Perspectives: Family Dynamics

Perspectives: Family Dynamics

In this episode we chatted with Catherine Carr, author of Who’s The Favourite? The Loving, Messy Realities of Sibling Relationships, and Dalton Conley, Professor of Sociology at Princeton, whose research into the genetics of family life has produced findings we weren’t expecting. Here is the one that has stayed with us most. Children shape their parents just as much as parents shape their children. From as young as 18 months, children with higher genetic potential for educational success are drawing more reading, more play, more cognitive investment from their parents, not because parents are consciously choosing it, but because the child is eliciting it. The parenting is a response to the genome. Catherine brought something equally striking from the human side. The roles our families assign us in childhood, the responsible one, the funny one, the difficult one, follow us into our adult lives in ways most of us don’t realise. Into our workplaces. Into our relationships. And the labels hold even when the person wearing them has long since moved on. There is also something in this episode about the conversations we never have. The ones where we sit down with our siblings as adults and ask: what was childhood like for you? What did you experience that I didn’t see? Catherine describes it as spinning around and suddenly seeing the whole story from the other side of the room. Most of us keep putting those conversations off. This episode is a gentle argument for having them sooner. The tween talk question at the end — “I love my family, but sometimes they really annoy me. Is that normal?” — got the most immediate answer of any question we’ve asked. Both guests, simultaneously: yes. Completely. The episode is out now — wherever you listen. Penny & Jenny Perspectives from the Informed Perspective Get full access to The Informed Perspective at theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe [https://theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Perspectives: Youth Engagement

We’ve just finished recording our Youth Engagement episode, and it has left me truly hopeful. We spend a lot of time worrying about whether young people are engaged. We spend considerably less time asking whether we are. This podcast is all about how we can co-design along side each other. Our guests were Abbee McLatchie, Deputy CEO of the National Youth Agency in England, and Paul Stepczak, a community engagement specialist who has co-facilitated nearly 100 co-design events across Wales. Abbee told us about a campaign that produced the biggest surge in youth voter registration the UK has ever seen — in one day. About 16-year-olds sitting with the Prime Minister, not for a photo, but for a real conversation. And about young people who shaped a national strategy — her hope being that they’re the ones who drive it forward. Owned, sustained, and decided upon by the very people it was built for. Paul told us about a room in Wrexham where businesspeople, politicians, and 14-year-olds wore the same lanyard. First name. No titles. And what happened when the hierarchy dissolved. There’s also something in this episode that gave us pause — about why so much well-meaning engagement still falls short. Paul has a name for it. You’ll want to hear it. One exchange has stayed with me in particular because it made me refect on our daughter. Our tween talk question: “Is there any point doing anything now, when nobody cares what we think?” Paul: “I care. Get in those spaces.” Abbee: “Start from where you are.” That’s the whole philosophy, really, in two sentences. Listen In. And in a few weeks, the floor will be entirely theirs: an episode devoted entirely to youth voice. Until then, keep listening. Penny & Jenny Perspectives from the Informed Perspective Get full access to The Informed Perspective at theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe [https://theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Perspectives: Listening

I’ll be honest, this episode has been sitting on our agenda for ages. Jennie and I have explored a lot of subjects on our podcast. Sleep. Identity. Discovery. Shyness. Motivation. Digital Balance. Third Spaces etc. But listening, really sitting down and dedicating a whole episode to listening, has been well overdue. Because in many ways, it’s the thread running through everything we do at The Informed Perspective. It’s the reason behind everything we do. We were joined by three incredible guests, Corine Jansen, co-founder of the Global Listening Movement; Jenny Smith, a receptive listening practitioner; and Dr. John Coleman OBE, a psychologist who specialises in parent-teen communication. Between them, they brought such different perspectives to the table. Something Corine said really stopped me in my tracks. She talked about how the real question in listening isn't whether you meant to listen well, it's whether the other person actually felt heard. And when I think about conversations I've had, or ones I've been on the wrong end of, that really hit home. Jenny brought in something I hadn’t come across before, the idea of co-regulation. That when one person in a conversation is genuinely present and grounded, the other person’s nervous system actually starts to settle. Listening isn’t just emotional. It’s physiological. I found that genuinely fascinating. And then John spoke about teenagers in a way that I think every parent needs to hear. The teenage brain is going through enormous restructuring and understanding that, changes everything about how we show up for the conversations that matter most. But honestly? The moment that got me most was at the end. We always close with a question from one of our tween contributors. And this time it was: “Why do adults always say ‘listen more’ — but never seem to do it themselves?” None of our guests could fully argue with the premise. Corine’s answer was the one I keep thinking about, she said that when most adults tell a child to “listen,” what they actually mean is “obey.” And that real listening only begins when our need to be right becomes slightly less important than the reality of the other person. That’s a hard thing to sit with. But worth considering. Jennie admitted that her boys are now so conditioned to hearing “listen” as a command that even when she genuinely wants to share something with them, they brace themselves first. I completely relate to that. And my youngest, who is 7, has started turning it back on me. Very calmly, he’ll say: “Mummy, you’re always talking about listening. Now you need to listen to me.” Which is, frankly, fair enough. 😄 This is exactly why we created our Are You REALLY Listening? events, intentional spaces where parents and young people come together to actually hear each other. In a world that pulls us in every direction, making that space deliberately feels more important than ever. And this episode is the heartbeat of all of that. This episode also connects to something bigger that I’m working on, a research project exploring how well we truly listen to one another in today’s world. If you haven’t already, I’d love it if you took five minutes to fill in the questionnaire. It’s completely anonymous, open to absolutely everyone, and every single response genuinely matters. 👉 Link to Take Part [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdpxyabWEa8enyuTZGt3rJysbp5_Dsj5OiYpJzlu0UpQ5wxSQ/viewform] I’ll be sharing the findings once they’re collated and I can’t wait to find out what everyone is thinking and experiencing. In the meantime, press play and notice how you are listening today. Get full access to The Informed Perspective at theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe [https://theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Perspectives: Tweens

