54. Staying Broke Is Trauma Bonding — And They're Counting on You to Stay Small
Staying broke is a form of trauma bonding. And the system is counting on you to stay there.
I know that sounds harsh. But hear me out.
There is COMFORT in staying broke. There is SAFETY in bonding over shared struggle. There is BELONGING in complaining about how expensive everything is.
You're at the grocery store. You see the price of eggs. You turn to the stranger next to you and say, "Can you BELIEVE this?" And they agree. And for a moment, you're not alone. You're connected. You BELONG.
That bonding? That instant connection over shared suffering? That's trauma bonding.
And it's keeping you STUCK.
In this raw, truth-telling episode, I break down:
What trauma bonding actually is: Trauma bonding is when you bond with people over shared pain, shared struggle, or a shared enemy. And when you're broke, you have an instant shared enemy: the system, the economy, the government, rich people, corporations.
That creates IMMEDIATE connection with other people who are also broke. You bond at the grocery store. At work. On Instagram. Over and over.
And here's the science (I'm only saying this ONCE): When you bond with someone, your brain releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and dopamine (the reward chemical). Every time you complain about being broke and someone agrees, your brain gets a chemical hit that says "this is good, do more of this."
Your brain becomes wired to SEEK OUT opportunities to bond over struggle. Not because you WANT to be broke, but because your brain has learned: bonding over being broke = feel good.
Why trauma bonding keeps you stuck: As long as you're bonding over the PROBLEM, you're not building a SOLUTION. You're too busy venting, commiserating, finding people who agree that everything is fucked.
And the system LOVES that. Because broke people who are trauma bonded don't rise, don't build, don't threaten the status quo. They just stay stuck. Together.
How the system weaponizes "we're all in this together": Remember COVID? The tagline was EVERYWHERE: "We're all in this together."
It sounded comforting. Unifying. But here's what it actually was: a trauma bonding tool to keep you compliant.
Because when you believe "we're all in this together," you believe everyone is struggling the same way, everyone is following the same rules. And if EVERYONE is doing it, it must be right.
Anyone who questioned was labeled selfish, dangerous, not part of the "we." They were cast out. And the herd turned on them.
That's EXACTLY how the system keeps you controlled. They create shared struggle, give you a tagline to bond over, then punish anyone who steps outside.
The same thing happens with being broke. The system has created a culture where EVERYONE is struggling, EVERYONE is broke. And if you try to BUILD wealth? You're greedy, selfish, out of touch. Not part of the "we" anymore.
The JCAHO example (and corporate America): I talk about JCAHO — the people who create hospital rules that nurses have to follow even though they've NEVER worked as a nurse. But it's every corporate structure.
Management creates policies that frontline workers have to follow. Those policies are often stupid, wasteful, time-consuming. But if you push back, you're "not a team player."
And your coworkers turn on you. Because they're trauma bonded over shared suffering. "We ALL have to follow the stupid policy. Who does SHE think she is?"
The system KNOWS how to use mass manipulation for control. And it works.
Why building a business is a giant FUCK YOU to the system: Building a business where you have financial freedom AND you're home with your kids is the biggest middle finger you can give to the system.
Because you're proving their lie is a lie. You DON'T have to choose between working and raising your kids. You DON'T have to stay broke to belong. You DON'T have to be a conformist.
You CAN build wealth. You CAN think differently. You CAN break free.
And when you show other women it's possible? You're threatening the ENTIRE SYSTEM.
What happens when you leave the broke herd: It's fucking hard. You lose instant connection, easy belonging, automatic community. You can't bond with strangers over egg prices anymore. You can't vent with coworkers about your paycheck.
People will try to pull you back. "Must be nice." "You've changed." "You don't get it anymore."
Your nervous system freaks out because rejection = pain.
But here's the truth: You WILL grieve. You're losing something real. And that's okay. On the other side is a NEW community of women who are ALSO building, ALSO rising, ALSO refusing to stay small.
The new dopamine you get from building: When you're bonding over being broke, you get dopamine from COMPLAINING. But when you're BUILDING a business, you get dopamine from:
* Progress (every small win, every sale)
* Pride (knowing you built something)
* Freedom (affording things without stress, saying NO to what you don't want)
* Power (not being dependent on a boss or system)
That's a different kind of high. And your brain LOVES it.
How to actually rewire your nervous system:
1. Stop talking like you're broke (your words change your brain chemistry)
2. Find ONE person in the wealth-building community
3. Celebrate small wins (train your brain: building = reward)
4. When you feel the pull to go back, NAME IT (then regulate and keep going)
5. Invest in support (you need a coach who understands BOTH business strategy AND nervous system regulation)
This episode is for you if:
* You bond with strangers over how expensive everything is
* You feel guilty for wanting wealth because it means leaving the "we're all struggling" community
* You're tired of being broke but scared of being labeled greedy or out of touch
* You want to build a business but your nervous system panics when you try
* You want financial freedom AND to be home with your kids (and you're tired of being told you have to choose)
* You're ready to give the system a big FUCK YOU by breaking free
Stop bonding over being broke. Start building. Give the system the middle finger it deserves.
Explore All of Lauren’s Freebies and Coaching Offers [https://stan.store/laurenTrout]
Free guide: https://stan.store/laurenTrout/p/the-5minute-nervous-system-reset-for-moms [https://stan.store/laurenTrout/p/the-5minute-nervous-system-reset-for-moms]
Connect with Lauren:
* Instagram: @laurentroutrn_coach [@laurentroutrn_coach] AND @wealthymamamethod [@wealthymamamethod]
* Email: lauren@mindyourmama.org [lauren@mindyourmama.org]
* DM me for 1:1 coaching (I help you build the business AND regulate your nervous system)
Stop bonding over being broke. Start building. Give the system the middle finger it deserves.
