How Low Self -Esteem Attracts The Abusers...

She Wore a Crown for 730 Days Straight

What happens when a woman who survived abuse, lost a baby, and wanted to die stands on a stage in front of 5,000 people and declares, "I am a queen"? Holly Fair found out -- and she hasn't stopped reigning since. In this episode, Chaya sits down with Holly Fair, a Tony Robbins trainer, speaker, and empowerment coach whose radical transformation -- from childhood trauma to crowning herself queen for 730 consecutive days -- proves that your past does not predict your future. Together they explore forgiveness after decades of estrangement, the hidden wound of needing a protector, and what it truly means to love yourself. WHAT YOU'LL HEAR: - How Holly forgave her father after 20 years of estrangement -- and what his nursing home apology taught her about healing - The real-life relationship pattern that shows up when you didn't feel protected as a child (and the moment Chaya calls it what it is) - Why Holly wore a literal crown every day for 2 years and how it rewired her self-image from invisible to unstoppable - The Tony Robbins onstage intervention that started it all -- and how she went from audience member to trainer - Making peace with the loss of baby Aurora and finding motherhood in a completely different form TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction & Guest Welcome 01:26 - Surviving Her Father's Abuse 08:30 - The Nursing Home Reunion 12:03 - Forgiveness Is Hardwired In Us 13:23 - Needing a Protector in Love 16:16 - When Small Things Trigger Big Wounds 19:03 - Neglect Is a Form of Abuse 23:18 - What Love Really Looks Like 25:57 - Rock Bottom & Tony Robbins 30:00 - "I Am a Queen" -- The Intervention 31:30 - 730 Days Wearing a Crown 36:40 - From Audience to Tony's Stage 39:03 - Sparks in the Darkness 43:00 - Making Peace with Baby Aurora 46:22 - Pain Into Pleasure, Trauma Into Treasure 47:20 - Where to Find Holly CONNECT WITH HOLLY FAIR: - Website: https://fireuplife.com/ [https://fireuplife.com/] - Instagram: @queenhollyfair (http://www.instagram.com/queenhollyfair [http://www.instagram.com/queenhollyfair]) - Facebook: @queenhollyfair (http://www.facebook.com/queenhollyfair [http://www.facebook.com/queenhollyfair]) - Email: holly@fireuplife.com [holly@fireuplife.com] - Offerings: Speaking, 1:1 coaching, group programs for women CONNECT WITH CHAYA: - Instagram: @epicloveexpert - Website: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] - Coaching: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] RESOURCES MENTIONED: - Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru (Netflix documentary) - Tony Robbins: Date with Destiny event - Kevin Haynes -- Golden Gate Bridge survival story CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of childhood sexual abuse, parental emotional abuse, pregnancy loss (ectopic pregnancy), depression, and suicidal ideation. Listener discretion is advised. If this episode moved you, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts -- it helps other women find these stories.