In our latest Perspectives podcast we consider the wonderful tween! This episode is close to our hearts because supporting tweens and young people sits right at the centre of what we do. It’s why we founded Tween Talk, our dedicated third space for this age group. We kept seeing the same thing: tweens slipping through the cracks. Not quite children, not yet teenagers — and somehow, that in-between place means they’re often the least supported of all. “I don’t want to be angry all the time. I just don’t know how to let it out.” That’s a real question from a real tween in this episode — and it captures exactly why this age matters so much. Mark Yeowell [https://substack.com/profile/277250426-mark-yeowell] and family counsellor Jenny Warwick talk about the years we tend to rush past — ages 8/9 to 13 — and why they matter more than we think. The smartphone arrives and digital puberty begins. The friendship drama intensifies. The school transition hits. All at once. But here’s the important part: tweens are still reachable. Still curious about what you think. We can prepare them better for what’s coming. We can include them in the conversation. We just have to show up before the window of opportunity closes. 🎧 Listen in to find out more about the challenging yet exciting tween years and how we can support and prepare them best. Get full access to The Informed Perspective at theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe [https://theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Perspectives: Parenting in Digital Times

Our latest Perspectives Podcast is out! We’re pulling back the curtain on the “Digital Wild West” of parenting. This isn’t a lecture on screen time, it’s a candid conversation about the challenges of life today, the stats that keep us up at night, and how we actually bridge the gap with our kids. Who Joined the Conversation? * Parven Kaur (Founder of Kids and Clicks): A cybersecurity award nominee and mother who is a leading expert in online safety and digital parenting. She’s on a mission to move parents from “panic mode” to “proactive mode.” * Chris & Lily Perkins: A Gen X dad and his Gen Z daughter, who together host The Gen X/Z Exchange podcast. We often talk about tech as a tool, but for Lily’s generation, it was an unregulated social experiment. She and Chris get incredibly honest about the ‘guinea pig’ years, opening up about the missing conversations and the hidden hazards they didn't see coming. The Heart of the Episode * It’s a staggering figure: 90% of UK 11-year-olds own a smartphone. We accept that the digital world is here to stay, but we challenge the idea that parents have to be left in the dark. It’s time to trade "cluelessness" for "conscious awareness." * We dive into the gap between parental trust and digital reality. Chris shares his honest reflections on missing the signs of the “influencer comparison” trap when Lily was 11. We discuss how that lack of awareness back then is exactly why we need proactive, child-led conversations today. * App Vetting 101: Parven suggests a strategic framework for handling app requests. Instead of a flat “No,” learn how to make your kids research the pros, cons, and privacy settings themselves. * Safety as a Life Skill: Parven explains why we should treat the internet like road safety. You wouldn’t give a kid car keys without a lesson; why give them an unregulated portal to the world? * The Power of the “Micro-Chat”: Why the best digital parenting happens while you’re cooking dinner or walking the dog, not in a formal, scary “Big Talk.” The Takeaway We’re exploring the shift from control to collaboration. Ultimately, it’s about being the person your child runs to when things go wrong online, not the person they hide from. Success isn’t about the perfect filter; it’s about the depth of the trust you build today. Listen In & share your thoughts and experience of parenting in digital times! Get full access to The Informed Perspective at theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe [https://theinformedperspective.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]