Feel Free Again with Cole James

045: Rethinking Family Estrangement: Why Cutting Off Family Isn’t Always Healing (And When It Might Be) feat. Victoria Volk

Family estrangement is becoming increasingly common in the United States, with nearly one in four Americans now estranged from at least one close family member. In this episode of the Feel Free Again Podcast, I sit down with grief recovery specialist Victoria to have a deeply honest, nuanced conversation about why family estrangement happens, when it may be necessary, and when it may actually be causing more harm than healing. We talk about unresolved grief, emotional pain, mismatched values, expectations, boundaries, forgiveness, and the cultural shifts that have changed how families relate to one another. I share what I’ve seen after working with hundreds of people in grief recovery — adult children, parents, siblings — all heartbroken, often good people on both sides of the estrangement. We explore how unfinished emotional business, misunderstood boundaries, and unspoken expectations can quietly dismantle relationships, sometimes without either side fully understanding why. This conversation is not about shaming anyone for choosing distance. It’s about clarity, emotional responsibility, and reclaiming your agency. Grief recovery offers tools to help you assess whether estrangement is protecting you — or whether unresolved pain is driving decisions that don’t align with who you truly are. If you’re navigating family conflict, estrangement, forgiveness, or emotional healing, this episode will challenge you to slow down, reflect, and consider a different path forward. ⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 — Why Family Estrangement Is Rising 05:12 — Cultural Shifts and the Breakdown of Family Systems 09:47 — Expectations, Boundaries, and Planned Disappointments 14:01 — The Danger of Acting on Incomplete Emotional Pain 18:48 — Taking 1% Responsibility and Reclaiming Power 23:32 — Why Forgiveness Isn’t Weakness 28:23 — When Boundaries Become Emotional Walls 33:56 — The Grief of Parents Estranged From Adult Children 39:46 — Love, Acceptance, and Letting Others Choose 45:12 — How Grief Recovery Helps Heal or Clarify Estrangement 47:12 — Detoxing From Collective Drama Before Family Gatherings 50:47 — Teaching Kids Responsibility for Their Own Feelings 53:26 — Grieving the Child Who Is Growing Up 1:00:55 — How to Know If Estrangement Was the Right Choice Connect with Victoria: Website: https://theunleashedheart.com/ [https://theunleashedheart.com/] LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriavolk/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriavolk/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theunleashedheartllc/ [https://www.facebook.com/theunleashedheartllc/] GRM Website: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/victoria-volk [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/victoria-volk] About the Host:  Cole James, President of the Grief Recovery Institute, shares about the Power of Grief Recovery! Cole is dedicating his life to help people with grief. Now, grief is much more than just losing someone. Did you know that? You've probably heard of the Five Stages of Grief, right? Well, this goes much deeper than you think. Let me explain. Everyone has some type of grief in their lives, some haven't yet, but it's part of life. We can't escape it, BUT we can work through it. And you don't have to do it alone. Let's talk about it. We have trained Grief Recovery Method Specialists, who help heartbroken people, in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, the Middle East, Central America, South America, and North America. The Grief Recovery Method Certification Program is taught and available in multiple languages including: English, Spanish, Swedish, Hungarian, Ukrainian, and Russian. Our home office is in the United States and serves English-speaking nations and populations around the world, such as the United Kingdom, Canada, and the Commonwealth Nations. In addition, we have international affiliate offices in Sweden, Australia, Mexico, and Hungary. Our goal is to help as many people as possible, which is why our books have been translated into over 30 languages including: Spanish, French, Dutch, Portuguese, Japanese, Ukrainian, Russian, and many more. For more information visit: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/ [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/]

044: Men & Grief Recovery: The Real Reason Men Avoid Grief (And The Tool That Changes Everything) feat. Jorge Ruiz

