Stop Asking Permission

Difficult Conversations - Say the Thing

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/fan_mail/new] You’ve rehearsed it in the shower. You’ve drafted the message and deleted it twice. And it’s still sitting there. In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, host Luke UpChurch covers the full arc of difficult conversations — from the psychology of why we avoid them, to staying regulated when things get tense, to repairing the relationship when it does. Grounded in research on conflict avoidance, the neuroscience of emotional regulation, and what actually drives relational repair, this episode gives you the tools to say the thing you’ve been putting off. In this episode, you’ll learn: •  Why more than 80% of workers are currently avoiding at least one hard conversation — and what that avoidance is actually costing them over time •  The neuroscience of the amygdala hijack — why you say things in heated moments you wouldn’t otherwise say, and how to interrupt it before it takes over •  Why cognitive reappraisal works when suppression doesn’t — and how to use it in real time •  How to open a difficult conversation so it invites dialogue instead of defensiveness •  The rupture and repair framework: what to do after a conversation gets tense anyway The conversation you’re avoiding is costing you more than the conversation itself ever will. Research cited in this episode: •  Overton, A.R. & Lowry, A.C. (2013). Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in Colon and Rectal Surgery, 26(4), 259–264. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3835442/] •  Yoon, S. et al. (2023). The VLPFC-engaged voluntary emotion regulation: Combined TMS-fMRI evidence. Journal of Neuroscience, 43(34), 6046–6060. [https://www.jneurosci.org/content/43/34/6046] •  Pierce, J.E. et al. (2022). Reappraisal-related downregulation of amygdala BOLD activation. Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience. [https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13415-022-01006-2] •  Giacumo, L.A. et al. (2025). The ORANGE framework for facilitating difficult dialogues. TechTrends, Springer Nature. [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11528-024-01000-4] •  Gottman, J.M. Rupture and repair theory. The Gottman Institute. [https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-repair-handbook/] (Note: Originally developed in couples research; applied here to professional relationships based on general relational psychology principles.) Shares the release of the new book Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/support] Want to be part of our mission: 👉 Donate Today [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/directly-support-our-scholarships] NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch  Available on: 🍎 Apple Books [http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6780689042] & 📚Kindle  [https://a.co/d/0gvfbA0X] Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.  Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org [psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org]

The Feedback Loop - How to Ask For What You Need to Grow

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/fan_mail/new] The reason you’re not getting useful feedback isn’t that nobody has anything to say. It’s that you’re not asking in a way that makes honesty possible. In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, host Luke UpChurch breaks down the psychology behind why most feedback requests fail — and how asking better questions changes everything about the quality of information you get back. Grounded in research on psychological safety, feedback-seeking behavior, and what actually drives professional growth, this episode gives you a practical five-principle framework for turning feedback from something that happens to you into something you actively architect. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why broad questions like ‘how am I doing?’ almost always produce useless answers — and the psychology behind why people default to comfortable over honest * How psychological safety determines the quality of the feedback you receive — and how to create it in any conversation * The difference between asking about impact vs. intent — and why it changes everything about what comes back * A five-principle question framework for getting specific, honest, actionable feedback from the people around you * Why closing the loop out loud is the move that turns a one-time feedback conversation into an ongoing developmental relationship The quality of the feedback you receive is almost entirely a function of how you ask. And now you’ll know how to ask. Shares the release of the new book Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/support] Want to be part of our mission: 👉 Donate Today [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/directly-support-our-scholarships] NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch  Available on: 🍎 Apple Books [http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6780689042] & 📚Kindle  [https://a.co/d/0gvfbA0X] Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.  Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org [psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org]

Managing Your Energy, Not Just Your Time

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/fan_mail/new] You had the time blocked. Your calendar was clear. So why did you end up with almost nothing to show for it? In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, host Luke UpChurch makes the case that time is not your most important professional resource — energy is. Drawing on current research in organizational psychology, neuroscience, and burnout science, this episode breaks down the four dimensions of human energy and introduces a practical three-part system for managing your capacity deliberately, not just your calendar. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why time management alone fails — and what the research says is actually limiting your performance * The neuroscience behind the 90–120 minute cognitive performance window and what it means for how you structure your day * The four dimensions of human energy — physical, emotional, mental, and purposeful — and how depletion in any one undermines all the others * Why Gen Z and millennial workers are hitting peak burnout at 25 — and the energy management habits that interrupt that pattern * The Know, Protect, Restore framework: a three-part personal energy management system you can start building this week The most productive thing you can do is often not to do more. It’s to show up with something left in the tank. Shares the release of the new book Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/support] Want to be part of our mission: 👉 Donate Today [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/directly-support-our-scholarships] NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch  Available on: 🍎 Apple Books [http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6780689042] & 📚Kindle  [https://a.co/d/0gvfbA0X] Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.  Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org [psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org]

You are Not Your Job Title

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/fan_mail/new] If someone asked you ‘who are you?’ right now — without your job title, your company, or your industry — what would you say? In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, host Luke UpChurch tackles one of the most quietly damaging patterns he sees in early-career professionals: the fusion of identity with role. When your job title becomes your whole sense of self, every setback at work becomes a personal crisis — and every disruption to the role becomes a threat to who you are. Drawing on 28 years of working with emerging professionals and grounded in current research on professional identity formation, burnout, and identity complexity, this episode helps you understand where that pattern comes from and how to build something more durable underneath it. The most grounded leaders aren’t the ones with the most impressive titles. They’re the ones who know exactly who they are when the title is gone. Shares the release of the new book Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/support] Want to be part of our mission: 👉 Donate Today [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/directly-support-our-scholarships] NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch  Available on: 🍎 Apple Books [http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6780689042] & 📚Kindle  [https://a.co/d/0gvfbA0X] Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.  Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org [psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org]

The Perception Gap

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/fan_mail/new] You walked out of that meeting feeling good. So why did the feedback say otherwise? In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, we tackle one of the most quietly career-limiting dynamics in early professional life: the gap between how you see yourself and how the room actually experiences you. Drawing on 28 years of working with emerging professionals, and grounded in the latest research on overconfidence, the Dunning-Kruger effect, and emotional intelligence this episode covers both ends of the spectrum. In this episode, you’ll learn: * Why the least self-aware people are often the least equipped to know it — and what the research says about why that happens * The two patterns that show up on opposite ends of the perception gap — and why both are costly * Where the line between confidence and arrogance actually lives — and why it matters more early in your career than at any other time * A four-question self-audit you can run immediately after any significant professional interaction * How to ask for calibrating feedback in a way that actually gets you honest answers — and how to receive it without getting defensive The goal isn’t to be more humble. It’s to be more accurate — so the person the room experiences matches the person you intend to be. Shares the release of the new book Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2405819/support] Want to be part of our mission: 👉 Donate Today [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/directly-support-our-scholarships] NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch  Available on: 🍎 Apple Books [http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6780689042] & 📚Kindle  [https://a.co/d/0gvfbA0X] Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.  Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org [psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org]