How I’m Dealing With Grief 20 Years After My Father Died | Dead Dads Podcast

The Raw Reality of Watching My Father Choose MAID

Matty Woods’ dad had just died when he came into the Dead Dads studio. Nigel passed away at home on a beautiful bluebird January day, surrounded by family, with a glass of Dalmore scotch in hand, on his own terms. This is one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on Dead Dads. Matty is still in the rawest part of grief: fresh, early, and still finding the words. For men who have just lost their dad, are watching their father die slowly, or are trying to understand grief that does not follow any rulebook, this episode is for you. Nigel Woods spent nine years living with prostate cancer, which he renamed “MDS,” because apparently even cancer needed a nickname. He wrote letters to his grandkids. He recorded videos for his friends. And when he chose MAID, medical assistance in dying, he gave his family one final impossible gift: a goodbye on his terms. A real goodbye. A deliberate goodbye. The kind most of us do not get. Matty came into the studio fresh from emceeing a 1,200-person celebration of life for his dad. He talks about Nigel’s two rules for the event: no sadness, and a shot of scotch before you walk in. He talks about anticipatory grief, the long goodbye, the pride he feels in his dad, and the strange feeling of being “lucky it hurts this much.” This is a conversation about losing your dad to cancer, medical assistance in dying, dying with dignity, grief support for men, father loss, family legacy, and what it feels like to become the steward of your dad’s story. If your dad died recently, years ago, or you are walking through this with him right now, you are not alone. Welcome to the club no one wants to join. 🎧 In this episode, you’ll hear about: * Why losing your dad can feel painful and strangely lucky at the same time * What anticipatory grief feels like after years of illness * How one family handled medical assistance in dying * What dying with dignity looked like for Nigel and his family * Why Matty’s dad wanted scotch, not sadness, at his celebration of life * How grief shows up when the goodbye is planned but still impossible * What it means to carry your dad’s legacy forward * Why “What would Nig do?” became a way to keep his dad close 👨‍👦 About Matty and his dad, Nigel Matty Woods lost his dad, Nigel, after a nine-year experience with prostate cancer. Nigel was funny, proud, stubborn, generous, and deeply loved. He wanted his final days to reflect how he lived: with family, humor, dignity, and a decent glass of scotch. In this episode, Matty talks about what it was like to say goodbye, host a huge celebration of life, and start figuring out who he is without his dad physically here. It is a conversation about father loss, cancer, MAID, grief, pride, family, and the weird little moments that show up after someone dies. Also, yes, there are laughs. Because grief is weird like that. Rude, honestly. ⏱️ Episode chapters 0:00 – “1,200 People, One Shot of Scotch” 3:00 – Nigel’s Rules for His Celebration of Life 6:30 – “I’m Lucky It Hurts This Much” 7:30 – Prostate Cancer and Dark Humor 12:00 – Anticipatory Grief and the Long Goodbye 13:00 – Choosing MAID on His Own Terms 15:00 – The Bluebird Day, the Bridge, and the Scotch 17:30 – Being With His Dad at the End 18:45 – The Plane, the Comet, and “There He Is” 23:30 – Emceeing in Front of 1,200 People 30:00 – “What Would Nig Do?” 32:30 – Why Matty Feels Infinitely Proud 🖤 About Dead Dads Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them. You’re not alone. ☕ If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast Follow Dead Dads: Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast Substack: https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast And listen to us here, or wherever you enjoy podcasts: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4WWlXBPzgj151SFYRUZeSB?si=fe005fdf079249b8 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dead-dads-podcast-grief-support-for-men/id1867632438 New episodes every week. Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/

I Lost My Dad 13 Years Ago — Here’s How I Finally Dealt With Father Grief | Dave Genn of 54-40