In this episode of the Feel Free Again Podcast, I sit down with healing and empowerment coach Jorge Ruiz to talk about something men desperately need, but rarely reach for: grief recovery. We dig into why men often avoid emotional healing, why “I’m fine” becomes a lifestyle, and how unprocessed loss doesn’t just hurt your feelings, it quietly anchors your identity to your past and shapes how you react in the present and fear the future. Jorge shares powerful stories from working with foster youth, people coming out of prison, and men who’ve learned to survive by numbing instead of processing. We talk identity labels like “addict” or “prisoner,” and how the Grief Recovery Method can help you finally separate who you are from what happened to you. We also go deep on men’s isolation, the suicide reality, and the warrior/protector paradox: real strength isn’t pretending you feel nothing—it’s learning how to feel without being ruled by it. If you’ve ever felt stuck, reactive, ashamed, disconnected, or like peace always sits just one achievement away… this conversation is for you. I also share how grief recovery impacts marriage and fatherhood, and Jorge breaks down his FOCUS framework (Faith Overcomes Challenges Unleashes Success) plus why none of this works well until the heart gets healed first. If you know a man who needs this, please share it. It might be the conversation that helps him finally start healing. ⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 — Why Feeling “Stuck” Happens to Strong People 05:54 — Meet Ezra Stanton: The Cost of Staying in Quicksand 11:48 — The Hidden Patterns That Keep Men Stalled 17:42 — How to Tell If You’re Numb vs. Actually “Okay” 23:36 — The Moment You Realize It’s Not Just Stress 29:30 — The Lie of Self-Sufficiency (And Why It Backfires) 35:24 — Naming the Real Problem Without Shame 41:18 — The Inner Story Driving Your Outer Life 47:12 — Why Willpower Fails (Even for Disciplined Men) 53:06 — Rebuilding Clarity When You Can’t Trust Your Feelings 59:00 — The Emotional Weight You Didn’t Know You Were Carrying 01:04:54 — What Healing Actually Looks Like in Real Life 01:10:48 — Breaking the Cycle: Triggers, Reactions, and Repair 01:16:42 — Identity: Who You Become After Loss and Change 01:22:36 — Relationships Under Pressure: How Men Pull Away 01:28:30 — The Turning Point: Doing the Work That Works 01:34:24 — Practical Tools to Get Unstuck This Week 01:40:18 — What Freedom Feels Like (And Why It’s Quiet at First) 01:46:12 — The Long Game: Staying Free, Not Just Getting Free 01:52:08 — Final Charge: The Next Step for Men Ready to Move Connect With Jorge: Email: jorgeruiz@focusimaginelife.com [jorgeruiz@focusimaginelife.com] Website: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/jorge-ruiz [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/jorge-ruiz] Cole James, President of the Grief Recovery Institute, shares about the Power of Grief Recovery! Cole is dedicating his life to help people with grief. Now, grief is much more than just losing someone. Did you know that? You've probably heard of the Five Stages of Grief, right? Well, this goes much deeper than you think. Let me explain. Everyone has some type of grief in their lives, some haven't yet, but it's part of life. We can't escape it, BUT we can work through it. And you don't have to do it alone. Let's talk about it. We have trained Grief Recovery Method Specialists, who help heartbroken people, in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, the Middle East, Central America, South America, and North America. The Grief Recovery Method Certification Program is taught and available in multiple languages including: English, Spanish, Swedish, Hungarian, Ukrainian, and Russian. Our home office is in the United States and serves English-speaking nations and populations around the world, such as the United Kingdom, Canada, and the Commonwealth Nations. In addition, we have international affiliate offices in Sweden, Australia, Mexico, and Hungary. Our goal is to help as many people as possible, which is why our books have been translated into over 30 languages including: Spanish, French, Dutch, Portuguese, Japanese, Ukrainian, Russian, and many more. For more information visit: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/ [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/]

043: Why “Time Heals” Is a Lie: The 2 Ways We Handle Grief (And Why One Keeps You Stuck) feat. Kelli Sheumaker

