The Unfolding Podcast - Season 3 - Episode 2
YVONNE WINK (00:04.216)
Welcome back to the Unfolding podcast. Today's conversation is about resilience, reinvention, identity, and what happens when life completely changes the plan you had for yourself. Our guest lost the thing she loved most, not once, but twice.
Dance wasn't just something she did. It was part of who she was. And when that identity disappeared, she had to figure out who she was without it.
But what makes her story so extraordinary is that she didn't come back through the front door. She came back through persistence, through heartbreak, through surgery, through a pandemic, through starting over at an age when most people in the dance world would tell you that it's already too late. She wasn't professionally trained. She was self-taught.
Initially.
Instead of waiting for permission, she created her own lane. This is why I'm so proud of her. Ha ha. This is a story about finding yourself, losing yourself, and realizing that maybe your life wasn't falling apart at all. Maybe it was unfolding. Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host, friend, and your girl, Yvonne Wink. Thank you for being here with me.
I want you to meet a dear friend of mine. Her name is Brittany, and I've known her for how long have we known each other? Years. It's like five years. Five years. Yeah. Ha ha ha! I can't wait till you guys see her. She's so cute, so precious. And I am so excited to share her story. I've known her story, I've watched all of this happen from start to where she is today, five years later, and I can't be more proud. I'm so excited.
To introduce you to Miss Brittany and let's hear about her story. Brittany, I want you to take me back to the beginning. So, before the surgery, before the pandemic, before all of this, I want you to tell us what dance meant to you. Who were you? when you pictured your future, what did you believe your life would look like? Did dance feel like something you loved, or did it feel like part of your identity?
Hi. Hi. Dance was dance was my absolute everything as a kid, everything. I was the girl at sleepovers. most people wake up, eat breakfast, you know, maybe watch their favorite cartoons. I was like, you guys, let's make up a dance. I saw this video, let's recreate it. You know, I'm talking like eight years old. I love it. I was the girl that woke everyone up at six AM with choreography ready in my brain.
You know, wanted to be the next Britney Spears. I wanted to be on stage. I was in every kind of jazz class, cheerleading class, I was a ice skater. all of the above. Dance and creation was just permanently on my mind. The more I was moving, the more I was dancing, the more I was, you know, in a team setting, but also shining solo. you know, as a kid. I just I that is where I thrived. I absolutely thrived off that as a kid. That was my life.
I would say that was all from z age zero to maybe age like twelve. Yeah. That was me. Yeah. Do you remember a time that you knew that you were a dancer? Like, you know, maybe two or five, did you go, I'm dancer. This is my life. This will be my life. Yes. I was in front of the TV watching a live show. I was so young I don't even remember the artist.
But my mom said I was literally like dancing in the living room, like while the person on TV was dancing. And I knew like, I just knew I was always, I wanted when I would see people on stage in a movie or anything, I'm like, that's gonna be me. Like that's absolutely gonna be me. So I think it just started since I can have a memory, you know, since I can remember my memories. Wow. Wow. I love that. then life interrupted that plan of yours, didn't it?
Yeah. Yeah. You had sur surgery that forced you to step away from dance completely, not just a little fix-it thing, where we're going to just take a little break and maybe put a cast on something and but you stepped away from dance completely. And I want you to take me into that moment. I wanna know I think listeners wanna know what was happening, what were you experiencing,
What did it feel like emotionally during that time? And did it feel temporary when you stepped away from it? Or did it feel like the door had closed forever? I think a lot of people underestimate how painful identity loss can be. So when dance disappeared, did it feel like you disappeared too? Yeah, so obviously I went to college, you know, life life happened and all that, but I've but I've always been dancing in some capacity, you know?
Maybe not professionally, but I've just I've always been dancing, whether it be in a Zumba class, at a club, go go dancing. I have a a really big go go background, which is all freestyle, right? So I haven't really been in a professional dance space since I was like twelve, you know. again I'd been on several stages throughout my life and but you know, no choreography classes, nothing like that yet, right? but you know, maybe I was gonna get there one day.
Well, I didn't have the chance because during not only the worst time for like the world, the pandemic. yeah, so something pretty awful happened to me. I was having pain in my abdomen and I went to go get it checked out and I thought it was just like, you know, normal woman stuff. Maybe I have a cyst, you know, because that's kinda normal in a woman's life. I got some tests, I got an ultrasound, I got
x-rays, CT scan, all that. And they were like, you need emergency surgery. You have two grapefruit size tumors. actually at the time they thought it was just one tumor on one of my ovaries, right? So they're like, we need to remove this immediately. It wasn't it wasn't like, let's check it out. Let's no no no they like this is this is like you could hemorrhage and die. This thing is huge. We need to have emergency surgery. And I was like, okay, not ideal, but it doesn't sound like the end of the world.
