The Conversation You Have Been Postponing

The Conversation You Have Been Postponing

There is a conversation on your team you have been postponing for months. You know who it is with. You know what it is about. And every week you do not have it, you spend a small amount of energy not having it. Multiply that by the months it has been waiting, and you have been paying interest on this conversation longer than you realized. Maybe it is the team member whose skills no longer fit the team. Maybe it is the new addition who has not gelled, and you have been hoping the chemistry would come on its own. Maybe it is the long-timer whose attitude is corroding the practice without them knowing. Maybe it is the volunteer you need to release. Maybe it is the staff member you need to redirect. Whoever it is, the conversation has a name. And every Sunday you do not have it, the team feels it without being able to name it. Notice what Acts 15 does and does not say. It does not say Paul and Barnabas worked it out and continued on together. They did not. The contention grew so sharp that they separated. Two of the most important leaders in the early church, two men who had given up everything to plant churches together, could not get past a disagreement about a team member. They did not pretend it was fine. They did not blend it into a public unity that was not real. They named the gap and they went different ways. And notice what happens next. Paul takes Silas, and goes out. Barnabas takes Mark, and sails to Cyprus. Both kept doing the work. The disagreement was not the end of either ministry. There were two missions instead of one. And years later, in Paul's last letter, he writes to Timothy, get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for ministry. The young man Paul could not work with became the man Paul wanted near him at the end. Time and grace did what the moment could not. For the worship team, this passage takes pressure off two things. The first is the pressure to make every conversation result in continuity. Sometimes the kindest, most spirit-led outcome of a hard conversation is two ministries instead of one. The volunteer needs to step away. The team member needs to find a different church. The new hire needs to be released to a role that fits them. That is not failure. That is honesty about what God is doing in two different places. The second is the pressure to never need the conversation again. Mark eventually became useful to Paul. Some of the team members you release will be back. Some of them will land somewhere else and flourish. Some of them will need years to be ready. The conversation is not a verdict on the relationship. It is just the moment of telling the truth. Now hear what the conversation actually looks like, because most of us avoid it because we do not know how. Name the gap specifically. Not, this is not working. Specifically. Here is what I am seeing. Here is what the team needs. Here is the gap between them. Name the love specifically. Not, I love you, but. Specifically. Here is why you matter to me. Here is what I have valued about you. Here is what I do not want to lose. Name the path forward specifically. Here is what I am asking. Here is what comes next. Here is what support looks like. Not theoretical. Concrete. And then sit with the response. Do not rescue them from the discomfort. Do not fill the silence. Let them feel what is true. If you do all three of those things, the conversation that has been paying interest for months will cost you one hard hour. The interest stops the next day. A question to sit with today: what conversation am I paying interest on every week by not having it? Read the written version and get extra notes at ryanloche.substack.com.

