How Do You Know If You Are Loving (aka Accountable)? Ep. 23

The Cult of Patriarchy: 50 Shades of Obey Ep. 29

Subtitle: Deprogramming from the Cult of Patriarchy So You Can Attract a Divine Equal Match. aka Leadership Skills Don't Automatically Come With A Penis. Sis, you were handed a whole belief system before you could read, and nobody ever asked if you wanted it. This week let's get unhinged about the programming running your love life in the background: the leader you keep looking for, the control you grabbed because somebody had to, and that little voice asking if you're too much. Receipts included. A real exit process included. Bring a pen. Timestamps 0:00 Theme 0:30 Host Intro + Vision 3:00 You Were Raised In A Cult 6:00 Part One: The Pain 13:00 Part Two: The Research 19:00 Part Three: The Deprogramming 26:00 Part Four: The Divine Equal Match 30:30 Hack The Dating Apps ad spot 31:00 Gurl, What Chu Goin' Through 35:30 Outro Research citations hooks, bell (2000). All About Love: New Visions. William Morrow. [Theory / cultural criticism. Cited for the argument that patriarchy, which trains men toward power, control, and emotional suppression, is incompatible with the vulnerability and mutuality that love requires; for love defined as an act of will; and for the "love ethic" of care, respect, knowledge, responsibility, commitment, and trust. Not an empirical study. No statistics claimed.] Hassan, Steven. BITE Model of Authoritarian Control (Behavior, Information, Thought, Emotional control); developed across his work including Combating Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds. Founder, Freedom of Mind Resource Center. [Framework. Cited for the four control categories and for the shift from coercive "deprogramming" to non-coercive "exit counseling."] Host interpretation, stated on air: applying bell hooks' work and Steven Hassan's BITE Model to modern dating and mate selection is Candice Harper's framing, not a claim made by either author. The BITE Model was built to describe authoritarian cults; its use here as a metaphor for patriarchal conditioning is intentional analogy. Verification note before recording: the Luenell dating-standard claim is an unverified meme and is presented on air as unconfirmed.  Song featured "A Woman's Worth" by Alicia Keys (Songs in A Minor, J Records, 2001). Written by Alicia Keys (Alicia Augello-Cook) and Erika Rose. Produced by Alicia Keys.  Links Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club: candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love Hack the Dating Apps ($27): candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Hashtags #thepatriarchy #deprogram #divineequalmatch #grownandliberatedlove #sacredauntie #quantitydownqualityup #bellhooks #allaboutlove #aliciakeys #awomansworth #blacklove #blackwomeninlove #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #lovecoach  Theme arrangement and background music: Wes Kilgore

The Barack to Your Michelle Ep. 28

You have said it. Out loud, or quietly, under a photo of the two of them looking at each other like the rest of the room disappeared. "I want the Barack to my Michelle." I know what you mean when you say it. Are you clear about what you mean?  Because if you are picturing a resume, a title, a tax bracket, or a man who checks the boxes you have been collecting since your first heartbreak, you are picturing the packaging. And you will keep swiping past the real thing looking for it. This week I take the costume off the fantasy. Underneath it are four things, four plain words, and once you hear them you cannot unhear them. They are not preferences. They are not "high" standards. They are documented human needs, and I brought the research to prove it. We get into why "the good ones are all taken" is a lie built on top of a real statistic. Why most of us were never taught how to tell whether a man can actually give us what we want. And what Michelle Robinson did in a Chicago law office in 1989 that changed everything. He is not a unicorn. You are not too late. Featuring "By Your Side" by Sade in Gurl, What Chu Goin' Through. RESEARCH CITED Being seen (empirical): the Michelangelo phenomenon. Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. And Rusbult, C. E., Finkel, E. J., & Kumashiro, M. (2009). The Michelangelo phenomenon. Current Directions in Psychological Science. Being heard (empirical): high-quality listening. Weinstein, N., & Itzchakov, G., and colleagues. Includes Itzchakov, Weinstein, Saluk, & Amar (2023), on feeling listened to reducing loneliness after a rejection disclosure (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin). Being understood, not agreed with (empirical): perceived partner responsiveness, Reis, H. T., & Clark, M. S. (understanding, validation, caring), plus research on high-quality listening sustaining connection during disagreement (Itzchakov and colleagues). Being accepted / appreciated (empirical): Algoe, S. B., find, remind, and bind theory of gratitude and appreciation in relationships (2012), and Algoe, Gable, & Maisel (2010), on everyday gratitude in romantic relationships. bell hooks, All About Love (2000), on love as including recognition, care, and respect. Michelle and Barack meeting: verified via the Obama Foundation, the Obama White House archive, and reporting on Michelle Obama's memoir Becoming (2018). No memoir text reproduced. LINKS * Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club: candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love * Hack the Dating Apps (27 dollars): candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 HASHTAGS #thebaracktoyourmichelle #seenheardunderstoodaccepted #divineequalmatch #grownandliberatedlove #sacredauntie #quantitydownqualityup #readytoreceive #blacklove #blackwomeninlove #strongblackwoman #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #lovecoach #podcast Theme music arranged by: Wes Kilgore

