18. ❝ Through a Paint Box Prism

18. ❝ Through a Paint Box Prism

To See the World in a Grain of Sand, / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, / Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, / And Eternity in an hour. —William Blake I couldn’t recognize the train wreck of my once-ordered life. Anxiety, a new unwelcome companion, destroyed my concentration. My mother’s long hospice sojourn, together with disillusionment with a job that was supposed to be the pinnacle of my career, conspired to make me a case straight out of Mignon McLaughlin’s “The Neurotic’s Notebook.” In it he observed, “Love looks forward, hate looks back, anxiety has eyes all over its head.” In 1999—me, me, me. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE On impulse, I decided to visit the local library. I hadn’t stepped inside in a decade. Just another example of how distorted life had become, I thought. Disgusted with myself, I paused by the statue near the front sliding doors. The bronze figure, a young girl, lies on her stomach, gazing into a book. The statue’s title: “Forever Reading.” Once that had been me. Focused. Engaged. Captivated by the artistry of storytellers. The walkway was a crowded stream funneling young mothers clutching squirmy toddlers, jostling teenagers from the middle school across the street, senior citizens, city employees from the building next door. Everyone looking for something in one of the few places that has something for everyone. What was I looking for? I had no idea. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

17. ❝ Off Kilter

I had to fight to keep myself as I wanted to be. —William Carlos Williams Wandering through the stacks in the University of Oregon library during a break from tole painting in a study carrel I used once a week, thanks to my husband’s faculty status, a book caught my eye: “The Mirror of True Womanhood: A Book of Instruction for Women in the World.” A new mother, I needed advice. The book, published in the late 19th century, didn’t seem out of date when I considered many women I knew in our quiet Eugene neighborhood in 1972. Oregonians described themselves then with some pride as “at least 10 years behind the rest of the country.” Coming from Los Angeles, it seemed like more. Not that I didn’t appreciate the skill and stamina homemaking required, but I felt unbalanced. MORE The book wasn’t helpful. Neither were others stretched along the dusty shelf. It shared a call number at the Library of Congress with titles like: “Having It All: Strategy in the Sex Wars,” and “Help for the Hassled, Hurried, and Hustled” — which, in 1877, when it was published, was written by a man. The author, Reverend Bernard O’Reilly, was a New York priest who had been chaplain of the Irish Brigade of the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. In 22 chapters with titles like “The True Woman’s Kingdom: The Home” and “The Wife’s Crowning Duty: Fidelity,” Father O’Reilly managed to stuff everything he thought a woman should know. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

16. ❝ Fired Edges

A surfing Madonna appeared just before Easter weekend 2011 in Encinitas, California. Artists disguised as construction workers affixed a striking mosaic of the Virgin of Guadalupe riding a wave to a wall under a train bridge. It technically was graffiti that should be removed under the law. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE But the surfing Madonna’s beauty drew a mass following. City officials spent thousands of dollars to hire an art conservation agency to find the best way to remove her without causing damage. Local opinion was split. Was it art or was it vandalism? The answer is neither. It’s the wrong question. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

15. ❝ A New Dance

A New Dance A tarnished brass cup cowers behind other / forgotten relics in the dark cupboard. The faded plaque whispers, “American Legion Essay / contest—first place 1960—“Americanism today.” The girl who won is gone. She doesn’t remember / what convinced the judges. What were we then? She does remember the writing instructions. / How odd. Form, not substance. “Breathe. Feet flat. Relax. Keep tools close. Vary Hand pressure. Find a rhythm. Glide. Twirl. Spin. Move. Chin up. Dance.” That was it! Form is part of meaning. How we do / what we do matters. It is part of us—but not all. We were free. Independent. The woman wonders. / Is it still true? The screen hums. Seductive. Insistent. The sound repeats. / Repeats. Repeats. Repeats. Like a moth to light, she turns to answer. Her hand / clutches the mouse. Holds tight. Someone else is / leading this dance. Are we still free? Maybe. Not. ### Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

14. ❝ Crossing the Border

For 20 years, I have lived in a house with a laundry room—a big laundry room. Floor-to-ceiling cupboards wrap around three sides. A deep sink interrupts the tile counters that end where they meet the washer and dryer. Nevertheless, doing laundry there is a challenge. Stacks of greeting card supplies are everywhere—rubber stamps, ribbons, buttons, pressed flowers, cutters, reams of paper, strange devices for crimping, coloring pads, embossing guns, packing tags, cancelled postage stamps. The middle of the room is filled with a table loaded with artist palettes, an Ott-Light for seeing close detail work, back issues of porcelain painting magazines, white china, and mismatched bottles— mineral oil, turpentine, alcohol. A trash can filled with old wrapping paper and discarded road maps tilts against the wall. A matted wool dog bed takes up the rest of the floor. The appliance surfaces are covered with cards in various stages of assembly. The washer lid is invisible. How did this happen? One conversation. Written by Anne Ayers Koch. Find more of Anne's writing on Substack [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/]. Edited and produced by Geoff Koch and Amanda Barranco MORE In math, a non-linear system is one where output is not directly proportional to input. Most physical systems are inherently non-linear in nature. Weather is one example. Simple changes in one part of a pattern produce complex effects over thousands of miles. The same holds true for human interactions. It’s how my card-making interest began in earnest. Get full access to River Journeys at anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe [https://anneayerskoch.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]