The Volunteer Who Just Stopped Showing Up

The volunteer who keeps declining was the wound we named in episode two. This one is different. This is the volunteer who stopped declining. The volunteer who stopped responding. The volunteer who used to text back, sometimes within minutes, and now goes silent. You sent the schedule request. No reply. You sent a follow-up. No reply. You sent the hey, just checking in. No reply. And there is a date on the calendar somewhere where this person was at every meeting, in every group text, at every after-service coffee, and now they are not. They have not quit. They have not said anything. They have just gone quiet, and the silence is louder than the schedule. If you have led for any length of time, you know this one. Sometimes it is grief. Sometimes it is shame. Sometimes it is a job change. Sometimes it is a hurt the team handed them and never noticed. Sometimes you do not know, and you may not get to know. Look at the verb in Hebrews 10:24. Provoke. In the Greek that is paroxysmos, the root we get paroxysm from. It means to incite, to sharpen, to stir up. In Acts 15, the same word is used for a sharp disagreement between Paul and Barnabas. It is not a soft word. The writer of Hebrews picks it up and turns it. He says, provoke one another to love and good works. Stir each other up. A team that is provoking one another well looks like nudging, asking, noticing, naming, sometimes confronting, sometimes just saying I see you. A team that has lost the practice goes silent. And when somebody on it goes silent, nobody is provoked by their absence, and so nobody goes looking. For the worship team, this verse changes the question. The question is not, how do I plug this slot. We covered that in episode two. The question is, what does provoking this person toward love and good works look like right now. Sometimes it looks like a text that has nothing to do with the schedule. Hey. Have been thinking about you. No agenda. Just wanted to say I noticed. Sometimes it looks like showing up at their house with food because something is happening they did not tell you about. Sometimes it looks like asking another team member to call them, because the worship pastor is not the right voice for this conversation. Sometimes it looks like letting them know there is a place for them when they are ready, without making them prove they are ready first. And sometimes, this is harder, it looks like releasing them. Not punitively. Pastorally. We need to take you off the schedule for now so you are not carrying the weight of a yes you are not ready to give. We will keep talking. When you want to come back, come back. The release is not failure. The release is provoking by giving them permission to step out so they can come back free. There is one piece of this you need to hear, because it is hard. Some volunteers will not come back. They will go quiet, and they will stay quiet, and they will end up at another church, or no church, and you will not know why. You did the work. You provoked. They went. That is the cost of leading. Hebrews 10 does not promise that exhorting one another will bring everyone back. It promises that the body that does not exhort will lose more. A question to sit with today: who has stopped showing up that I have stopped asking about? Read the written version and get extra notes at ryanloche.substack.com.

1 Corinthians 13 Was Written to Your Worship Team

1 Corinthians 13 was not written for your wedding. It was written to the most gifted, most divided worship gathering in the New Testament. If you have ever sat through love is patient, love is kind read by a maid of honor in a string of pastel dresses, you know how this chapter sounds. We have flattened it. We have framed it in calligraphy. We have made it sentimental. It is not a sentimental chapter. It is the chapter where Paul looks straight at a worship team in chaos and tells them the gifts they are so proud of are not worth much without one specific posture. Look at where chapter 13 sits in the letter. Chapter 12 is the body, the gifts, the booth we talked about at the beginning of this season. Chapter 14 is what to do when the gathering itself becomes chaos, when people prophesy over each other, when somebody speaks in tongues without an interpreter, when the order of worship falls apart. Chapter 13 sits in between those two, and it is not a romance interlude. It is the bridge. Paul is talking to musicians. He is talking to people who prophesy. He is talking to people who speak in tongues. He is talking to people whose gifts are real and obvious and getting in the way of each other. And he reaches for an image from the stage. Sounding brass. Clanging cymbal. Those are instruments. Loud ones. He could have said, if I speak without love, I am like a tree that bears no fruit. He picks instruments. On purpose. Because the people listening to this letter are the gifted ones in the worship gathering, and he wants them to hear themselves. The skill is real, Paul says. The gift is real. The prophecy is real. The faith that moves mountains is real. Without love, all of it is noise. Now the verb. Love is patient, love is kind. That word for patient is makrothymeo. It means to suffer long. To stretch your anger out into a longer line than your provocation. To not snap when you have every right to. That is a team verb. Every single wound this season has named requires it. The volunteer who keeps declining. Makrothymeo. The musician who is better than the room. Makrothymeo. The booth that finds out last. Makrothymeo. The setlist fight that will not die. Makrothymeo. The parking lot conversation. Makrothymeo. The peacekeeping you have called peace. Makrothymeo. The pastor you wrote the story about. Makrothymeo. The comparison you cannot quit. Makrothymeo. Every move we have named in this season requires a love that suffers long. Without it, the season is just diagnosis. With it, the season is formation. Paul does not say love is a personality trait that some teams have and some teams do not. He says love is the skill that makes every other skill on the worship team mean anything. Without love, the gifted bass player is brass. Without love, the vocalist with the best range is a cymbal. Without love, the audio engineer with twenty years of experience is noise. A question to sit with today: if my team described how I treat them, would 1 Corinthians 13 come to mind? Read the written version and get extra notes at ryanloche.substack.com.