They're like worst case scenario, we're just gonna take an ovary, you're totally fine, right? We're we're gonna do it laparoscopically, it'll be like, boom, you're back, you're back and ready to go, right? well, something pretty devastated happening. They went in to do the surgery and I woke up from surgery and they were like, so I was like, Did you get it? I like w did you take the ovary? Are we good? And they're like, No, we had to close you back up. They're like, Unfortunately, this is really, you know, hard to say, but
We have to close you we had to close you up because we need your permission to have a second surgery. I'm like, why would you need my permission? And they said, Well, it's not one tumor, it's two. It's two massive tumors enveloping your fallopian tubes and they're unsavable. And so they said, We can't take your fallopian tubes when you're asleep because we need to your permission because you will be infertile for the rest of your life. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold how old were you? I was
right right at the top of 30 pretty much. Yeah. And, you know, I had actually been trying. Me and my husband actually were trying. I stopped birth control. We were actively trying to have a baby actually. you know, I was we were ready. We'd been married for a bit. you know it was time. and so yeah, to hear that not only would I have to be healing, I could see the stitches from surgery number one and I'd had to look at them every day, but I would have to heal for a second surgery to then take
the ability to have children. There's no way around it. And there were actually and by that time, like I couldn't really do anything because if I had any like crazy movement to me, you know, they could burst and I could hemorrhage and die, right? So I just the thing that I love most, moving around and dancing, I had to stop. Like I couldn't move because I had was awaiting my second surgery and a very ceiling and final fate. which was really hard to take. so yeah, that
stopped everything. It stopped I couldn't even move, let alone dance. I I I I was healing I had to heal from one surgery and then the second surgery happened. The amount of papers that I had to sign that said, Are you sure you consent to us taking your fallopian tubes? Like you will never be able to naturally have children ever in your life. Do you consent? The amount of times I had to sign that stupid am I allowed to swear? Yes. That stupid fucking piece of paper
No, never on my podcast. And I and I was like and I'm just like, it was, it was, it was devastating. There's no other word for it. There's no other word for it. It was I was that I was it. I was done as a person. So you're mourning, you're mourning losing everything you love, dancing, moving your body, feeling healthy, being young, vivacious, and the fact that you are
Never going to have children naturally. Yes. Did you think that the feeling you were experiencing was temporary or did you feel like this is my life? I thought I the word I can use was the finality of it. It was like it was just like this flashing word in my head like this is final, this is unreversible. Like this is it. You know, like it was just it was it was soul shattering, honestly. Yeah.
Yeah. You've spoken openly about struggling during that season. And I wanna stay in this moment for a bit because I think so many people that are listening can relate to this. I wanna I want to ask you, what did that chapter actually look like day to day for you?
I I mean I'm talking. We want I want to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. And I know and I and it this isn't to glamorize it. This is really to I want people to identify because our stories are very similar, zero to do with dance, right? But your journey, my journey, and thousands and thousands of other women's journey are very similar. So if you can talk to me about that, what did your what did day to day look like? Did you struggle to get out of bed? Did you lose motivation?
Did you feel disconnected from yourself? Did it feel like life was moving forward for everyone else while you're just stuck standing still? and what was the hardest part of that season? Talk to us. So I think we're looking at two things here. Number one, the devastation of losing like your reproductive organs. Yeah. And then the actual weight of a pandemic. This was happening at the exact same time. This was at the height. I'm talking like March, April.
of twenty twenty. This was like so my day to day, again we have this added we have this added thing of the pandemic. So my situation was quite unique. my day to day it was absolutely hard to get out of bed. I am one of the most energetic, motivated you are high energy human beings. I love when I see you. I love when I get to hang with you. Borderline ADHD over here. So I'm like I'm just high see squirrels together. We're like squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Exactly.
and so like for me to be low energy and for me to be in a sense like hopeless and it like you know something's drastically wrong with my personality because I I remember the first time I ever woke up and I thought, what is the point? I was like honestly, that one gets me because like I'm such a I love life and it was like I was like, what is the point today? What am I gonna do today? What is the fucking point?
And the when I had that thought I scared my own self because that pfft that is so outside of my thought process, you know. Like Well you had so much to live for weeks before. Yeah. Right? A b of family, babies, your dance career, all of it. Yeah, I you know, I even when I wasn't like even when I was just dancing for fun and go-go dancing, like I knew it was gonna go somewhere someday, right? And like at this moment, like I could think about nothing else. Like there was that wasn't even a thought.
I I was just so devastated beyond belief. but my day-to-day, there was a lot of drinking involved to be honest. Like we all love a cocktail, okay? Like we all do. There's nothing wrong with that. I love a few cocktails. But at this time during the pandemic, I found myself on like those social Zoom calls, you know, with your friends, we'd play cards, we'd play like poker, and I would be like pouring tequila into my champagne. Like everyone's like drinking their cute little seltzers, and here I was mixing like three different alcohols, and I just didn't give a shit.
You know, I and then I always say this and this is where I learned don't ever drink when you're sad. I only drink for celebratory reasons now. Vacations, if I have a you know, if I have a show. Are you listening to that? Yes. J yeah. Don't ever drink when you're sad. I would find myself drinking more and what the more I drank, the sadder I got. Ooh. You know, and I would li I literally cried on my kitchen floor. And also, you know, my my normal person job was laid off. I was
I that's another thing. I had just gotten a job in my field in which I graduated college for. You know how hard that is in this world? What's that? I went to school for broadcast journalism and TV production and I got a job with the Lakers and Dodgers doing production. yeah, and I I bought a new car. I bought I was like my fancy new job. I bought a brand new SUV, like my first new car, and yeah, then you know laid off to due to the pandemic. So my husband was still working at the time. So
Add in him being gone and me with my depression and my own thoughts with alcohol? Like it was horrifying. It was, I was a shell of my own self. Yet somehow you kept going. You didn't quit on yourself. What made you keep getting up? What made you put the cocktail down? what made you get out of bed? Was there a moment where you decided?
