The Weight of Regret Making Peace With the Should Have's

The Weight of Regret Making Peace With the Should Have's

In grief, regret can become one of the loudest voices in the room. The should have's. The could have's. The if only's. We replay conversations, decisions, missed calls, boundaries we set, words we wish we had said, and moments we wish we could relive just one more time. In this deeply personal episode of Soulfire, Jesica shares the regret she carried after losing her mom and the painful question that haunted her for years: What if I had done something differently? Together, we explore how grief can trick us into believing we had more control than we really did, and how regret often becomes love's attempt to negotiate with loss. This episode is for anyone carrying guilt after losing someone they love. The daughter who wishes she had called one more time. The son who wonders if he should have visited more often. The spouse replaying the last conversation. The friend carrying words left unsaid. You are not alone in your regret. And maybe the person you have spent so much time blaming deserves compassion instead of punishment. Because the version of you that made those decisions was doing the best they could with the information, capacity, resources, and pain they were carrying at the time. ✍️ Write: Write down the regret that still lives inside your grief. The one you replay over and over again. 💭 Reflect: Ask yourself: If someone I loved came to me carrying this exact regret, what would I say to them? ❤️ Release: Place your hand over your heart and repeat: "I release myself from the responsibility of changing the past." "I honor the love, not just the regret." "I forgive the version of me that was doing her best." If this episode speaks to your heart, I invite you to share it with someone carrying their own should've, could've, would've story. And if you feel called to share your grief journey, your healing, or your story on Soulfire, I would be honored to hold space for you. Send me a DM on Instagram. Your story matters here. You are not alone. Your love is still alive. And so is your Soulfire. 🔥 Soulfire Work

When They Stop Saying Their Name

What happens when the world stops saying their name… but your heart still whispers it every day? In this deeply raw episode of Soulfire, I open up about a conversation that shattered my heart wide open. My 7-year-old son, who was only two years old when his grandmother passed away from addiction, broke down crying and confessed something devastating: “My only memory of grandma is when she was dead.” He told me he wants to invent a ghost finder and identifier so he can find her again… because he deserves a grandma. This episode explores the kind of grief nobody prepares us for: * helping children grieve someone they barely got to know * carrying memories for the people who cannot remember * the loneliness that comes when everyone else stops talking about the person you lost * what happens when grief evolves years later * how children revisit loss as they grow older * the ache of mourning not only a person… but the relationship that never fully got to exist I share the realization that my son isn’t searching for a ghost. He’s searching for connection. For identity. For belonging. For the experience of being loved by someone he only knows through fragments, photos, and pain. This episode is not about “moving on.” It’s about learning how to keep someone alive through story, memory, truth, and love. Because maybe healing isn’t learning how to stop talking about them. Maybe healing is finally allowing their name to exist in the room again. _____________________________________________________________Soulfire Work 🔥“Keeping Their Name Alive” Tonight’s soul work is simple… but powerful. Out loud. Not in your head. Not silently. Say their name into the room. Grief shrinks in silence. Tell one story about them: * something funny * something imperfect * a memory that makes you laugh * something only you remember Especially if there’s a child connected to that loss. Children build identity through repeated stories. Choose one: * cook their favorite meal * play their favorite song * wear their perfume/cologne * visit a place they loved * write them a letter * make a memory jar * look through old photos and narrate the moments behind them Turn memory into experience. “Have I mistaken silence for healing?” A lot of us stopped talking because we thought it would hurt less. But sometimes silence becomes another funeral. * Step 1: Say Their Name Step2: Share One Story Step 3: Create a Living Memory Step 4: Ask Yourself...... Listener Reflection Questions * What memory are you afraid will disappear? * Who in your life still needs stories about the person you lost? * What part of your grief have you hidden because others seemed “over it”? * If your loved one could speak to your grieving inner child right now… what would they say?

Who Am I Without the Pain?

There comes a moment in grief that no one really prepares you for. The pain isn’t as loud. The ache doesn’t consume every breath. The survival mode starts to loosen its grip. And instead of relief… you feel unsure. Maybe even scared. In this episode of Soulfire, Jesica explores the tender, disorienting space that comes after grief quiets — the moment when you realize pain has been leading you for so long that you’re not quite sure who you are without it. When grief becomes part of our identity, healing can feel like loss all over again. We wonder if easing the pain means forgetting. We fear that peace might distance us from the ones we loved. We question whether our depth, our meaning, or our connection disappears if the suffering softens. This episode gently reminds you of the truth: You are not empty without pain. You are expansive. Jesica shares her own experience of meeting herself beyond survival — the confusion, the guilt, the quiet fear of not recognizing who she was becoming. She speaks to the courage it takes to live without armor, to stop bracing for impact, and to allow space for a self that exists beyond grief. This episode is for anyone who has asked: • “Why doesn’t it hurt like it used to?” • “Am I moving on too much?” • “Who am I now that I’m not in survival mode?” • “Can I still honor them without carrying this pain?” Healing does not erase love. It gives love room to breathe. 🔥 Soulfire Work Write: “Who am I becoming now that I don’t need pain to survive?” Let this be honest, messy, curious — there is no right answer. Reflect: “What part of me feels unfamiliar as the pain softens — and how can I meet that part with compassion instead of fear?” Affirm: “I am allowed to grow beyond my pain. My love remains. My healing is not betrayal.” If this episode resonated with you, know this: you are not lost — you are emerging. Learning who you are without pain is not a sign that you’ve left anyone behind. It is a sign that you are integrating your love in a new way. 💌 You’re invited into this space. If you feel called to share your grief journey, your healing, or your story of becoming on Soulfire, I would be honored to hold space for you. Send me a DM on Instagram and let’s talk. This podcast is a place for real voices, real stories, and real healing. You are not alone in this chapter. Your story matters. And your Soulfire is still alive.