The Gun Jammed and I Got Free

He put the gun to her forehead and pulled the trigger. It jammed. At 18, after five years of abuse, Chef Neena Perez grabbed her son and ran. This is the story of how she went from a battered women's shelter to a 27-year healthy marriage — and why she now helps other women find their purpose. In this episode, Chaya sits down with Chef Neena Perez, a transformational life coach, author, and speaker who helps people discover their God-given purpose through Purpose By Design™ and The Purpose-Filled Kitchen. Together they explore what happens when abuse is the only version of love you've ever known — and how to unlearn it. WHAT YOU'LL HEAR: - Why the lies we tell ourselves ("he loves me, I just got him mad") are survival adaptations, not truth — and how to recognize them - The critical difference between surviving a relationship and thriving in one - How childhood abuse sets the template for adult relationships — and how to break the cycle - Why isolation keeps women stuck and how letting people support you is where healing actually begins - The signs of narcissistic/emotional abuse that look nothing like physical violence but are just as destructive TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Meet Chef Neena Perez 01:28 - The Relationship That Nearly Killed Her 03:08 - The Night With the Gun 07:01 - Escaping to a Shelter at 18 08:48 - How Abuse Became Normal at 13 10:23 - The Family That Set the Pattern 12:13 - Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay 14:30 - Redefining Love After Abuse 17:58 - Surviving vs. Thriving 24:27 - Stalked After Leaving 28:13 - Finally Breaking Free 29:29 - Fighting for Custody in Court 37:57 - You're Not Broken, Just Bent 42:10 - Recognizing Emotional Abuse 46:42 - 100% Lovable: Full Circle 47:54 - Where to Find Neena CONNECT WITH NEENA PEREZ: - Link Hub: https://sleek.bio/chefneenaperez [https://sleek.bio/chefneenaperez] - Digital Store: https://shop.neenaperez.com/ [https://shop.neenaperez.com/] - Email: info@neenaperez.com [info@neenaperez.com] CONNECT WITH CHAYA: - Instagram: @epicloveexpert - Website: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] - Coaching: DM "EPIC" on Instagram or visit the website RESOURCES MENTIONED: - Neena's book (title not specified in episode — check her store) - The Purpose-Filled Kitchen (Neena's new project combining recipes + coaching) - Nar-Anon / Al-Anon (12-step programs for friends/family of addicts — mentioned by Chaya) - Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) — mentioned by Neena as part of her healing - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed descriptions of domestic violence, a near-fatal gun incident, childhood sexual abuse, and stalking. Listener discretion is advised. If this episode moved you, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts — it helps other women find these stories.

I'm Not Reliving My Mother's Life

At 15, she fell for a man who told her she was special - then destroyed her. At 18, she chose herself. At 58, she's a self-made millionaire married 33 years to the man she dreamed about as a teenager. In this episode, Chaya sits down with Lisa Drennon, Wealth Activator and founder of iDateMoney, who shares her raw story of emotional abuse, love bombing, and the moment she decided to break the generational cycle of dysfunction - even when her family tried to shame her into staying. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: - How love bombing masks emotional abuse and keeps you hooked - Why we attract partners who mirror our childhood wounds - The power of visualization in making the decision to leave - How to rebuild trust and date again after narcissistic abuse - Why self-love is the foundation of wealth, health, and relationships TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction & Meet Lisa Drennon 01:16 - Meeting Him at 15: Love at the Wrong Time 03:07 - The Cycle of Fighting, Cheating, and Love Bombing 06:30 - Catching Him Red-Handed: The Betrayal 07:30 - "I'm Not Reliving My Mother's Life" 09:30 - The Narcissist's Return After the Baby 12:09 - How Long Do We Give Them to Change? 17:54 - Being Used vs. Being Loved 23:30 - The Shorthand Contest: Winning Without Support 28:02 - Breaking the Generational Cycle 34:26 - Finding Your Voice 36:03 - Winter Boyfriends and the Prophetic Dream 40:18 - Building Trust in a New Relationship 52:54 - Self-Love, Identity Work, and Confidence 59:25 - Lovability is the Core of Everything 1:02:53 - Where to Find Lisa & Closing CONNECT WITH LISA DRENNON: - Website: IDateMoney.com [http://IDateMoney.com] - Free Community: The Smell of Money (7-Day Conscious Spending Challenge) - Money Mastery Blueprint: https://idatemoney.com/money-mastery-blueprint-page [https://idatemoney.com/money-mastery-blueprint-page] - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.sudoredrennon [https://www.facebook.com/lisa.sudoredrennon] - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@idatemoney [https://www.youtube.com/@idatemoney] CONNECT WITH CHAYA: - Instagram: @epicloveexpert - Website: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] RESOURCES MENTIONED: - "High Five" by Mel Robbins - "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher (referenced) - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe! CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of emotional and verbal abuse, manipulation, infidelity, and brief references to substance use and pregnancy loss. Listener discretion is advised.

What If Your Rock Bottom Became Your Foundation?

