Why Comparing Yourself to Your Parents Hurts You

Why Comparing Yourself to Your Parents Hurts You

Ep 23: Why Comparing Yourself to Your Parents Hurts Stop Comparing Yourself to Your Parents while Still Honoring Them Having immigrant parents, it can be hard to make sense of our experiences without feeling guilty about what our parents went through and comparing our experiences with theirs.  In this episode, I share some of the questions from the Honor Your Motherhood panel held by Asian Mental Health Project that we didn't get to answer live. These questions are so important.  Whether you're a parent or not, you can reflect on the stories you've inherited, the patterns you may still be carrying, and how to create more space for your own needs, feelings, and growth. I talk about family history, self-care, and what it really means to honor your parents' experiences without losing yourself in the process. Take a listen if you've ever wondered: - How do I have compassion for my parents without dismissing my own experience? - Where is the line between honoring their sacrifices and carrying their pain? - What can self-care actually look like in everyday life? Mentioned in Podcast:  Asian Mental Health Project  Website: https://www.asianmentalhealthproject.com/  Instagram: @asianmentalhealthproject Attend their next Honor Your Feelings Fest Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/ [https://insighttimer.com/]  UCLA Mindful App: https://www.uclahealth.org/ulcamindful/ucla-mindful-app [https://www.uclahealth.org/ulcamindful/ucla-mindful-app]  _________ More from Allison Ly  | Free Resources: Stop Spiraling in Guilt Cheatsheet For Setting Boundaries:  https://www.heyallisonly.com/cheatsheet  Get my Free Quickstart Guide to Help You Help Your Loved Ones: https://www.heyallisonly.com/resource Get my weekly emails for actionable tips, tools, relatable stories for Adults with Immigrant Parents: https://heyallisonly.com/email  3 Easy Ways to Tackle Your Negative Self Talk: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start  Free Resource Library: https://www.heyallisonly.com/library  Episode Timeline: 2:49 How your parents' story shapes the way you parent 8:50 Q1: Something she used to believe that was quietly hurting her 11:01 How to hold two painful truths at the same time 12:46 Q2: Where do you draw the line? 15:43 The warning sign most people miss until it's too late 18:36 The shame around talking about your family 19:14 Q3: What does self-care actually look like? 24:55 The one mindset shift worth trying Show notes and more at: https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/23 Follow and subscribe for more:  ▶️ YouTube: @heyallisonly 📸 Instagram: @heyallisonly 🎵 TikTok: @heyallisonly

Why Feeling Your Feelings is Hard and What to Do About It

Ep 22: Why Feeling Your Feelings is Hard and What to Do About It 2 Quick Ways to Honor Your Feelings and Inner Child Follow Asian Mental Health Project  Website: https://www.asianmentalhealthproject.com/  Instagram: @asianmentalhealthproject Attend their next Honor Your Feelings Fest https://www.eventbrite.com/e/honor-your-feelings-fest-tickets-1984586818598#organizer-card ___ More from Allison Ly  | Free Resources: Free Resource Library: https://www.heyallisonly.com/library  Stop Spiraling in Guilt Cheatsheet For Setting Boundaries:  https://www.heyallisonly.com/cheatsheet  Get my Free Quickstart Guide to Help You Help Your Loved Ones: https://www.heyallisonly.com/resource Get my weekly emails for actionable tips, tools, relatable stories for Adults with Immigrant Parents: https://heyallisonly.com/email  3 Easy Ways to Tackle Your Negative Self Talk: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start  _________ It can be difficult to honor your feelings in general.  And then on top of that, it’s extra difficult when you may not exactly know what you’re feeling.  And honoring your feelings is so important.  In this episode, I’m reflecting on my experience speaking at Honor Your Feelings Fest with Asian Mental Health Project and sharing why honoring your feelings can feel especially difficult as an adult with immigrant parents.  I talk about why so many of us struggle to identify our emotions, and how constantly focusing on everyone else can disconnect us from ourselves. I also share practical mindset shifts and reflections around emotional awareness, self-talk, motherhood, play, healing, and learning how to create space for yourself.  Episode Timeline: 00:00 Why Honoring Our Feelings Matter 00:41 Honor Your Feelings Fest By Asian Mental Health Project 01:55 Meditation in the Noise 03:48 Fun Healing 05:17 Honor Your Feelings Fest Highlights  06:30 Why Immigrant Kids Struggle 09:25 Ask Yourself This Three Times 13:13 Check in on This 15:40 Try This Show notes and more at: https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/22 Follow and subscribe for more:  ▶️ YouTube: @heyallisonly 📸 Instagram: @heyallisonly 🎵 TikTok: @heyallisonly

