The Narcissism Decoder

Borderline Relating vs Narcissistic Fortresses: Behind the Scenes | Epi 129

In this episode, we explore another way of thinking about borderline organization. We look at a provocative idea: that borderline intensity and narcissistic control aren’t opposites, but two different solutions to the same early relational disruption. Drawing on Christopher Bollas, we show how a chaotic or frightening primary attachment can lead some people to use emotional turbulence as a way of staying connected, while others survive by eliminating dependence through control and grandiosity. By placing these strategies side by side, the episode reframes chaos and control not as the problem, but as signals of how desperately someone is trying to stay in relationship—and where healing can begin. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here [https://www.drmazzella.com/contact/]for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here [https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours] Next Meeting: March Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments: thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com [thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com] You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on: https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/ [https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Why Narcissists Lie and Keep Secrets: Shame and the False Self- part 1 | Epi 128

In this episode, we explore why secrecy in narcissism isn’t primarily about manipulation or control, but about survival. We look at how shame, fear of exposure, and the need to protect a fragile false self drive lying and concealment — and why the very strategies meant to prevent rejection end up sabotaging intimacy and connection. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here [https://www.drmazzella.com/contact/]for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here [https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours] Next Meeting: March Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments: thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com [thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com] You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on: https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/ [https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Narcissistic vs. Borderline Rage: What’s the Real Difference? | Epi 127

In this behind-the-scenes episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic and borderline personalities, focusing on the inner emotional worlds of these individuals. Key concepts are reviewed, and then we turn our focus to the differences between borderline and narcissistic rage. The discussion highlights the functions of anger and hatred, emphasizing their roles in emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. We also explore practical strategies for managing intense emotions, particularly in the context of “rejection sensitivity” and emotional dysregulation. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here [https://www.drmazzella.com/contact/]for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here [https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours] Next Meeting: March Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments: thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com [thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com] You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on: https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/ [https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Why Arguing With a Narcissist Never Works - and What Helps | Epi 126

In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I meet up again on his channel to explore what actually creates movement in narcissistic relationships—especially when traditional approaches like arguing, explaining, or “proving your point” only seem to make things worse. We talk about how shifting away from labels and facts toward moment-to-moment process, containment, and curiosity can de-escalate conflict and open space for real change, whether you’re a partner, a therapist, or someone beginning to recognize these patterns in yourself.  If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here [https://www.drmazzella.com/contact/]for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here [https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours] Next Meeting: March Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments: thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com [thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com] You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on: https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/ [https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Borderline vs Narcissistic Personality: Behind the Scenes | Epi 125

In this behind-the-scenes episode, I take you inside my clinical thinking as I explore how the same behaviors—withdrawal, silence, or disengagement—can signal very different dynamics in narcissistic versus borderline personality organization. You’ll learn how to tell if a person is operating from NPD or BPD, what drives these reactions, and how to recognize the first micro-moment before anger or panic takes over. Whether your noticing these patterns in yourself or a loved one, this episode gives a clear, psychodynamic perspective on what’s really happening beneath the surface. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here [https://www.drmazzella.com/contact/]for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here [https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours] Next Meeting: March Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments: thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com [thenarcissismdecoder@gmail.com] You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on: https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/ [https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder [https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder] Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com