Hidden Brain

Do you feel like you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you? What scientists call "emotion regulation" turns out to be one of the most important life skills we can possess. It's essential in dealing with setbacks, in balancing risks and rewards, and in maintaining successful relationships. This week, psychologist Ethan Kross [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/people/faculty/ekross.html] explores the growing and fascinating science of managing our emotions. He explains why our feelings so often go astray, and shares insights into how to reel them back in. In this episode, you'll learn: *How to coach yourself through emotionally intense moments.  *Why certain types of personal writing can help with your thorniest problems or challenges.  *How to use music and your physical senses to regulate your mood.  *How to use the technique of "selective avoidance" to shortcut emotional spirals and "what if" thinking. Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as we explore lessons we've learned in Hidden Brain's first decade. For more info and to purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/ [https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/].

There's no magic potion that can make someone adore you. But there are things you can do to promote a deep and enduring connection — and even feelings of passion — between yourself and your partner. In the final chapter of our Relationships 2.0 series, psychologist Arthur Aron [https://www.stonybrook.edu/commcms/psychology/faculty/faculty_profiles/aaron] shares some techniques for falling and staying in love.  In today's conversation, we explore: *The assumption that love fades over time. *The effects of daily routine on romantic relationships. *What our choice in a romantic partners says about us *How successful long-term couples keep love alive If you love Hidden Brain, please join us for our upcoming live tour! Shankar will be visiting cities across the U.S., and our listeners have the first crack at purchasing tickets. You can get yours at https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/ [https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/]. Use the pre-sale code BRAIN. We hope to see you there!

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young [https://www.bc.edu/bc-web/schools/mcas/departments/psychology/people/faculty-directory/liane-young.html] says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray.  In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore: *The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind."  *How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds.  *Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled. *How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways. Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin [https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/fred_luskin], who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings [https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/no-hard-feelings/].

As you go about your day, you likely interact with family, friends and coworkers. These relationships can help you feel cared for and connected. But what if there’s a whole category of people in your life whose impact is overlooked? Today, in a favorite episode from our archives, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom [https://profiles.sussex.ac.uk/p555105-gillian-sandstrom] reveals some simple ways to make your life a little more joyful and maybe even a little less lonely. Then, we talk with researcher Erica Bailey [https://haas.berkeley.edu/faculty/erica-r-bailey/], who responds to listeners' questions about authenticity and how to reveal our true selves to the people around us. In this episode you'll learn:  * The sociological concept of "weak" and "strong" ties, and the important roles they play in our lives. * How "weak ties" contribute to our happiness. * How to talk to strangers — including how to start, maintain, and end a conversation. * How to decrease feelings of loneliness and increase feelings of connectivity in your daily life. If you enjoyed today's conversation with Gillian Sandstrom, be sure to check out these other Hidden Brain episodes:  You 2.0: The Gift of Other People [https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-the-gift-of-other-people/] How Others See You [https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/mind-reading-how-others-see-you/]

When we head into a negotiation — whether we're asking for a raise or trying to get our spouse to do the dishes — our focus is usually on getting the other person to agree to our preferred outcome.  What we don't focus on are our own biases and blind spots. Behavioral scientist Max Bazerman [https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/profile.aspx?facId=6420] studies the theory and practice of negotiation, and he says that paying attention to these biases can help us to craft better deals. Do you have a follow-up question after listening to this episode? If you'd be comfortable sharing your question with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org [ideas@hiddenbrain.org]. Use the subject line “negotiation.” Thanks!