Navigating the Ashes: Rebuilding Safety and Trust in Yourself

Mental Health Awareness Month — And Other Things the Wellness Industry Sells You

In 1953, Mental Health America cast a three-hundred-pound bell from the chains and shackles used to physically restrain patients in psychiatric asylums. Seventy-three years later, what Mental Health Awareness Month has become is a candle on the end-cap at the mall. In this episode, I take apart what happened between the bell and the candle — and what an actual awareness month would do if it weren’t being run by marketers. For the woman who’s been doing the work all month and feels weirder about May than she did when it started. Timestamps 00:01-01:04 Introduction to Mental Health Awareness Month 01:06-02:01 The Bell and Its Significance 02:05-03:52 Cultural Shift from Bell to Candle 04:13-05:34 The Original Purpose of Awareness 05:34-07:16 Current State of Mental Health Awareness 07:39-09:42 The Performance of Awareness Months 10:09-13:59 Supporting Mental Health Beyond Awareness 14:00-16:54 Diagnostic Erasure and Pharmaceutical Influence 17:26-19:45 What True Awareness Should Look Like 21:30-25:38 Personal Reflection and Call to Action Listen On (Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/6rkXUS2gvWdzDU5DyabECh], Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/the-spiral-trauma-nervous-system-identity-recovery/id1878430599], YouTube [https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIHtgjm9XsZHht_w5dsnOWFZQKPo2SyKv&si=4wExBFelG0teq5oR]) Subscribe, rate, and leave a review. That’s how more women find it. Find More from Lauren on Substack [https://laurentobeyspiral.substack.com/] 📖 Spiraling Into Control [https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR] About the Show The Spiral is a podcast about complex trauma, nervous system literacy, and the women who got told their pain didn’t count. Trauma-informed coach and author Lauren Tobey walks you through the Spiral Framework — the four states (Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise), the threat and safety databases your body has been running without your permission, and the Machine that’s been making your decisions while you thought you were. Keywords complex trauma podcast, cPTSD, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, polyvagal theory, women’s mental health, high-functioning anxiety, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown, fawn response, people pleasing recovery, codependency recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, gaslighting recovery, mom burnout, perimenopause and trauma, ADHD misdiagnosis, BPD misdiagnosis, autism in women, childhood emotional neglect, attachment trauma, intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, hypervigilance, dissociation, Spiraling Into Control, the Spiral Framework, Ashes Ember Flame Rise, Lauren Tobey

"I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore"

There’s a version of you that’s been running every interaction you have, every day, for as long as you can remember. She’s the one who smiles before she walks in the room. She’s the one who reads the room in three seconds and adjusts. She’s the one your husband married, the one your mother brags about, the one your kids think is their mom. She is not you. She is the costume. Timestamps 00:00 Unmasking the Costume 08:01 The Mechanism of the Costume 16:03 The Cost of Wearing a Costume 24:51 The Journey of Unraveling Listen On (Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/6rkXUS2gvWdzDU5DyabECh], Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/the-spiral-trauma-nervous-system-identity-recovery/id1878430599], Youtube [https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIHtgjm9XsZHht_w5dsnOWFZQKPo2SyKv&si=4wExBFelG0teq5oR]) Subscribe, rate, and leave a review. That’s how more women find it. Find More from Lauren on Substack [https://laurentobeyspiral.substack.com/] 📖 Spiraling Into Control [https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR] About the Show The Spiral is a podcast about complex trauma, nervous system literacy, and the women who got told their pain didn’t count. Trauma-informed coach and author Lauren Tobey walks you through the Spiral Framework — the four states of survival and integration (Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise), the threat and safety databases your body has been running without your permission, and the Machine that’s been making your decisions while you thought you were. This is for the woman who’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or borderline when what was actually happening was a nervous system response to sustained relational harm. The one who looks high-functioning and is internally on a back porch staring at nothing. Who’s been told she’s so strong by people who have no idea what she’s carrying. Who’s tired of being told her trauma is a gift and her body is wrong. It counts because your nervous system counted it. That’s the whole thesis. Keywords complex trauma podcast, cPTSD, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, polyvagal theory, somatic healing, women’s mental health, burnout recovery, high-functioning anxiety, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown, fawn response, people pleasing recovery, codependency recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional abuse, gaslighting recovery, divorce recovery, postpartum mental health, mom burnout, perimenopause and trauma, ADHD misdiagnosis, BPD misdiagnosis, autism in women, late-diagnosed neurodivergent, childhood emotional neglect, attachment trauma, intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, purity culture recovery, deconstruction, hypervigilance, dissociation, emotional flashbacks, nervous system literacy, Spiraling Into Control, the Spiral Framework, Ashes Ember Flame Rise, Lauren Tobey

