthen our relationships. Then, on Your Questions Answered, we bring back researcher Victor Strecher [https://sph.umich.edu/faculty-profiles/strecher-victor.html], who studies purpose. Vic spoke with us in June about the death of his daughter, and how it changed his own outlook on purpose. That conversation, which was called "You 2.0: What Is Your Life For? [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-what-is-your-life-for/]" had a powerful impact on many listeners. We'll hear Vic's responses to their thoughts and questions.  What have you learned about changing your partner in the course of your relationship? Have you come up with ways to accept your partner's flaws? If you have questions or comments for James Cordova, and you'd be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a short voice memo on your phone and email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line "acceptance." Thanks!  The Hidden Brain tour is continuing, with our next stops just a few days away! Join us in Baltimore on October 11 or Washington, D.C. on October 12 to see Shankar live on stage. We'll also be in Los Angeles on November 22, and more dates in 2026 are coming soon. For more info and tickets, head to hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].  Episode illustration by Paris Bilal [https://unsplash.com/@parisbilal/illustrations] for Unsplash+.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many love stories end when the characters are still in the heady, euphoric early stages of a relationship. But what comes after that intoxicating first phase of love is over? Today, we kick off a new series on the challenges specific to long-term relationships. We'll talk with psychologist James Cordova [https://www.clarku.edu/faculty/profiles/james-cordova/] about some of the common difficulties many couples face. We'll also look at a solution that scientific research suggests might actually work. Then, we'll bring you the latest installment of our segment Your Questions Answered. Researcher Jon Jachimowicz [https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/profile.aspx?facId=1175257] returns to respond to listeners' thoughts about the pursuit of passions.  If you’d like to see Hidden Brain live and hear some of Shankar's key takeaways from the first decade of the show, we have stops coming up on our tour! We’ll be in Baltimore on October 11th, Washington, D.C. on October 12th, and Los Angeles on November 22nd. Plus, we’ll have more stops for 2026 to announce soon. For more info and tickets, go to hiddenbrain.org/tour. And if you enjoyed today's episode with James Cordova, check out our Hidden Brain+ conversation with him about relationship check-ups. James explains why an annual relationship assessment can help couples to spot issues before they become major problems. Plus, he shares some of the questions he asks couples during these sessions. If you're not yet a Hidden Brain+ subscriber, Apple Podcasts is offering an extended 30-day free trial for all listeners who give it a try in the month of September. To claim your free trial, find Hidden Brain in the Apple Podcasts app and click the "Try Free" button, or go to apple.co/hiddenbrain [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750].  This week's episode art is by Chloe for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.