Shame Keeps Us In Hiding

Shame Keeps Us In Hiding

War on Love Podcast — Show Notes Shame: The Enemy's Favorite Weapon (Series Premiere) Recorded: Tuesday, July 21 I know, I know. It's not Monday. And honestly, that's kind of the point of this whole episode. I want to take you through my day yesterday, because this is real-life spiritual warfare, and it doesn't always look like how we think it's going to look. This is the start of a series I've been sitting on for a while, on shame, because I don't think it gets talked about nearly enough in our churches. Shame has been present since Genesis, and it is still one of the biggest things I see keeping people (including me) stuck. Here's what actually happened yesterday morning. I needed to leave the house by 6am to take my son Kyle to his freshman orientation, about two and a half hours away. I hadn't recorded this episode yet, which I'd committed to doing on Mondays. So I woke up around 2 or 3am with racing thoughts, the kind of anxiety that hits you in that liminal space between sleep and being fully awake, when your logical brain hasn't caught up yet. And my mind just kept rolling. First it was, "I have so much to do, maybe Derek should take Kyle instead." Then I caught myself and remembered my own values: God first, family second, I show up for my kids. So I let that go. But then the fear hit again: if I go with Kyle, I won't get the podcast done. Then comparison: there are podcasters so much better than me who have it together. Then hopelessness: why even do this podcast at all. And then it went somewhere deeper. A thought landed on who Derek and I even are to be coaching other couples through emotional intimacy, when we're still working through our own. I recognized what that was. Fear. Shame. Comparison. Doubt. All of it pulling me straight out of my value system, none of it from the Lord. So I got up, sat down with my journal and my Word, and spent the next three hours right there with the Lord before Kyle and I ever left the house. That's actually where this episode came from. What I Want You to Know About Shame Hate isn't the opposite of love. Fear is. And shame produces fear, which produces more shame. It's a cycle, and it interrupts our ability to love God, love ourselves, and love other people. I've come to believe that all forms of addiction, whether it's alcohol, workaholism, striving, comparison, are illegitimate ways of meeting legitimate needs. Shame is what drives us there. As a trauma therapist, I'll tell you honestly: a lot of the diagnoses I see (depression, social anxiety, addiction) have shame sitting underneath them. Deal with the shame, and sometimes the symptom picture changes entirely. I keep coming back to Genesis 3 on this. Genesis 2:25 says Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Then the fall happens, and by Genesis 3:7 they're sewing fig leaves together to cover themselves. That's the original mask. That's still what we're doing today, just with better fabric. The antidote to shame isn't more hiding. It's vulnerability. It's coming out of it. That's part of why I'm telling you all this before I'd even told my own husband. I didn't share my wrestle with Derek until last night. The enemy loves to point out that inconsistency, that I coach people on intimacy while still working through my own instinct toward self-sufficiency. And I want you to know I'm not pretending to have arrived. None of us do. That's the whole point. Shame Indicator Checklist I read this list on the episode because most people who carry shame don't actually recognize it as shame. Go through it slowly. See what lands. * I feel bad for having needs * I'm sensitive and easily hurt or offended * I have a hard time accepting compliments * I feel lonely and unable to relate or connect with others * I see myself as less than others, or insignificant * I struggle to see my worth and feel unlovable * I get easily embarrassed * I have a high need for praise * I struggle with making mistakes * I strive hard to achieve * I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong * I get easily angered or sad when given feedback or criticism * I justify my choices and behaviors * I know something is true in my head, but not in my heart (or believe it for others, but not for myself) * I feel undeserving of good things * I secretly believe I don't measure up to others * I believe I'm not good enough * I believe I have very few things to offer * I'm self-conscious around other people * I'm embarrassed about my feelings and emotions * I struggle with self-loathing or often feel victimized * I feel the need to wear a mask to hide from others * I use self-condemning words out loud or in my mind (like calling myself stupid over a small mistake) * I feel numb inside * I have a hard time connecting with others * I can feel lonely even in a crowded room * I feel like no one understands me If you checked several of these, I want to gently say: you need support to work through this. Not shame about having shame, just support. Take it to the Lord. Take it to wise counsel. Naming it is the first step, but insight without action doesn't get you very far. Scripture I Was Led To * Matthew 22:37-38 — the greatest commandment * Genesis 2:25, 3:1, 3:7, 3:9-10 — nakedness, the serpent, and hiding * Isaiah 49:8, 49:23, 50:4 — restoration and freedom for captives * Revelation 12:11 — overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony * Proverbs 3:5-6 — trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding * Matthew 5:13, 16 — salt and light * Ephesians 5:8-19 — children of light * Romans 8:14-17 — adoption, co-heirs with Christ * 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 — unveiled faces, transformation * 1 John 1:7 — the verse of the day I stumbled on after I'd already finished writing this episode. I love how the Lord confirms things. Why This Episode Is a Day Late, On Purpose By the time we got home last night, I was exhausted. I sat down to record and realized something: if I just pushed through to get it out on Monday because I said I would, that would've been me operating out of obligation and religion, not obedience. So I waited. I'm not telling you to be irresponsible. I'm telling you that showing up for what the Lord is actually asking of you, even when it doesn't match your own plan, is the whole message of this episode living itself out in real time. This is a series. I've got a lot more angles on shame to bring you. I'll see you next week.

