Nope! We're Not Monogamous

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World [https://www.sexpositiveworld.org/], to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: * How to start a sex-positive space or community near you * What consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”) * Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devotional touch * What to expect at events like cuddle parties, massage-a-trois, and self-pleasure circles * Jamie’s relationship style: when your community is your primary partner * The truth about creating spaces that are inclusive, beginner-friendly, and deeply transformative * And what’s coming up at Polytopia 2025—Portland’s conference for polyamorous people, where I’ll be a featured speaker! If you’re curious about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, radical consent, or how to make friends (and maybe lovers) outside the mainstream—this episode is for you. 🔗 LEARN MORE 👉 Sex Positive World: https://www.sexpositiveworld.org [https://www.sexpositiveworld.org] 👉 Polytopia Conference: https://www.sexpositiveportland.org/polytopia-2025 [https://www.sexpositiveportland.org/polytopia-2025] 👉 Jamie Love on Instagram: https://instagram.com/jamielove_pdx [https://instagram.com/jamielove_pdx] 👉 Support the show + get bonus content: https://patreon.com/notmonogamous [https://www.patreon.com/c/Notmonogamous] 👉 Learn more about me: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Retreat in Spain - Learn more and apply at multiamory.com/retreat [https://www.multiamory.com/retreat] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? Always chill, never the squeaky wheel? This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection. We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered: * What emotional self-abandonment looks like in Ethical Non Monogamy * How "being chill" becomes a trap * The difference between inclusion and being held * Real stories from non-monogamous clients + my own experience * Why you don’t need to squeak louder to get greased * The truth about interdependence vs codependence 💬 If you’ve been wondering:  “Why do I feel invisible in my relationship?”  “Am I bad at polyamory?”  “Do my needs even matter here?” This conversation is for you. 🔔 Subscribe for more honest, nuanced, and no-BS conversations about ethical non-monogamy, boundaries, and becoming your whole self in love. 👇 Ready to take up space in your relationships? Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Retreat in Spain - Learn more and apply at multiamory.com/retreat [https://www.multiamory.com/retreat] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good. 💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or emotional overwhelm, this episode will help you: * Spot the signs of a trauma loop * Understand how your subconscious is running the show * Use clarity as your North Star to shift patterns * Explore tools that regulate, reconnect, and reset your emotional responses * Learn why support accelerates healing—and how to find the right kind Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication. What you’ll learn: → How to understand your silence survival pattern → The exact steps to prep for hard conversations → Why blurting is not the same as honesty → The “truth sandwich” that isn’t manipulative → How to handle defensiveness and emotional shutdowns → What to say when it all goes sideways (and why repair = magic) You deserve relationships where the truth can live—and still be loved. 👇 Grab the free guide: Let’s Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/conversations] [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/conversations] Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life. We’re talking about: * How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60s * Why pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that feels impossible right now) * Why communication matters more than rules — and what healthy sex agreements can actually look like * How trauma, disconnection, and shame keep people stuck in unsatisfying sex lives * Xanet’s year-long throuple experience (including a very helpful metamour 👀) * How to figure out what you want in non-monogamy, even if it’s not what your partner wants * What to do when pleasure feels really far away If you’ve ever felt broken, stuck, or too late for good sex and real intimacy — this one is gonna hit. There’s so much wisdom here for midlife lovers, non-monogamous folks, and anyone healing their relationship to pleasure. 🔗 Links + Resources: Get Xanet’s free gift: 10 Ways to Reignite Your Relationship [https://passionateintimacyretreats.com/] Book a private retreat with Xanet: passionateintimacyretreats.com [https://passionateintimacyretreats.com] Follow us on Patreon for bonus content like “Just the Tip”: patreon.com/notmonogamous [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 🎧 Listen now and let yourself feel what’s possible. Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] Retreat in Spain - Learn more and apply at multiamory.com/retreat [https://www.multiamory.com/retreat] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237