You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?

What if They Don't Need You to Fix it? with Dr. David Marcus

You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions. When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it. But rarely do any of us want a solution. We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge. Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus [https://parentrx.org/]. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation. 1. You’ll understand why you’re more likely to blame, jump to anger, or generally decompensate when you’re so full of emotion you can’t see straight 2. And why it helps so much to have someone else be a soothing presence who will let you empty your emotions by simply talking and processing 3. Mostly, though, you’ll learn how to become that soothing presence so that you can calm the ones you love. Want more? * Listen to my podcast episode about the pressure relief value [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/create-a-pressure-relief-valve-for-your-relationship/] Connect with my guest Dr. David Marcus [https://parentrx.org/]'s extensive expertise and commitment to improving the lives of individuals and families have made him a highly respected figure in the field of Clinical Psychology. His 40 years of experience in treating families under stress have made him a sought after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on the topics of parent-child communication and child advocacy. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/165-what-if-they-dont-need-you-to-fix-it-with-dr-david-marcus/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

Protective Defensive Maneuvers vs “Presenting the Deeper Me”

“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose? Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly? Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier. 1. You’ll understand why you resort to PDM’s and understanding helps you forgive yourself and begin again differently. 2. We’ll find some fun PDM turn-arounds like Presenting the Deeper Me. 3. And we’ll reach into the archives for a very sly PDM (the protective kind) that might be part of your everyday language. Want more? * Read my blog post [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/should-the-relationship-killer/] about the word "should" * Listen to episode #1 [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/episode-1-what-sean-heather-dont-know-about-their-sex-life/]about how misunderstandings grow from disinformation in your relationship. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/164-protective-defensive-maneuvers-vs-presenting-the-deeper-me/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

Recognize the Trigger. Rewrite the Story with Michael and Penny Gold

You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script? Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold [https://michaelandpenny.com/] from Relationship Alchemy. 1. They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them 2. They'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacy 3. And they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/] to refresh your relationship Triggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why is this bothering me so much?" Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship. Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering. Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making. Habit for Your Happily Ever After Take Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/] and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect. Connect with Michael and Penny Gold Michael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website [https://michaelandpenny.com/] to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/]. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/163-recognize-the-trigger-rewrite-the-story-with-michael-and-penny-gold/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

What if You’re Both Wrong? The Seductive Power of Either/Or

Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives. Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be. 1. I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from the limitations that either/or thinking can impart. 2. Then I’ll offer you the magic words that will open your mind. 3. And not only will I share with you the far-reaching consequences of this paradigm shift, we’ll practice together so you can hear how shifting the question shifts your mindset. Habit for Your Happily Ever After Practice changing sentence structures from either/or to both/and. Date Night Discussion This week I invite you to employ the word "because" to change either/or thinking into an invitation for you and your sweetheart to cultivate your happily ever after. Want more? * In this episode [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/107-romance-or-roommates-how-affection-keeps-love-alive/], I talk about how resistance is where suffering lives. * I talk a lot about how changing the words you use when you talk to your partner can change your relationship. Discover the power of hello [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/161-how-do-you-say-hello-to-your-partner/] and how “yes-but” kills connection [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/159-you-say-yes-your-partner-hears-no-what-happened/]. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/162-what-if-youre-both-wrong-the-seductive-power-of-either-or/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

How Do You Say Hello to Your Partner?

One word can change the character of your relationship. Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner. Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye? I am always sending people to episode #8 [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/podcast-8/] of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing the episode back from the archives. Habit for Your Happily Ever After To help you avoid a sandpapery hello, and to cultivate a tender goodbye with your partner, notice the character of your hello and goodbye. Date Night Discussion This week, ask your partner about their most memorable goodbye. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/161-how-do-you-say-hello-to-your-partner/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480