Pornography in Marriage: Shame and the Long Work of Healing
Pornography is one of the most difficult subjects to talk about honestly, especially within the church. It often lives at the intersection of secrecy, shame, and pain. Avoiding the conversation does not protect people. It leaves many isolated, confused, and quietly suffering.
In this episode, Erik and Bekah are joined by researcher and friend, Dr. Jessica Journaey, whose work examines the impact of pornography within heterosexual, monogamous relationships. They discuss what current research is revealing about pornography’s relational cost, including patterns of secrecy, betrayal, diminished intimacy, increased conflict, and long term dissatisfaction. The episode pays particular attention to how women often experience a partner’s pornography use, not only as a sexual issue, but as a relational rupture marked by deception and loss of trust.
The conversation also addresses shame and moral incongruence within Christian contexts. Many believers experience deep internal conflict when behavior contradicts deeply held convictions. When churches lack safe, informed spaces for honesty, that tension often drives people further into hiding rather than toward healing.
The episode also emphasizes the necessity of community. Lasting change rarely happens in isolation. Healing accelerates when secrecy gives way to shared honesty, accountability, and embodied empathy. In a culture marked by loneliness and digital substitution, the church has an opportunity to respond with wisdom, compassion, and hope.
This episode invites listeners to move beyond shame and silence toward truth, care, and the long work of healing that leads to genuine freedom.
Resources mentioned in this episode include:
* Research by Dr. Jessica Journaey
* Dr. Paul J. Wright’s study on media consumption and pornography:
Paul J. Wright, Robert Tokunaga & Debby Herbenick (2023) But Do Porn Sites Get More Traffic than TikTok, OpenAI, and Zoom? [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2220690], The Journal of Sex Research, 60:6, 763-767
* Barna Group research on pornography use among Christians: Barna Group. (2024). Over half of practicing Christians admit they use pornography [https://www.barna.com/trends/over-half-of-practicing-christians-admit-they-use-pornography/].
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