The One Word That’s Sabotaging Your Relationships & Self-Talk

Ep 21:  The Word That's Holding You Back (and why)  Free Resources: Stop Spiraling in Guilt Cheatsheet For Setting Boundaries: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/cheatsheet  3 Easy Ways to Tackle Your Negative Self Talk: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start  Get my Free Quickstart Guide to Help You Help Your Loved Ones: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/resource  Get my weekly emails for actionable tips, tools, relatable stories for Adults with Immigrant Parents: https://heyallisonly.com/email _________ What if the way you are using this word is quietly shaping how you feel in your relationships? This is something that’s been coming up a lot lately and can have a much bigger impact than you might think. This may be especially true for adults with immigrant parents, where communication, guilt, and this feeling of being responsible for others’ and for so much for is already feeling so complicated.  We don’t always realize what we are needing and wanting in the moment.  But paying attention to this word can be so helpful to tapping into that more and also getting our needs met more. Even if it’s happening after the fact. Because when you begin to notice these things, and make these small shifts,  you may also start to shift how you feel, how you show up, and what feels possible in your relationships. Episode Timeline: 00:00 The Word to Be Mindful Of 02:27 Why This Word Matters 03:49 This is Vague  05:49 Being More Direct  08:47 What if You Don’t Know 10:35 Choices 13:49 How Guilt Plays a Role 15:15 Some Phrases to Use Instead Show notes and more at: https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/21 [https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/20] Follow and subscribe for more:  ▶️ YouTube: @heyallisonly 📸 Instagram: @heyallisonly 🎵 TikTok: @heyallisonly

Guilt, Growth, and Joy: 5 Reminders

Ep: 20 Take care of your inner child with these 5 reminders Join my exclusive email community for adults with immigrant parents:  https://heyallisonly.com/email [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbDJ4TVdReUdTZFRLM3FRaUl2dFZuZGE0ZDMtQXxBQ3Jtc0trYl85bTkxV1lBWDlza2xwU0FRcGloX0xxNkNqcWIxOVFHcjhON1A1QnVuaWU5eWViVk1QOS16YjRrR2xEc3d4STlaSjFwdHRILWxuRlFVNTVKZU1qRE1iRUJxRXFhaHNFS1VMcjV4N0U3Y0lSbVczUQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fheyallisonly.com%2Femail&v=i182DGgAOQ8] As adults with immigrant parents, you’re probably used to having so much responsibility, pressure, and thinking about what you should be doing instead of thinking about you. I share 5 reminders that you may benefit from. Because the truth is… for a lot of us as adults with immigrant parents, childhood wasn’t always simple. There was responsibility. Pressure. Sometimes even roles we took on before we were ready. If you’ve been feeling stuck in responsibility, guilt, or pressure… this is a conversation that might shift something for you. If this resonates, come join my email community for more conversations like this: https://heyallisonly.com/email And if you haven’t already, subscribe to Empowered with Immigrant Parents for more tools, stories, and mindset shifts to help you care for your family without losing yourself. __________ More From Allison Ly -  Free Resources: Stop Spiraling in Guilt Cheatsheet For Setting Boundaries: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/cheatsheet  3 Easy Ways to Tackle Your Negative Self Talk: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start  Get my Free Quickstart Guide to Help You Help Your Loved Ones: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/resource  Get my weekly emails for actionable tips, tools, relatable stories for Adults with Immigrant Parents: https://heyallisonly.com/email Episode Timeline: 0:00 - The one truth about growing up with immigrant parents no one talks about 0:31 - Why these 5 childhood lessons hit different as an adult 3:00 - Most adults have forget this 6:43 - The one feeling we all avoid 8:10 - How I see failure 10:57 - Why you're being too hard on yourself  13:19 - The lost childhood skill that's holding you back Show notes and more at: https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/20 [https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/20] Follow and subscribe for more:  ▶️ YouTube: @heyallisonly 📸 Instagram: @heyallisonly 🎵 TikTok: @heyallisonly

