Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Navigating non-monogamy can stir up some BIG emotions—especially jealousy. But what if jealousy wasn’t something to fight against... but a tool for deeper connection? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emma Smith, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, to talk about: ✨ How to create emotional safety plans when opening a relationship  ✨ The difference between healthy boundaries and rigid rules  ✨ Why jealousy isn’t the enemy—and how it can guide your growth  ✨ Tips for crafting relationship agreements that actually work for you "Boundaries are about care, they're about safety. They are about being grounded in your love and respect for another person." — Dr. Emma Smith If you're exploring non-monogamy (or just want stronger, healthier connections), this conversation is packed with real talk and practical strategies you’ll want to come back to. 🎧 Listen now and start rewriting the rules on love, safety, and emotional connection. 👉 Connect with Dr. Emma Smith https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd/ [https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd/] 👉 Get the bonus "Just the Tip" from Dr. Emma by joining us on Patreon! https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Ever wondered if you can learn to feel compersion instead of jealousy? Or if talking about opening up your relationship means you're actually ready to do it? This episode dives deep into these questions and more! I'm joined by Ally Iseman, a certified relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure. Ally brings her unique blend of humor, compassion, and practical tools to help couples navigate the complexities of non-monogamy. In this episode, we explore: * Why "conversation is lubrication" and how to make it work for you * Reframing jealousy (even the hot kind!) as a tool for growth * The value of understanding consensual non-monogamy, regardless of your relationship style * Ally's step-by-step method for moving through jealousy * How to know if your relationship is truly ready to open up Key Takeaways: * Compersion vs. Jealousy: Ally shares her personal journey from experiencing what she thought was jealousy to realizing it was actually compersion. * The NERD OUT Method: Learn Ally's unique technique for transforming jealousy into a mindful, growth-oriented experience. * Effective Communication: Discover the crucial difference between clear communication and effective communication in relationships. * Curiosity Over Conviction: Why approaching non-monogamy with genuine curiosity is more powerful than trying to convince your partner. Whether you're actively practicing non-monogamy, considering it, or simply curious about different relationship styles, this conversation offers valuable insights for everyone. Ally's approach emphasizes personal growth, effective communication, and creating relationships that truly work for you – no matter what form they take. Ready to explore if your relationship is prepared for non-monogamy? Take Ally's free Relationship Ratio quiz at  www.passport2pleasure.com/ratio [https://www.passport2pleasure.com/ratio] to get started on your journey. And check out Ally's Substack https://allyiseman.substack.com/ https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Struggling with comparison in your non-monogamous relationship? Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or spiraling thoughts when your partner mentions someone new—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. In this episode, we explore why comparison shows up in polyamory and non-monogamy, how it impacts your nervous system, and what you can do to stop the spiral and build emotional safety. You’ll learn: * Why comparison hits hard in non-monogamy (even when you “know better”) * How internalized patriarchy and survival instincts fuel insecurity * Grounding tools to manage triggers in real-time * Daily practices to rebuild self-trust and self-worth * How to reframe your value beyond your partner’s other connections 💛 Ready to reclaim your peace and confidence in non-monogamy? Join the Beyond Compare confidence program waitlist here → https://elleciapaine.podia.com/beyondcompare [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/beyondcompare] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] If you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you. In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced lens to everything from sexual boredom and emotional disconnection to jealousy, relationship fatigue, and the evolving nature of commitment. We explore: * Why mismatched desires and “monogamy gaps” show up even in non-monogamy * How open relationships can become more intimate — not less — when built on clarity * Tools for navigating jealousy, initiating hard conversations, and honoring shifting needs * The danger of jumping to a solution before naming the real problem * Why fantasy, communication, and appreciation matter more than frequency or rules 🛠️ Relationship Tools You’ll Walk Away With: * How to co-create a flexible relationship agreement (that actually works) * A framework for checking in when needs or desires change * What to say when your partner reacts with fear or defensiveness * Why shared language (and revisiting your agreements) matters more than labels Tammy’s insights offer a refreshing, non-shaming perspective for anyone doing the work of building relationships that actually fit. Whether you're deep in your ENM journey or just refining your agreements, there’s something in here for you. Curious to learn more? Check out Dr. Tammy Nelson's book, "Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement," and visit her website at https://www.drtammynelson.com/ [https://www.drtammynelson.com/]for additional resources and insights. Mention this episode to get her free download: 100 Questions for Your Monogamy Agreement https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] When I was invited to interview someone from Ashley Madison, I hesitated. My first instinct was judgment — but then I realized, that’s the same kind of stigma people apply to non-monogamy all the time. This powerful conversation with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, dives deep into the complex, often misunderstood world of infidelity, emotional disconnection, and unmet needs in long-term relationships. 🔍 This episode is NOT about promoting cheating — it’s about understanding why it happens. 🔑 What We Cover in This Episode: 💔 Why People Cheat: The surprising (and often deeply emotional) reasons people seek connection outside their marriage — and it’s not always about sex. 🧠 Emotional vs. Physical Needs: Paul shares data from Ashley Madison showing that over 60% of women on the platform report being in sexless or orgasm-less relationships, while many men are searching for emotional validation more than physical release. 📖 The Infidelity Education Gap: How inadequate sex education and cultural silence around pleasure leave many people feeling unfulfilled and unable to communicate their needs. ❤️ Compassionate Affairs & the Grey Area of Cheating: Can infidelity actually save a marriage? We explore the idea of "compassionate affairs" and what happens when people cheat because they don’t want to leave — they just want to feel alive again. 😶‍🌫️ Shame, Secrecy & Communication Breakdown: How fear of judgment keeps people quiet — and how creating space for honest conversations can prevent betrayal before it happens. 🎧 Listen If You’re Curious About: * Why infidelity happens — even in loving marriages * How modern relationships are evolving * The overlap between non-monogamy, cheating, and unspoken desires * What it really takes to build lasting intimacy 👂 Whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or just asking bigger questions about love and desire — this episode is for you. 👍 Like, comment, and subscribe for more raw, real conversations about modern relationships, non-monogamy, and emotional truth. 🧡 Ready to explore your own desires with less shame and more clarity? Work with me at www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com]. https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237