I don't know how this gets better yet, but I know I'm not done. Yes, it started with movement. I actually looked up what, because it said you can't exercise for two and a half weeks. That's my whole identity is movement, right? Again, even if it's not, even if it wasn't professional dancing at the time, it was still movement. It was still dance. Like I was doing it all the time, every day on some level, whether it be in a class, on a stage, go-go dancing. and so I looked up.
I was like, fuck this. I'm not gonna sit here for two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, whatever. I'm not doing it. It was like a two-month recovery. I'm like, no. So I very carefully looked up, what do girls that have babies, ironically, how do they work out after they have a C-section? You know, what what do they do? Of course they have to walk around, they have care for a baby. Maybe I can start small. So I found these little ab, little baby crunch exercises, and that's what it started with. Wow. And then it started with the stairs. I live across the
The beach. I live across two blocks from the beach. There's this huge concrete staircase that I would huff and puff every time I went up it. But this time I was like, that's gonna be I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go up and down this five times every single day. And I did, and that's what I look forward to. That started getting me out of bed. I'm getting emotional. I so am I. My gosh, I'm a Scorpio. I'm not supposed to get this emotional. my gosh. so I would go down the up and down those stairs, and I would be like, that's what would get me out of bed.
And then it was six laps, then it was seven laps, and that staircase became so special to me. And then, yeah, and then it was walking. I never walked anywhere that much. I'd walk two, three miles. You know, if I I would walk to the grocery store. I had a car, I had my new car that I couldn't afford because I was laid off. But you know what? I would choose to bring a backpack to the grocery store. Like these little things, like the when the world was shut down, there was no interactions with people. I had my own brain and my own thoughts and my own.
Willpower and it started cover of mass and everyone else's face is covered. Yeah, and it that's how it started and it started with movement and then the biggest biggest change. Then I saw on Instagram somebody was teaching a dance class on Zoom. Wow. That changed everything for me in that moment. It was my very first choreography class I ever took as an adult, ever, past the age of twelve. Up until that point it was all go-go dancing. It was all for fun.
Okay, I I want you to keep going here because this is what I love about your story is that you weren't coming back with years and years of professional training, world-renown training, right? The best dance schools. You were largely self-taught. So you weren't returning to something you'd already mastered. Especially now you're having to see this on Zoom, right? You're not there in the physical, moving your body with others, and you were building.
All of this from scratch. And so tell us what that process was like. Teaching yourself, starting over, learning as you went along. did you ever look around and think, what in the hell am I doing here? In my living room on Zoom. Absolutely. Talk to us about that. What was that like? This was such an interesting state of mind because I had been a dancer my entire life, not professionally, right? I have just I've of I've been on it.
lot of stages in in Vegas, Chicago, again in the EDM world, go-go dancing, right? And I'm always been the girl at the club, you know, jumping up on top of the bar, like creating a whole performance. I've always been the girl to create the dances, like let's do this dance, let's get it on video, right? But no professional training. And so that was kind of basically my first thing as an adult was that Zoom class. And so you have this idea of I'm such a good mover. Dance lives in me. Like I know I'm a good dancer. I am dance.
But this choreography stuff, I'm like, this is this is somebody else's choreography learning it on a Zoom call. I'm like, I look like a I never danced a day in my life. So I was living in this weird parallel universe of like, why is my body doing this? I am a dancer my whole life. But what is what is this choreography stuff? So it was a really cool juxtaposition and very humbling to be like, I'm this is from scratch. Like and it was heels dancing too, mind you.
girl, you know I know that. I've taken one of her heels. We'll get there. I know. Wait, but I w keep talking about that, but I want you to also sprinkle in. I want to talk a little bit about age. Because on top of all of this, the dance world can can put enormous pressure on people, right? there's this unspoken message that if you haven't made it young, well, you've missed your chance. you started
After the age of 30, correct? Correct. And for people outside of dance, they may not understand why that's such a big deal, but inside the dance world, that's wild. So did people and I know I'm gonna say this gently because I know people can't make you feel anything, but did they make you feel behind? did you ever make yourself feel behind?
And how did you keep showing up when the industry narrative said your window has already closed, ma'am? This is such a good one. Okay. So that is something that like hit me in the face like a ton of bricks, right? So let's let's jump ahead of that. You're doing this, and you're like, wait, what? I can't wait, I have to be howled. So yeah, that that's a big one. So here here I am jumping forward, right? So I did these Zoom classes.