The Immigrant Stories That Shape You (Even If No One Told Them) featuring Jaime Jo Hoang, Author

Ep 19: The Immigrant Stories That Shape You (Even If No One Told Them) Featured Guest: Jamie Jo Hoang, Author www.heyjamie.com Instagram: @heyjamiereads Like this conversation?  Join my exclusive email community for adults with immigrant parents:  https://heyallisonly.com/email What if you could get some closure, some healing from your parent’s past? Even if they don’t tell you?  That’s what reading Jaime Jo Hoang’s books (My Mother the Mermaid Chaser and My Father the Panda Killer) did for me. Author Jamie Jo Hoang joins me for a thoughtful conversation about identity, family, generational trauma, boundaries, and what it can look like to approach our parents and ourselves with more compassion.  This conversation touches on the unspoken parts of growing up in an immigrant family, why some stories feel hard to face, and how we can start to create a different type of understanding and relationship.  We talk about: - Growing up with family histories that were never fully explained - Why stories can become powerful conversation starters across generations - The complexity of boundaries in immigrant families - What it means to hold compassion without dismissing your own experience - Identity, healing, sibling relationships, and generational patterns - Jamie’s books My Father, the Panda Killer and My Mother, the Mermaid Chaser About Jaime: Jamie Jo Hoang is the daughter of Vietnamese refugees. She grew up in Orange County, CA—not the rich part. She is the author of MY MOTHER, THE MERMAID CHASER, MY FATHER, THE PANDA KILLER and BLUE SUN, YELLOW SKY. Her work has also appeared in TIME, SALON and TinyBuddha. More From Allison Ly -  Free Resources: Stop Spiraling in Guilt Cheatsheet For Setting Boundaries: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/cheatsheet  3 Easy Ways to Tackle Your Negative Self Talk: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start  Get my Free Quickstart Guide to Help You Help Your Loved Ones: https://heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/resource  Get my weekly emails for actionable tips, tools, relatable stories for Adults with Immigrant Parents: https://heyallisonly.com/email Episode Timeline: 0:28 – Meet Jaime Jo Hoang, Author 1:00 - Writing About Immigrant Family Trauma 4:30 - What Her Parents Did When They Found Out She Wrote a Book 14:50 - How to Set Boundaries With Immigrant Parents Without Guilt 18:50 - Breaking Generational Trauma: Every Generation Has Its Task 25:36 - A Question About Immigrant Guilt 40:33 - Unspoken Topics Around War 44:26 - Why Self-Compassion Is Harder 48:15 - Which Book to Read First: Mermaid Chaser vs Panda Killer Podcast Episode Mentioned: InfatuAsian Podcast  Ep 194 Author Jamie Jo Hoang on Writing the Stories Our Vietnamese Parents Never Tell  https://open.spotify.com/episode/6FiSUH5IdtxTIagcm44HCE?si=b6b3df3479b246a6 Show notes and more at: https://heyallisonly.com/podcast/19 Follow and subscribe for more:  ▶️ YouTube: @heyallisonly 📸 Instagram: @heyallisonly 🎵 TikTok: @heyallisonly