How to Build Lasting Friendships as an Adult

How to Build Lasting Friendships as an Adult

The friendships that built themselves in school rarely replace themselves, and many adults end up without the kind of friend who'd drop everything. This episode looks at what research and Scripture say it takes to build close friendships as an adult, and the first step most of us skip. The friends we made before adulthood mostly built themselves. You lived in the same dorm or worked the same shift, and the hours added up without any effort. Then careers and kids pulled you one way and a move pulled you another, and somewhere in there you stopped collecting new friends. One day you look up and notice you don't have the kind of friend who'd drop everything and come over when something went wrong. That's a loss, and it's far more common than anyone admits. The difference now is that adult life rarely hands you those built-in hours. Nobody schedules them for you, so if friendship happens at all, you have to make it happen. A University of Kansas researcher named Jeffrey Hall put numbers on it. He surveyed 355 adults who had recently moved to a new city and tracked how the hours they spent together mapped onto closeness. It took about 50 hours to move from stranger to casual acquaintance, and 90 hours to reach a friendship. Reaching a close friendship took 200 hours or more. And the hours that counted most were spent over shared meals and unhurried time together, with no agenda attached. As Hall put it, you can't snap your fingers and make a friend. The takeaway is humbling: closeness is mostly a function of time, and time is the one thing busy adults guard most carefully. Scripture describes the same reality from a different angle. Proverbs 27:17 says that as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Picture what that takes: two blades pressed together, again and again, until each one gets sharper. Sharpening happens through contact, repeated and close. The friend who knows your story and shows up when it counts doesn't appear out of nowhere. That kind of friend gets built the slow way, through hours that feel unremarkable while they're happening. There's no shortcut around the time it takes, any more than you can sharpen a blade by waving it in the air. All of which points to the part most of us avoid: somebody has to go first. Hall's practical advice is to make time on purpose and invite people to lunch, signals that say you'd like to be friends. The awkward work is showing up enough times that the right person becomes a close one, and most of us stop short because we wait for it to feel natural before we invest. In this episode, Bart admits that as an introvert he'd rather be alone, and that keeping close friendships is something he has to work at on purpose, again and again. The friend you need may already be in your life. You're just not at 200 hours yet, so the move is simple: go to coffee first. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why the friendships that came easy before adulthood rarely replace themselves * What Jeffrey Hall's research reveals about the hours it takes to build a close friend * The one awkward move that turns an acquaintance into a friend The friend you need is probably already nearby. You just have to be the one to start, one cup of coffee at a time. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/259 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/259] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group

How to Talk to Your Adult Kids About Faith

When your adult child no longer shares your faith, how you talk about it becomes one of the most delicate parts of the relationship. This episode looks at how to keep that conversation alive without lectures or guilt, and why relationship matters more than winning an argument. A lot of Christian parents reach a point they never expected: their grown kids no longer share their faith, and every attempt to talk about it feels like walking a tightrope. Press the issue and you push them further away. Say nothing and you feel like you're pretending the most important thing in your life doesn't matter. Plenty of parents end up in one of two ditches, turning every visit into a sermon or letting the subject go off-limits for years. Q.O. Helet and his wife knew that ache. They had been Christians for more than 30 years, raised their boys in the faith and tried to model it at home, and still watched both adult sons walk away. What Q.O. keeps coming back to is this: they still have a relationship with both sons, and that didn't happen by accident. They stayed in it, kept the door open, and trusted God with what they couldn't control. The most damaging thing he sees parents do, he says, is the thing that feels most natural when a child leaves the faith. They pull back, and the love starts to feel conditional, which hands a skeptical child one more reason to stay away. There's a better road, and 1 Peter 3:15 points to it. The verse tells believers to always be ready to explain their hope when someone asks. The word that does the work is "asks." You can't force a question like that. Nobody asks about your hope because you cornered them at the holidays. They ask because they've watched your life over time and something in it made them curious. So the heart of it is making yourself safe to talk to, the kind of parent your child could bring a question to someday without bracing for a sermon. At the dinner table, that usually looks like listening. When your son or daughter tells you why they stopped believing, the urge is to correct them before they finish the sentence. Resist it. Ask a question and mean it. People rarely reconsider anything while they feel like a project; they reconsider when they feel loved and unhurried. Think of the father in the prodigal story, who watched the road and ran to his son the moment he turned back. The door stayed open the whole time. In this episode, Bart says plainly that his own children came to faith young and never left, so he hasn't walked this road as a father, but he has counseled many parents who have. The encouragement he offers is freeing: changing a heart is God's work, not yours. Your job is to keep the porch light on and the relationship warm, so that when God draws your child home, the path runs straight through you. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why pulling back is the most natural and most damaging response when a child leaves the faith * What the word "asks" in 1 Peter 3:15 reveals about how these conversations actually start * A simple way to build the kind of trust that makes a future faith conversation possible You can't argue anyone home. You keep the door open and stay close, and you trust God to do the work only He can do. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/258 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/258] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group