Five years ago, Victoria Baker escaped an abusive marriage in the middle of the night with three sleeping children. Today she's the author of 8 books, founder of two thriving businesses, and proof that your worst chapter can become your strongest foundation. In this episode, Chaya sits down with Victoria Baker, who shares her raw story of surviving six years of narcissistic abuse, the midnight escape that changed everything, and how she rebuilt her life, her identity, and her capacity for love. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: - The subtle red flags of narcissistic abuse that show up from day one - Why we tell ourselves to stay and how to break through that internal voice - Practical steps for leaving when you feel trapped and financially dependent - How to rebuild your identity and dating life after abuse - Why "you don't marry what you want, you marry who you are" TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction & Meet Victoria Baker 01:22 - The Day Everything Changed 04:50 - When the System Fails You 06:44 - The Midnight Escape 09:37 - Six Years of Isolation 10:53 - Red Flags From Day One 13:49 - The Love Bombing Trap 19:47 - The Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay 22:28 - Finding the Strength to Leave 23:52 - Fighting for Custody 30:30 - The Impact on Children 31:52 - Advice for Women in Abusive Relationships 36:33 - Rebuilding Love After Abuse 39:21 - Dating Wisdom: You Marry Who You Are 44:04 - Where to Find Victoria & Closing Message CONNECT WITH VICTORIA BAKER: - Facebook: Housewife Cleaners - Facebook: Victoria Baker (Author) - Website: housecleanersnear-us.org [http://housecleanersnear-us.org] CONNECT WITH CHAYA: - Instagram: @epicloveexpert - Website: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] RESOURCES MENTIONED: - "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe! CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, child abuse, narcissistic abuse, and references to death. Listener discretion is advised.

Why Did No One Tell Me This Was Abuse?

She counted every second through the night, waiting for dawn, waiting to hear him leave the house. That was the night Carine Van Hee knew she had to get out. But when she reached for help, no one reached back. This episode will change how you see the people around you — and maybe how you see yourself. In this episode, Chaya sits down with Carine Van Hee, visual artist, abuse survivor, and author of "Is It Me? The Hidden System Behind Toxic Relationships." Together they decode the invisible patterns that keep women trapped — and the moment everything clicks into place. WHAT YOU'LL HEAR: - Why intense chemistry and "soulmate" synchronicity are often the first red flags, not signs of true love - How abusers use triangulation — turning children, friends, and community against you so no one believes your story - The most dangerous moment in an abusive relationship isn't the abuse itself — it's the moment you leave - How understanding abuse as a system (not a personal failure) can finally release the shame and start real healing TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Welcome & Meet Carine Van Hee ~01:30 - The Night Everything Changed ~04:47 - Red Flags That Start Small ~09:28 - Triangulation: Flipping the Blame ~14:32 - Trapped by a Child ~16:39 - The Soulmate Myth ~23:45 - When Pregnancy Became a Weapon ~31:01 - Why No One Believed Her ~36:47 - Leaving Is the Most Dangerous Part ~50:10 - Seeing the System, Releasing Shame ~54:30 - Go Slow: Advice for Your Next Chapter ~57:10 - The 24-Hour First Date Filter ~59:44 - Where to Find Carine & Closing CONNECT WITH CARINE VAN HEE: - Website: https://www.carinevanhee.com [https://www.carinevanhee.com] - Book — "Is It Me?": https://www.carinevanhee.com/the-book [https://www.carinevanhee.com/the-book] - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carinevanheeart/ [https://www.instagram.com/carinevanheeart/] - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarineVanHeeArt [https://www.facebook.com/CarineVanHeeArt] - YouTube: www.youtube.com/@carinevanhee-VisualArtist [http://www.youtube.com/@carinevanhee-VisualArtist] CONNECT WITH CHAYA: - Instagram: @epicloveexpert - Free Discovery Call: connectwithchaya.com [http://connectwithchaya.com] RESOURCES MENTIONED: - "Is It Me? The Hidden System Behind Toxic Relationships" by Carine Van Hee - Brene Brown's "Marble Jar" trust framework - Chaya's 24-Hour First Date Filter - Tony Robbins — "Get to know the patterns" CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, physical assault, strangulation, child endangerment, and emotional abuse. If you or someone you know is struggling: - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 Listener discretion is advised. If this episode moved you, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts — it helps other women find these stories.