"When does grief get easier?" — it's the question every man asks after losing his dad. 💔 Dave Genn of 54-40 got the honest answer from guys who'd already been through it: the hurt doesn't dull, and it doesn't get less painful. But it stops being all day, every day. That's what actually happens. We're Roger and Scott — two guys whose dads are dead, here to normalize the stuff nobody says out loud. Losing your dad sucks, but talking about it doesn't have to. IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT → Why Dave says "when you see your father pass, you're next" → How his dad mourned the end of his creative life before he died → The moment Dave rewrote "Crossing a Canyon" from major to minor — because the original didn't feel right after his dad died → The album that came out of that grief (La Difference) → A dream where his dad said "everything's gonna be okay" → Why grief doesn't get less painful — it just stops being all day, every day → Losing his mom four years later, and the apathy that followed → Being an atheist when the people you love die → Why mortality is the great leveler This is a raw, honest, and genuinely funny conversation about losing your dad — and finding out how much he's still with you. 🎸 Dave Genn is the lead guitarist of 54-40, a Canadian rock band that's been together for over 40 years. His father, Robert Genn, was one of Canada's most beloved painters and creator of The Painter's Keys — a newsletter read by over 60,000 artists worldwide. CHAPTERS 00:00 When Dad Passes You're Next 01:37 Meet Dave Genn 02:02 Who Robert Genn Was 03:44 Advice Dreams and Songs 05:25 Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis 06:37 Final Months at Home 09:23 Turning Grief Into Art 11:27 Aftermath Work and Logistics 13:09 Legacy Paintings and Mortality 15:47 Counting the Years 16:37 Bandmates and Loss 18:08 Work as Coping 19:25 Crossing a Canyon (and La Difference) 22:33 Collaboration and Support 24:13 Grief Over Time 27:56 Advice for the Moment 28:34 Nihilism and Apathy 30:14 The Great Leveler 32:03 Atheism and Afterlife 33:19 Closing and Resources Dead Dads Podcast is a grief support space for men who've lost their dads. Dark jokes. Honest conversations. Losing your dad sucks, but talking about it doesn't have to. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee to help cover the studio and marketing costs that keep the show going and get it in front of more men who need it: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast [https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast] 🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts + more: https://linktr.ee/deaddads FOLLOW + CONNECT Website [https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/] YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast] Substack [https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast/notes] #DeadDadsPodcast #grief #mentalhealth New episodes every week. Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/ [https://jarpodcasts.com/]

How I’m Dealing With Grief 20 Years After My Father Died | Dead Dads Podcast

Mike Wasko's dad died 20 years ago. He's still figuring out what that means. At 29, Mike became his father's primary caregiver after a cancer diagnosis. Then he walked out of a doctor's appointment knowing something his dad didn't — and had to decide what to do with that information. That moment changed everything. Two decades later, Mike sits down with us to talk about what grief actually looks like when the raw edges start to dull. Spoiler: it doesn't disappear. It just shifts. In this episode: * What it's like to grow up with a father who intimidated everyone around him — and why Mike now calls that "a gift" * Becoming his dad's caregiver at 29, and the one conversation he never should have had to have * Why he finally went to therapy — and what his therapist said that reframes grief completely * The "cosmic joke" of watching his youngest son become his late father, trait for trait * The crater analogy: why grief isn't something you get over — it's something you get used to "Grief is the cost of loving someone. And that's just a perfectly natural response." If you're years out and still feel it — this one's for you. And if you're just starting, this is what 20 years of living with it looks like. It gets different. Maybe even better. Dead Dads is hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee to help cover the studio and marketing costs that keep the show going and get it in front of more men who need it: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast [https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast] Chapters: 00:00 – Introduction: Who Is Mike Wasko? 01:21 – Mike Joins the Pod: 20 Years of Grief 02:34 – Why He's Talking About It Now 04:23 – Meet Bob Wasko: "Larger Than Life" 06:23 – His Dad's Parenting Style: Tough Love & Unconventional Fun 07:25 – The Diagnosis: Six Months, and a Secret to Keep 13:34 – Giving Up His Life to Move In With His Dying Dad 15:12 – The Falling Out — and the Reconciliation That Changed Everything 18:16 – Anger, Therapy, and "The Cost of Loving Someone" 24:50 – Becoming a Dad and Finding His Father in Himself 29:10 – His Kids Ask Why Grandpa Died (and Want to Build a Robot of Him) 31:37 – Approaching the Age His Dad Died 32:28 – Mike's Grief Analogy: The Crater That Never Fills 35:35 – Final Thoughts & Where to Follow 🎧 Dead Dads Podcast is a grief support group for men that laughs way too much. New episodes every week on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, and everywhere you listen. FOLLOW + CONNECT Website [https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/] YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast] Substack [https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast/notes] 📲 Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 💬 Leave a review — it helps more men find this. Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/ [https://jarpodcasts.com/]