What to Do While You're Waiting for News That Might Change Everything

There's a kind of waiting that can undo you: the hours before you know how something will turn out, when you can't fix a thing. This episode looks at what to do in that waiting, and how God meets people right there in the corridor between the news and whatever comes next. Waiting tests anyone. But there's a kind of waiting that can undo you, the kind where the news might change everything and there's nothing you can do but wait for it. You're in the hospital corridor. You're holding the phone, willing it to ring and dreading it at the same time. You can't fix it, and you can't think your way out of it. All you can do is wait, and the waiting itself can feel like more than you can take. Time stops behaving normally; an hour can stretch into what feels like a week while your mind runs the same loops with no new information to work on. Heather Bixler knew that feeling. A couple of weeks before a family vacation, her father called with two words that stopped everything: colon cancer. Her family was shocked and overwhelmed. Her father knew what the word meant in a way most people don't; he had watched his own father die of cancer at 17 and had lost three siblings to the same disease. And now it was his turn to hear it. What stands out is when Heather wrote about it. She wrote from inside the waiting, before anyone knew how it would go. She anchored herself in God's presence and in what she knew was true about Him, and she brought her honesty into it, the same way she had in an earlier stretch when she lay under a weighted blanket wondering if anything would get better. She had reached the place where she couldn't think her way through what she was feeling, and faith was the only solid thing left to stand on. Psalm 130 was written for that exact place. The writer cries out from the depths, and he doesn't pretend he's fine; he tells God exactly what he's doing while he waits, putting his hope in God's word and longing for Him more than a sentry longs for the dawn. A night watchman can't make the sun rise. He just keeps watching for it, certain it's coming. That is what waiting on God looks like. It's active. You hold on to what He has said, and you keep your eyes up for the first light. You put your weight on what you know about God, even when you can't know anything yet about how it ends. So here's what to do in the corridor. You bring God your honesty, fear and all, because He can handle it. And you don't wait alone. You let people in, the way God built His people to hold each other up. In this episode, Bart speaks from both sides of this, the pastor who has waited in hospital corridors with families and the man who has done his own waiting, and points to the God who meets people in the not-knowing. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why waiting for an unknown outcome is its own kind of trial * What Psalm 130 shows about waiting on God as an active kind of trust * Two concrete things to do while you wait for news you can't control You can't make the news come any sooner, and you don't have to. The One who is already in the corridor with you is watching for the dawn on your behalf. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/257 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/257] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group