Final Spiritual Warfare Episode: Is Yoga Ok as a Christian?

Wrapping Up the Spiritual Warfare Series This episode closes out the spiritual warfare series I've been walking through, following the two episodes where my friend Katherine shared her testimony. I know some of this has gotten heavy, and for some of you, it's gotten controversial. I want to say up front, that's okay. You might hear things you haven't heard before, and you might not agree with all of it. I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to sit with it, take it to the Lord, and let the Holy Spirit speak to you. In this one, I'm focused on how the enemy actually gets access into our lives. Not through some dramatic breach, but through deception, small compromises, and things we've let become normal without ever asking why. I start in Job 1. Job made it his regular practice to cover his kids in prayer and sacrifice, just in case they'd sinned. I'm grateful we don't have to offer sacrifices anymore. Jesus was the final one. But the posture Job modeled still applies. We cover our households through prayer, through seeking the Lord, through being good stewards of our time. I also want to correct something I hear often from clients: Job's suffering was not punishment. He didn't sin. Sometimes we're in a fiery season and it has nothing to do with us being punished. The promise was never that we'd avoid trouble. The promise is restoration. I also point out that Satan is described as roaming and going back and forth on the earth. That's not an Old Testament detail we can file away. He's active, he's studying us, and this lines up with the roaring lion language in the New Testament. From there I get into what I know will stir some pushback: how much of what Scripture explicitly names as forbidden has become completely normalized in our culture. Tarot cards at Target, witch costumes and cartoons for kids, astrology, crystals, Ouija boards, palm reading. I'm not judging anyone who's engaged in these things. You're accountable to the Lord, not to me. But I am making the case, using Scripture, that this is exactly how deception works. It doesn't look dangerous. It looks normal. I use a military picture I've leaned on throughout this series: the enemy operating on interior lines. He doesn't have to breach our walls from outside because in Western culture especially, the door is already cracked from within. Culture, media, and our own flesh already give him access. He doesn't need to invade what's already lined up with his goals. He just has to maintain it. Then I go deep on yoga, and I know this is the part that'll get the most reaction. I lean on a book called The Death of a Guru by David Hunt and Rabi Maharaj, who was raised in a long line of Hindu priests and trained as a yogi before coming to Christ. His argument, and mine, is that yoga can't be separated from its theological roots even when it's marketed here as stress relief or exercise. The word itself means to yoke or unite with Brahman. Specific poses were built as acts of devotion to specific Hindu deities. Sun salutation is a literal worship sequence to a sun god. Warrior pose, dancer pose, the poses tied to Hanuman, all of it traces back to something. Kundalini practice specifically invites what Scripture would call a familiar spirit, and I don't say that lightly. Om and Namaste aren't neutral sounds. They're theological statements. Here's where I land, and I say this pastorally, not to shame anyone. The peace people feel in these practices is real. Maharaj says himself that the enemy doesn't have to lie about the feeling, only about the source. My encouragement is simple: do the stretching, do the breathing, it's good for your nervous system. Just don't call it yoga. Don't call it Christian yoga or holy yoga either. If we relabel something and keep the name, we normalize it for the next believer who's watching us and thinking it must be fine. I also walk through some of the harder material in this episode, the sacrificial practices named in the Old Testament, because I felt convicted to include it even though it's uncomfortable. I connect it briefly to the Epstein files, not to sensationalize it, but because I think we have a responsibility to stay aware rather than put our heads in the sand. We don't have to live in fear of any of this. We just can't pretend it isn't real. I close out with a fuller list of what Scripture names as occult and divination practices, divination, witchcraft, necromancy, consulting the dead, astrology, syncretism, all with their references, and I bring it home with 2 Kings 17, where Israel is exiled specifically because they adopted the practices of the nations around them. That's the whole point of this series. Mixing light and darkness has consequences, even when it feels harmless. Next episode, I'm shifting into a new topic. Shame has been on my heart to go deeper into, since it's one of the primary ways the enemy keeps us from sharing the light of the gospel with others. Scripture referenced Job 1; Deuteronomy 7:25, 18:9-14, 32:16-17; Exodus 20:3-5, 23:13; 1 Corinthians 10:20-21; 2 Corinthians 6:14-17; Colossians 2:8; Acts 19:11-15; Leviticus 18:21, 19:31; 2 Kings 17, 23:5,10; Jeremiah 7:9-13, 32:35; Ezekiel 8:14-16; Isaiah 8:19, 44:9-20; Galatians 5:20; Romans 8:7; Ephesians 2:2

