Finger Your Way To A Healthy Heart

MAGA Man Masturbates At Trump's "State Fair"

On today's show, a man is arrested for waxing the dolphin in public at the Great American State Fair in Washington. Then, a man is arrested for craping 18 times in public pools. Next, a man drops his sunglasses in a vault toilet and decides it's a great idea to try to snag them out.

Elephant Has The Last Word On Trump

On today's show, a live elephant urinates on the floor of the Texas Republican Convention. Then, I'll tell you about America's newest frozen treat, breast milk ice cream! Next, I'll tell you about the gross habits of some airline passengers these days.

Is That A Rat In Your Underwear?

On today's show, the Pentagon declares that reporters are not allowed to walk down the hallways without a grownup. Then, I'll tell you what the brand name SPAM really means. Next, a Florida man is suing after being bit by a Florida Alligator. That story and a truly gross fashion trend involving rats.

Putin's Quest For Immortality

On today's show, Vladimir Putin's quest for immortality involves cryogenics and mini pigs. Then, a creepy abandoned puppet gets a job as a cop. Next, I'll tell you about an albino buffalo named Donald Trump.

Would You Like My DNA On Your Fries?

On today's show, a McDonald's manager licks the fries of an unsuspecting ex-girlfriend. Then, I'll tell you about the man who broke the record for breaking cocktail sticks. Next, a pony gets rescued from inside a tractor tire.