9. The Farewell (2019) Should we tell people they are dying?
In This Episode:
Should we tell people they are dying? In Lulu Wang’s film The Farewell (2019), Chinese-born, U.S.-raised Billi returns to Changchun, China after her family decides to “protect” her grandmother - Nainai - from her cancer diagnosis. They plan a wedding as a cover for a good-bye party. This story is “based on a true lie.”
The question provoked by the film guides the discussion of Manaka (an active violinist, recitalist and composer based in Japan) and host Roya about:
1. Our first impression of the film and the casting: Awkwafina and her backgrounds
2. The film’s Chinese-American themes and the challenges of writing a script in two languages
3. The film is named “Don’t tell her” in Chinese, as well as the cultural context of hiding a cancer diagnosis from a loved one - the cultural differences between American and Chinese approaches to family and healthcare
4. The film’s portrayal of Nainai’s character. Did Nainai know?
5. The complex relationship between Billi and her immigrant mother; Billi’s in-between/fragmented identity
6. The film’s deeper message about the distinction between death and illness, and how society often conflates these concepts; the universal theme of saying goodbye to our loved ones
7. Birds as family messengers connecting Billi and Nainai
8. The ending, where it’s revealed that the real Nainai survived her diagnosis
9. Growing Asian American representation in media and its potential to challenge fixed national categories in the study of aging and intergenerational relationships.
10. The film’s musical elements
* The major takeaway we want you to have from this podcast is:
Manaka: I hope we can have a deeper understanding of The Farewell beyond its landmark as a film for Asian representation, and expand that understanding to more storytelling from different cultures as well.
Roya: I hope we can better understand, and keep learning more about, the complex dynamics and emotional realities of intergenerational relationships in a transnational context. This film is a good example for thinking about this.
Show notes:
Manaka Matsumoto is an active violinist and recitalist based in Japan. She regularly premieres her own compositions in her recitals, arranges popular classical music to be performed by smaller ensembles in more intimate settings, and frequently collaborates with visual artists in live performances. Her mission as a classical music instrumentalist is to explore the possibilities of live performance culture, challenging conventions in repertoire, venue, and communication with the audience.
A fun fact about the podcast: Totally coincidentally, Roya realized she had written a social media post exactly six years ago today—February 2, 2020—when she first watched the film (actually earlier than the time she mentioned in the podcast). In it, she wrote that she was moved to tears and that the film brought back sweet memories of her grandmother. It feels like another reminder of how life can seem almost magical or even fictional.
Lulu Wang’s interview re. the script:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_taWSzIaBYg [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_taWSzIaBYg]
Lulu Wang and the piano:
https://variety.com/2019/film/features/the-farewell-lulu-wang-interview-awkwafina-1203285725/ [https://variety.com/2019/film/features/the-farewell-lulu-wang-interview-awkwafina-1203285725/]
The Farewell Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIV4HAz6n3M [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIV4HAz6n3M]
“Saying Goodbye to Your Roots in 'The Farewell'” by Quality Culture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK1oXZ-jCZQ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK1oXZ-jCZQ]
“In Defense of Ignorance: What You Don’t know” by This American Life https://www.thisamericanlife.org/585/in-defense-of-ignorance/act-one-8 [https://www.thisamericanlife.org/585/in-defense-of-ignorance/act-one-8]
Interview “From writer/director Lulu Wang and starring Awkwafina. “ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B6JUzB6GbQ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B6JUzB6GbQ]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE289akkxY8 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE289akkxY8]
"Lies and Goodbyes" by Caroline Hensley https://medicalhealthhumanities.com/2025/11/10/lies-and-goodbyes-lulu-wangs-the-farewell-2019/
"The Farewell" by Santa Barbara International Film Festival: https://sbiff.org/the-farewell/
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