Katherine's Testimony, Part 2: From Darkness to Deliverance

I am SO grateful for this episode, y'all. Katherine came back to finish sharing her testimony, and let me tell you — the depth of vulnerability here is a gift. I open this episode the way I always do: if I were the enemy, if I hated God, how would I go after Him? I walk through Acts 16 — Paul, Lydia, and the slave girl with the spirit of divination — because I want us to remember that the enemy doesn't show up looking like the enemy. He masquerades as light. He looks good. He feels good. Just like the fruit in the garden. Then Katherine takes  us on a journey sharing what it was like for her  back to being homeless, living in her car during the early days of COVID, working in the cannabis industry, and chasing relief from Lyme disease she didn't even know she had yet — through crystals, yoga, meditation, an online persona she called "Kween." She gets real about some genuinely frightening spiritual experiences in deep meditation, a moment of total surrender in an empty Gettysburg alley, and how God used a complete stranger, who became such a blessing — her friend Joy — to bring her in off the streets and, ultimately, straight to Jesus. We walk through her salvation story over that spring and summer of 2020 — slower and more gradual than my own radical, overnight encounter, which is one of the things I love pointing out. Not everybody's testimony looks the same, and that's okay. We get into discernment around things like yoga and Ouija boards, her physical healing after years of chronic pain (wait until you hear the dental story — mercury fillings, abscessed teeth, and a bill God covered completely), and the long road of forgiveness she walked, especially toward her dad. I also make sure we touch on the difference between being saved and being filled with the Holy Spirit, because that's a distinction a lot of believers miss. We talk about the warfare that follows deliverance, why true healing has to go deeper than just learning to cope, and we close it out talking about restoration, healthy boundaries with family, and trusting God even when nothing in the natural world makes sense. Themes covered: spiritual deception, New Age practices and discernment, addiction recovery, chronic illness (Lyme disease), forgiveness, deliverance, being filled with the Holy Spirit, restoration.