The Fear of Never Being Good Enough

You are not the most talented person on your team. Good. That was never the job. That sentence might land sideways. Because the fear of never being good enough is one of the most common wounds on a worship team, and one of the wounds that hides best. The vocalist who says, I do not like how I sound. The musician who quietly stopped recording themselves because the playback hurt. The leader who scrolls through other worship pastors and pretends she is just keeping up with the field. The audio engineer who hears a moment in a mix nobody else would catch and cannot let it go. Almost six hundred worship leaders answered the survey for The Church Collective. Comparison shows up in the answers more than almost any other word. Comparison to other ministers. Comparison to big churches with big budgets. The pursuit of comparison, perfectionism, and the fear of never being good enough. The answer one of them gave was just that. Three words. Never being enough. Read 2 Corinthians 4:7 again. Paul does not say become a better vessel. He does not say polish yourself until you are worthy of the treasure. He says the cheapness of the container is the point. A clay jar in Paul's world was the disposable cup of its era. It cracked. It chipped. It got used and replaced. And Paul says God puts the gospel in one of those on purpose, so that the power on display is obviously not coming from the jar. The clay is not the defect. It is the design. A world-class violinist played in the New York subway for two hours. Three people stopped. Some change in the case. That night, the same player sold out Carnegie Hall. Same instrument. Same skill. Same gift. What changed was the room. Most of the time on a worship team, you are reading the room you are in and concluding things about your gift. The room did not stop. The room did not lift its head. The room did not respond to the bridge. So you must not be good enough. Then you scroll past a worship leader in a megachurch and the lights are right and the room is roaring, and the comparison spiral starts. What you are actually measuring is the room, not the gift. Paul has a layer underneath even that. Even when the room responds, the verse is the same verse. The power was of God, and not from yourself. The cheap container does not become more valuable because the room got loud. Its value was never set by the room. Your value to the organization will fluctuate. Some seasons you will be needed and praised. Some seasons you will be overlooked. Both seasons will tempt you to read the room as a verdict on your worth. Both seasons are lying. The verse is anchored somewhere the room cannot reach. A question to sit with today: whose gift on this team have I been treating as a verdict on mine? Read the written version and get extra notes at ryanloche.substack.com.

I Serve at Your Pleasure

Your pastor went quiet and you wrote the whole story. The budget meeting you were not in. The new org chart somebody mentioned at coffee. The ending where you are replaced and the church does fine without you. None of it happened anywhere but in you, and you have been carrying it like a forecast. If you have been in worship ministry long enough, you have a version of this. The senior pastor's tone in a text feels off, and inside of an hour, you have built a whole movie out of it. Some of this comes from real history. Some of you have been at a church that ended badly, and the body learned a fired-soon filter that the new church cannot turn off. New pastor is not the old pastor, and you know that. The filter still runs. Paul says it is a very small thing that he should be judged by them. He is not minimizing them. He is putting their assessment in its place. He is not even justifying himself by his own opinion of himself. He says, I do not judge my own self. The Lord judges me. That is not a weapon you wave at your pastor. It is the opposite move. Paul is saying my standing does not move when your opinion moves, so I can hear what you say without my identity being at stake in your sentence. An executive pastor named Ed put it this way. He said, I used to tell my bosses, I serve at your pleasure. If for some reason I am not meeting expectations, I do not need to be there anyway. That is not passive-aggressive. He means it. He is saying my faithfulness is not contingent on whether I keep this job. I can do this work free, not afraid. The next time your pastor goes quiet and you start writing the story, notice you are doing it. Name the filter. Ask the question instead of feeding the script. Hey, I want to make sure I am not reading into this. Anything I need to know? Most of the time the answer will be, no, I have just been buried. And the script in your head will deflate. The work it takes to ask is small. The freedom on the other side is real. Serve up the chain like the Lord is your judge. Bring the concern. Make the case. Let go of the outcome. You can be honest without auditioning. You can disagree without spiraling. You can hold real respect for your pastor without making him your jury. A question to sit with today: what story about my pastor am I treating as fact? Read the written version and get extra notes at ryanloche.substack.com.