It was something I look forward to every week. You know, I started to get the hang of it. I was like, this is great. This is awesome. in-person classes opened up, right? And I'm like, let's do it. I was like a chomping at the bit. I'm like, put me in, coach. Like this is, I I'm fully addicted to this. I'm making this my whole identity now. I'm gonna train in every class I can. I'm gonna do this and that. So I get into these classes and I'm like, I am l older by a long shot in these classes, right? Again, do I think 30s is old?
Absolutely not. I'm proud of it. But you know what? In a in a dance setting, I mean there was little there was like eighteen, nineteen, twenty-one, twenty-two, we're talking, right? And I was like, and in-person learning was a lot different. And I I was like, this is not the my living room anymore. This is like these people are so good. So what I was so excited about, I was quickly like deflated because I'm like, my gosh, my age, did I start too late? no, this thing that I found joy in, this thing that I'm
I'm addicted to this thing I wanna take by the balls and like run with it. Like the thing that I'm so sure that I'm supposed to do. I was like, wait a minute. I'm a lot older than these people. And I'm I haven't been training professionally in LA like these girls that were born with a ballet slipper like in their mouth. Yeah. Like, you know, and I'm like, You know, so you start to like the doubt creeps in. Yeah. You know, cause like this is the LA dance world. This is yeah, this is an and you I I
I did just start in LA. I didn't just start dancing. I know. But I I was you went straight to the top. I I started from scratch as a dancer in LA. Like from actual scratch, which is like pretty unheard of to be honest. It is. And it's actually one of my favorite parts of your story because you didn't wait for permission. You didn't wait until you felt ready. You didn't wait till you felt ready. Listen to this, guys, gals. You didn't wait until you felt ready. You didn't wait for someone to validate you.
For someone to put a crown on your head and say, okay, you're next. You created your own lane. And I freaking love that about you. What does that phrase mean to you today? And what would you say to someone listening who believes they've missed their moment? the the the notion that you created your own lane. Talk to us about that. This is this is my my entire motto now. Now I'm a teacher, I'm a creative director.
I am a dancer in this world, and not a single person, not a single person.
gave me my start in any sort of professional job. I had friends along the way. shout out to Skye, one of my early mentors and supporters. you know, she took me to my first LA audition and I'm like, Skye, I'm not ready. And she's like, when are you ever gonna be? you just do it. And I ended up booking it. My first job, my first audition, I booked it. You know, but y you know, fast forward like
I now realize in this dance world, the only advocate is yourself. The only person that's gonna fail or succeed is because of your own self, right? Obviously, there's, you know, there's clicks, there's networking, there's dance politics, but my entire motto is what you just said now. I didn't see a lane for myself. I created one. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. Say it again slowly and loudly. I saw no lane for myself. No one gave me permission. I gave myself permission and I created my own lane.
I went against I went against so many norms in the dance world. Like, for instance, EDM, not a lot of commercial dancers are dancing to drum and bass, techno, house, tech house. You know, I've I've shouted it from the rooftops. That has been my favorite music since I was old enough to like that music, since it came out. You taught me you shed a few bands with me. What do they call? Artists. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, DJs. Yeah. DJs, artists.
But yeah, and you know, like if I wanted to work with a brand early on, I'm like, but I don't have a check mark next to my name. I'm not famous. I haven't worked with Ariana Grande. You know what? But I am someone and I'm not twenty one. I use my age as a superpower, you know? I was like, when I turned that around, like, man, I haven't been on tour and I'm not 19, it's like, hell yeah, you haven't. You've done a lot more and a lot differently. And, you know, you have so many different accolades and just because people don't know about them, I know about them. I know my experience and I know my strengths.
And if I want to work with that brand, you know what? I'm gonna DM them. I'm gonna ask them. I at first I was like, but I'm not famous enough, you know, I only have like a thousand followers, like blah blah blah. But no, I reached out and the very first brand ever that I worked with, it's because I just reached out and I told them my concept, I told them my idea, and then I ended up doing three more brand collabs with them. So no you I I stopped waiting. Right. I love that. I love that. wow, I'm speechless here.
You and I have talked about this before. Dance obviously can be incredibly beautiful, right? the artistry, the connection, the creativity. But I also think it's important to talk about the parts people don't see. So, what are some things that outsiders misunderstand about the dance world? What are the beautiful parts? We'll talk about that first. And then what are some of the more harder realities?
Yeah, so I say let's start with the beautiful parts of dance. Yes. Is the community. The community can actually be, especially in the pandemic, I think that we were all craving so much togetherness and camaraderie. And like I found some of my best friends through dance. You know, and I'm not from here. I'm from Chicago. Shout out to my midwives. and you know, like finding I think having like minded individuals that that train and have the same
movement values as you and you know try new things with each other. I think that sense of camaraderie is one of most beautiful parts of dance. I also think that there isn't just a a beautiful part is that there isn't just one lane for dance. There is so many different lanes. I think that's a huge misconception from an to an outsider, maybe a non-dancer is like dance is dance. That's your only job. You you you're on a stage and you dance. Absolutely not.