Wanting Him Isn't the Same as Being Ready for Him. Ep. 27

You did everything they told you to do. Built the career, did the real therapy, became the woman everyone leans on. So why is the seat across the table still empty? This week, Candice counts down the 15 signs you're not ready to receive your Divine Equal Match... yet, and the one at the base of the list might be the last thing you expected. And no, sis, it is not your fault. With the receipts to prove it, Aunt Candy separates what's structural about your love life from the one part that's actually yours to control. We close with India Arie's "Ready for Love," read a way you have never heard it.  Applications for The Grown & Liberated Love Club are open. EPISODE NOTES Research Citations: * Clarke, Averil Y. (2011). Inequalities of Love: College-Educated Black Women and the Barriers to Romance and Family. Duke University Press. * Beauboeuf-Lafontant, Tamara (2009). Behind the Mask of the Strong Black Woman: Voice and the Embodiment of a Costly Performance. Temple University Press. * Walker-Barnes, Chanequa (2014). Too Heavy a Yoke: Black Women and the Burden of Strength. Cascade Books (Wipf & Stock). Song Featured: * "Ready for Love" by India.Arie (Acoustic Soul, Motown, 2001). Written by India.Arie Simpson and Blue Miller; co-produced by India.Arie. Links: * Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club: candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love * Hack the Dating Apps: candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Hashtags: #readyforlove #indiaarie #divineequalmatch #grownandliberatedlove #sacredauntie #quantitydownqualityup #readytoreceive #strongblackwoman #datingcoach #relationshipcoach #blackwomeninlove #blacklove #lovecoach #podcast

The Wide Gap Between Knowing & Doing Better Ep. 26

The most well-read woman in the room can still be the most anxiously attached woman in the room. This week, Candice opens up her own fifteen-year journey as the "queen of self-help", and the early-forties breakdown that finally taught her the one thing no book could. We get into the behavioral research behind the knowing-doing gap, why your nervous system overrides your insight every single time, how hypnotherapy reaches the belief underneath the behavior, and a real client story. If you've been confusing consumption with change, this one's for you. Research referenced: * Pfeffer, Jeffrey & Sutton, Robert I. he Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action (Harvard Business School Press, 2000). Concept applied beyond its original organizational context labeled on air as host interpretation. * Subconscious influence on behavior (9095% range) widely cited across cognitive neuroscience; presented on air as a range, not a fixed figure, per accuracy standard. * Nervous-system prioritization of protection over conscious intention, consistent with clinical trauma/somatic literature; labeled on air as clinical framing. * Hypnotherapy as a bridge between conscious insight and subconscious/automatic response, practitioner consensus; labeled on air as practitioner framing, not a lab claim. Song Credits "Gurl, What Chu Goin' Through?": * "Mr. Wrong" Mary J. Blige feat. Drake * Written by: Aubrey "Drake" Graham, Rico Love, Jim Jonsin, Danny Morris, Cary Gilbert (sample: "Me and Mrs. Jones") * Produced by: Rico Love & Jim Jonsin * Album: My Life II... The Journey Continues (Act 1) (2011) Resources: * The Grown & Liberated Love Club (application): candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love * Prerequisite: prior clinical therapy / ability to hold a self-awareness conversation. * Hack The Dating Apps ($27): candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 Hashtags: #GrownAndLiberated #GrownAndLiberatedLoveClub #DivineEqualMatch #QuantityDownQualityUp #KnowingDoingGap #InsightToIntegration #SecureAttachment #Hypnotherapy #RelationshipCoach #SacredAuntie #StopConsumingStartTransforming

The Art of Man Banter Ep. 25

How to talk to men in the early stages of dating in a way that has you learning all you need to know. Songs featured: "On & On" Erykah Badu (Baduizm, 1997). "Doo Wop (That Thing)" Lauryn Hill (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, 1998). Apply for The Grown & Liberated Love Club: https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/grown-liberated-love Hack the Dating Apps: https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2 [https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/hack-the-dating-apps2]  #manbanter #theartofbanter #datingcommunication #honestnothurtful #curiositynotchecklists #divineequalmatch #grownandliberatedlove #datingcoach #blacklove #lovecoach #relationshippodcast Theme Arrangement: Wes Kilgore