When the Calling You Thought You Had Hasn't Come

Many of us were handed a sense of calling when we were young, and decades later it still hasn't taken the shape we expected. This episode looks at why the years of waiting may not be a delay at all, but the calling itself taking shape as God builds you for what He promised. A lot of us were handed a sense of calling when we were young. Maybe a teacher or a pastor looked at you and said they saw something in you. Maybe you felt a stirring you couldn't shake. You believed it, and then the years passed, and the thing never took the shape you expected. The door didn't open. The gift didn't get used the way you pictured. And somewhere along the way you started to wonder if you misheard God, or if the calling was meant for someone else. Jenita Matteson lived in that question for four decades. As a young woman, she saw a clear vision: a property where people would come to be discipled and to discover what God had called them to do. She believed it, then spent the next 40 years trying to make it happen and finding she couldn't. Every attempt taught her something, and none of them moved the vision forward. When her husband died in 2007, it would have been reasonable to declare the dream finished. She was older, she was alone, and the money for a facility had never come. The story of Joseph shows what's really happening in a wait like that. Joseph was 17 when God gave him a dream, and 13 years passed before it came true, years filled with betrayal and a prison cell. Looking back at the end of his life, he told the brothers who sold him, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." The word is intended. God was working good through every piece of it. Those years were not a holding pattern before the calling. They were the calling taking shape, and God was building Joseph into the man the vision would require. That is the part you can't see from the inside. God is not ignoring the calling He put in you. He is growing you into the person who can hold it when it arrives. The patience and the dependence on Him that the younger you didn't have yet are exactly what the waiting has been forming. In 2018, Jenita received a large and unexpected financial gift, and the vision she had tended for 40 years finally had ground to stand on. She launched Gold Standard Ministries. When COVID shut everything down in 2020, the pause freed her to finish the curriculum and to see that the training could reach people around the world online, something she could never have planned for in 1978. As she put it, she finally understood why God kept Moses in the wilderness for 40 years. The vision took that long because God was using the years to build her for it. In this episode, Bart shares his own redirected calling, the music major who sensed an unexpected pull toward ministry, and what it took to trust that God hadn't scrapped the plan. If you're discouraged by a calling that still hasn't come, this is an encouragement to keep going. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why the gap between a calling and its fulfillment is rarely wasted time * What Joseph's 13-year wait reveals about how God prepares a person for a promise * A simple way to notice what God has been building in you during the wait The years between the promise and its fulfillment are not empty. God is building you for the very thing you have been waiting for. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/256 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/256] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group

When Your Spouse Doesn't Share Your Faith

When the most important thing in your life isn't shared by the person closest to you, marriage can hold a loneliness you rarely say out loud. This episode looks at what Paul tells the believing spouse to do, and why your faithfulness in that home matters more than you might think. For a lot of believers, the deepest strain in marriage isn't conflict over money or chores. It's that the most important thing in their life, their faith, is the one thing the person closest to them doesn't share. Maybe you came to Christ later, after the wedding. Maybe your spouse's beliefs shifted over the years. Either way, you end up praying alone, sitting in church next to someone whose heart isn't there, and making most of the decisions about the kids and faith by yourself. It's a loneliness people feel without ever putting it into words, and it can linger in a marriage that's good in every other way. Sam Dahlhauser lived in that place for years. Her husband, Mike, wasn't hostile to her faith, but he wasn't interested in it either. She didn't lecture him or turn his soul into her project. She kept praying and kept showing up for the marriage, trusting God was doing something she couldn't yet see, even when there was no evidence anything was changing. That kind of faithfulness rarely gets applause, and it can feel like shouting into an empty room. Paul spoke to this exact situation in the early church. In 1 Corinthians 7, he tells the believing wife not to leave her unbelieving husband, and the believing husband not to leave his unbelieving wife. Then he says something surprising: the believing spouse brings holiness to the marriage, and even to the children. He doesn't spell out what that looks like day to day, or how long it takes. He simply says your presence in that home matters. It's holy ground, set apart by God for something He's doing in the places you can't see. That word matters most when you've been at this for years with no sign of change. God works on a longer timeline than we do. Mike Dahlhauser describes God pursuing him across decades, through his wife's persevering prayers and a group of men at Austin Ridge Bible Church who got close enough to matter, before he finally surrendered. A long stretch with no visible movement can still be a time when God is doing His deepest work. In this episode, Bart draws on years of counseling couples in exactly this position, where one believes and the other doesn't, and the conflict that tension can create. The encouragement is plain and practical. Your job was never to convert your spouse. Your job is to love them well and stay faithful in prayer, and to leave the timeline and the outcome with God. That frees you from a burden you were never meant to hold and puts it back where it belongs. Sam couldn't see what God was doing. She prayed and stayed anyway, and God was working the whole time. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why a divided-faith marriage carries a loneliness most people never say out loud * What Paul tells the believing spouse to do, and why their presence is called holy ground * How to love your spouse well without turning their faith into a project Your presence in that home is not wasted. Love well, keep praying, and trust God with the timeline and the things you can't see. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/255 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/255] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group