Selfish Parenting

14. Unpacking Church Trauma & Refusing to Raise my Daughters in Shame

I grew up in the church. I prayed, I read my Bible, I believed God was the reason my family survived some of the hardest things we ever went through. Faith grounded me, especially as a refugee kid trying to make sense of losing everything and starting over. But I also grew up hearing that my body was a problem, that my value lived in my virginity, that motherhood was my highest calling, and that men’s comfort mattered more than women’s safety. In this episode, I’m talking about Christianity, modesty culture, Mormonism, Congolese churches, motherhood, and the part of faith that still feels confusing for me. I still pray. I still believe in God. I still find comfort in parts of the Bible. I also know I cannot raise my daughters inside the same shame, fear, and patriarchy that made me question my own body, my own freedom, and my own worth. This is where I am right now: grieving the church community I loved, questioning what I was taught, and choosing to teach my children about religion without handing them the trauma that came with mine. Research mentioned: * 42% of US adults have deconstructed from Christianity (Barna, Ex-Christians Aren’t the Only Ones Deconstructing Faith) [https://www.barna.com/trends/ex-christians-deconstructing/]  * 54% of Gen Z women (compared to 46% of men) have left their formative religions (Dan Foster / Medium, Why Young Women Are Leaving the Church in Droves) [https://medium.com/backyard-theology/why-young-women-are-leaving-the-church-in-droves-d4a3066dfccc] * 40% of women ages 18-29 are now religiously unaffiliated (PRRI, Gen Z, Gender, and Religion) [https://prri.org/spotlight/gen-z-gender-and-religion/] * 65% of young women believe churches don't treat men and women equally (Survey Center on American Life, Young Women Are Leaving Church in Unprecedented Numbers) [https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/young-women-are-leaving-church-in-unprecedented-numbers/] In this episode, we cover: * Why I stopped searching for a home church after spending years trying to find one that felt safe * How modesty culture taught me to carry shame for a body I was still learning how to live in * What Mormonism showed me about women doing the work while men held the power * Why having daughters made me question which parts of church I was willing to pass down * The grief I still feel for the community, care, and village that church gave me * How I’m teaching my children about religion without making fear the foundation * Why so many of us are questioning Christianity and realizing patriarchy was sitting right there with it * What it feels like to still pray, still believe, and still not know where church fits in my life anymore Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me:  * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hindirlane/] * Shop My [https://shopmy.us/shop/hindirlane] * LTK [https://www.shopltk.com/explore/HindirLane] * YouTube - Chancè [https://www.youtube.com/@hindirlane] * YouTube - Selfish Parenting [https://www.youtube.com/@SelfishParentingpodcast] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@hindirlane]

13. Work From Home Isn’t Killing Your Career | Let’s Be Honest About Having It All

Work from home is a career killer for women? I disagree a thousand percent. In this episode, I’m challenging the idea that ambition has to come at the expense of your mental health, your time, or your identity. I’m talking about my experience in corporate America as a Black woman, the invisible labor that comes with being in office, what the research actually says about remote work and productivity, and who the “three hour mom” narrative really applies to. Because not all advice is universal, and success should not require you to lose yourself in the process. Stats mentioned: * Code switching can cost Black professionals 2–3 hours of mental energy daily (Harvard Business Review, 2019 [https://hbr.org/2019/11/the-costs-of-codeswitching])  * 64% of Black employees experience at least one racial microaggression per week (McKinsey & Company, 2023 [https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/week-in-charts/marginalized-groups-bear-the-brunt-of-microaggressions])  * Black women reported a 31% improvement in psychological well-being when working remotely (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2022) * Remote and hybrid work reduced racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women (SHRM, 2023 [https://www.shrm.org/content/dam/en/shrm/executive-network/en-insights-forums/February%202023%20EN%20Insights%20Forum%20Recap%20-%20Under%20the%20Radar%20Discrimination.pdf]) * Remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity (Stanford Business, 2020 [https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/productivity-pitfalls-working-home-age-covid-19]) * 87% of employees report being equally or more productive working from home (Microsoft WorkLab [https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/worklab/work-trend-index/hybrid-work-is-just-work]) * Remote and hybrid workers report higher engagement than fully in-office employees (Gallup, 2023) In this episode, we cover: * Why the “work from home is a career killer” narrative ignores what Black women actually experience * The real cost of code switching, and why the office is not a neutral space * Why being seen at work still doesn’t guarantee being considered * How communication bias shows up in emails and perception * The truth about the “three hour mom” – and what it actually requires * What the data really says about productivity at home * Why you need to be selective about whose advice you follow Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me:  * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hindirlane/] * Shop My [https://shopmy.us/shop/hindirlane] * LTK [https://www.shopltk.com/explore/HindirLane] * YouTube - Chancè [https://www.youtube.com/@hindirlane] * YouTube - Selfish Parenting [https://www.youtube.com/@SelfishParentingpodcast] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@hindirlane]