Many of us were taught to handle grief in one of two ways: ignore it and hope it fades, or simply "be strong" and move on. But if I'm being honest, that approach doesn't heal—it just buries the pain. In this episode, Part 2 with grief recovery specialist Kelli Sheumaker, we dive into the complexities of grief and the different ways people cope with loss. We explore the importance of acknowledging grief rather than pushing it aside, the ripple effects of unresolved grief on relationships and physical health, and the transformative power of the grief recovery method. This conversation highlights that healing requires action and that grief recovery is an ongoing journey—not just about processing loss but about rediscovering joy and connection. We go beyond the typical association of grief with death. We discuss grief in living relationships—marriage, parenting, friendships—and the challenging dynamics where the relationship continues, but the pain endures. We also examine how unspoken expectations lead to disappointment, how unresolved grief can distort our memories of a person, and why getting accurate about a relationship—the good, the bad, and the unfinished—can restore clarity and empower us to make informed choices. And yes, we talk about the body. Not as a guilt trip or a simple "grief causes everything," but as an invitation to consider the impact of years of unprocessed emotional pain on your nervous system, sleep, health, and how you show up for the people you love. If you've ever thought, “I should be over this by now,” this conversation is for you. ⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 — Welcome + What Feel Free Again Is About 01:50 — The Two Paths: Avoiding Grief vs Healing It 04:51 — Getting Unstuck: Safe Space + Tools That Actually Work 09:53 — The Relationship Graph: How Grief Distorts Memory (and How to Get Accurate) 16:51 — Expectations = Planned Disappointments (Marriage + Living Relationships) 21:34 — The Ripple Effect: How Unresolved Grief Impacts Everyone Around You 26:59 — Grief in the Body: Sleep, Pain, Autoimmune, and Physical Symptoms 35:50 — Chronic Illness Grief: Mourning the Life You Expected 40:58 — Core Work First, Then Day-to-Day Maintenance Tools 46:08 — How to Work With Kelli + Final Takeaways + Closing Connect with Kelli: Website 1: www.renewedhopegriefrecovery.com [http://www.renewedhopegriefrecovery.com] Website 2: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/kelli-sheumaker [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/kelli-sheumaker] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/renewedhopegriefrecovery/ [https://www.facebook.com/renewedhopegriefrecovery/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/renewedhopegriefrecovery [https://www.instagram.com/renewedhopegriefrecovery] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@renewedhopegriefrecovery [https://www.youtube.com/@renewedhopegriefrecovery] Cole James, President of the Grief Recovery Institute, shares about the Power of Grief Recovery! Cole is dedicating his life to help people with grief. Now, grief is much more than just losing someone. Did you know that? You've probably heard of the Five Stages of Grief, right? Well, this goes much deeper than you think. Let me explain. Everyone has some type of grief in their lives, some haven't yet, but it's part of life. We can't escape it, BUT we can work through it. And you don't have to do it alone. Let's talk about it. We have trained Grief Recovery Method Specialists, who help heartbroken people, in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, the Middle East, Central America, South America, and North America. The Grief Recovery Method Certification Program is taught and available in multiple languages including: English, Spanish, Swedish, Hungarian, Ukrainian, and Russian. Our home office is in the United States and serves English-speaking nations and populations around the world, such as the United Kingdom, Canada, and the Commonwealth Nations. In addition, we have international affiliate offices in Sweden, Australia, Mexico, and Hungary. Our goal is to help as many people as possible, which is why our books have been translated into over 30 languages including: Spanish, French, Dutch, Portuguese, Japanese, Ukrainian, Russian, and many more. For more information visit: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/ [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/] #mentalhealth #grief #depression #sad

042: Stop Choosing Sides, Start Choosing People: How to Disagree Without Disconnecting (Keep Your Peace)