Spiritual Warfare Part 6: GUEST SPEAKER- KATHRYN INTRO to Her Story into Darkness

In Part 6 of our Spiritual Warfare series, I sat down with my friend Katheryn for our very first co-hosted episode - and we will be co-hosting again for a PART 2 of her Story- This one is a "set up" for our next episode into Katheryn's testimony down a dark, twisty road into the New Age Movement!  Kathryn is a woman with a radical testimony: raised Catholic, desperate for healing, and slowly drawn into crystals, energy work, tarot, and witchcraft — until one friend's bold obedience to the Holy Spirit changed everything to open her eyes, however, it led to fear, before it led to freedom!  We cover a lot of ground in this part 1 episode of her story: * Why the enemy doesn't need to force his way in - he works through deception and our unmet legitimate needs * How culturally 'normal' practices (astrology, tarot cards, voodoo, crystals, yoga, manifesting) can be open doors that are not always obvious darkness * What witchcraft actually is at its root * The danger of returning to darkness after you've encountered truth * The power of bold, loving confrontation and intercessory prayer * Why the Church's failure to meet real human needs is driving people toward counterfeit community and counterfeit healing This episode is NOT about shame or fear — it is about freedom. We are motivated by love and the call to help set the captives free (Isaiah 61). The challenge of being sober-minded and vigilant with eyes open, and not falling into radicalism, religion, or fear. .it's a fine line, but there IS a line!  Part 2 is coming — including more of Katheryn's testimony and a deep dive on yoga and the dark roots and practices that Yoga is steeped in! Stay tuned! Scriptures Referenced * 1 John 4:1-6 — Test the spirits * John 8:31-32 — You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free * Isaiah 61 — Binding up the brokenhearted, setting captives free * John 15:17 — Love one another * Ezekiel 36:26 — Heart of flesh, not stone * 2 Peter 2:12-22 — The dog returning to its vomit * Ephesians 6:12 — We do not war against flesh and blood  Key Takeaways * The enemy studies our needs and offers counterfeits — he has been doing this since Genesis * Legitimate needs (healing, belonging, comfort, connection) are not the problem — where we go to get them met is * Christians are not immune to deception — even Solomon fell * Walking in authority requires knowing the Word of God * "Seek the Healer, not just the healing — and the Healer will take you to the healing" * There is no condemnation in Christ — conviction is meant to lead us to repentance and freedom, not shame * Prayer is powerful — it was intercession that began Katheryn's journey out Recommended Resources for Listeners (THEIR ARE SO MANY!)  For anyone who wants to go deeper on the topic of spiritual warfare, here are are few of the highest-rated, most widely trusted resources available: 1. The Screwtape Letters — C.S. Lewis A satirical masterpiece written from a senior demon's perspective - showing exactly how the enemy works through subtle deception, normalized temptation, and counterfeit comfort. Wildly convicting and surprisingly entertaining. 2. The Bondage Breaker — Neil T. Anderson One of the most practical tools in Christian counseling. Leads readers from the shadows and shackles of spiritual bondage toward freedom — affirming identity in Christ and learning to confront the enemy's lies. 3. Victory Over the Darkness — Neil T. Anderson Spiritual warfare 101. Walks readers verse by verse through a biblical worldview of the supernatural, renewing the mind and helping believers stand firm in their identity in Christ. Read alongside The Bondage Breaker. 4. Spiritual Warfare — Dr. Tony Evans Dr. Evans reveals that every struggle in the physical realm has its root in the spiritual realm. Helps believers understand the battle, use the armor of God, and walk in Christ's authority over every stronghold. 5. Don't Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table — Louie Giglio Based on Psalm 23:5 — a battle-for-the-mind book that exposes the lies of the enemy and the danger of giving him a foothold in our thought life. Perfect for someone just waking up to spiritual warfare. 6. Live No Lies — John Mark Comer Recognizes and resists the three enemies of the soul — the devil, the flesh, and the world. Written for a modern, culturally-engaged audience. Excellent for those coming from New Age or secular backgrounds. 7. Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices — Thomas Brooks (Puritan Classic) A timeless Puritan classic that outlines the many subtle ways the enemy entices believers — and gives specific biblical remedies for each. Deep, rich, and enduringly relevant for any serious student of Scripture. 8. Waking the Dead — John Eldredge  A beautifully written, heart-level engagement with the reality of spiritual warfare and the battle for the soul. Helps readers understand the story they live in and the role they were made to play. Also check out "Derek Prince" as a resource- there are MANY good options- let me know if you find one that speaks to you!  🔗 Connect with Dani Website: rootedrefinedrestored.com Podcast: War on Love: If I Were the Devil Email: hello@rootedrefinedandrestored.com What the enemy meant for your destruction, God uses to bring beauty for ashes.