12. TikTok Is Not Real Life | What I Was Posting While My Life Was Falling Apart with Kiana Leroux

This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline [https://www.thehotline.org/] at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788. Kiana built her platform on transparency, but this conversation makes it clear just how much she was holding at the same time. What looked like a happy, growing relationship online was layered with control, instability, and survival behind the scenes – and she was navigating all of it while pregnant, postpartum, and still showing up publicly. We talk about what it actually means to live through something in real time without the luxury of stepping away, how content creation became both an outlet and a lifeline, and why the version of a relationship you see online can be completely real and still not be the full truth. This episode isn’t about exposing social media – it’s about understanding why women stay, why they leave, and what it costs to delay your own healing. Kiana Leroux is a content creator known for her honest, lived-experience advice and transparent storytelling around relationships, motherhood, and personal growth. Connect with Kiana * IG [https://www.instagram.com/kileroux/] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thekianaleroux] * YouTube [https://youtube.com/@kileroux] Stats mentioned: * 62% of creators report burnout (Forbes Healthy Study, 2025) [https://www.forbes.com/sites/ianshepherd/2025/11/12/what-the-numbers-reveal-about-creators-and-mental-health-in-new-study/] * 65% of content creators experience anxiety and depression (Fast Company & Creator Studies, 2025) [https://www.fastcompany.com/91440198/tiktok-mental-health-suicide-influencer] In this episode I cover: * What’s actually happening behind “happy” relationship content * Why leaving isn’t always a clean or immediate decision * How abuse can exist alongside love, success, and visibility * The role content creation can play when you’re trying to survive something * Why “ride or die” culture sets women up to lose * The difference between real connection and emotional intensity * What it looks like to rebuild while still being watched Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me:  * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hindirlane/] * Shop My [https://shopmy.us/shop/hindirlane] * LTK [https://www.shopltk.com/explore/HindirLane] * YouTube - Chancè [https://www.youtube.com/@hindirlane] * YouTube - Selfish Parenting [https://www.youtube.com/@SelfishParentingpodcast] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@hindirlane]