There's so many things to explore. There is so many avenues with direction and behind the scenes, in front of the scenes, teaching, workshops. You know, there's just so much more to it. And I think dancers are put in a little box sometimes to the outside world. And I think the beauty of it is there's so many different lanes. And I think probably the number one most beautiful thing is when I started teaching. I knew I was I knew I I'm I've always been a teacher inside because I don't just teach steps. I think one of the coolest things and the most
beautiful parts of dance is hearing someone else's story about what I did for their mental health through dance. That's probably one of the most rewarding things in the world to me. is like s I mean I I dance with single mothers, biomedical engineers, you know, homeowners, travelers, you know, like not just professional dancers are in this industry. And the fact that I get to, you know, be a part of their story, I I think is absolutely
beautiful. some of the not so great parts of dance I would say is the mental health aspect. I don't think it's talked about enough and I don't think we're real enough about it. I think we all want this perfect image and we all want to be like we love dance and it's it's great. You we don't want to burn a bridge or make the dance world sound icky or whatnot, but some parts of it are. Some parts of it are dangerous and scary. I think one of the biggest mental health struggles that dancers go through is the crushing need for validation.
we make dance so much our identity that we lose who we are in the process. Like I always always ask my students make sure you have something else besides dance. I think dancers are afraid to say dance is is like if they say if they have something else that they love, then someone else will think they don't love dance enough. And it's like that's like a toxic thought pattern of a dancer. Like I used to be like I eat, sleep and breathe dance. It's like Britney, you don't need to like say that constantly. You can just feel it.
You know, you don't need to but like I know people that like I mean I was one of them to be honest. I cut family trip short for dance classes. You know, I c I that's a whole nother talk about toxicity, but I you know, fear of missing out, FOMO. FOMO is a very negative connotation. We use it as a joke, but like the amount of dancers that get FOMO from not being in a certain class, that really affects you. You're you're actually fearing something.
Because you're not in this space. It's like it's okay to be with your family. It's okay to have a job. It's okay to be with your cats. It's okay to go, you know, to the beach for the day. So that's like a very dark side of of the dance world that I don't think a lot of people know about. Yeah, thank you. okay, we're gonna tread lightly on this one, this next topic, because I'm so curious about this. I wanna ask something very carefully, because watching your story unfold the last few years.
I've had a front seat, which I'm so honored to have this and honestly hearing similar stories from others, I keep finding myself wondering, is it weird to describe some of these communities as like cult like? I said what I said. And I don't mean that in a
sensational way either. I mean it in exactly the way I'm saying it. I I'm just my experience with my daughters, watching your story unfold and others, like I said, I don't know if that's a strange word, but it it feels almost cult-like. I'm and I'm talking about environments where belonging becomes tied to this weird obedience, right? where questioning leadership feels dangerous. Lame.
where people are afraid to leave because they might lose friendships, opportunities, status, and even identity, like you talked about earlier. Does any of that resonate with you and your experience? You have no idea how ironic that all is that you say that. I'm like a little speechless over here. And you're a little teared up, I see. I'm I'm just like that like hit me right here. Are you sure you're not in the dance world? Like not at all.
You are three daughters. You have you have known my story. That's crazy that you you word it like that because I don't know I know that word is so harsh and I I just don't know what else I would call that. So your intuitive you know assumption based on yeah, I I would say is correct. And that's a little, you know, other dark side going a little deeper. yeah, very the clicks and the the as you put it, like the cult vibes.
I think you're right. It's like there's these spaces in the dance world where you want so bad to be a part of and you want the validation that it gives you in this sense of belonging to a toxic degree that if you were to get out of it, you would feel like you are you know, you're where where are you then? Where's your identity? So even when you're in these spaces.
you feel like you have to stay. Let's say your mental health is declining a bit, right? Because maybe, you know, this person is getting this accolade and this person is, you know, getting this and, you know, I'm not being noticed and, you know, it doesn't feel the same anymore. And a normal person, if they felt like that, they would just leave. But when you're attached to a group or a part of this atmosphere, you you can't pull yourself out of it o of fear of maybe like some sort of retaliation. Maybe like a bridge being burned. You know, maybe
You're afraid what someone will think, you know, you're you're afraid that, you know, these leaders in these spaces will will question you or, you know, take things from you. And that's that can get really dangerous. And I've and I've seen myself be a huge victim of that. I've seen different dancers be a victim of it. And it's crazy how long I personally stayed, you know, in a situation that was doing me a massive disservice to my mental health. And I stayed way past my welcome.
And that's and that's what those those those groups do to you. And you don't want to leave. You don't want to be the one to leave. You don't want to be labeled that. So and I think about that, I attribute it to watching American Idol. When you you you see the singers, right? They make it and they don't want to they don't want to be blackballed, right? So I can understand. But what makes those environments so attractive in the beginning, especially for people like you who are passionate, ambitious, creative.
they had their head on their shoulders, right? You had so much going for you and and desperately seeking community, right? You had just moved from Midwest over here to Southern California. And I'm just curious, what makes those environments so attractive in the beginning? How do we get sucked into this? Not we, but how do how does one get sucked into this? This is such a great question. This is like a question I still ask myself sometimes.
