The Resume Trap: Why References Don’t Tell You Who Your Potential Spouse Is

Messengers of Hashem With Responsibility

Important Reminder to All Shadchanim and Singles in This Group As this group continues to grow and help hundreds, if not thousands, of singles, we need to reinforce something extremely important Permission is everything. No shadchan should ever post or share a resume or photo without explicit permission from the single. This is not just a legal issue. It is a tznius issue. There are people who are extremely private and do not want their information or photo shared publicly at all. For some, it could be devastating if they find out their resume was posted in a large chat without their knowledge. We must respect that. While these chats are incredibly helpful and have led to many beautiful shidduchim, not everyone finds their bashert through being posted. Many people send information privately to shadchanim and still find their zivug without ever being shared publicly. I have personally made many shidduchim with people who were never posted anywhere. I have also made shidduchim because one person was willing to be shared and through that share someone thought of a different person who preferred privacy. Both paths exist. But permission is non negotiable. Another important rule Before giving someone a resume or photo, always ask if they are busy. Once a boy says no, the resume and photo should be deleted. It should not linger on a phone. Boys, please delete resumes and photos of girls you have said no to or are not pursuing. If something comes up again in the future and you are interested, wonderful. But holding on to old resumes and photos is not right. We must handle people’s information with dignity and care. Most important, everything is from Hashem If you receive a resume If you receive the same resume from multiple shadchanim If a resume was shared accidentally If your resume was shared without permission Nothing is by accident. Everything is from Hashem. Even when something feels upsetting in the moment, there is a reason it was allowed to happen. Perhaps your bashert needed to see it. Perhaps someone got an idea because of it. Perhaps it moved something forward in Shamayim that we cannot see. We operate in the physical world, but Hashem runs the system. Please also remember that the people sharing resumes are working very hard to help you find your bashert. Hours and hours go into this. For those who know me, I have made over 100 shidduchim and I do this completely for free. I return all shadchanus and add to it as a wedding gift. I do not do this for parnassa. I do it only for Hashem. I believe this is a sacred role, partnering with Hashem in bringing two neshamot together, and I am not meant to personally benefit from it in this world. That does not make me special. It simply means Hashem chooses where everything comes from. For those who do shidduchim for parnassa, please respect their time as well. Hashem may send matches through them because parnassa is their avodah in this world. Every shadchan has a different tafkid. Someone asked me recently how so many shidduchim are made. The answer is simple. Not all of us are meant to bring a specific couple to the chuppah. Sometimes your role is helping prepare a neshama for their bashert. A date may teach someone something they needed to learn. Every experience brings a person closer. We are all just messengers. May we merit to see many miracles. May this Fast of Esther be meaningful for all of us. And may we all celebrate many simchas very soon. Chag Purim.

One Yes at a Time: Why You Never Date Two People Simultaneously

In this episode, Mama Rochel shares a powerful real-life story showing why saying yes to more than one person at a time destroys trust, clarity, and real shidduch opportunities. She explains how dating two people simultaneously leads to heartbreak, confusion, and long-term regret—and why sincerity, honesty, and focus on one person at a time is the only way to build a true connection.

The Resume Trap: Why References Don’t Tell You Who Your Potential Spouse Is

In this episode, Mama Rochel explains why references on a resume often reflect someone else’s perception—not the real person—and why relying on them can block you from meeting your true match. Learn how opinions, assumptions, and secondhand information create confusion, and why the only way to know if someone is right for you is to meet them yourself.

Hot Girl Syndrome: A Wake-Up Call for Shidduchim

In this episode, Mama Rochel breaks down what she calls “Hot Girl Syndrome” — when singles expect a 10++ while bringing unrealistic standards to the shidduch process. She explains how this mindset blocks real opportunities, creates unhealthy expectations, and keeps people from meeting their true bashert. A short, honest wake-up call to help Jewish singles ground themselves, open their hearts, and date with clarity and humility.

Singles, You Have 24 Hours

Mama Rochel speaks directly to singles with an important message about respect, readiness, and the power of decisiveness. She breaks down why waiting a full week to respond to a resume harms the process, hurts feelings, and creates unnecessary delays. This episode is an empowering reminder that openness, clarity, and timely action bring you closer to meeting your true match.