My Grief Does Not Always Look Like Sadness | Dead Dads Podcast

What does grief actually look like after losing your dad? In this Dead Dads Check-In, we talk about the parts of father loss that don’t always get said out loud. The family vacation that feels off without him. The anniversary rituals that keep him close. The question of whether to keep his stuff or get rid of it. Crying in front of your kids. Dad jokes. Garage clutter. Random sayings. All of it. This episode is for men dealing with grief, father loss, and the strange mix of sadness, guilt, humor, memory, and love that comes after your dad dies. If your grief has felt messy, uneven, or unexpectedly funny at times, this one will feel familiar. Dead Dads is hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee to help cover the studio and marketing costs that keep the show going and get it in front of more men who need it: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast [https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast] What you’ll get out of this episode * A more honest picture of what grief can look like after losing a father * A reminder that grief is not just sadness. It can also be guilt, laughter, rituals, and random memories * A way to think about what to keep, and what to let go * Reassurance that grief moves around. It does not show up the same way every day * Permission to cry in front of your kids without feeling weak * A reminder that remembering your dad can happen through small family traditions, not just big emotional moments * The feeling that you’re not the only one whose grief looks messy, uneven, or unexpectedly funny Chapter list 00:00 When your son sees you cry 00:32 Where grief sits right now 01:09 The first family vacation without dad 01:51 How we mark our dad’s anniversary 02:29 Helping your kids remember their grandpa 03:10 Dollar store memories and dad clutter 04:09 The appliances dads absolutely did not need 04:57 First concerts and dads waiting in the car 05:17 Should you keep your dad’s stuff after he dies? 06:37 Is it okay for men to cry? 07:06 Crying in front of your kids after father loss 09:20 Are dad jokes actually funny? 10:25 The expressions every dad repeated to death 10:49 Garage junk, batteries, and classic dad behavior Follow + Connect Website [https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/] YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast] Substack [https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast/notes] New episodes every week. Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/ [https://jarpodcasts.com/]

I Got the Call… and Had to Tell My Family My Dad Died Suddenly

If you’re dealing with losing your dad, or your dad died suddenly and you had to handle everything, this episode will feel familiar. John got the call. Then had to sit down with his mom and brother and tell them their dad was gone. No plan, no instructions, no will. Just responsibility. The kind you definitely didn’t apply for… but somehow got the job anyway. In this episode, you’ll learn: - What it’s actually like to get the call and then be the one who has to tell your family - What the first few days look like after your dad dies, not the version people imagine, the real one - How to handle everything when there’s no will, no plan, and no clear instructions - Why the pressure to be “the strong one” shows up fast, and what it does to you - Why the conversations you didn’t have stick with you longer than you expect - How to make decisions when nothing feels clear and you don’t trust your own judgment yet - What you can do now so your family isn’t left figuring it out while they’re grieving John and his dad John Abreu spent his childhood in both Venezuela and Canada. His father (John Abreu Sr.), a mathematician, lived by discipline, hard work, and always being there for his family. He encouraged John to think more deeply and strive for better, even if John didn’t always see the value then. Dead Dads is hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee to help cover the studio and marketing costs that keep the show going and get it in front of more men who need it: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast [https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast] In this episode: 0:00 – Why Small Moments Hit Hardest (grief shows up when you don’t expect it) 0:23 – What This Podcast Is (real talk about male grief, not expert advice) 1:02 – Why Talking About Losing Your Dad Matters (even if guys avoid it) 2:42 – What You Carry From Your Dad (what only makes sense later) 6:01 – The One Sentence That Sticks Long After He’s Gone 7:24 – What You Might Do Differently (especially around stoicism) 8:53 – What It’s Like to Get the Call (how fast everything changes) 12:09 – How to Tell Your Family Someone Died (when you’re not ready) 13:47 – When Responsibility Lands on You (and you don’t get a choice) 16:27 – What the First Few Days Look Like (shock, logistics, priorities) 17:38 – What Happens Without a Will (why it gets heavier) 19:17 – How to Make Decisions Without Clear Answers 20:14 – What “Doing It Right” Means (burial, cremation, meaning) 21:58 – How to Honor Someone So It Lasts (beyond the funeral) 23:59 – How Grief Changes Over Time (staying strong isn’t enough) 25:45 – How Losing Your Dad Shows Up in Parenting 28:24 – The Questions You’ll Wish You Asked (and why you didn’t) 31:50 – What You Can Do Now to Prepare (so family isn’t guessing) 33:21 – What Grief Sounds Like Years Later (the sentence that stays) About Dead Dads Dead Dads is a podcast for guys figuring out life after losing their dad. It’s real conversations about grief, identity, and everything that comes after. You’re not alone. Follow + Connect Website [https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/] YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast] Substack [https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast/notes] New episodes every other week. Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/ [https://jarpodcasts.com/]