Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

The headline of a recent New York Times article caught my eye. It reads, What Teenagers Are Saying About Cursing. This question was posed to teenagers: Is there too much cursing these days? How did the kids respond. Among other things, many of the kids surveyed said that cursing is an ever-present reality in today’s world, and it is problematic. Others wrote cursing off as being just the way people talk these days. Still others are concerned that the use of profanity was too widespread and commonplace, especially in the online world. One girl even said that what she calls “cursing culture” is everywhere. Parents, we need to raise up children and teens who heed Paul’s words to the Ephesians, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that helps us to understand that the world has changed since we were kids, and that there are aspects of their lives that are foreign to us. When asked to list the one thing that they think most negatively impacts teen mental health, the top five things teens listed are these: twenty two percent said social media. At number two, was bullying, mentioned by seventeen percent. At number three was pressures and expectations, mentioned by sixteen percent. Coming in at four was general technology, at eight percent. And finally, only five percent mentioned school. It’s interesting that every one of these pressures is ramped up by spending time online. Doesn’t it make sense that we establish time limits for social media use?

All this week we’ve been looking at the powerful role Dads play in their teen’s lives. Our kids will mess up. For some, their poor decisions will result in consequences that last a long time. Others may enter into a rebellious period that leaves you hoping and praying that like the prodigal son, they’ll return home. It’s at these times when we need to realize that loving our kids, means being committed to our kids. Teens living in today’s culture face incredible pressures. Because they are sinful human beings, they will from time to time give in. We need to continue to love them when they mess up, are unreasonable, make mistakes, and don’t deserve it. Over the years I’ve come to appreciate the great advice given by Christian psychologist Dr. John White, who himself dealt with a rebellious son. His basic rule for parenting is is this: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”

This week we’re discussing what teens need in a dad. When my son Josh was still in his preschool years, he opened my eyes to the power of my example. While riding together in the car I had to swerve and skid to avoid an accident. As we screeched to a halt and the other car went whizzing past us, Josh looked out his window in the direction of the other driver. While raising and shaking his fist, he yelled, “You Idiot!” It didn’t take long to realize where my mild-mannered little boy had learned such hostile behavior. Our kids become like us. They learn from our example. The things we do and say model who they are to become. The power of a dad’s example is captured in the old saying, “Like father, like son.” Dad, what kind of example are you providing for your kids? And, if you want your kids to grow up to be followers of Jesus Christ, are you doing the same?

This week we’re focusing on Fathers. Sadly, the experience of many teens indicates their fathers fail to listen. Research shows that mothers are far more likely than fathers to discuss problems and have close personal talks with their teenage children. As a result, both teenage boys and girls say they feel freer to go to their mothers, rather than their fathers, to “talk about anything,” to “talk openly,” “and to “tell her my problems.” When asked to choose the most likely option out of the four choices of mother, father, close male friend, or close female friend in response to the statement “This person and I always talk openly to each other,” only four percent of teenage sons and one percent of teenage daughters chose “father.”  Teenagers want desperately to talk with their dads. Psychologist Paul Tournier wrote, “Every human being needs to express himself. Through lack of opportunity for it, one may become sick.”