When Grief Gets Quiet

There comes a moment in grief that no one prepares you for. The tears slow down. The panic softens. The ache isn’t as loud as it once was. And instead of relief… you feel fear. In this episode of Soulfire, Jesica speaks to the quiet side of grief — the phase where healing begins to settle in and many people feel confused, guilty, or afraid. Afraid that the quiet means they’re forgetting. Afraid that peace somehow equals distance from the one they lost. Afraid that if the pain isn’t as sharp, the love must be fading. This episode gently reminds you of the truth: Quiet grief does not mean less love. It means your heart has learned how to hold it. Jesica shares her own experience of noticing grief soften and the unexpected emotions that came with it — the guilt, the questions, and the realization that love doesn’t live in suffering. She explores how grief evolves over time, how love changes form, and how learning to trust the quiet is part of integration, not abandonment. This episode is for anyone who has asked themselves: • “Why doesn’t it hurt like it used to?” • “Am I dishonoring them by feeling okay?” • “Does this mean I’m moving on?” • “Why does the silence feel scary?” You are not doing grief wrong. You are not leaving them behind. You are learning how to live with love instead of loss. 🔥 Soulfire Work Write: “What does my grief sound like now?” Is it quieter? Softer? Different? There is no right answer — only honesty. Reflect: “What am I afraid will happen if I allow peace to exist alongside my love?” Affirm: “I can honor my love without living in pain. Quiet does not mean forgetting. I am allowed to heal.” If this episode resonated with you, take a breath and let it land. Healing isn’t loud. Sometimes it whispers. And those whispers are still sacred. You are not alone in this phase of grief. Your love is still alive. And your Soulfire still burns — steady, warm, and true. 🎧 Listener Reflection Prompts: • “When did you notice your grief start to feel quieter?” • “What emotions surprised you when the intensity faded?” • “What does honoring your loved one look like now?” “Have you ever felt scared when grief got quiet? 🕊️ Invitation to Share:If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear your story. DM me SOULFIRE on Instagram or facebook— your voice matters here.” 🔥 Community Prompt: “What would it feel like to let peace and love exist at the same time?”

A Full Moon for the Grieving Heart: Release, Remember, Renew

The last full supermoon of the year carries a powerful energy — an energy of release, renewal, and emotional clearing. In this episode of Soulfire, we step into a sacred full moon ritual created especially for those grieving, those missing someone, and those carrying weight they no longer want to hold. Whether this is your first holiday season without your loved one, your tenth, or your twentieth… the ache still finds its way in. And I want you to know — you are not alone. I’m sitting with you. I’m breathing with you. And tonight, we release together. This episode guides you through a gentle but deeply healing full moon ritual designed to help you let go of what no longer serves your heart: guilt, heaviness, old stories, old versions of yourself, resentment, avoidance, anger, and the pain you’ve been carrying in silence. ✨ FULL MOON RITUAL STEPS ✨ 1. Prepare Your Space Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Light a candle if you can. Bring a journal, a piece of paper, and something to write with. 2. Ground Yourself Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Breathe in for four counts… hold… exhale completely. Repeat until you feel your body soften. 3. Write What You’re Releasing On your paper, write: “What am I ready to let go of tonight?” Let it pour out. The grief. The guilt. The thoughts that haunt you at night. The expectations. The pressure. The versions of yourself built from pain. 4. Give Your Grief a Voice Write a message to your loved one — whatever your heart has been holding. A goodbye, an apology, a memory, a moment you’re afraid to forget. Let them sit with you in this moment. 5. Speak Your Release Read your release list out loud or silently. Then say: “Under this full moon, I release what was never meant to stay. I honor my grief, and I make space for healing.” 6. Let It Go Tear the paper. Burn it safely if you can. Or place it in water and let it dissolve. Imagine the moon carrying it off your shoulders. 7. Call in What You Need Write a new page: “I am ready to receive…” Fill it with what your healing heart deserves — peace, rest, connection, strength, clarity, gentleness. Write: Your Release List + Your Receive List Reflect: “What part of me felt lighter after this release?” Affirm: “I am allowed to heal. I am allowed to feel. I am allowed to begin again.” This episode is for anyone grieving under tonight’s moon. Anyone who has felt heavy this holiday season. Anyone who hasn’t felt like themselves. Anyone who needs a moment of permission to rest, release, and begin again. You are not alone. Your grief is valid. Your love is forever. And your Soulfire — even dim — is still alive.