How to Belong When People Keep Questioning Your Identity with Alex Chester-Iwata

How to Belong When People Keep Questioning Your Identity with Alex Chester-Iwata

"Embrace your culture. You are not half — you are full. And even for my quarter babies: embrace your heritage. It's a beautiful thing." — Alex Chester-Iwata In this episode, Alex Chester-Iwata, founder and CEO of Mixed Asian Media and founder of Mixed Asian Day, joins John to unpack the word that's been everywhere the last few weeks: "Wasian." The term has been around since the early 2000s, but it exploded all over again after Laufey, the Icelandic-Chinese, Grammy-winning musician, released her "Madwoman" music video and stacked the cast with mixed Asian stars like Heated Rivalry's Hudson Williams, Olympic gold medalist Alysa Liu, and The Summer I Turned Pretty's Lola Tung. Suddenly everyone was talking about what it means to be mixed. Alex has been building the home for that conversation for nearly a decade. What we cover: * Why "Wasian" went viral again after Laufey's "Madwoman" video and why Alex, who is Japanese American and Jewish American, doesn't identify with the word. * The problem with the term: it centers proximity to whiteness, plays into the model minority myth, and erases Blasian, Mexican-Asian, South Asian, and Southeast Asian mixed narratives. * Her one-billboard message to the world: "Don't play into white media stereotypes. We don't have to make white Hollywood happy. We can tell our own stories." * Losing a contracted lead-adjacent role on Even Stevens after being called "too exotic" — and the Mattel modeling shoots where she was told to open her eyes wider. * Her time in Dream: the China doll styling, the body image pressure on a 13-year-old, and the first meal in 48 hours being at Diddy's restaurant. * Why her Japanese American family never talked about internment — and how therapy, community, and The Artist's Way led her to found Hapa Mag. * Why she rebranded Hapa Mag to Mixed Asian Media: the indigenous Hawaiian history of "hapa haole" and making space for South Asian community members. * The belonging trap: why so many mixed Asians don't feel safe at AAPI Heritage Month events, and why questioning someone's identity — "do you even speak the language?" — comes from the same box-checking instinct as white media. * What's next for Mixed Asian Media: the June 13 Pride celebration at Sour Mouse on the Lower East Side, social clubs in NYC and DC, and Mixed Asian Day this September in San Diego. ---------------------------------------- Alex Chester-Iwata & Mixed Asian Media:  [https://mixedasianmedia.com] Website:https://mixedasianmedia.com [https://mixedasianmedia.com]  [https://www.instagram.com/mixedasianmedia] Mixed Asian Media Instagram: @mixedasianmedia [https://www.instagram.com/mixedasianmedia] on Instagram  Alex Chester-Iwata Instagram — @alexfchester [https://www.instagram.com/alexfchester] on Instagram  IN THE MIX: A Pride Celebration for the Mixed AANHPI LGBTQ+ Community — June 13, 8PM–12AM, Sour Mouse, Lower East Side, NYC (with Naarak, LIKHA Labs & Blasian March) — tickets: https://sickening.events/e/in-the-mix-a-pride-celebration-for-the-mixed-aanhp [https://sickening.events/e/in-the-mix-a-pride-celebration-for-the-mixed-aanhp] When we rise, we rise together.

How to Navigate Dating as Asian Americans with Coffee Meets Bagel CEO, Quincy Yang

"We're moving into the post-swipe era — more intentional dating, less endless scrolling." — Quincy Yang In this episode, Quincy Yang, CEO of Coffee Meets Bagel, joins John to talk about what's actually driving dating and relationships for Asian Americans right now. Coffee Meets Bagel was started in 2012 by three Korean American sisters who thought swiping was broken, famously turned down a $30 million offer on Shark Tank, and within two years had become a platform where Asian American and Pacific Islander daters made up about half of all users. The first platform that was essentially built for us, by us. Quincy and John get into the company's recent survey for Asian American Heritage Month, where nine in ten AAPI daters said culture matters in a relationship, and roughly 70% said food is part of how they express and receive love — about twice the rate of non-Asian daters. They talk about the OkCupid finding that haunted a generation of Asian men, and why Quincy says the numbers on his own platform are flipped. And they get honest about the harder stuff: more than half of API daters have felt culturally misunderstood by a partner, and one in three has ended a relationship because of it. The throughline is something most of us already feel in our bodies after a long night of swiping: the swipe era trained us to keep one thumb on "next," and it's quietly burning everyone out. Quincy makes the case for slowing down. What we cover: The infamous OkCupid study on Asian men in dating apps, and why Quincy says Coffee Meets Bagel's numbers tell the opposite story. How AI is reshaping dating apps today, and why it can be helpful–or detrimental– depending on how you use it. What really makes a profile work — how many photos you really need, how to write prompts, and why women spend far longer reading a profile than most men think. Why many people feel "culturally misunderstood" in dating, and how it shapes relationships.  Why "swipe fatigue" is real, and what the post-swipe era of more intentional dating actually looks like. "Your users are your product" — how friction-by-design quietly made the app a home for Asian American daters. The duality of growing up Asian American — the self inside the house and the self outside it — and how it shows up in who we date. The book that changed Quincy’s views about himself, and why it helped change his views about his own identity.  The one piece of advice he'd give his younger self about mentors, networking, and being an Asian "on paper" in a sea of resumes. Links: https://www.coffeemeetsbagel.com/press/88-of-aapi-daters-say-culture-matters-in-love-new-coffee-meets-bagel-study-finds [https://www.coffeemeetsbagel.com/press/88-of-aapi-daters-say-culture-matters-in-love-new-coffee-meets-bagel-study-finds] https://apps.apple.com/us/app/coffee-meets-bagel-dating-app/id6502307144 [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/coffee-meets-bagel-dating-app/id6502307144] When we rise, we rise together.

