The Saloon

#30 - not my ariel

On this new and exciting episode of the live-action, hit show The Little Mermaid 2: Lost in New York, our hero descends into the lair of the Disney/MAGA adults. Upon entering the dungeon, our champion was stunned at the disturbing scene unfolding in front of him. Millions of Disney/MAGA adults suspended in the air for ritualistic purposes. A horrifying sight, but our hero steeled himself to witness the event. Suddenly, the adults circled like a whirlpool above him and manifested into a grotesque amalgamation known as Dismaga. Our hero unsheathed his sword and drove it into the wild Dismaga, yet did nothing to stop it. In retaliation, the creature consumed our hero and he dropped into the pits of what seemed to be a hellish stomach. Upon blinking a few times and rubbing his eyes, our champion realized he was not in a stomach - but an apartment complex on school property where his local superintendent urged him to live next to his fellow teachers. In a desperate panic, our hero shouted the word "gay" and the creature vomited him up in repulsion, shriveled up, and returned to Russia.

#29 - i'm done teaching

Our hero has returned! After a grueling war with American Capitalism, our champion has survived the trials of working two jobs and almost making enough to pay one months rent. Despite the treacherous double shifts, our hero is deciding to step down as the Lord of Education. This role was bestowed upon him only weeks prior, but alas, after realizing the sheer volume of chaos from the village below, he decided to retire this title, and return home to his infestation of goblins at the restaurant.

#28 - the furry factory

On this exciting new episode of My Little Pony, our hero attempts to sell free house water to the Palm Beach Furry Society. In town for the local premiere of Super-Pets, our hero learns from them, delving into a strange world. He experiences a secret lifestyle hidden from the rest of society and under a veil of mystery. Overshadowed by trans youth, the furries remain under the radar. This was all a surprise for our hero, who was conditioned to believe by his favorite mainstream media news organizations that transgender sports will bring upon the doom of Earth. In reality, believing you are another human is a concept quite tame in comparison to believing you are a farm chicken. Although, our hero is supportive of his new friends. In a world that consists of over 8,000,000,000 people, we should all "live and let live", which is a quote from the all-inclusive revision of Huckleberry Fin.

#27 - american education ft. karen

On this week's episode of Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, our hero transforms into the mighty Karen in order to accomplish the impossible: refusing to pay $100 for something that should cost $0. Our champion stands up against the unquivering district of education, endures the mockery from geriatric secretaries, but ultimately falters. In retaliation, our majestic Karen rants endlessly about the dysfunctional state of education in this country. He discusses the ridiculous costs, the lack of support, and the patronizing treatment by the system. Tune in to this week's episode if you would like to hear an unapologetic and uncensored report from an American teacher.

#26 - roe v. played

On this new and exciting episode of Two Girls One Uterus, our hero descends upon Washington D.C. to meet the young and in-touch leaders of our great nation. "The Supreme Court", as they call themselves, greeted him with a pride flag and asked if he could film their new Tik Tok to introduce the verdict of Roe v. Wade. He accepted, and they began to dance in a ritualistic cadence. Each Justice wore a different color of the rainbow, informed their audience of their preferred pronouns, and then chanted, in unison, "SPREAD THEM LEGS AND PUSH, PUSH, PUSH... WE COMMAND THAT BABY TO CLIMB OUT YO BUSH!" Upon hearing the reveal, our hero was devastated. He rushed out of the courthouse into a sea of religious fanatics and blue-haired teenagers, where he was tossed around and surfed across the crowd. Our champion escaped unscathed, but vowed to return to fight... after watching the new season of The Umbrella Academy.