the way you articulated it, like someone with a good head on their shoulders, someone with the best intentions, right? I think I think you you you answered it in what you said. It it it all stems from the pandemic, I think. I think we were all so desperate to fit in somewhere and to have a group, right? And then I think when something's shiny and new and you know like everyone loves you and
You're well celebrated and you know the I think that wears off a little bit, then the next girl comes around, you know, then the next dancer comes around. And then you start to see yourself kind of fade. And, you know, and then you're like, no, well I have to stay here. I have to stay here because this person gives me the time of day. This person makes me matter sometimes. It's like a big
push and pull game and you stick around for it. Slot machine. Yes. And it's like there'll be a payoff at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking next day the next time will be better. I'll feel better. I'll be noticed again. Like this will get me somewhere. But but it doesn't. It's all a facade and I I do think it has to do so in some cases, not all, with money. You know, the these people like leading these spaces, like, you know, they're I think they are genuine on a lot of levels, but I also think, you know
Getting their bag is is a bottom line as well. So, you know, and people so desperate for community, these accolades are given to them. And then, you know, to a point where it's just given out like candy and they're just gonna keep coming back. What whoever it hurts, if it hurts their training, if it hurts their, you know, whatever, but you know, at least those people are bringing more people to their space, and I think that's what they care about. You know? Yeah. Okay, but the table's turned. And so at what point
Did you begin seeing things differently? was there a moment where the curtain started to pull back? A moment where you realized this isn't helping me grow anymore. In fact, it might be stunting my growth. Whew, absolutely. This is a big one. I will never forget being in this exact space that I had, you know, called home for a while. And
I just remember looking around the room and thinking, this isn't this doesn't feel good anymore. This doesn't feel good personally or professionally. It absolutely doesn't. It doesn't do for me what it did for so many years. And at that in that moment, I had finally decided that it was stunting my growth personally and professionally.
You know, cause you go through this, you know, you you're in this setting, you're following else, you're following someone else for so long, you know, and then you know, I decided I wanna, you know, I wanna do my own thing. Like I'm I'm qualified now. I've been performing for years. I'm gonna teach performance now, I'm ready, you know. I'm gonna teach EDM performance, I'm gonna teach the art of EDM beat drops, I'm gonna teach, you know, this style of movement.
And I think sometimes when you're in a space, when you're the one being taught, you're afraid to go do those things. You know, and there's and sometimes it's met with massive criticism, whether you're good at it or not. but I remember thinking, I'm ready to do this on my own, but I I I want I want to be in a space where I create a level of training, but also mental happiness. And that's what dance should do. It should be challenging. It's not all happy days, but it should be dance anxiety. I always say there's two types of anxiety when you're in dance.
And one of you you shouldn't feel defeated when you leave a dance class, mentally or physically. You should feel challenged. That's what I always say. You should feel challenged and not defeated. And when I was defeated mentally and emotionally in a dance class, that's when I knew it was time to go and start my own thing. And I didn't care what it cost me for once. I didn't. Wow. That's my next question. Because leaving those environments can be terrifying. so what did it cost you, if anything, to walk away? And more importantly, what'd you gain?
I definitely lost some things. but I gained much, much more than I lost. I think what I lost was n never meant to be mine anyway. I think it I think it was what I thought I wanted. and I think, you know, I I'm you know, I'm a big believer in God and I think God was like, No offense, Brittany, I don't think you're gonna pull yourself out of this, but we're gonna do it together. It's gonna be a little rough.
not the ideal way, probably, but you know what? It's gonna be better for you in the end. I lost fake relationships, is what I lost. Amen, girl. I l I honestly lost fake relationships. Low-hanging fruit, my brother calls them. Yes. And I also lost the care that somebody was gonna think X, Y, and Z about me. I used to care so much. What did I gain? I gained one of the most creative years of my life. I gained
some of the best friendships that I had been neglecting because I was living inside this other reality. and I I gained my rose-colored my ro I lost my rose-colored glasses. They were off. And I saw things so clearly. And I was able to develop r relationships in rooms that I wouldn't normally put myself in, you know, 'cause I was a part of these other rooms and it was just it was so nice to actually build these friendships I had been neglecting to be honest.
thank shout out to my friends for being patient throughout this whole thing. And now I've I'm making some of the most creative, genuine personal connections of my whole dance career. I love it. I was just thinking that sometimes the hardest thing, I think about this in terms of relationships as well, friendships, partnerships, all of it and and and even professionally here is like is the hardest thing isn't leaving a toxic environment. Sometimes the hardest thing is
trusting yourself after you've done it. 100% that is such a good way to move that. Yeah, do you experience that too? Yeah. Yeah, I love it. okay, I want to talk a a little bit about leadership. Because I have always seen you as a leader. I love it. J the sh what you've just shared so far has really beyond impressed me, but I'm just really proud of you because I do see you as a leader. I want to talk a little bit about that because every industry has
It's gatekeepers, right? So, you know, we have people who open doors and people who try to control them. So I want to talk a little bit about that. Have you experienced any leaders who seem threatened by other people's growth, including yourself, you know your growth, but you've s you've watched them be threatened by other other people's growth. people who wanted your contribution, but not necessarily your success.