How to Speak Up When You Were Taught Not To with Dion Lim

In this episode, two-time Emmy Award–winning journalist Dion Lim joins John to talk about her new book Amplify!: My Fight for Asian America — the first mainstream book on anti-Asian hate in the COVID era. Dion is the first Asian American woman to anchor primary weekday newscasts in three major American markets, a Gold House A100 honoree, and the defining national voice on anti-Asian hate during the pandemic, with reporting that reached millions through Good Morning America, Nightline, and 20/20. Dion walks John through the moments that built the book: the anonymous Instagram DM in February 2020 that showed an elderly man being beaten in Bayview while collecting cans — and her realizing on the seventh replay that he looked like her father. The 84-year-old Vicha Ratanapakdee, knocked to the ground on his morning walk, and the verdict that gave his killer no jail time. The on-air breakdown she had covering a mother who pulled down her shirt to show a heart monitor and said my heart is broken, I wish it was me who was killed instead of my son. The moment Dion realized she had millions of viewers but no one at home who could relate. And the leap she took to step away from a 20-year broadcast career to write this book. Dion and John also talk about the cultural conditioning that makes "don't be a burden" feel like love, why stats are the best ammunition in a one-on-one conversation about race, the comeback for the next person who says it's just a joke, and why courage doesn't require a megaphone — sometimes it's a conversation with your kids. Content note: this episode discusses anti-Asian violence and the mental health toll of reporting on it. Notable Quotes: "We are not silent like so many of us are conditioned to believe." — Dion Lim "There's no playbook on how to cover anti-Asian hate. You don't learn about it in school." — Dion Lim "Stats actually give you some ammunition. Even the most hard-nosed believers of one thing can't deny the numbers." — Dion Lim "Courage does not have to be you grabbing a megaphone and starting a rally. Courage, for me, can be having a conversation with your child." — Dion Lim Dion Lim Links:  [https://www.dionlim.com] https://www.dionlim.com [https://www.dionlim.com]  [https://www.instagram.com/dionlimtv] @DionLimTV [https://www.instagram.com/dionlimtv] on all platforms

How to Take Off the Mask with John Wang

In this episode, John takes the guest seat. From growing up as one of the only Asian kids in a predominantly white school to building a career around helping others reach inner mastery, John unpacks the journey that shaped the work he does today: the lonely teenager who read self-help books to learn how to make friends, the chameleon who built a popular persona to hide behind, and the Dark Night of the Soul moment in his sister's storage room that nearly ended his life. We also get into his first men's group breakthrough, the decade of inner work that followed across 19 different modalities, and why most of us are running our lives on pain avoidance without realizing it. Notable Quotes: "When you put on that mask and you get really good at putting on that mask, the longer you put it on, the more dangerous it becomes to take it off." — John Wang "It is very easy for men to sacrifice themselves to help other men. It is very hard for men to accept help from other men. That's where the distrust comes from." — John Wang "My confidence comes from the fact that I am really imperfect, and I'm really okay with it. You can walk into a room knowing who you are, knowing who you're not, knowing your flaws, and being okay with it." — John Wang The Breakthrough Experience · June 26–28, 2026 · Vancouver Want to explore your own deep dive and inner work in a transformational retreat designed specifically for Asian Americans? Breakthrough is three days of deep inner work co-led by John alongside Ami Park, Leo Xia, and Colin Pal — four facilitators who have spent years doing this work specifically with Asian Americans. A transformational weekend workshop for Asian Americans ready to break through in their relationships, in their identity, and in the patterns keeping them stuck. Find out more at breakthrough-experience.com [http://breakthrough-experience.com]. Links: Breakthrough Workshop: https://breakthrough-experience.com/ [https://breakthrough-experience.com/] 7 Patterns Quiz: https://www.bigasianenergy.com/7-patterns [https://www.bigasianenergy.com/7-patterns]

How a Princeton Neuroscientist Took Democracy to the Supreme Court with Dr. Sam Wang

Show notes:  In this episode, John sits down with Dr. Sam Wang, Princeton neuroscience professor, founder of the Princeton Gerrymandering Project, and Congressional candidate for New Jersey's 12th District. From growing up as the son of Chinese immigrants in the Midwest to eating a live cricket on CNN, Sam has never been the kind of scientist who stays in his lane. He took his research on gerrymandering all the way to the Supreme Court, helped dismantle New Jersey's corrupt County Line ballot system, and now he's running for Congress because he decided that wasn't enough. In our conversation, Sam breaks down how gerrymandering actually works and why it's one of the biggest threats to fair elections in America right now. We get into the current attacks on scientific research funding and what that means for the next generation of Asian Americans trying to build careers in medicine and science. And we talk about why two thirds of Chinese Americans in his own district aren't affiliated with either major party, and what that tells us about where our community is headed politically. Notable Quotes: "Scientists discover things, but we also build things and we think of solutions. This is what scientists do." — Sam Wang "In the last year and a half, there has been this strange thing that might have escaped some of your listeners, which is that there's this weird hostility to knowledge. And it makes it harder to develop drugs, harder to develop cures, and harder for young people to come up and be successful." — Sam Wang "I want to make elections fairer for everyone. And that is a thing that's inside me that needs to get out." — Sam Wang Sam Wang Links: samfornj.org [http://samfornj.org] samwang.substack.com [http://samwang.substack.com]