Coming Back Online | My Story With Weed, Dependence & Trying to Find Myself Again

Coming Back Online | My Story With Weed, Dependence & Trying to Find Myself Again

This is the first video episode of Coming Back Online — a podcast about long-term weed use, dependence, sobriety, mental clarity, and trying to reconnect with yourself after years of feeling disconnected. In this episode, I open up about what originally got me started smoking weed, how it slowly became part of my identity and everyday life, and the complicated relationship I developed with it over the years. I talk about the comfort, escape, creativity, routines, and emotional coping tied into long-term use — but also the stagnation, disconnection, anxiety, and feeling that something inside me slowly started fading. This podcast isn’t about judgment, perfection, or pretending to have all the answers. It’s an honest exploration of addiction, habits, mental health, dopamine, identity, and what it means to navigate sobriety in a world where a lot of people quietly struggle with the same things. Also — this is my first video podcast, so bear with me while I figure out the lighting, editing, sound, camera setup, and everything that comes with building this from scratch. I wanted to start before everything was perfect because I know there are people out there who need honest conversations more than polished ones. If you’ve ever felt stuck, emotionally numb, dependent on something to get through life, or like you’ve slowly lost connection with yourself… you’re not alone. Welcome to Coming Back Online. Coming Back Online is about honesty, healing, and personal responsibility. I share my lived experience — not medical advice, not judgments, and not instructions for anyone else.

Unfiltered thoughts on CHS, Dependence and my History with Weed

This episode is honestly just me talking. No heavy editing. No perfect structure. Just a real conversation about my history with weed, dependency, creativity, comfort, escape, and the role it played in my life for a long time. I grew up around it. A lot of my friends smoked. It became part of hard times, good times, relationships, routines… life. But I also started dealing with serious stomach issues and episodes that sent me to the ER multiple times. I was never officially diagnosed with CHS, but once I stopped smoking, those episodes went away completely. I’m not here to judge anyone or tell people what to do. I just think if you’ve been dealing with unexplained stomach issues, anxiety, nausea, physical symptoms, or weird health problems while smoking heavily — especially with how potent and mass-produced weed has become today — it might be worth experimenting with taking a break and really listening to your body. This one’s messy and unfiltered. Even Kiki makes a few appearances in the background. But maybe that’s what makes it honest. Coming Back Online is about honesty, healing, and personal responsibility. I share my lived experience — not medical advice, not judgments, and not instructions for anyone else.

The Addiction No One Talks About (Weed, Stagnation & Potential)

In this episode, I talk about a side of addiction that doesn’t get enough attention—the kind that doesn’t destroy your life overnight, but slowly keeps you stuck. After watching Anonymous People and reflecting on my own journey, I started to see addiction differently. Not just as something that causes chaos, but something that can quietly hold you back from becoming who you’re meant to be. This episode is about weed, comfort, avoidance, and what happens when you finally start facing yourself again. If you’ve ever wondered whether something in your life is helping you grow or keeping you comfortable… this one’s for you. Anonymous People Documentary:  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2571226/ Coming Back Online is about honesty, healing, and personal responsibility. I share my lived experience — not medical advice, not judgments, and not instructions for anyone else.

The Hidden Cost of Comfort: Unpacking Cannabinoid Hypermesis Syndrome, the Mind-Gut Connection

What if the thing you’ve been using to feel better… is actually what’s making you sick? In this episode, we unpack Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS) — a paradoxical condition where chronic cannabis use can lead to severe nausea, stomach pain, and cycles of physical distress. But this isn’t just about CHS. We go deeper into the mind–gut connection, the rise of high-potency THC, and how the body can start expressing what the mind has been trying to suppress. I also share my personal experience — from using weed to cope… to dealing with stomach convulsions, anxiety, and the realization that I wasn’t healing… I was masking. This episode challenges a bigger question: Are we actually healing… or just getting comfortable avoiding the root? If you’ve ever questioned your relationship with weed, your body, or your coping mechanisms — this conversation might hit closer than you expect. References [1] Lauren Cue, Frederick Chu, Marco Cascella. Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome. StatPearls, NCBI Bookshelf. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK549915/ [2] Priyadarshini Loganathan, Mahesh Gajendran, Hemant Goyal. A Comprehensive Review and Update on Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome. Pharmaceuticals, 2024, 17(11), 1549. Available at: https://www.mdpi.com/1424-8247/17/11/1549 [3] Vaping360. THC Levels Chart: Crunching the Numbers. Available at: https://vaping360.com/learn/thc-percentage-level-chart/ [4] PMC. The Problem with the Current High Potency THC Marijuana. Available at: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6312155/ [5] I. Ibrahim, S. Syamala, J.A. Ayariga, J. Xu, B.K. Robertson. Modulatory Effect of Gut Microbiota on the Gut-Brain, Gut-Bone Axes, and the Impact of Cannabinoids. Metabolites, 2022, 12(12), 1247. Available at: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9781427/ [6] UC San Diego Today. Large Genetic Study Links Cannabis Use to Psychiatric, Cognitive and Physical Health. Available at: https://today.ucsd.edu/story/large-genetic-study-links-cannabis-use-to-psychiatric-cognitive-and-physical-health [7] PubMed. Short and Long-Term Effects of Cannabis on Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Available at: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32469819/ [8] Acupuncture Collective. Root vs. Branch Treatments: Identifying the Underlying Cause Versus Symptom Checking. Available at: https://www.acupuncturecollective.ca/blog/root-vs-branch-treatments-identifying-the-underlying-cause-versus-symptom-checking Coming Back Online is about honesty, healing, and personal responsibility. I share my lived experience — not medical advice, not judgments, and not instructions for anyone else.

When Weed Stops Working: My 20-year Wake-Up Call

For over 20 years, weed was a constant part of my life. In this episode, I share why I finally decided to walk away from it — and the surprising backlash I’ve received online for talking openly about my experience. Some people have reached out with gratitude, saying they feel the same way and want their clarity back. Others have gotten defensive or angry. And that reaction made me realize something important: people are often afraid to have honest conversations about weed. Let me be clear — I’m not against cannabis, and I’m not judging anyone who uses it. I’m simply sharing my personal story. For me, weed became a way to numb emotions, avoid deeper issues, and disconnect from my own life. When I finally stopped after two decades of daily use, I began noticing changes in my nervous system, my emotions, and my sense of presence. In this episode, I talk about: • Why weed today is very different from the cannabis of the past • The rise of high-potency THC • Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS) and other physical effects some long-term users experience • The emotional and psychological side of dependency • What it means to “come back online” and face life fully present If you’ve ever wondered whether weed is still serving you, this conversation might resonate. This isn’t about judgment — it’s about honesty. And maybe starting a conversation we’re long overdue to have. cannabis, quitting weed, cannabis dependency, sobriety journey, CHS, cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome, mental health, addiction recovery, personal growth Coming Back Online is about honesty, healing, and personal responsibility. I share my lived experience — not medical advice, not judgments, and not instructions for anyone else.