11. The Government Doesn't Care About Mothers… So We Built Our Own Village

This episode is me saying the quiet part out loud: you are not struggling because you’re doing motherhood wrong. You’re struggling because there is no real support system built for you. I’m introducing Empower Her Village, but this isn’t just an announcement, it’s a response to something I’ve seen over and over again, in my own life and in yours. Mothers who are doing everything “right,” working, showing up, holding it all together, and still can’t afford childcare, therapy, or even basic help at home. Not because they’re irresponsible, but because they fall into a gap no one is talking about. The government has the data. They know mothers are leaving the workforce, they know most can’t access mental health care, and they’ve chosen to do nothing. So instead of continuing to tell you to “prioritize yourself” without giving you the tools to do it, I decided to build something that actually supports you. Because the truth is, it still takes a village… but now that village costs money. And if you don’t have access to it, no amount of advice is going to fix that. Connect with Empower Her Village: * Website [https://empowerhervillage.org/about-us/] * Donate [https://empowerhervillage.org/donate/] * IG [https://www.instagram.com/empowerhervillage] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@empowerhervillage] * info@empowerhervillage.org [info@empowerhervillage.org]  Resources mentioned: * 2025 U.S. Maternal Mental Health Risk and Resources by County [https://policycentermmh.org/2025-us-maternal-mental-health-risk-and-resources/] * Women say caregiving and child care costs are the No. 1 reason they quit the workforce last year, according to new data [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/02/02/catalyst-data-caregiving-is-no-1-reason-women-left-workforce-in-2025.html] Some key takeaways from this episode are: * The “missing middle” is real! Mothers earning too much to qualify for assistance but not enough to afford childcare, therapy, or household help are being left to figure it out alone, and it’s why so many are silently struggling. * “Prioritize yourself” is not useful advice if you don’t have the resources to do it. The issue is clearly not that mothers don’t want to take care of themselves. But that they don’t have access to the support that makes it possible. * The village still exists, it’s just no longer free. What used to be family and community support now shows up as paid services like childcare, therapy, and household help, and every mother deserves access to that level of support. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me:  * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hindirlane/] * Shop My [https://shopmy.us/shop/hindirlane] * LTK [https://www.shopltk.com/explore/HindirLane] * YouTube - Chancè [https://www.youtube.com/@hindirlane] * YouTube - Selfish Parenting [https://www.youtube.com/@SelfishParentingpodcast] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@hindirlane]

10. Spanking IS Child Abuse

Hitting your child is abuse. It doesn't matter if you call it spanking, whooping, or "a little pat." In this episode, I'm unpacking why corporal punishment has been normalized for so long and why so many parents still believe it's discipline. Growing up in the Democratic Republic of Congo, I saw firsthand how physical punishment was treated as the standard both at home and in schools. But here's what doesn't add up: it's illegal to hit your spouse, illegal to hit your neighbor – yet still legal to hit your child. And if you say "I was hit and I turned out fine," I'm here to tell you… you probably didn't.  The real question is this: are you trying to teach your child, or are you trying to make them suffer? Discipline is supposed to come from teaching and repetition, not fear. We talk about the difference between punishment and discipline, why research shows physical punishment harms children's development, the misuse of "spare the rod" in Christian parenting, and what it actually looks like to parent with intention, using redirection, natural consequences, emotional regulation, and clear boundaries instead of violence. Because breaking generational cycles starts with you. Resources mentioned: * ”Spanking and Other Physical Discipline Lead to Exclusively Negative Outcomes” (NYU, 2025) [https://www.nyu.edu/about/news-publications/news/2025/may/spanking-and-other-physical-discipline-lead-to-exclusively-negat.html#:~:text=Physically%20punishing%20children%20in%20low,published%20in%20Nature%20Human%20Behaviour.] * ”The Effect of Spanking on the Brain” (Harvard, 2021) [https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain] 3 things to understand about disciplining kids without hitting them: * Hitting a child might stop a behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t actually teach them what to do instead. Fear shuts down the part of the brain responsible for learning, which means the lesson never lands. * Discipline isn’t about punishment – it’s about teaching. Redirection, natural consequences, and consistent boundaries help children understand their choices and build emotional regulation over time. * Breaking generational parenting patterns starts with the parent. When you regulate your own emotions, model accountability, and reconnect with your child after conflict, you teach them how to handle their own feelings without violence. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me:  * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hindirlane/] * Shop My [https://shopmy.us/shop/hindirlane] * LTK [https://www.shopltk.com/explore/HindirLane] * YouTube - Chancè [https://www.youtube.com/@hindirlane] * YouTube - Selfish Parenting [https://www.youtube.com/@SelfishParentingpodcast] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@hindirlane]