Ego vs. EQ & You

Talking vs Listening

In this episode of the Versus Series, Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein explore the balance between talking versus listening and why emotional intelligence is key to knowing when to do each. Through stories from sales coaching, meetings, interviews, and everyday relationships, they discuss how some people dominate conversations while others stay too silent—both of which can create misunderstandings and missed opportunities. They highlight how stress can cause people to either talk excessively or shut down, and how others often interpret silence or over-talking in ways we don’t intend. The conversation emphasizes that effective communication isn’t about being naturally talkative or quiet—it’s about reading the room, adapting to the situation, and finding the right balance between speaking up and tuning in.#communication #talking #listening #self-improvement #socialawareness #emotionalintelligence #EQ #leadership

S2E32: Leading vs Following

Can you truly lead if you don't know how to follow? In this installment of our "Versus" series, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to deconstruct the symbiotic relationship between leadership and followership. From the "C-Suite Generalist" to the "Coach vs. Player" analogy, they explore why the best leaders are often the ones willing to step back and let their team take the wheel. In this episode, we discuss: * Why "independence" can sometimes be a leadership trap. * The Conductor Analogy: Leading without playing the instrument. * How to transition from a technical expert to a leadership generalist. * Why introverted leaders often have a hidden advantage. * The "Boss Baby" dynamic: Leadership in our personal lives. #followership #leadership #interdependence #successionplanning #businessgrowth #professionalgrowth #careeradvice #leadershipmindset #leadershiptips

S2E31: Daring to Trust

In this episode, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to explore the challenge of “daring to trust.” Trust can be fragile, and rebuilding it—whether we were the cause of the breakdown or someone else was—often requires courage and self-reflection. Rather than focusing on what others should do differently, the conversation emphasizes taking responsibility for our own behaviors that build or erode trust. Drawing on insights from The Speed of Trust, Jen and Steve discuss how trust is built on two key pillars: character and competence. It’s not enough to have good intentions—people must also demonstrate reliability and capability over time. They also examine common “trust traps” like gossip, assumptions, avoidance, and bypassing others in communication, all of which can quietly undermine relationships. The episode highlights how trust is rebuilt through small, everyday interactions—micro moments of honesty, feedback, and follow-through. While trust can break quickly, restoring it requires patience, consistency, and the willingness to have difficult conversations. Whether at work or at home, rebuilding trust often begins with a simple but courageous step: daring to start the conversation. #trust #podcast #leadership #conflict #ego #EQ #emotionalintelligence

S2E30 Authenticity vs EQ

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen Shirkani and co-host Steve Friedlein explore a common leadership dilemma: Can you adapt your behavior to others without losing your authenticity? Through practical examples and coaching insights, they unpack the tension between being “true to yourself” and using emotional intelligence to read the room. The conversation highlights why authenticity doesn’t mean saying or doing whatever you feel in the moment—and why small behavioral adjustments can actually strengthen connection rather than make you seem fake. They also discuss empathy, the role of vulnerability in leadership, and why leaders who appear too polished can unintentionally become unrelatable. Ultimately, Jen and Steve explain how emotional intelligence helps leaders express authenticity in ways that are appropriate, effective, and human.

S2E29: Intent vs Impact

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen and Steve continue their “Versus Series” by tackling an issue that causes countless misunderstandings at work and in relationships: intent vs. impact. Most people judge themselves by their good intentions, while judging others by the impact of their behavior. The challenge is that even well-intended messages can land poorly if we don’t consider how they will be received. Through leadership examples and practical discussion, Jen and Steve explore how emotional intelligence helps us anticipate reactions, read the room, and adjust our delivery in real time. They also discuss why audiences react differently to the same message, the importance of giving people space to respond, and how matching the emotional tone of your audience can help your message land more effectively. Ultimately, the conversation highlights a key truth: your intent belongs to you, but the impact belongs to your audience. The episode closes with an important distinction between ego and emotional intelligence—ego defends our intent, while EQ takes responsibility for the impact our words and actions have on others.