In today’s episode of the Feel Free Again Podcast, I’m joined again by Tammy Adams. This is her second time on the show, and I’m grateful we get to keep building on the ground we covered last time. In this conversation, we’re diving into something that’s breaking hearts everywhere: how we’ve forgotten how to love each other through differences, and how families are getting fractured, ghosted, and cut off over “outside topics” that were never supposed to cost us our relationships. We talk about how belief systems form early, why certain phrases can trigger massive reactions, and the powerful shift from “You made me feel” to “When you said/did ___, I felt ___.” Tammy brings her early childhood education background into the conversation, and we connect the dots between nervous system overwhelm, social media saturation, unresolved grief, and why so many people live in defense mode. We also get real about how unresolved emotions often show up as anger, especially for men and what it looks like to do the inner work that gives you your peace (and your relationships) back. If you’re a Grief Recovery Specialist (or considering the work), we also speak directly to the importance of creating safety and staying anchored in the mission: helping broken hearts heal without bringing our personal “rightness” into the room. If this episode helps you, please share it, subscribe, and leave a review so more people can find these tools and find their way back to connection. ⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 - Tammy Adams Returns: A Deeper Conversation on Healing Relationships 01:35 - The Divide Is Breaking Families (And We Need Better Tools) 05:20 - How Childhood Beliefs Get Wired and Become Adult Triggers 10:55 - “You Made Me Feel” vs “I Felt”: The Language That Restores Power 14:40 - Social Media, iPads, and Why Beliefs Form Earlier Than We Think 17:50 - The “One-Hour Debate” Rule: Staying Family While Disagreeing 22:55 - You’re Not a Wind-Up Toy: Owning Your Emotional Responses 27:45 - When Unresolved Grief Shows Up as Anger (Tammy’s Real Story) 37:50 - People-Pleasing, Control, and Trauma Responses in Conflict 40:14 - Why Constant Global News Keeps Us Triggered and Divided 52:45 - Message to Specialists: Create Safety, Stay in Your Lane, Help the Heart Heal Cole James, President of the Grief Recovery Institute, shares about the Power of Grief Recovery! Cole is dedicating his life to help people with grief. Now, grief is much more than just losing someone. Did you know that? You've probably heard of the Five Stages of Grief, right? Well, this goes much deeper than you think. Let me explain. Everyone has some type of grief in their lives, some haven't yet, but it's part of life. We can't escape it, BUT we can work through it. And you don't have to do it alone. Let's talk about it. We have trained Grief Recovery Method Specialists, who help heartbroken people, in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, the Middle East, Central America, South America, and North America. The Grief Recovery Method Certification Program is taught and available in multiple languages including: English, Spanish, Swedish, Hungarian, Ukrainian, and Russian. Our home office is in the United States and serves English-speaking nations and populations around the world, such as the United Kingdom, Canada, and the Commonwealth Nations. In addition, we have international affiliate offices in Sweden, Australia, Mexico, and Hungary. Our goal is to help as many people as possible, which is why our books have been translated into over 30 languages including: Spanish, French, Dutch, Portuguese, Japanese, Ukrainian, Russian, and many more. For more information visit: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/ [https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/] #mentalhealth #grief #depression #sad

041: Why Unresolved Grief Is Behind So Much Pain (and How to Heal It) with Victoria Volk

Connect with Victoria Volk: Website: www.theunleashedheart.com [http://www.theunleashedheart.com/] Instagram: www.instagram.com/theunleashedheart [http://www.instagram.com/theunleashedheart]   As the host of the Feel Free Again Podcast, I’ve had the privilege of hearing countless stories of loss and restoration — but few moved me like my conversation with Victoria Volk, a grief recovery specialist and mother of three from rural North Dakota. In this episode, we explore what it really means to confront decades of buried pain and how doing so can restore connection, compassion, and freedom. Victoria opens up about losing her father at age 8, enduring abuse, and spending 30 years trying to outrun grief through achievement, distraction, and numbing. Her breaking point led her to the Grief Recovery Method, which completely changed her life — and even saved her relationship with her mother. She shares how healing her heart didn’t require others to change, but instead invited empathy, forgiveness, and peace that rippled through her entire family. We also talk about how grief recovery helps parents and children communicate more openly, why boundaries create safety, and what happens when anger is finally understood instead of suppressed. If you’ve ever lost someone, faced trauma, or felt emotionally stuck, this episode will remind you that you can’t heal what you won’t feel — and that freedom is closer than you think.   ⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 – Intro & Welcome to the Feel Free Again Podcast 01:05 – Meet Victoria Volk: Finding Grief Recovery After 30 Years 04:56 – The Midlife Unraveling: Identity, Motherhood & Burnout 06:50 – Discovering the Grief Recovery Method & Choosing Healing 10:05 – Why You Can’t Heal Alone: The Power of Safe Spaces 16:42 – Healing the Relationship with Her Mother Through Compassion 23:04 – Boundaries, Body Awareness & Feeling Safe Again 31:02 – Teaching Kids Emotional Honesty & Healthy Anger 45:00 – Victoria’s Son’s Accident: How Grief Tools Saved Their Family 1:00:07 – Grief Is Everywhere: Why the World Needs This Work