Behind Blue Lines

James Jefferson was in the early stages of his police career when he and his partner found themselves cornered by an armed suspect. With no other option, they opened fire in self-defence, wounding and ultimately killing the suspect. In the following months and years, the trauma from that night took James on a self-destructive journey that would find him alone one day in his car with his service weapon to his head. In this episode, you will: * Hear about how James went looking for a hero's death * Learn how a fear of being perceived as weak caused James to put on a front of indifference as he internally processed life-changing trauma * Understand the impact of front line trauma on personal relationships * Share James' journey to his lowest point and the changes in his mindset and support from his wife that now sees him as the wellbeing lead for his force and living a fulfilled family life

Tom Staples was an ex-Marine and police officer with 20 years service. When you picture a police officer, Tom would be the type of person you think of - strong, dependable, steady. Yet on Thursday 2nd May 2019, with his two young sons playing downstairs, Tom went up to his bedroom and took his own life. No red flags. No warnings. In this episode you'll hear from his wife JoAnna, about the life they shared, the moment she found him and her life since. In this episode you will: * Understand that not every suicide is preceded by observable behaviour or warning signs * Hear more about the pressure on first responders to constantly appear strong and in control * Learn about the impact of becoming a suicide survivor had on JoAnna and her family. * Understand more about how those left behind by suicide can feel the need to take on responsibility for the emotions of those around them.

Rachel Hearn has spent her working life with the Ambulance Service. She has witnessed and dealt with countless potentially trauma-inducing incidents. And yet when she made the call to her employee assistance programme to ask for help, it wasn't because of a harrowing ordeal, but rather that the build up of stress in her private life had brought her to breaking point. In this episode we will: * Explore why first responders find it so difficult to ask for help * Hear how the job can be a distraction from difficulties in your private life and provide a feeling of control * Understand how much the fear of what others will think and the need to "earn acceptance" can influence the way we show up, both at work and in our private lives.

To Gamal Turawa, policing represented a chance to belong. Sadly he was subjected to an alarming racial assault within weeks of joining. The racism, discrimination and stereotypes that undermined his confidence and self-worth as a young boy growing up in 1970's Britain, were only compounded by the culture within policing at the time. During his policing career, it was the trauma found at the hands of his colleagues, and not on the streets that took him to a station platform one morning to end his life. In this episode we will: * Explore how we often miss our opportunity to find belonging by sacrificing who we are to fit in * Learn about the importance of acknowledgment as part of anti-racism * Understand the impact of leading from a place of fear rather than courage * Hear Gamal's own perspective on what policing organisations can do to better support officers and address the current climate facing policing

To what extent does the judgement of others impact your life? How much of your decision making is actually driven by what you assume others will think? The fear of judgement, of being seen as weak or imperfect in some way is a very real barrier to many emergency service personnel speaking out and asking for help. In this episode, we give it a name - Perfectionism, and identify strategies that will help you to let go of what others might think.