The Long Weekend Lie

Memorial Day weekend is being sold to you as rest. Your body knows it isn’t. The Maycember-depleted nervous system that walked into Friday is going to walk out of Monday more depleted, more dysregulated, more confused about why you can’t enjoy what you have. And then you’re going to blame yourself for it. In this episode, I take apart the structural lie that time off equals rest, name the cultural dissonance baked into Memorial Day specifically (a holiday for the war dead repackaged as the unofficial start of summer), and give you one operational handle for the three days: subtract the performance, keep the presence. For the woman going into the long weekend already at zero. The Spiral with Lauren Tobey — the science of stress, burnout, identity, and why you feel the way you feel. For the woman who's done everything right and still doesn't feel like herself. Here, we finally figure out why. Timestamps Chapters 00:00 The Illusion of Long Weekends 02:23 Cultural Dissonance of Memorial Day 04:49 The Burden of Performance 06:54 Understanding Rest vs. Performance 09:05 Navigating Family Expectations 11:37 The Impact of Social Media 14:04 The Aftermath of Long Weekends 16:22 Rebuilding Your Nervous System 18:35 Permission to Not Enjoy 20:30 The Work Beyond the Weekend ---------------------------------------- Find More from Lauren on Substack [https://laurentobeyspiral.substack.com/] 📖 Spiraling Into Control https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR [https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR] ---------------------------------------- About the Show The Spiral with Lauren Tobey is a podcast about complex trauma, nervous system literacy, and the women who got told their pain didn’t count. Trauma-informed coach and author Lauren Tobey walks you through the Spiral Framework — the four states of survival and integration (Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise), the threat and safety databases your body has been running without your permission, and the Machine that’s been making your decisions while you thought you were making them. This is for the woman who’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or borderline when what was actually happening was a nervous system response to sustained relational harm. The woman who looks high-functioning and is internally on a back porch staring at nothing. The woman who’s been told she’s so strong by people who have no idea what she’s carrying. The woman who’s tired of being told her trauma is a gift, her pain is a teacher, and her body is wrong. Keywords complex trauma podcast, cPTSD, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, polyvagal theory, somatic healing, women's mental health, burnout recovery, high-functioning anxiety, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown, fawn response, people pleasing recovery, codependency recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional abuse, gaslighting recovery, divorce recovery, postpartum mental health, mom burnout, working mom burnout, perimenopause and trauma, ADHD misdiagnosis, BPD misdiagnosis, autism in women, late-diagnosed neurodivergent, childhood emotional neglect, attachment trauma, intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, purity culture recovery, deconstruction, ex-evangelical, anti-wellness industry, anti-toxic positivity, anti-hustle culture, alternative, somatic experiencing, IFS adjacent, parts work, vagus nerve, window of tolerance, hypervigilance, dissociation, emotional flashbacks, complex PTSD recovery for women, nervous system literacy, trauma education