People who didn't clap when you won, all those types of people. Talk to me. What did those experiences teach you? Yeah, so there are two types of people in the dance world. There's gatekeepers and collaborators, right? I think a lot of times, I've been guilty of this too. I think we think that someone else's success in the dance world is gonna stunt our success. which is just not true, you know? So many different jobs are gonna fit for so many different people. and it's just best to clap, you know.
We went from a pandemic to an epidemic of gatekeeping in the dance world. I think it got a little worse too. and I don't speak for everyone because I've built some beautiful collaborations, but I've noticed when friends or like mentor and mentee, you know, when one sir kind of maybe surpasses the other or goes off and does their own thing, you either are going to full-blown support them or you're going to be threatened. It's kind of one way or the other. There really is no in the middle in the dance world, unfortunately.
I see that a lot. I know I've I've been a victim to it and I've I've witnessed it, you know, and even myself, you know, when somebody gets a job over me or something and you know, you think like, you know, there's this little a angel on or devil on your shoulder, like, well, why did they get it? You know, and it's like, No, no, no. Your angel is like, Well, why did you get that job? You know, it's like so I've decided to clap and I've decided to collaborate. and I it is it has gotten some beautiful
I've gotten some beautiful fruits of that labor is by collaborating. I love that. What kind of leader did you decide you wanted to become because of your experiences? I wanted to do the exact opposite of what I was shown in certain circumstances. I, for instance, I had a student for three years who trained under me and she is now teaching her own classes, and I'm going to her classes now.
I will reshare her flyers. I will whenever I can. If I can hire her for a job, you know, I'll do that. And it's like sh and and now she's going to bring my name name up in rooms that I'm not in. And it's only going to grow your tribe in the most genuine way. That is the leader I wanna be. I will never ever, ever be the kind of leader that doesn't support you just because you're doing things. Absolutely not. I love that. I love that. I was thinking about this world. I'm
It it's similar to the hair world in the beauty industry, right? It's very it can be superficial. And the dance world can also be incredibly judgmental. how did you stay authentic in a world that often rewards performance over authenticity, right? how did you not lose yourself?
That one's really, really tough. And all the all the newer teachers out there are gonna feel me on this one. How do you stay authentic but also, you know, a gain a tribe and a following, right? Without And perform. Yeah, right? Yep. So it's a you know, we all go through imposter syndrome, right? When we start teaching, when we start branching out.
And you know, everyone there's everyone at the time and even now everyone does like a lot of R and B. Like all the teachers do like a lot of the sexy stuff, a lot of the slow, a lot of the slinky stuff, you know, a lot of the the current pop songs trending, you know, I and I you have to do that sometimes, you know, just you y to appease someone of the masses, but you also have to stay true to yourself. And that can lose you students, it can lose you, you know, a demographic. Like for instance, like I I am
I am pushing this house and techno, and I I love EDM. Of course I love like Britney Spears and you know, I you know, a couple RB songs here and there. It's not really my thing though, but like I'm running the risk of having smaller classes and maybe a more niche audience, but I am staying true to who I am, and I I can always say and look back, no matter how this shakes out, I'm actually me and I'm teaching what I love and I'm teaching what I know best, and I am absolutely authentic to my own self, even even if it costs me.
You know, a sold-out class or something. I'm I'm I'm sticking to my guns. I love that. I love that. Today, you mentor other dancers. I love that. I love that. You share information, you help people, you open doors, you you don't gatekeep. Why is that so important to you? Because some people operate from from scarcity, right? They believe that that helping others as you were sharing earlier hurts them. And you seem to believe the opposite.
So where does that mindset come from? Because that's huge. You're not just building a career, you're changing the narrative here in the dance world. And I love it. Talk to me. my gosh, can we get that on a a plaque? Yes. That's like that's next. That's literally ask anyone. When anyone ever asks me, what do I want to like be re you know, will get there remembered for? But there there is something I always say, and it's like, I want to be the girl that changes the narrative in dance.
That helps you. I want to get you a job. I want to be the girl that's known for booking dancers. I want to be the girl that's known for collaborating. That's known for, you know, putting a good word out there. I, you know, I'm signed to a talent agency now. Shout out Breezy, shout out Peyton. and I, you know, I think I've helped get over 15 girls signed to an agency. Some of them don't even know it. I and I don't care. You know, I it makes
you ask why I do it, it makes me feel good to help people. And I don't do it to get stuff back, but that is just a natural fallout of what happens, you know, like, I remember Brittany really helped me with this submission when she did not have to. You know, she helped me with this. So you know what? my gosh, I know s I know an EDM artist. I I I you know she was asking about a choreographer. You know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna hit Britney up. You know, I I remember she she does that kind of music. You know, so these very natural
These very natural relationships. I don't do it for that, but that is a a a great side effect of it, you know? And I I genuinely do it because helping people like gives me a high. And I don't ever want to be the girl that doesn't help you. I love that. I love that. If every dancer listening right now remembered one thing from you, what would you want it to be?
to absolutely not wait for when it's quote a right time. One hundred percent. That is something I hear from every single dancer is I'm not there yet, I'm not ready yet. And of course we need training, of course we need all that.
But it's it's time to think about yourself. I used to be I used to be so scared to like think about myself. And I think I would want every dancer to know that you should absolutely start thinking about yourself and start thinking about more of what you want than how someone's gonna perceive you.