Spiritual Warfare Part 5: How Satan Gets Access

Happy Monday, friend. We are five episodes deep into the Spiritual Warfare series and I am not slowing down - because there is still SO much to cover on this topic! And the more I read, study, and discuss with others, I feel more and more passion and conviction to share what I am!  In this episode, I'm building on the military framework (because THIS IS WAR!) we've been working through and getting into two powerful strategic concepts: the indirect approach and interior lines. In military strategy, the indirect approach means attacking where the enemy least expects it - dislocating before engaging. In the spiritual realm? That looks like division through offense, mixing truth with error, and the slow creep of compromise through comfort and distraction. Interior lines is where it gets really personal. A military force on interior lines can shift troops faster than a surrounding enemy. Here's the spiritual reality: Satan is already the prince of the power of the air. He doesn't need to breach your walls from outside when the door is already cracked from within. That's what we're talking about today.   We also walk through four ways deception operates as the enemy's primary weapon: * Misidentifying the enemy - turning on one another instead of recognizing the real threat * Counterfeit wisdom - doubt dressed as intellectual honesty, religious activity substituted for intimacy with God * Counterfeit peace - spiritual numbness that feels like rest, busyness that feels like purpose * The Operation Fortitude Effect — smoke and mirrors that get you defending the wrong position, burning your own energy And then I'm going to call out some things happening in our culture right now that I believe are a direct fulfillment of what Deuteronomy 18 warned us about — and what Paul saw happening in the early church. Tarot cards at Target, horoscopes in Christian conversation, sage practices being normalized - none of this happened by accident. This is not about fear. This is about discernment. The enemy doesn't look like the enemy. He masquerades as light — and if we believe Scripture, we have to take that seriously. I also share from Job 1, one of the most clarifying passages in all of Scripture for understanding how spiritual access and protection work - and what Job's practice of covering his family spiritually looked like. Coming up next: I'm sitting down with my friend Katherine, who was deeply involved in New Age practices before she came to Christ. Her story and insight are going to bring so much of what we've been building to life. You will not want to miss it.   As always, go straight to the Lord, go straight to your Bible. I don't want to be one more voice you follow blindly. I want to point you to the One who is the way, the truth, and the life.   Scriptures Referenced in This Episode All references are NIV unless otherwise noted. Anchor Verse 1. Ephesians 6:12 — For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. The Greatest Commandment 2. Matthew 22:37–38 — Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. Deception & Masquerade 3. 2 Corinthians 11:1–3 — I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy... But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4. 2 Corinthians 11:12–15 — For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 5. John 8:44 — He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Counterfeit Wisdom & Lukewarm Faith 6. 2 Timothy 3:5 — Having a form of godliness but denying its power. 7. Revelation 3:17 — You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 8. Revelation 12:10 — ...the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night... Do Not Adopt the Practices of Other Nations 9. Deuteronomy 18:9–12 — When you come into the land which the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominations of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For all who do these things are an abomination to the Lord. Acts 19 — Power in the Name of Jesus 10. Acts 19:11–12 — God was performing extraordinary miracles through Paul's hands, so that even handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick, and their illnesses were cured and the evil spirits left them. 11. Acts 19:15 — The evil spirit answered them, 'Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?' 12. Acts 19:17–19 — When this became known to all the Jews and Greeks living in Ephesus, they were all seized with fear, and the name of the Lord Jesus was held in high honor. Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed what they had done. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. 13. Acts 20:30 — Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. Job — Spiritual Access, Protection & Testing 14. Job 1:4 — His sons used to hold feasts in their homes on their birthdays, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified... 'Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.' This was Job's regular custom. 15. Job 1:6–7 — One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, 'Where have you come from?' Satan answered the Lord, 'From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.' 16. Job 1:8–12 — 'Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.' ... 'The Lord said to Satan, 'Very well then. Everything he has is in your power. But on the man himself do not lay a finger.' Connect With Danielle * Website: daniellenicolecoaching.com * Email: hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com * Podcast: War on Love — available on Podbean, Apple, Youtube, Spotify, and all major platforms