"You're So Strong" — And Other Stupid Things People Say to Women in Shutdown

You woke up at six, made the lunches, answered the email, and showed up to the meeting with the right answers. Yet, somewhere underneath all of it, the woman doing the showing up cannot remember the last time she actually felt something. This is what high-functioning shutdown looks like — and your nervous system has been running it for longer than you think. The Spiral with Lauren Tobey — the science of stress, burnout, identity, and why you feel the way you feel. For the woman who's done everything right and still doesn't feel like herself. Here, we finally figure out why. Timestamps 00:00 Understanding Shutdown vs. Collapse 09:24 The Mechanism of Shutdown 17:26 The Cost of Functioning in Shutdown 25:22 Recognizing and Naming Shutdown ---------------------------------------- Find More from Lauren on Substack [https://laurentobeyspiral.substack.com/] 📖 Spiraling Into Control https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR [https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR] ---------------------------------------- About the Show The Spiral with Lauren Tobey is a podcast about complex trauma, nervous system literacy, and the women who got told their pain didn’t count. Trauma-informed coach and author Lauren Tobey walks you through the Spiral Framework — the four states of survival and integration (Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise), the threat and safety databases your body has been running without your permission, and the Machine that’s been making your decisions while you thought you were making them. This is for the woman who’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or borderline when what was actually happening was a nervous system response to sustained relational harm. The woman who looks high-functioning and is internally on a back porch staring at nothing. The woman who’s been told she’s so strong by people who have no idea what she’s carrying. The woman who’s tired of being told her trauma is a gift, her pain is a teacher, and her body is wrong. It counts because your nervous system counted it. That’s the whole thesis. Twice a week — teaching episodes on Tuesdays, cultural commentary on Thursdays — Lauren names what the wellness industry won’t, takes apart what the diagnostic system gets wrong, and gives you the language you’ve been looking for. No five-step plans. No healing journey. No silver linings. Just the science, the framework, and the conversation that gets you back to yourself. Keywords complex trauma podcast, cPTSD, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, polyvagal theory, somatic healing, women's mental health, burnout recovery, high-functioning anxiety, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown, fawn response, people pleasing recovery, codependency recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional abuse, gaslighting recovery, divorce recovery, postpartum mental health, mom burnout, working mom burnout, perimenopause and trauma, ADHD misdiagnosis, BPD misdiagnosis, autism in women, late-diagnosed neurodivergent, childhood emotional neglect, attachment trauma, intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, purity culture recovery, deconstruction, ex-evangelical, anti-wellness industry, anti-toxic positivity, anti-hustle culture, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, Gabor Maté, Nicole LePera, Bethany Webster, Glennon Doyle, mother wound, daughter wound, inner child work alternative, somatic experiencing, IFS adjacent, parts work, vagus nerve, window of tolerance, hypervigilance, dissociation, emotional flashbacks, complex PTSD recovery for women, nervous system literacy, trauma education, Spiraling Into Control, the Spiral Framework, the four states, Ashes Ember Flame Rise, integration not healing, Lauren Tobey

Maycember - Subtracting to Stay Present

Lauren Tobey shares how “Maycember” overloads moms with last-minute school logistics.  Download When You're Too Numb To Cry - https://www.laurentobey.com/connect [https://www.laurentobey.com/connect] Connect 📖 Spiraling Into Control https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR [https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR] 🎧 Read With Me — Chapter-by-chapter companion audio: https://www.laurentobey.com/readwithme [https://www.laurentobey.com/readwithme] 📱 The Spiral App — $97 lifetime access: https://www.laurentobey.com/spiralapp [https://www.laurentobey.com/spiralapp]    📰 The Spiral Letter — Weekly email, every Tuesday: https://www.laurentobey.com/newsletter [https://www.laurentobey.com/newsletter] Website: laurentobey.com [https://www.laurentobey.com/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/laurentobeyspiral/ [https://www.instagram.com/laurentobeyspiral/] TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@laurentobeyspiral [https://www.tiktok.com/@laurentobeyspiral] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LaurenTobeySpiral [https://www.youtube.com/@LaurenTobeySpiral] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/laurentobeyspiral/ [https://www.facebook.com/laurentobeyspiral/] About This Episode Lauren Tobey shares how “Maycember” overloads moms with last-minute school logistics—field day snow-cone cash, volunteer pressure conflicting with meetings, a graduation gown that must be washed and ironed, an unannounced half day, and demanding teacher appreciation requests—while they’re already running at zero capacity. She argues typical self-care and boundary advice fails when the mandatory tasks can’t be dropped, because the real problem is a system that turns schools into event factories and pushes moms into survival-mode performance. Her Maycember-specific move is to subtract the performance, not the tasks: keep presence for kids while dropping perfection extras (cute outfits, posters, ironing, over-volunteering). She offers three moves: remove one performance per event, name guilt as “the machine,” and make one daily micro-deposit to stay grounded and intact through May. Timestamps 00:00 May Chaos Week 02:03 Maycember Explained 04:34 System Not Self Care 07:28 Why Advice Fails 08:04 Subtract Performance 10:46 Keep Presence 15:13 Three Maycember Moves 18:54 Permission To Do Less 20:24 In It Too 21:32 Free Guide Offer 22:17 June Is Coming About The Spiral Podcast The Spiral Podcast is where the work breathes out loud. Each episode expands what the writing opens — through lived experience, nervous system science, and the kind of conversation that happens at the kitchen table after the kids are asleep. Hosted by Lauren Tobey, author of Spiraling Into Control and creator of The Spiral Framework. New episodes every Tuesday. Keywords nervous system, trauma, spiraling, The Spiral Framework, Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise, survival mode, nervous system regulation, complex trauma, cPTSD, identity erosion, relational trauma, high-functioning, polyvagal, nervous system states, Lauren Tobey, Spiraling Into Control If This Episode Landed Leave a review. A few honest sentences help the algorithm put this podcast in front of the woman who's searching for exactly what you found. Then share it with the woman you thought of. That's how she finds it.