And some final questions here, maybe one or two. Looking back, what did this journey teach you about yourself? What did it teach you about resilience?
Man, this is such a big question. I know. It's hard to answer. It is. How about what what did this journey teach you about yourself? I think the biggest thing it taught me about myself is I am allowed. I am allowed to change. I am allowed to evolve. Yes. I am allowed.
I'm allowed to be my own self without permission from anybody. I think it taught me that it's okay to let some relationships go. It's absolutely okay. It the thought of it used to be devastating, but change is absolutely okay and it's even welcomed when you're evolving.
One last question. I have so many for you, but good thing we're friends and I get to ask you more. What would you say to someone who feels like they're starting over too late? Someone sitting in their own dark chapter right now saying, But you don't know, I'm too late, I didn't do this, I missed this, I had this happen to me and this and this and that and that and this and that. What would you say to them? So this is not gonna be your
Don't give up answer. I'm gonna get real with this answer. Go, go. First of all, it's never too late. That's an excuse. I'm literal proof of it. It is never too late. It's your mentality that it's too late. That's the problem. And you know what? If you want to do something, I would say it takes consistency. It takes balls to the wall training and practice. And I don't just mean training and dance. If i if you think you're too late for anything, a career change, a relationship change, a divorce.
To you know, all that kind of stuff. Like, you have the power to make it happen. No one's gonna make it happen for you. That's what I would say is consistency and massive hard work. It it's not gonna happen overnight, but it starts with you and you gotta do the work.
Gosh, I love it. I love it. Well, as we know, this podcast is called the Unfolding Podcast. And I wonder if you if you remember the point in your life during this journey where you thought to yourself, I'm not broken, I'm not behind, my life wasn't falling apart. Possibly my life was just unfolding. Do you remember when that was?
The moment I knew that I wasn't broken and my life was unfolding and I wasn't behind, I think when I started dancing again for the joy.
And I and I realize that I can have more than one identity. And that dance is my love, but it doesn't run my life.
Are you grateful it didn't happen the way you thought it would? Absolutely. Right? my gosh. Right? There were days when I'm like, this is it. I'm never gonna be this. I am so grateful. As we sit here right now, I am co I am choreographing for LA Swim Week for the Academy LA with amazing dancers and a live show tomorrow. I mean, no, I did not think it would turn out this way, and no, I I I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I love it. I love this. I love you. I love talking with you. I love it all. Friends, you just heard Brittany. We're gonna give you some information before this ends. But I wanna end with this. I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that life happens in a straight line, right? That success should happen on a schedule. At a particular time, at a particular age. The healing should happen quickly.
That dreams should happen the first time. Hey, I've done all the work. I've been da-da-da-da-da. I'm all lined up. Why isn't this happening? But what your story reminds me of right now as I sit here is that life doesn't work that way. Sometimes surgery becomes the beginning, right? Sometimes the setback becomes the doorway. Sometimes the thing that breaks your identity becomes the very thing that reveals who you actually really are.
You started over at 30, self-taught during a pandemic, in a world that quietly tells people, you're too late. And instead of accepting that story, you wrote your own. You didn't miss your moment. You created your own lane. And I love that. And I think that is one of that's such a great lesson for all of us, whether we're dancers, entrepreneurs, podcasters.
parents, artists, or simply just people trying to find our way, just trying to live life. Your life is not behind schedule. Your dream is not over, your path does not need to look like anyone else's. Your unfolding isn't the story of everything going according to plan. That's the whole point of the unfolding. The unfolding is realizing that even the detours, the losses, the gut punches, the lonely seasons.
The scary seasons, the wrong rooms, the fake friends, the cult-like leaders, the moments you thought, this is gonna end me. This is over, it's a wrap for me. Those, all of those were quietly shaping the person who you were becoming. So I wanna thank you so much. We both have tears in our eyes. I want to thank you, Brittany, for sharing your story with us today. And to everyone listening, keep trusting your path.
It may make sense sooner than you think. As always, I'm your host, friend, and your girl, Yvonne Wink. And I want to see Brittany, are you interested in giving out your social media to anyone that wants to follow you? Guys, her stuff is legit. So can you give us any information in case someone wants to contact you for booking, for for dancing, for teaching, lessons, all of that? Yeah, absolutely. Take it away. Yeah.
So I just made a YouTube channel and it's it's getting some traction. It's super cute. I know I'm late to the YouTube game. but I am it's Britney Lee Dance, my YouTube channel. You'll see a story about my comeback. There's actually a story about my surgery in there. it's a really cool little storytelling video, and there's a lot of tutorials on there. There's everything from the wins, the losses, and the funny stuff. my TikTok is it's Britney Bitch. that's how it's gonna end.
Yeah, and then my Instagram is Brittany7011 and it's got all things dance on there. A lot of my creative direction is on there, a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. So yeah. If anyone is interested, I will you can DM me, message, email, whatever, and I will get you to her contact information as well. you don't want to miss it's Britney Bitch because her dancing is amazing. Well, and on all channels.
But I'm a huge fan. I love and adore her. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you again for listening. And until next time, see you later.
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